by Natalie Dean
After all, it wasn’t like she had anything else to do. Whatever had been happening between her and Ben was well and truly over, even if it left a gnawing pain in her middle.
Was she wrong for how she had reacted? She certainly hadn’t meant anything by her visceral response at the thought of being stuck in this town for another three months, babysitting her mother and barely scraping by, trying to ration out the food his family had given her to last as long as possible. But the stress was getting to her. While she knew she very well might end up stuck here for three more months, thinking about it made her want to cry, pull her hair out, and lie down for an exceedingly long nap.
And she’d had to text her agent, telling him she couldn’t come back to New York yet. Giving up the chance for the callback that could have been her big break. Chastity had decided her mom needed her more than she needed that part.
But he didn’t know all that. From what her mother had told her, he seemed to think that they didn’t have groceries because she was too busy to go and buy them then walk back to the house every day, not because they literally had no money. And Chastity didn’t really want to tell him about their financial situation.
Far too many people tried to use the Millers for their money, and she wouldn’t be one of them. Sure, if it came down to her mother’s health, she would ultimately ask them, but she wanted to try her hardest to do this herself.
Besides, if she was already doing this well with the whole article-writing gig, maybe she could expand that even more in the coming months.
She could only hope.
Shoving the rest of her feelings down, Chastity focused on her article. She only got about halfway through before she heard footsteps down the stairs. Looking up, she saw her mother standing there, dressed up in her Sunday best.
“Are you ready for church, dear?”
Chastity blinked at her, an internal sigh building in her chest. She hadn’t been able to take her mother to church on Wednesday either, and she was sure the woman was going to be extra insistent now.
“I’m sorry, Mom, but I really have to finish about five more articles, so I have enough for when the next wave of bills comes.” The site that she used held onto the money she made for about a week, so it definitely required specific planning to make sure she had the money when she needed it. “Can we go next week?”
“You said that last week.”
“I know, I know. But there’s a lot of catching up to do.”
“Certainly, a couple of hours won’t stop you from doing that.”
“It really could, Mom. I’m burning the candles at both ends here.”
Her mother stared at her, dark eyes intense, before her jaw set in a firm way. “Fine, then I will go myself. I’ll make sure to pray for you, as well, that hopefully your deadlines will be finished on time, and that you’ll come to church with me next time.”
Now the suppressed sigh came out in full force. “Mom, I don’t think it’s very wise for you to go to the other edge of town by yourself. Especially considering how…”—she had to be careful how she mentioned her mother’s sickness, because that seemed to be an especially potent trigger for her— “run down you’ve been lately.”
“I’m not a child, Chastity.” Ah, her favorite line. “I don’t know why you insist on treating me that way.”
“I’m not treating you like a child. I’m looking out for you.”
“I don’t need you to watch out for me!” Her face reddened, and she actually stomped her foot. “You’re being ridiculous, Maggie!”
Ah, Maggie. Her mother’s older sister, who had passed away from cancer before Chastity was even born. That was a new one.
“Mom—”
“Look, I’m going to church. All right? You can’t stop me!”
Why did everything have to resort to shouting lately, rubbing her temples, Chastity felt herself want to sink into the floor. “Mom, I promise that I’ll take you to church next week. Please, just work with me here.”
“No! You don’t get to treat me like this just because you’re the eldest! I’m going.”
She stormed toward the door, and Chastity knew that she couldn’t let her go out in this state. She would get lost, and wander, and heaven forbid end up somewhere dangerous.
Jumping to her feet, Chastity stood in the doorway, blocking her path. Her mother glared her down, but she just returned it.
“Mom, stop. Please, be reasonable for once.”
“I am reasonable, Maggie!”
“For God’s sake, I’m not Maggie!” Chastity snapped. “I’m your daughter. I’m your daughter, and I’m trying to take care of you while the doctors figure out what’s going on, okay? You’re sick, Mom. You’re sick, and you need to accept that, okay?”
“I’m not sick! I’m fine. I’m fine!”
Her palms reached out smacking against Chastity’s shoulders. It didn’t hurt, but it was shocking to have her mother strike her. In all her years, she’d never so much as spanked her, preferring punishment that actually worked on her strong-willed child.
“Let me go. Let me go!”
“I can’t,” Chastity said, taking the multiple hits. What did she do in this situation? Why did everything have to be so hard? She just wanted her mother back. Was that too much to ask?
Her mother’s anger quickly transitioned into tears, and soon she was sobbing as her hands went between clutching Chastity’s clothes to striking her more. It didn’t take long for her to lose her energy, and her hands fell to her sides and she slumped against her daughter.
“I’m sorry, Mom,” Chastity said, wrapping her arms around her mother. She felt so guilty. She was treating her mother like some prisoner under house arrest, but she didn’t know what else to do. If she took the time to take her mother out and let her visit every place she wanted, they’d never get out of the hole her parents had dug themselves into. “I really am.”
