by Allysa Hart
“I trust Jeff!” Katie protested, pulling herself into a sitting position. Her eyes narrowed when she took in Rose’s smirk.
“Then talk to him, baby. That man is head-over-heels crazy about you, and it seems to be painfully obvious to everyone but you. He wants to care for you, every part of you, and Noah, too. It’s plain to see, but he can’t be everything you need him to if you don’t let him in. Hiding who you are is a disservice to both of you.”
“I’m so afraid,” Katie admitted.
“You were afraid when I met you, too, do you remember?” Rose asked, looking as if she drifted down memory lane, even as she continued her speech. “Learning to accept and embrace that side of yourself was something you had to come to terms with. You have grown and changed so much, little one, and I am so proud of you and how far we came together. I was new, too, don’t forget. Even if Jeff doesn’t know what to do, or if the little girl thing is new to him, it will only add some excitement to your relationship for the two of you to find your way together. No two dynamics will ever be exactly the same, and figuring out yours and his will be an adventure.” Rose softened and grimaced. “It won’t be without struggles or growing pains, little one. Nothing good ever is. Hell, even though you came into our lives at the perfect time, we still struggled, remember?”
Katie giggled, remembering all of the awkward moments they’d shared as they explored the dynamic together. She had never been Little until she met Mark and he coaxed the scared little girl out of her. The first time they had met, Rose and Keith had just returned from Rawhide Ranch, a BDSM resort in Montana, where Rose had found her drive to nurture a Little. The memory of their first conversation about the age-play dynamic came flooding into her mind.
“Katie, are you a Little?” Rose asked gently.
She shrugged, “I don’t know. Mark says I am, and I like to be, sometimes when we are alone, but it never happened with someone else like it just did with you. Is that weird? I’m sorry if that’s weird.” Katie pulled her hands from Rose’s and covered her face with a groan. “Shut up, you idiot,” she muttered to herself.
Rose snapped to attention. “We do not use that term in our house, and I don’t want to hear you call yourself names like that again. Do you understand me, little girl?”
Katie’s hands dropped to her lap. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what my problem is. I don’t understand all the things that are happening in my brain. I should want to tell you off right now, but instead, I want to curl up in your arms. This is so weird. I’ve never felt like this before. Oh God. What an awful first impression I’m making!”
Rose sank into a sitting position on the floor and tugged Katie into her lap. “Shhh, baby. I know you’re scared and confused, but all those feels are okay. Can I share something with you?” Not waiting for a response, she continued. “When you first walked in, I had the same feelings about you. I wanted to cuddle you and take care of you. Right now, I just want to soothe all your yucky feelings and see you smile. You’re scared because you don’t understand where this is all coming from, but I just spent a week in a place where people live like this every day, where little boys and girls have Mommies and Daddies or Aunties and Uncles. This is just a different side of the lifestyle, sweetie. It’s normal, and it’s healthy. It’s okay to feel this way and to embrace those feelings, rather than hide from them.”
Katie sat up, pulling away from Rose’s embrace and scanning her face questioningly.
“I’m a switch, baby.” Rose smiled, answering the unspoken question. “I just found that out about myself while on vacation. You see, it’s very new, for both of us. We could explore together, if you’re interested.” Her voice sounded blasé and unaffected, while Katie’s heart was tight in her chest.
“What do you get out of it?”
“Being a caretaker fulfills a part of me that has been otherwise unfulfilled to this point. I feel this strange connection to you, and have from the moment you walked in the door. Exploring this with you would mean I would get to love and spoil you and guide you to growing up to be a happy and healthy little girl. That would make me very happy.”
Katie smiled. “I like the love and spoils. What do you mean guide, though?”
Rose laughed out loud. “I mean we would discuss, with Keith and your Daddy, what sorts of methods I would use to help you be a good girl.”
