by Natalie Dean
“I can drive you.”
She paused in mid-drink. “Pardon?”
“I don’t mind driving you, sticking around, then busing you back home. Who knows, maybe I’ll learn something.”
Keiko set her drink down, almost wondering if he was messing with her. “Are you sure? You would be willing to do that?”
He gave her a wan smile. “It’s the least I can do.”
“I thought we already talked about that.”
“We did, but it’s still sinking in I guess.”
“Mmmhmm, I’m sure.” She took a sip of her tea. “Thank you. For everything.”
“No problem. I’m happy to.”
19
Keiko
“I’m not entirely sure that I won’t burst into flames just by being here,” Bryant said, eyeing the church nervously as they walked up the old steps.
“Believe it or not, immolation isn’t really the Lord’s thing.”
“Yeah, it’s not the Lord in me that I’m worried about combusting the moment that I step foot on holy ground.”
“Are you telling me that you believe in Satan?”
“I’m not sure what I believe at this point.”
Interesting.
“Don’t worry. I’ll put the fire out if you do burst into flames. I really do appreciate you coming here with me.”
“Of course. It’s not that big a deal.”
“Yes, it is. I want you to know that this is a very big deal to both you and me.”
There was the slightest bit of coloring to his high cheekbones. He tilted his head downward, giving her that same look through his lashes, which made her knees feel… less than robust.
“Shucks, you don’t have to butter me up. I’m already here.”
She just rolled her eyes and headed inside, Bryant right behind her. His normal swagger was diminished; she could hear it in his steps.
She was proud of him though, probably far more proud than she had any right to be. She knew the Church was probably the second-to-last place he wanted to be next to his family’s place.
And yet he was there. For her.
It was hard not to let that go to her head.
But she didn’t. She just calmly walked to their Bible study room and found a seat.
They were early, of course.
She figured it would be easier for them to already be in the room and settled rather than making an entrance with all eyes on them. Bryant sat next to her, and she reached into her purse to hand him one of her spare Bibles.
“You think of everything, don’t you?” he asked with a chuckle.
“It’s a Bible study. I thought it might help if you were equipped.”
“Good thinking.”
“I do try.”
“So what are we studying today?”
“I’m not sure. I’m not leading this one so it’ll be up to whoever prepared the lesson.”
“Oh, so it’s not a chronological order thing? I’m not gonna be lost by coming in during the sequel?”
She chuckled a moment before joshing him with her arm. “Shhh, behave yourself.”
“I’m trying. It’s just so boring.”
“Hey, you’re the one who offered to come.”
“I know, I know. I’m a real martyr.”
She was sure the banter would have continued, but more people started to come in and Bryant clammed up. Keiko didn’t miss the double takes that several people took, but she internally praised the Lord that no one said anything. She was absolutely sure that he wouldn’t have taken it well.
So instead, they all settled in and started to go over Peter and how he denied Jesus three times.
…that was uncanny.
She almost wondered if Cameron, the man who ran the Bible study for her while she was gone, had done it on purpose. But there was no way that he could have known.
They sat there talking about someone denying the Lord and forgiveness and all sorts of things that probably hit close to home.
But Bryant made it to the end of the lesson, and when she glanced over to him, his expression was patient and… maybe a bit guilty. He didn’t stand until everyone else did, but when people started to converse and socialize, he gently gripped her arm.
“Hey, where’s the bathroom?”
She could tell by the look in his eyes that he didn’t need the facilities for any practical reason, so she gave him what she hoped was an understanding smile. “We can go now, if you want.”
“No, no. I just need a few minutes to myself. Stay here, uh, build each other up and all that.”
“You know about that?”
“I told you, seventeen years of church, at least a few things stuck.”
“Well, I’m glad that was one of the things that did.”
She quickly gave him the directions to the closest set of bathrooms, and he rushed off, leaving her with her friends and fellow parishioners.
“Hey there, Keiko! Good to see you again,” Milly said, hurrying up to her. Milly was a nice girl, about nineteen years old and quite the prodigious Bible-quizzer, but sometimes she could be too much for Keiko. “I can’t remember the last time you’ve ever taken a break. It was like… three years ago, right?”
“Yeah, I got pneumonia during the winter.”
“That was pretty bad, I remember. Ten different people in the congregation got it, right?”
“Almost twelve, actually. It was a pretty big epidemic.”
“Yeah, thank goodness we didn’t lose anyone. You’re a real asset to this church, you know that? There are a lot of people who look to you for guidance.”
Keiko’s stomach flipped at that. “Well, I, uh, don’t know if that’s entirely true. I just do what I can.”
The young woman reached out and gently stroked Keiko’s arms. “You do so much more than that. Don’t kneecap your accomplishments.”
“I’ll try not to.”
“Good!” She beamed broadly. “By the way, I have a birthday party next month and I’d love to have you come! I’ll send you an e-vite!”