“Nothing makes sense, Maggie. Nothing. Every time I think I have my feet under me, they’re ripped away and I’m falling again.”
She cried against Chastity’s chest, no more words to her plea, and Chastity knew what she had to do.
“Hey, Mom?”
“Yes?” Did she know who Chastity was now? She seemed to have calmed a bit, but that would make this a short episode and mostly hers lasted for hours.
“Would you like to go to church?”
She wiped her face, hiccupping slightly before giving a slow nod. “Yes. I would like to do that very much.”
“All right. How about we stand up, wash our faces, and then go? Do you think we’ll still make it in time?”
“I believe so,” she said, wiping her face with her sleeve.
“Then that’s the plan. Come on now, on our feet.”
They both stumbled upright, and Chastity went about packing some things, so they could go. She had made a lot of mistakes with her mother, mostly because she had no idea what she was doing, but she was trying her best.
And sometimes trying her best meant making up for lost time.
23
Ben
Ben got off the phone with a sigh, flopping back onto his bed and staring at the ceiling as if the answer for all that he was looking for was written up there. He had reached a decision, but he had no idea if he was doing the right thing.
A lightbulb flashed in the corner of his room, which meant someone was ringing the bell at the end of the hall leading into his bachelor’s attachment.
He briefly thought about ignoring it, but his family generally left him alone when he was in his home, which meant that it was probably urgent.
He groaned and got to his feet, heading out of his room and toward the door at the end of the short hall separating him from the main house. He opened the door and was surprised to see his mother there—love and concern clear across her features.
“Hello, son.”
“Hello there, Ma. Do you need something?”
“I just wanted to know if you talked with God, a
nd how it went.”
“Ah…” he let the silence linger for several moments while he decided what he wanted to say—if anything. “I did something.”
“Something like…”
He shrugged. “I don’t want to talk about it. I’m still not sure if it was the right call.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Because I feel like I’m not certain of anything anymore. I’m in love with a woman who I would have told you was the devil for the past ten years, and I understand that she has to leave, but at the same time I hate it more than anything else. It’s incredibly dramatic and confusing, and I miss when I didn’t need anyone but us.”
“Would you come with me for a minute?” his mother said softly, without judgment as she held out her hand.
“Why?”
“There’s something I want to tell you. It just came to mind, and I think it might be helpful to you.”
“All right then, I guess I don’t have anything to do but the chores.”
She grabbed his hand and led him back to the living room and toward her favorite sitting couch. “Have I ever told you the story of your great-great-great-grand-uncle who married into our family after kicking his betrothed to the curb?”
“Uh, no. I don’t even know how many years ago that many greats takes us.”
“Fair enough. But this was back with the second generation. You and your brother recently cleared out the grove he planted for her as a wedding present, actually.”
“You mean Juniper’s Grove?”
She nodded. “Juniper was the youngest daughter of the Millers and quite independent. Since she was the baby, her parents weren’t eager to marry her off and let her help her brothers how she wished. Eventually, a runaway horse helped introduce her to the town butcher, who was the son of the previous butcher.”
“And what, they fell madly in love and she realized that love was all right, and you think Chastity will do that if I find a runaway horse?”
Ma laughed lightly, patting his shoulder. “Hardly. As I mentioned earlier, there was a betrothed to worry about. She was a mail-order bride from back East and apparently she was right awful.”
“Uh-huh.”
“She hated children; she hated the West; and she hated that her husband wasn’t super rich.”
“Sounds like a real catch.”
“Oh, she was. Especially since her soon-to-be husband, your uncle, was raising his two siblings, after their mother had passed away.
“He tried to endure her—he really did. But she was volatile and even hit him in front of Juniper and her family. So eventually, he knew that he had to break it off with her.
“It wasn’t easy. He knew that refusing her outright would risk her rage, plus repercussions from her family, who had paid him quite the handsome dowry to be rid of her. One day they were stranded at the side of the road when a rich merchant’s son passed by. After seeing the man, an idea popped into his head, and he seized it with both hands.
“Little more than a few days later, the betrothed left him for the richer man, and he was able to then date Juniper without losing out on the dowry.”
“So, are you trying to tell me that I can have my cake and eat it too? I’m not sure I’m quite catching the moral here.”
“I’m just saying, that our ancestors have been in seemingly impossible social situations as well, yet somehow it all worked out. I won’t say that it was easy, or painless, but in the end, everyone was happy.”
“So you’re saying that I should try to foist Chastity off on someone even richer than us,” he retorted, this time more teasingly than his first question.
She tsked her tongued and gently swatted his arm. “You think you’re so smart, don’t you? Just like your father. All I want you to know is that it’s important you at least try something, and as far as you know, it might work out.”