As the meaning of Rose’s response sank in, Katie tried to jump off her lap, but Rose held tight. “Calm down, little girl. We will discuss everything in good time. Nothing will ever happen that you haven’t previously agreed to. These relationships are all consensual and mutually gratifying, or they don’t work.”
“No one else is allowed to spank me.” Katie pouted, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Oh yeah?” Rose raised her eyebrows at the unspoken challenge. Katie wanted this so badly, but she was scared. Things were happening so fast, and she didn’t want to rush either of them. “Well, maybe that’s something we can discuss later. Being taken to task by a Mommy or Auntie is very different than a Daddy.”
“I don’t know about the Mommy thing. I don’t think I like that.”
“That’s just fine. Let’s slow down and take this one step at a time.” A modicum of relief came from that statement. Tears shone in Rose’s eyes as she spoke the exact words Katie needed to hear. “Hell, it might not work at all, but I feel like we are connected. Everything happens for a reason, and I think God brought you to me at just the right time.”
Katie would never forget that moment. Rose’s words had been so right. Everything had happened for a reason. Needless to say, there were plenty of moments that felt forced and uncomfortable at first, but what came out of it was the purest, most loving relationship she had ever had with another woman. She shared things with Rose she had never even shared with her own mother. She was her best friend, her confidante, and her safe haven, she and Keith both.
What would happen if Jeff didn’t understand? Would she have to choose between him and them? It would be an impossibility. If she chose them, she would always wonder what her life could have been. If she chose Jeff, she would lose her family. Her family who had held her together and carried her through the most difficult time in her life.
“Now what’s going on in that overactive brain of yours, baby girl?” Rose inquired.
“I just…I would have never gotten over losing Mark if it wasn’t for you and Keith. How can I just ignore that?”
“You are not ignoring anything. You are growing and healing. We were here when you needed us, and we will continue to be here, but it is time to move forward.” She tenderly pushed a stray hair behind Katie’s ear and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I love you, Katelyn. I just want you to have the life you deserve.”
Katie fell silent as Auntie stoked her hair and murmured sweet words of affirmation and reassurance, but as much as she knew Rose was right, she couldn’t turn her brain off and settle down. A strangled dry sob left over from her earlier breakdown escaped her, and Rose leaned down to look at her face.
“What are you thinking about now, little one?”
Katie held back a knowing smile before answering. She couldn’t hide anything from Rose. It was both frustrating and comforting.
“Auntie, why am I like this?”
“Why are you like what, baby?”
“Why am I different? Why do I have to need this in my life? Why can’t I be normal? Jeff is never gonna want me when he finds out the truth.”
“You make it sound like you are a criminal or on some hardcore drugs. Jeff loves you for you, sweetheart. But you do need to talk to him about everything, otherwise he cannot be the man you need him to be.”
Katie shrugged and cuddled in deeper. “I don’t know. Maybe I can just get away with being normal for him.”
Rose took her by the chin. “Do you honestly believe you would be happy with that? Do you think it is healthy not being honest and upfront with the man you want to spend the rest of your life with?
”
Katie diverted her eyes. “I know you’re right, but I’m embarrassed.”
“What are you embarrassed about?”
“All of it.”
“Break it down. What’s most embarrassing?”
“I’m a grown woman! Why do I need someone to give me rules and discipline and treat me like a little girl?”
“Because it is how you are wired. There’s nothing wrong with that. We all have rules and deal with consequences, in one way or another, when those rules are broken. You carry guilt with you when you do something naughty, but through strict and loving discipline, that guilt is easily removed.”
Katie nodded. “Yeah, but what about the little girl part?”
“You mean the part of you that wants to be loved and cuddled? The part of you that likes to play and color? The part of you that likes to dance and be silly? Think about what you really do. What part of it is bothersome? What part of it negatively impacts your world?”
Katie pondered those thoughts and could not argue them. Rose was right. There was nothing wrong with any of that—nothing weird, nothing embarrassing. A part of her that could not be ignored. She needed to talk to Jeff the first chance she got.