“Yes, you do that.”
Thankfully, Samson—her boyfriend—came up alongside her and snagged her, saying something about them being late. Keiko doubted they actually were, but the two had been together since sophomore year and he’d learned plenty of ways to handle her.
There were a few more minutes of hanging around and talking until Keiko was teetering towards exhaustion. She excused herself, then headed towards the bathroom.
Just as she expected, Bryant was there, fiddling with his phone as he leaned against the wall.
He made a striking picture, that was for certain. His hair was slightly curling and thick, cut shorter than most of his brothers. The sunlight was streaming in from the closest window, spilling across one side of his face and highlighting the strong bones that ran so commonly in the Miller family line.
“Hey there,” he said softly, pushing off the wall.
“Hey,” she said, holding her hand out to him. “Are you ready to go?”
“Are you?”
“Yeah. I’m getting pretty worn down.”
“Then all right, let’s head out.”
“Yeah, we can do that.” She realized that once again she wasn’t quite ready to go home. “But maybe I could use something to eat.”
“Really? You want to go to the diner?”
That seemed like a good idea for a moment, but then she shook her head. “Too many people, and I don’t think I have it in me for a sit-down place.”
“There’s not really any fast food around here though.”
“No, there isn’t,” she said slowly. “… but there is in the city.”
“Why, Ms. Keiko Albryte, are you asking me to take you on a jaunt to the city?”
“I just might be. Maybe if you’re game for it.”
“Aren’t you too tired?”
“I’m too tired for social stuff or driving myself, but I think I could stand a couple of hours in the car with you
.”
“If I didn’t know better, I would say you were complimenting me.”
“Yeah, yeah, don’t get a big head.”
They walked out the doors together, hand in hand, and Keiko couldn’t help but wonder if it was a new future that they were walking into.
“Is it offensive if I say I’m surprised you eat fast food?” Bryant asked as they drove back to her apartment after having a delicious Mexican meal.
“It’s usually not a great idea to bring up my eating disorder all the time. Makes it seem like I can’t escape it or it’s what defines me. But I understand with everything we’ve been through that you might have a few questions.”
“Oh, okay, so don’t ask questions unless they’re urgent or we’re already talking about that, got it.”
“Funny, you say that like you think we’ll be hanging out often.”
“Would that be such a bad thing?”
Like a teenage girl, Keiko felt an exciting sort of fizziness fill her up. “No, no, it wouldn’t.”
“Good to know.”
“I’m glad you think so.”
“Yeah, yeah I do.”
That fizziness turned to warmth, and she sank deeper into her seat. She was beginning to feel things that she never really had before, warm and effervescent and bubbly. It made her nervous, but it also thrilled her in a way she didn’t expect.
Once more, they got to her apartment way too fast, and she looked at her front door, not wanting the car ride to be over yet. She’d been enjoying the conversation so much.
“Let me walk you to your door,” Bryant said, parking and getting out to help her.
“You really don’t have to,” she said as he opened her door.
“I know I don’t have to, but I want to.”
All right. How could she argue with that?
She let him escort her up the steps and hold her leftover food container from the restaurant while she unlocked the door. She thought about inviting him in, about making tea and chit-chatting, but she did feel exhaustion starting to bite in at the corners of her mind. Considering how newly recovered she was, she needed to take it easy and sleep.
Besides, she wouldn’t mind a nice one-on-one with God to go over everything she’d observed from the Bible study session.
“Thank you again for the ride.”
“Ah, don’t worry about it.” He licked his lips.
She realized that they were awfully close to each other, standing face to face in her doorway. She was acutely aware of everything about his body, the heat emanating from him and the deep, assured cadence of his breathing. It wouldn’t take much movement at all to bring the two of them together. And then…
And then what?
She’d been so busy with her life and her purpose that she’d never even kissed anyone. Twenty-six years old and as inexperienced as they came. And one didn’t go from having no attraction to anyone for all that time to suddenly wanting to kiss the prodigal son of a family her life had inexplicably gotten wrapped up with. That wasn’t how it worked!
…was it?
Who knew? She’d have to talk to Dr. Hyleir about it when she saw her next week.
“Do you need a ride to church on Sunday, too?”
She blinked at him, taken off guard. “Really? You’d take me to Sunday School and the sermon?”
“Sure, why not? I didn’t burst into flames the first time, so I’m pretty sure I won’t spontaneously combust.”
“All right then. Yeah, I’d love that.”
“Cool. What time should I show up?”
“I usually head out at seven-thirty.”
“Seven-thirty!?”
He let out a laugh. Instead of watching his face, her eyes went to the movement of his chest. And muscular it looked through his shirt.
“You do know what the word weekend means, right?” he said.
“I’ve got a fair enough idea. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“No, no. It’s fine. I want to. I’ll see you this Sunday, bright and early.”
“It’s a plan.”
