by Natalie Dean
“I will, you too.”
She paused like she was going to hang up, but then her voice came back uncertainly. “Uh, Ben?”
“Yes?”
“Sweet dreams.”
It was a throwback to what she used to tell him before they bid each other goodnight, and he found himself smiling into his phone. “Sweet dreams to you too.”
He hung up, staring at his phone, wondering if he was as in love now as he was back then.
This was probably a bad idea, but there was no stopping it now.
Ben’s heart was pounding almost painfully behind his ribs as he approached Chastity’s door. For some reason, he was even more nervous now than he had been on their first date together after a decade. Maybe it was because it was on her terms, and he couldn’t meticulously orchestrate everything like he had on their last date.
Or maybe it was because he was realizing how intense his feelings were rapidly becoming. He really needed to put the brakes on—after all, she had told him that she fully intended on leaving their town—but he found himself enjoying the freefall. It was certainly going to be a painful lesson to learn the second time around, and yet there he was, knocking on her door with a bottle of expensive wine in his free hand.
Chastity answered the door, and it took quite a bit of resolve for his jaw not to entirely drop. She was wearing one of those form-fitting dresses that had become popular of late, bodycons, or something, and it was a beautiful turquoise against her golden skin. Her makeup was fancier than it had been on their first date, and her hair was meticulously curled.
“You look gorgeous,” he said, knowing he should smile or make some sort of expression with his face but completely unable to from the shock of how unimaginably breathtaking she was.
“Thank you. You look pretty nice yourself.”
He looked down at his pair of non-torn jeans, a clean button-up, and brown boots. Hardly. He should have dressed himself even more for her, but he wasn’t sure if there really was a level between casual and a suit for men. He had never really been into fashion or designer stuff like his younger brother was. What was the term? Metro-something?
“Come in,” Chastity said, stepping to the side. He saw that the table had already been set and in the center of it was a hearty roast, and he was pretty sure he could smell something sweet lingering in the air.
“Is that huckleberry pie?” he asked, striding over to the table and setting the bottle of wine down.
“Indeed, it is. I remember that was your favorite, wasn’t it?”
He smiled back at her, pleased as punch. He did indeed love huckleberry pie, but didn’t indulge in it often because his brother, Bart had been quite allergic to the berries and it wasn’t worth the risk.
“Yes, and it still is.” He almost sat down before remembering his manners, and so he circled around the table to pull her chair out for her. Chastity just laughed, her cheeks blushing slightly.
“I’m not quite ready for that yet. I was heating up some of your mother’s mashed potatoes, and I’m finishing up the corn.”
“Oh, well, I can keep you company in the kitchen while you finish.”
Her smile was soft and welcoming as she looked up at him. He wanted to bend down and kiss her right then and there, but he resisted. He had a feeling that if their lips touched the dinner would be entirely forgotten, and he didn’t want all her considerate effort to go to waste.
Besides, if he remembered correctly, Chastity was almost as good of a cook as her mother, having taken over for her family during the summers when school was out. She said that it helped her relax, but he was pretty sure that her type-A personality wanted to see the reward of a smile on people’s face after they ate what she had made.
“That sounds nice.”
They headed over to the small kitchen where she finished putting the finishing touches on everything, until finally the two sides were placed into her mother’s antique serving bowls and taken over to the table.
They sat on opposite sides, but the table was small enough that they didn’t feel like they were worlds apart. He decided to take charge, picking up the carving knife and fork to serve them both a generous portion of roast. He was sure it was more than they were probably going to have in a single meal, but he was willing to bet that with the previously empty fridge, Chastity didn’t have nearly enough protein in her diet.
Then there were the sides. He put generous portions of that on his plate too. He knew that many men and women were concerned with watching their middles, but he worked plenty of calories off on the ranch, and he thought that Chastity looked perfect the way she was.
He never really understood society’s current obsession with forcing women to be as thin as they could possibly be. He liked it when there was a softness to the feminine form, when his rough, veiny hands could sink into a curve and feel just how different and beautiful it was from his own body.
Such thoughts instantly made his body react though, and he shoved them away. Now was not the time.
Ben reached across the table and held Chastity’s hands while he said grace.
When they had said Amen, Chastity looked up into Ben’s eyes. “I want you to know that I really appreciate everything you’ve done for us. Especially considering…”
“Our history,” he finished for her.
“Yeah, that.”
“You don’t have to thank me for everything. It’s what good friends do for each other.”
“Is that what we are?” she asked, looking across the table at him through her thick lashes. “Friends?”
He nodded, but then words were coming out of his mouth that he hadn’t really intended to say. “I mean, you’re the only friend that I want to kiss, but yes, I would consider us friends.”
She blushed at that and took a bite of the food. He followed suit, and it gave them more time to think about what they were going to say. “I do like kissing you, still.”
Oh.
That was interesting.
“I’m glad to hear it.”
“Are you?”
“Yeah.” He nodded, and his eyes focused in on her plush lips. “I am.”
The conversation lapsed as they finished eating, but not from awkwardness. The food was even better than he had expected, and it was nice to just be in the moment.