“Yeah, maybe.” And yet his mood was lifted, and he felt ready to get back to work. If anything, he liked work because it kept him from overthinking everything like Chastity tended to.
“I think I’m going to head out. Thank you, Ma.”
“You’re welcome, son.”
Ben leaned over to give her a kiss on the cheek and headed out the door. But before he could exit, he heard his mother call out to him.
“Dear?”
“Yes?”
“Are you going to call Chastity and talk to her?”
Ben paused in his exit, having not even thought about it before. “I think not. The way I see it, one of two things will happen. Either she’ll forgive me and stay, or she’ll go back to New York where she can live out her dreams.”
“Are you really going to let her go like that again?”
Ben shrugged. “Like you said, sometimes things work out. Sometimes they don’t. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”
“You have such a funny way of listening to me.”
He grinned at her, feeling cheeky, as he often called Chastity. “But at least I listen. It’s more than you can say for some of my other brothers.”
Her eyes narrowed. “You’ve been talking to Bryant again, haven’t you?”
“How did you know?” Ben said with a laugh before heading out the door.
The route ahead wasn’t clear, and he had a feeling that he might end up as alone as he had been for the past ten years.
But at least he could say that he tried.
And he supposed that was the best he could do.
24
Chastity
Chastity didn’t know why she felt nervous as she approached the large spire of the town church. She had visited this place hundreds of times during her younger years and had never felt out of place before.
But now, as she looked at the other churchgoers who were taking their places, she felt like she didn’t belong.
She did believe in God, mostly. But he was more of a something that hung in the back of her mind rather than directing her whole life. She was sure her mother would have an apoplexy if she ever spoke those words out loud.
Speaking of her mother, she glanced over at her as they gently marched forward. For the first half of the short walk, she had still been shaking slightly and red faced, often needing to blow her nose, but now that they were reaching the end, she seemed to be much more recovered.
In fact, she was standing straight, and a serene expression was across her face. Chastity felt another wave of guilt that she had delayed this for so long when obviously it meant quite a lot to her mother.
But what was done was done, and there was no changing the past, as much as she liked to overanalyze, overthink, and overwork it. Chastity focused on making this trip everything her mother needed.
They went inside the door, and Chastity was almost dunked—head first—into nostalgia.
The church, not ever having central air installed, still had the same massive black fan pointed at the entrance, and then another pointing at the congregation. The low hum tickled up her spine, and she remembered how when she was a child, she would talk into the blades to have it make her voice sound robotic.
She allowed her mom to pull her toward the front, past the final pews for latecomers and more toward the center pews. Chastity’s face burned at that, but she didn’t object. If her mom wanted to sit in the center pews, then they would sit in the center pews.
Eventually, she did find an open spot and slid in, Chastity following her. It seemed that they had only missed the opening announcements, statements, and prayer. The congregation hadn’t even gone into worship yet.
Chastity had always loved that part. She wasn’t the best singer, but it was always nice to vocalize, and the congregation was loud enough that she didn’t have to worry about hitting a wrong note or two.
Sure enough, the band started up eventually, the guitarists and bassist plucking away while the pianist tried to go old-fashioned on the keys. And yet somehow, it worked.
Worship flew by in a blur, and Chastity didn’t find herself nearly as b
ored with the sermon as she had as a teenager. She remembered how often she had wanted to sleep in, and slightly resented the reverend for having a voice akin to a very low lullaby. But there was a new reverend now, and he was a bit livelier, so maybe that was the difference.
All too soon, however, it started to wind down, the ushers having come to collect a tithe that Chastity didn’t have, and it was time for the final prayer. She had been content to sit in the pew with her head bowed, but her mother was on her feet like it was a race, gunning it for the kneeling bench at the front of the church. What was that called? The altar? She didn’t know. It had been a long time since she had gone to church.
But she wasn’t going to let her mother kneel there alone, so she followed after her.
For a moment, she felt like all the eyes in church were on her, even though she knew that was incredibly unlikely. Somehow, she made it to the front without chickening out, and she knelt next to her mother—who immediately bowed her head.
Chastity followed her example, not wanting to stick out any more than she did already. She tried to think of a general prayer to look more of the part, but soon she heard her mother muttering and that caught all of her attention.
“Lord, please, I need you. I need you so terribly.” Her mom’s voice caught as she prayed, making Chastity’s heart ache. Did her mother realize she could hear her? Did it matter? “It feels like my world is crumbling all around me, and I don’t know what to do. A lot of times my head is muddy, and I feel like I’m losing whole days.”
She continued on, and every word out of her mouth made Chastity ache. Chastity had thought maybe her mother didn’t know the situation that well, that her sickness kept her in her own protective bubble. Apparently, that wasn’t the case.