Realizing she was still clad in only her pajama top, Katie regarded Rose sheepishly. “I’m sorry I ruined your fun plans for the day with my bad behavior, Auntie.”
Rose ruffled her hair and spoke words that were, as always, attuned to Katie’s most private thoughts. “A case of self sabotage, wasn’t it, baby?”
Amazed for the millionth time that night at how well Rose knew her, Katie nodded. “I think I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to be Little enough to enjoy it the way I wanted to. It wasn’t deliberate or anything, more like a subconscious thing. I’m still afraid I won’t be able to find my Little, and I’ll ruin all the fun you have planned,” Katie admitted.
Rose was gentle and understanding, pulling Katie’s mussed hair from her face and tucking it behind her ears before cupping Katie’s cheeks in her hands.
“I miss my Little girl. I’m not going to lie. I very much want for you to be able to fully regress into your Little space and have the freedom I think you so desperately need. But I love you, Katelyn. Big, Little, and everything in between. We are much more than Auntie and Little girl. We are friends, aren’t we?”
Katie nodded, gratefully. They were friends. She forgot that sometimes, but Rose was always there to remind her.
“Listen carefully. Whoever you decide you need to be is fine with me. Big or Little, or half and half, we will have fun together, whatever we end up doing. You decide what you need, and I will take my cues from you. Tell me what you want, Katelyn, and I will do whatever I can. If you truly want to regress, I believe I have the tools and ability to make it happen.”
Katie squirmed under the stern gaze. As well as Rose knew her, she knew Rose pretty well also, and she could see what was coming. She gulped and looked down at the bedcovers, aware she was blushing when she answered. “I want to be Little, Auntie. I want to be free. I want,” she whispered, blinking back tears, “I want to know I still can, before I fight for that side of me.”
Katie felt, rather than saw, Rose’s head bob up and down as she nodded. “Very well, then.” She spoke briskly, turning to open the drawer of the nightstand between their beds. Katie didn’t have to look to know she had withdrawn the dreaded wooden spoon. She offered no hesitation when Rose took her by the hand and guided her facedown across her lap, even though her bottom still throbbed, and her heart was pounding in her chest. This was uncharted territory for them both, but she trusted Rose, and the moment the cool wood of the spoon rested on her torched backside, she could feel herself hovering on the brink of being truly regressed. There was something about that spoon…
“I’m doing this to help you, Katelyn. Little girls don’t usually get stress relief or therapy spankings, but sometimes big girls need it. And since you have been more Big than Little lately, I’m going to try to help you the same way Keith helps me when I can’t get out of my head, okay?”
Unable to speak, Katie nodded.
Rose spanked slowly and methodically, but not lightly. Each blow from the spoon was accompanied by a reiterated point from their earlier conversations. As Rose worked thoroughly over the wounded flesh, her words spoke solace to Katie’s heart. With each stinging smack, she was reminded her Little was safe and loved and free, good things can happen when you trust people enough to let them see the real you, and needing an outlet to unwind from the stress of being a mother didn’t make her a bad one even if her outlet was different from most people’s.
Before long, Katie sobbed, long racking sobs that soaked the bedcovers beneath her. She had cried with each spanking she had received on this trip, but, even to her, this felt different. She could feel her body relaxing as the stress and uncertainties melted under the skillful ministrations of Rose and her spoon. She welcomed the pain and the release it brought.
She didn’t know how long Rose spanked or when she stopped crying or when her thumb made its way into her mouth, a gesture far beyond her normal comfort as a Little, but readily available at the time. She only knew, when Rose pulled her into a sitting position in her lap and kissed her head while wiping the tears from her eyes, she was so very, very Little.
“Wow,” she hiccupped in amazement. It was the biggest thought she was capable of having.
“Mmmmhmmm,” Rose murmured.