Ben had never realized how he used his work on the ranch to fill every minute of his life, always keeping busy so that he would never feel lonely. Plus, it always ensured that he would drop into bed completely exhausted. Chastity brought so much more to his life, and he knew he would sorely miss her when she was gone.
Unless she didn’t have to leave…
No, that was a dangerous line of thought, and he needed to leave it alone. He could cherish the time he had with Chastity, but that was it. To expect or want for more was only going to leave him heartbroken, and he’d had enough of that.
Eventually they both finished, and Chastity moved to take their dishes to the sink. He followed her, perhaps a little too closely, but the close proximity allowed him to smell her sweet vanilla bodywash and whatever magical concoction she used on her hair.
He brushed against her on accident as he placed his dishes in the sink, and the feel of her arm against his made his skin prickle. He wanted to reach out and pull her to him, to hold her so tightly to him that they fused into one. But instead, he leaned over and pressed a light kiss to her forehead.
She leaned into the gesture, her hands going to his chest where they rested, two points of heat against his torso. Once his lips pulled away, her face turned up to him, and he drank her features in like it was the first time he had ever seen her.
“You’re beautiful, you know that, right?”
“No, but I feel that way when you look at me.”
“Good. Then I should keep saying it.”
“I wouldn’t object.”
Carefully, he lowered his arms to where they just rested on her wide hips, then pulled her to him until they were flush.
Her body felt so right pressed against his, like they were made to be perfectly fitted puzzle pieces, and for a moment, he rested his head on top of hers.
They stood like that for several moments, rocking gently to an inaudible music that they seemed to feel more than hear.
“I miss this,” she murmured into his chest, her voice a gentle and soothing vibration against his skin. “Being held by you.”
“I miss holding you.”
She hummed a murmur of agreement and tilted her head up once more, which made him lift his chin from her hair. They looked at each other again, and he was overwhelmed with the urge to kiss her.
But why even resist? They were two adults on a date. Surely a little kiss wouldn’t be too inappropriate.
He ducked his lips down, his eyes half-lidded with his own want, and he felt her push up on her tip toes, he drew in a breath, wanting nothing more than to crash his mouth to hers once again. His heart leapt into his mouth and his whole body ached for her.
“Chastity, the nurse texted me and said she won’t be able to make it tonight, but she can get us a replacement. Do you want that or can we just—” Mrs. Parker stood on the stairs and seemed genuinely surprised by his presence. “Oh, I didn’t know you had company.”
For the second time in a row, Ben found the romantic rise cut off by Chastity’s mother.
Oh goodness.
20
Chastity
It took all of the willpower in Chastity’s body not to turn around and snap at her mother. But she knew her mom didn’t mean to interrupt. She just had the uncanny timing of a Catholic school nun who wanted to make sure that nothing was going on between anyone.
“Hi, Mom,” she said, turning. “I told you that Ben was coming over for a visit, remember? You said you’d be up reading to give us some space?”
“Oh… I don’t recall that. But anyways, what do you want me to tell the nurse?”
Chastity looked to Ben, feeling a bit guilty again, but he smiled. “Take care of your mother,” he whispered, lightly enough so that her mother couldn’t hear.
“Tell her we don’t need a replacement. You can hang out with us tonight.”
“That sounds like fun!” Her eyes flicked to the dining room table and she clapped her hands. “Oh, is this what I’ve been smelling? You wouldn’t mind if I helped myself, would you?”
“Of course not. And do you mind if Ben and I have dessert while you eat your dinner? Since we’ve already eaten.”
“That sounds perfect, actually. It’ll be like a real family meal together. Like before…” she cut herself off again in that telltale way she had been doing for the past month. “Like before,” she finished without adding anything else.
“Yeah, that does sound nice. Why don’t you have a seat, Mom, and I’ll get you a plate.”
Chastity’s mom nodded and made her way to one of the unoccupied places. She sat down and texted the nurse. Chastity rushed to get her a plate and silverware before worrying about the dessert she had made.
As Chastity returned to the kitchen to get the desserts ready, her phone vibrated. She glanced over at where she’d put it on the counter. Her stomach lurched with excitement when she realized it was a text from her agent.
You got a callback!! Second auditions are next week. What day can you be back? I’ll set it up.
Her hands were shaking. A callback. This was the break she’d been waiting for to get out of her slump. She started to text her agent back that she’d make any time work, then stopped. Any time would not work. She wasn’t in New York. She was miles and miles away stuck in Blanche Creek. Taking care of her mother who couldn’t be left alone. Having dinner with the man who made her heart race.
Life wasn’t fair. Not at all.
She was going to have to think hard about this decision. She texted her agent. Exciting! I’ll let you know tomorrow.
Chastity brought out the desserts she had made. In addition to the huckleberry pie, she had also made a mousse. Hazelnut and dark chocolate, and she was quite proud of it. It had taken quite a bit of work and even more clean up afterward.
But how big of an accomplishment was it compared to getting a part in a show? Despite being distracted, she tried to put on a happy face.
