“Mason?” I call out into the vastness of his living room. Xander’s house is modern in a way that’s colorful. It’s mid-century modern and poppy. Mason’s is modern but more zen. He’s got one of those little stone wall fountains in the living room. One wall is all glass and looks out on the woods. The view today is striking with the fog rolling in and the rain. “Masoooooon!”
“In here!” He calls out from the kitchen. I find him making stir fry for lunch. He nods hello and I plop down on one of his industrial style barstools. “Hey. What are you doing here?”
“My boss made me take the rest of the day off.”
“Oh?”
“I was distracted.”
His eyebrows quirk up slightly, which, in terms of Mason’s body language, means he’s beyond shocked. “You were distracted? You never get distracted at work. You seem like someone who would but you’re always so on the ball.”
“I know.” I tap my fingers on his marble counter.
He gives me a once-over, quickly reading my mood. “Are you hungry?”
“Yes. No mu-”
“No mushrooms. I know.”
Mason makes me something with pesto and pine nuts and we set out the food on his dining table by that glass wall with the view. I take my time, picking at the pesto and staring out at the trees. I’m not much of a brooder usually. If I have a problem, I tend to rant about it to anyone who will listen, which is what I’d intended to do coming over to Mason’s house. But I don’t even feel like ranting now. I just feel sad.
I keep thinking back to Luna falling asleep on my shoulder, and the way she seems to trust me even when she tries to resist doing exactly that. I keep thinking about taking her to the moon.
“Wow, what is up with you?” Mason says.
Might as well get to it then.
“I slept with Luna,” I say, shrugging.
“Oh boy.” Mason chews and swallows three full bites of his pasta before he says anything else. “Alright. Tell me about it.”
“Not that much to tell,” I say sulkily. “I had dinner with her at Aaron’s and I feel like… We just hit it off so well. I bumped into her again the other day and we spent the afternoon together and we ended up at her place after and it just...happened.”
“Hmm.” Mason nods. “Well, that could get a little sticky, her being Michelle’s best friend and all, but as long as you-”
“I think she’s my mate.”
“Micah.”
“Don’t say ‘Micah’ like that. It’s not like I say that all the time. When have I ever said that about anyone?”
“Never,” Mason admits. “But...she’s human. Right? I mean we just went through this….sort of.”
“Right.” I nod and scratch my chin and quietly say, “I’m not sure though.”
“Sorry, you’re not sure of what?”
“I’m not completely sure she’s human.”
Mason makes an infuriated little noise of discontent. “What does that mean? What do you think she is?”
“I mean I’m not sure,” I say. It seems like a crazy theory and it only just occurred to me, almost as a flight of fancy. It’s not based on much more than a hunch. “I just get a...vibe from her.”
“A vibe. What kind of vibe?” Vampire vibe-”
“God no.” I shrug. “I think she might be a shifter.”
“You mean you wish she was. If she was a shifter, we’d smell it. Easily.”
“Normally yeah.” I scratch the back of my neck and chew and swallow some pasta. “But I’ve heard you can get tonics that cover up the scent? I mean they’re probably really hard to come by. You’d have to know the right witch but…”
“Okay.” Mason clasps his hands together on the table and gives me that hard look that means he’s about to drop some truth bombs. I don’t care for that look at all. “It sounds to me like you want her to be your mate and for that to happen, she would need to not be human. So now you’re just playing at wishful thinking. You think if it’s not impossible for her to be a shifter, maybe she really is one. But Micah, just because it’s not impossible, that doesn’t make it true. Do I wish Luna was a shifter for your sake? Of course, I do. Do I think that means she is one? No, I don’t.”
I have to smile to myself. He did that asking his own questions thing that made Luna laugh so hard. Just thinking of how easy and at home I felt with her cuts like a knife.
“Alright,” I say slowly,” but when we slept together, I stayed over at her place and in the middle of the night I woke up and I thought I smelled it on her. Honest to God, I smelled shifter in the room and it wasn’t me! And then she got out of bed and went to the bathroom and I saw her drink something. There’s your tonic!”
“Did you see what it was she was drinking?” Mason says.
“No…”
“Did you say anything?”
“No…”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Well, I was kinda half asleep.”
“Yeah, I feel like you were probably fully asleep,” Mason says, sounding apologetic. “You were probably dreaming, man. Or at least dreaming the smell. That can happen. Or you were dreaming that and kinda woke up and saw her drinking something? It was probably water anyway.”
“It was real!”
Mason regards me sceptically. “There’s no point in arguing over whether it was real or not, but I think that’s the most likely scenario.”
I’m starting to feel desperate. Seeing my brother is reminding me of how much trouble there would be if I were to try to claim a human as my mate. “But I feel this connection with her. Just like mom and dad, just like Aaron and Michelle… It’s there, man. I can’t just ignore it.”
Mason heaves a sigh which he is not wont to do. “Look, if it makes you feel better, I think the laws about humans are really stupid. And if you do decide to take a stand on that, I’ll stick by you. Okay? Even if Xander can’t.”