They sat in comfortable silence, rocking ever so slightly from time to time, Katie lost in thought as she recounted the new experience in her mind.
Katie’s eyes were heavy with the weight of shed tears, and as they began to close, she shifted in Rose’s embrace, arms swinging out as she grasped the air, searching for her stuffie.
Rose chuckled and reached over the small gap between their beds, grabbing the worn bear and thrusting it into Katie’s waiting arms.
Still in Rose’s bed, Katie climbed under the covers and settled in against the pillows, smiling when, instead of protesting, Rose tucked the covers snug around her and climbed in bed next to her.
“Thank you, Auntie,” she whispered before drifting off to sleep. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, little girl.”
Katie woke to the sounds of Rose moving around early the next morning. Yawning and stretching, she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. “Auntie, I’m still tired. What are you doing up so early?”
“It’s not that early, sleepyhead,” she replied. “I got us some breakfast. Go wash your hands and come eat.”
“I don’t want breakfast,” she protested, standing up unsteadily and stretching again. Realizing she had slept bare from the waist down, she yipped in surprise and covered herself with her hands.
Rose laughed and shook her head, unfazed.
“C’mon, little one, go put your shorts on then come and get something healthy in you. I have a surprise.”
Katie brightened at the mention of a surprise. Nothing excited her Little as much as that word.
“A surprise? What is it, Auntie?”
Rose shook her head, chuckling. “After breakfast.”
Wide awake, Katie hurried through her morning routine and sat down next to Rose at the small table within minutes.
“Okay, tell me the surprise now, pretty please?” she asked again.
“Breakfast first,” Rose said sternly.
Katie groaned, but the eggs smelled delicious and she realized she was hungrier than she thought. Inhaling her breakfast, she watched out of the corner of her eye as Rose sipped coffee from a Styrofoam cup.
“Okay, I’m done!” she exclaimed about a minute and a half later. “Now what’s the secret?”
Rose smiled. “I’ll tell you. But first, we are going to get you ready for the day.”
“Tell me first, please! You said after I ate!”
“Mmhmm, and now I am telling you to get dressed and ready for the fair.”
“The fair? I thought you had to
work?”
“Surprise!” Rose exclaimed with a grin. “I’ve got a friend covering for me. I don’t have to go to the conference today. We have the whole day to play at the fair, just you and me.” Rose paused then and peered at Katie shrewdly. “You do want to go to the fair, right? We can do something else, whatever you want.”
“The fair! The fair! The fair!” Katie chanted bouncing in her seat, wincing each time her bottom made contact with the hard wood of the chair.
“Okay.” Rose laughed again. “When you get ready, we’ll head out.”
Katie shot out of her chair and into the bathroom before Rose could say anything else. Shedding her clothes, she cringed as her shorts grazed her tender bottom. A cursory glance in the mirror showed a smattering of bruises crisscrossed with red lines from that horrific switch, topped with several circle bruises from last night’s encounter with the spoon. Running her hand over the area, her heart filled with pride. She had taken the punishment and paid for her selfish actions. Not only that, but she had trusted Rose and submitted to something new. New things were always hard for her, and Rose knew and was sensitive to it. She was proud of them both. The marks were a symbol she was loved and forgiven, and a reminder to communicate instead of act out.
Stepping out of the shower, she wrapped a towel around her body and her hair and took a good long look at herself in the mirror. The bags under her eyes had faded, and the tenseness around her mouth had softened. She needed this trip for a long time, and even though she was very sore, she felt freer than she had in ages. She hoped, after last night’s breakdown and the emotional spanking, she’d remember to cut herself a break now and then. To be the best mom she could be, she needed to learn to be a bit more selfish.
Dried, dressed, and Little, Katie bounced out of the bathroom.
“Okay, let’s go, let’s go!”
Rose cupped her cheeks with both hands. “Before we leave, we’re going to have a chat.”
Katie’s excitement quelled, and her hands shot back to shield her bottom.