“That looks amazing,” Ben said, as she served him a bowl back at his seat.
“It does, doesn’t it?” her mother added, looking over from her plate. “I can’t wait to try some once I get through dinner.” She took a large bite of the roast Ben had placed on her plate while Chastity had been busy in the kitchen. “Oh goodness, but this is certainly delicious too.”
“I’m glad you think so,” Chastity said, sitting back in her spot. “I had fun cooking it.”
While she still somewhat felt like kicking her mother for her poor timing, she did indeed love seeing her look so happy. That almost made up for not being able to kiss Ben like she really wanted to.
Almost.
“Goodness, Chastity, I should have you cook more often,” her mother continued after a few minutes pause to eat the fare she had made. “Maybe it’s a good thing your career failed in New York, so you can come here and feed me.”
Chastity paused in bringing her spoon up to her mouth. “It didn’t fail,” she said adamantly, despite having thought that very same thing several times to herself. But the text from her agent had given her hope. “I was just in a bit of a slump. I have plenty lined up for me when I get home.”
“Do you?” Ben asked, sounding surprised. “I thought it was going to be a bit until you returned.”
“Well yeah, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to go home soon.”
“Wait, so you’re abandoning me?” her mother asked, completely shocking her out of her good mood. “Why even stay here at all?”
“Mom, you always knew I was returning to New York. You too, Ben. I don’t know why either of you are acting surprised.”
“I’m not surprised,” Ben said slowly, as if he was trying to contain his seething emotion. “I just thought you’d be here for a few more months.”
“I sure hope I’m not,” she blurted out before she could think better of it.
His face sharpened instantly. “What? Is staying here so painful for you? Are you so eager to run away that you’ll do it the first chance you get?”
“Why are you acting this way?” Chastity found her voice rising. “You said you understood.”
“Yeah, I understand,” he said. “But I thought that you were going to take your time and go when everything was taken care of here. I thought we had time. I thought—” He cut himself off, shaking his head. “What are we even doing?”
“We’re enjoying each other’s company. Why think any more about it?”
“We should think more about it because I’m falling in love with you all over again. And I thought you were feeling the same way about me.”
Her eyes went wide at the confession, and she felt such a strange mix of emotion within her that she could only stare at him for several moments. Guilt, affection, then anger, white-hot and choking.
Suddenly she was on her feet, and she didn’t quite understand how she got there. “Why is that my fault? I’ve been nothing but honest with you. I can’t stay here. The locals don’t treat me like I belong, and every time they look at me, I feel this overwhelming need to prove to them that I’m so much more than what they think I am.
“You said you understood. You held me in your arms and looked at me with those sharp, green eyes and promised me that you got it. And now you want to be mad at me for doing exactly what I told you I was going to do?”
Now he was on his feet too. But he wasn’t looming over her, threateningly like some men liked to do in an argument. Instead, he paced, running his hands through his sandy-blond hair. “Look, it’s not that you’re leaving. I get that this place isn’t for you. I get that I’m not enough. But to hear you talk about leaving as if being here with me, with your mother, is painful to you—that hurts. You have to underst
and that, right? Are we so repugnant to you that you have to run away at top speed?”
Chastity stared at him in shock. “Why would you ever take it that way? This whole meal was to show you how grateful I am for everything you’ve done.”
“You say that, but the look on your face just now when you reacted to staying for a few more months, that told me everything I need to know.” He looked to her mother, his face struggling to remain stern and not enraged. “Mrs. Parker, I apologize for my behavior. I’ll be going now. You have a good night.”
“Oh dear, did I say something wrong?” she asked, looking between them with the most confused look on her expression.
“Not now, Mom,” Chastity tried to say as lightly as she could before turning to Ben. “You walk out that door, and you will never see me again. We did this once, but we don’t have to do it again. I’ve been upfront with you this entire time, so you have no reason to be mad like this.”
Ben looked at her, and she could see emotions rushing across his face. An eternity seemed to pass between them before his uncertain face hardened—and he walked right out the door.
Chastity watched him, mouth agape, and heard his truck door slam before his engine rumbled off. She ran to the still-open door and slammed it closed before sliding to the ground in a heap.
She couldn’t help it—as she sat there, big, angry tears rolled down her cheeks. She hadn’t cried in so long, refusing to let herself give in, and now she found herself sobbing and hiccupping in a real mess.
“Honey, what happened? I’m so confused.”
Chastity heard her mother stand up and wobble over to her, but she couldn’t reply right away. All the stress and uncertainly and now anger were flooding most of her brain, nearly drowning her in her tears. She had known that getting close to Ben was a stupid idea, but she had never imagined that it would crumble so easily. Perhaps it was foolish, but she thought maybe they could part with the bittersweet sting of love lost rather than clashing like two roiling clouds in a storm.
Dang it, she was such a fool. She wanted to shake her fist at the sky and ask him why he kept doing these kinds of things to her. Once more, she felt her barely rebuilt heart shattering to pieces inside her chest, only leaving bitter shards behind.