He tipped his head in a nod that brought their faces so close together that she hardly dared to breathe. He paused a moment, as if he was going to tilt his face down and close the distance between them, but he didn’t. Instead, he pulled back and headed out the door.
Huh. That was certainly something else.
20
Bryant
Since he’d seen Keiko at what was probably her worse, he’d been trying to train himself not to use terms like psycho or mental. Now that he knew how hard it was to have a mental illness, and how even the strongest, most put-together person could struggle with their own brain betraying them, those terms seemed rude. Mean.
But still, even with trying to change his way of thinking, he couldn’t help but wonder if he was crazy for going to a Sunday sermon.
His only comfort was that they were going to the earlier one, which wasn’t the one his family favored. Unlike Keiko, they liked to sleep in and would go to the service that was held at eleven.
Also, unlike Keiko, they didn’t set up the breakfast, put out all the coffee things, and make sure the whole building was ready to go by the time its doors opened at eight a.m. sharp. Because apparently Keiko and two older ladies were the hands and brains who ran the operation.
Bryant would have thought it was the Pastor and his wife who at least had somewhat of a hand in things, but nope, it was just the trio of women. Of course, since he had suddenly become Keiko’s shadow, the two older ladies were more than happy to order him around in a way that was frankly quite adorable.
So, after making sure there were bags in just about every trashcan in the place, unlocking all the doors, and reaching higher shelves to water the plants that were in some of the rooms, he almost felt like he was useful.
Which was a strange thing for him to be feeling in a church.
But as nice as that feeling was, it didn’t soothe the growing unease in him as they approached the time where people would start showing up. Although his family probably wouldn’t be there so early, there would definitely be plenty of people who recognized him. And those people who recognized him were sure to go and tell his family all about how their black sheep of the family was in church trying to get his wool white again.
Which he wasn’t. He just wanted to help Keiko. And if one thing was certain, the church definitely helped Keiko.
Something had changed between them since he had found her in that terrible state. He didn’t have a word for it, and it wasn’t like anything he had felt before, but it was there.
He told her things he never told anyone before. Secrets and old, shameful memories. She knew all of the worst parts of him, both from his own mouth and his family’s, but she didn’t seem to care.
Which she should have. If anyone should care, it was her. She was the holy and perfect church girl who helped people and barely ever thought about herself.
And yet she seemed to want to spend time with him. She suggested a two-hour drive to the city just to grab cheap burritos and chips with him. She listened when he talked, and she never told him he was stupid or crazy for any of the things that he said.
She didn’t give in to him all the time either. She called him out when he said something not so great, and she challenged him when it was appropriate too. It was completely different from all the yes-men he had with his empire.
And speaking of his empire, he’d pretty much handed it over for his board to run for the past week. He’d never done it before, mostly because he was sure that none of them could run it as well as he could. He was the business genius after all and the charming face of the company.
But so far, they were doing a pretty good job.
Maybe he didn’t have to be at the helm of everything every day. There could be other things to life besides accruing more wealth, boozing, and partying.
Maybe.
But he would have to survive the whole church thing first.
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Of course, Keiko couldn’t just tuck herself away while everyone socialized. She had to be in the thick of it, checking on coffee, putting out more cream cheese. And boy, could some people go through cream cheese.
So, Bryant tucked himself between some tall plants and tried to cling to the shadows as best he could. It seemed to work, because the only people who noticed him were a couple of little kids who were running around.
Thankfully, the kids didn’t have any idea who he was, and they dismissed him as another adult they wanted nothing to do with. Perhaps it was ironic, but by some miracle, he made it to the sermon without being discovered. He knew that once they were all seated together and in the same room, there would be no hiding, but at least he could postpone it as long as possible.
“You ready?” she asked when everyone had begun to file into the main room.
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” he answered, following along behind her.
“We can sit towards the back. I don’t volunteer for things during the sermon so I can fully experience it and not worry about tasks.”
“Yeah, heaven forbid you miss a verse on a hymn.”
“Yes, that’s definitely the reason. A complete fear of messing up a religious song.”
“Sounds about right.”
“Shhh, it’s starting.”
She joshed his arm again, her elbow pressing into him, and he quieted. But where she had touched him grew warm, like it was licked by fire. It certainly made it hard to concentrate, but he put on his most neutral face and listened.
The sermon actually wasn’t that bad. It was centered around love, and the three different words the Greeks had for it. The message bit at his pride, but it was pretty fascinating for what it was.
Fascinating, but not quite worth getting up at six-thirty a.m. to get dressed.
Toward the end of it, when things were winding down, he fought the urge to twiddle his thumbs. But Keiko seemed completely into it, leaning forward in her seat, the slender column of her neck extended. Her dark eyes were focused forward, her brows furrowed ever so slightly.
She made quite the picture, and he wished that he could document it forever. It was such a still moment of quiet intensity, something that felt precious but also private at the same time.