It only makes me feel a degree better. What a shits-show that would be. We’d have to call in the alphas and elders of the other packs in our clans again. I don’t tend to handle myself well in those types of situations. I get a little mouthy. I’m not always great with the self-control.
“Thanks, dude,” I mutter. “I just don’t understand why I’d feel so strongly for a human if we’re not supposed to be with them, you know what I mean?”
“Yeah well, I think those rules don’t take true love into account. And finding your mate isn’t just about carrying on the species. It’s about love.”
I smile at that. It’s a typical Mason thing to say. “You’re such a romantic, Mason.”
He ducks his head at that. He is a real romantic which makes it weird that as far as any of us know, he’s never had a girlfriend or so much as a fling, and he never talks about anyone he finds attractive. The rest of us finally gave up asking or nudging him about stuff like that. I’ve always figured he would never have a mate but other times, after a few glasses of wine, he talks about wanting one. Bit of a mystery, my brother.
“Let me know if you find out anything else anyway,” Mason says. “You can always come to me.”
“Thanks, Mase.”
After I leave Mason’s, I intend to go home, but I’m feeling restless about things and heartache is making me both pissed off and miserable. And the woods are right there. Halfway down the road back to town, I turn the car around and head to the estate. I should be able to park and go around to the back without having to talk to anyone. I’d usually stop in and say hi to mom and dad, but I’m just not feeling up to it. I’ve never been great at hiding what I’m feeling either. If mom sees I’m in a mood, she’ll want to know what’s wrong. I just don’t want to get into it.
I park around the side of the manor and duck through the iron gate that’s usually left unlocked. It’s stupidly easy to get into the place, even into the house. But no one’s ever bothered to try to break in. I’ve always wondered if humans have some sixth sense they’re not even aware of that ke
eps them from messing with wolf shifters. And shifters would never dare take on the Tremblays. It’s not as if they’d get much of a fight either. My dad is an old wolf with a bad leg and there are just a few staff members, none of them exactly warriors. But everyone knows that Xander and the rest of us would go after whoever tried to fuck with our parents, and every other pack in the clan would back us up without question.
I cut through the rose garden and I can’t help imagining walking Luna around the place. Aaron takes Michelle on lovers’ walks through each aisle of blooming roses just like dad used to take mom’s arm and walk her around, cozying up to her on the bench, canoodling and whispering sweet nothings. I don’t remember ever thinking of it before or reflecting on the romantic legacy of the Tremblay rose garden, but now I want that. I want to bring Luna here. I wonder which rose she would like best. I want to say lavender. I don’t know why.
At the fringe of the woods, out beyond the stretch of lawn, I peel off my shirt and toss it on the ground and start to run. I shift and stretch my legs, striding into the forest. The place is as familiar to me as my childhood bedroom. Sometimes I think the four of us are fooling ourselves with not remaining at the manor. We all had the urge of young men to find our own way and break free to some degree, even as we had to stay tied to the pack. But sometimes I think we miss living together, packs having closer ties than most regular human families. Aaron’s even mentioned it since he’s had a child; how it would be so nice if all of us had families and lived at the estate. It’s certainly big enough. The whole pack under one roof. A while back, I might have thought that sounded stifling. Now, now I don’t know.
I bound over logs and across streams, my tongue wagging. I imagine Luna as my mate and the two of us having a pup someday, living at the estate with my brothers and their mates. We’d shift at the full moon and throw fancy dinners. In the old days, my parents used to have parties and invite over other packs. They’d put up white Christmas lights all over the rose garden and everyone would dance with their mates. I think of that now; dancing with Luna under those twinkling white lights, surrounded by roses.
I want all this so badly it’s making me pretty pissed off that I can’t have it. I want to punch something but there’s nothing there to take a beating, adding to my frustration.
Chapter Nine: Luna
I actually try to make myself cry as much as possible, thinking that I can possibly cry myself out. Despite that, I have a feeling that it might not work. I get to work late, looking terribly puffy. Luckily, there’s plenty of work to get my mind off things, and I dive right into it. I forget to eat lunch and when my head starts pounding, I realize I haven’t had any coffee and I should probably drink some water too.
I have to force myself to take a step back from work for a minute and drag myself to the breakroom. I make myself a cup of coffee and take a deep breath, cradling the mug in my hands. I don’t even know what to think about the Dax situation. It’s frankly terrifying. I’m honestly hoping he’ll just change his mind. From what I remember of Dax, he wasn’t made of stone or anything once he made a decision. But then, I also never pictured Dax as an alpha.
The one consolation I have is that I just can’t imagine Dax actually going after Micah. Messing with the Tremblays would just be suicide. There’s no way he’s that stupid.
There is not enough work to sate me. I actually start redesigning a kitchen I was already done redesigning with no intention of turning it into the client, just to have something to do. I work until six o’clock and I usually leave at half past four.
I check my phone probably twenty times every hour to see if Micah has texted. Not that I should expect a text.
I am consumed with a petulant sense that this is so unfair. Why don’t I get the hot Tremblay boyfriend who keeps looking at me like I’m his sun? The guy is so into me and I can’t do anything about it because of the stupid, trashy, murderous pack I was born into.
Unfair.
I stew in my sense of injustice, but that doesn’t make me feel less lonely.
For a split second I think that I should just agree to go with Dax back to the former Hardwidge pack, or whatever it’s called now. The thought is bleak and it’s really just me feeling sorry for myself. I imagine being Dax’s mate. He’d want me to start pushing out pups right away, I’m sure. I’d also have to go fight in whatever stupid raid or battle they declare. Hardwidge women fight and they’re also expected to make sure the pups and their men are taken care of. The men hunt and...talk about the next battle, I guess. The division of labor never did seem fair to me.
When I finally leave work, I feel weird.
I end up brooding in a coffee house over tea.
I can’t find a way into things with Micah and I can’t see a way out from under Dax, other than death. The only potential option is telling Micah about where I come from and what Dax wants, but the thought is so mortifying. I feel like he’d look at me so differently and be so angry that I’ve been keeping it from him, and I can’t stand the thought of begging the rich, respectable Tremblays for help. I already felt so small and pathetic when I told him what little I did about my childhood. He was sweet about it, though. I just can’t imagine that he’d be as sweet if he knew it was that particular pack I was talking about.
The truth is, I’m an orphan from hell and I’ve got nobody.
All I can do is delay. Delay as long as I can. And as long as I’m delaying, I might as well make the most of it. I’m a little out of my mind when I text Micah.
I miss you and I’m sad. I don’t know what to do. I want to go to the moon.
Micah texts back immediately.
I know exactly what to do. Invite me over and forgot about all that “I can’t be with you” BS. Better yet, tell me what’s wrong. Please.
I can’t.
But I said please.
I laugh at that; a stupid snorting laugh. He’s so charming without even trying.
Yes, but I’m very impolite, I text back.
Well, I know a number of good finishing schools if you ever want to learn your manners.
I’m not a debutante like you. I grin at that. I’m hoping he’ll put on a big pretense of being offended because I called him a debutante. Or he’ll play along with it, which would be even better.
Micah texts: I’ll have you know my coming out was very well received. I wore white satin gloves and my dance card was full. I had a number of gentleman callers.
I’m laughing my ass off in the coffee house. It’s the best I’ve felt in a week.
When my laughter fades I’m still staring at the text. He makes me laugh. He makes me happy. Why does anything else have to matter? Maybe just for tonight, it doesn’t have to.
This would make about the third “just for tonight.”
Please come over, I write back.
Fuck yes. Now?
I’ll be home in ten.
Ok.
I’m being stupid, and possibly selfish, although I’m still feeling confident that Dax wouldn’t fuck with the Tremblays.
The trick in this, I think as I dash home from the coffee house, is outrunning my anxiety. I need to get home and then Micah needs to get there before I change my mind. On the other hand, I’m pretty riled up. My wolf is going crazy inside me, probably because I rarely shift. I know that’s not good for me. No doubt that it’s not exactly leading to the best decision making skills in the world.
I wore my good skinny jeans to work and when I get home, I decide to keep them on. I change into a black tank top and refresh my makeup, which is probably pointless. I don’t think anybody particularly cares about makeup when they know they’re about to get laid. I take a dose of my tonic and gag as it goes down. I wash it down with a glass of wine
Sometimes I wish I could tell Micah that I love his scent. It’s just a little musky but there’s a little bit of woodsiness to it and a punch of something spicy. I feel like if you could bottle it as a cologne, it would be a huge seller. Eau de Micah Tremblay.<
br />
I also wish he could smell my scent, my true scent. It’s weird to feel like somebody’s your mate and then not only can you not be with them, they can’t even smell you. Scent’s such a huge part of shifter relationships after all.
By the time Micah knocks on the door I’m feeling like nothing matters because Dax is going to drag me away by force so I might as well go out with a literal bang. I feel wild and kind of turned on, and all I want to do is tear Micah’s clothes off at the end of the world.
I throw open the door and Micah looks me up and down in my skinny jeans and my tight, black tank top. Even my hair is wild tonight; frizzy from the damp air, it falls in voluminous waves around my shoulders. I didn’t even run a brush through it. I’m breathless and we haven’t done anything yet.
Micah mutters, “Fuck…”
I grab him by the collar and kiss him stupid. He melts into my mouth and kicks the door closed behind him. I find myself really irritated that he’s wearing so many clothes, although he looks stupidly sexy in a suit. I push the coat and jacket off his shoulders and he scrambles to help me.
Between kisses I babble. “This doesn’t really change anything…” I want to cry but it has to be said. I hope I didn’t give him the wrong impression, although I’m sure I’m running him around in circles and it really isn’t fair.
“I figured,” he mutters against my mouth, his arms winding around me as I tug him in the direction of my bedroom. “It’s okay.”
“It’s so not okay,” I say, pulling away for a second. He kisses my cheek and a hand slips under my top as he kisses my neck. “It’s not okay that I can’t be with you.”
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