Don’t be stupid. You don’t need ice-cream while you’re recovering from food poisoning, a voice in my head warned.
But my craving for the ice cream was too strong and ultimately won the battle.
Moments later, I found myself curled on the couch in front of the TV, in danger of finishing off the whole tub. I hadn’t eaten ice cream in years, having lost my taste for it sometime ago. Yet now, it tasted amazing.
As I began scraping the bottom of the container, I tried to recall the last time I’d eaten ice cream. My mind drew a blank for a while, but then I finally remembered…
It had been during my senior year of high school after I broke up with William Towly…
The break up had been bad, primarily because I’d been so young and naïve. Will had been my first love and first loves were hard to get over. He had asked me to the homecoming dance at the beginning of the year, even after Tobias had threatened to give him a black eye to match his suit. Immediately, I’d felt that any guy not frightened away by my overprotective big brother was a keeper. My little teenaged heart had presumed that me and Will were going to be together forever. He was handsome, smart, charming, funny, and had a bit of a bad-boy edge to go along with it that had left me smitten right from the start.
We dated for almost the whole school year, right up to prom season. I had fully anticipated going to prom with him until I caught him red-handed, kissing another girl. Katie Joseph. A pretty cheerleader who half the guys in the school had a crush on.
My heart had shattered into a million pieces, and I soon realized that Will had simply been using me. Throughout our time together, he had mentioned more than a time or two exactly how far he wanted to go with me… And I had been under the impression that he would indeed be my first, whenever was ready and could work up the nerve to go through with it. But I supposed I’d been taking too long, and since he wasn’t as serious about me as I was about him, he just decided to move on to someone prettier and more willing. He hadn’t even had the decency to officially end things with me. He just stopped speaking to me cold-turkey with no explanation.
After spotting him with Katie, I’d gone home and eaten a whole tub of ice cream, half in response to my broken heart, and half in response to the fact that my period had started that day and I was just a hormonal wreck.
Never wanting to feel that way again, I swore off ice cream afterwards because the cold and sweet taste of it would always remind me of that miserable day.
Just like it currently was. It was too late to do anything about it now though, for I had devoured the whole tub.
Too late…
The word ‘late’ began to bounce around on in my head, making me uncomfortable for some reason.
I began reflecting on that day of heartache with Will again, how that heartache, the cramps, and the PMS had created the perfect storm that had me crying for the rest of the night. It was almost like how I currently felt, minus the PMS part…
The tub of ice cream slipped from my hands. I watched it roll across Tobias’s pristine floor, a steady panic growing inside of me as I realized that I’d been staying here for over a month and hadn’t had my period yet.
I hadn’t had a period since Anderson and I started…
No, a voice said sternly in my head. It’s just stress. Stress is making your period late. That’s all it is…
I so desperately wanted to believe this was the case, but another voice in my head chimed in.
How do you know though? Your period has always been like clockwork. You’ve never missed it before…
Was that nausea or morning sickness?
Climbing to my feet on shaky legs, I clambered up the stairs to my room, pulling a jogging suit on over my pajamas and then dashing out of the house, heading for the first Walgreens that I passed.
My whole body felt overheated as I walked through the aisles, looking at row upon row of pregnancy tests, overwhelmed regarding which one to get. My anxiety increasing by the second, I closed my eyes and grabbed the first three my hands landed on, and then headed to the checkout line.
A teenaged boy worked the checkout line. “Good afternoon, ma’am,” he said, pleasantly enough, and then raised his eyebrows in embarrassment as I slid the three pregnancy tests toward him. He quickly scanned and bagged them. I shoved the money at him without bothering to get my change back.
The whole time, my mind spun with panic. By the time I got back to the house, I was practically numb. I headed upstairs to my room, went to the bathroom, and sat on the cold floor for a moment, terrified.
I stared at the three pregnancy tests, suddenly afraid to open them…
Afraid to take them…
Knowing my whole life could potentially be changed forever.
You need to know though…the voice in my head reasoned.
My hands trembling, I tore open the first box.
Sure, I’d thought about having children before. What girl didn’t? I just thought that whenever it came time for me to seriously think about having children, I would be married to the love of my life and it would be a decision we’d make together. A few years ago, I had always envisioned that discussion happening with Zander. But when things started falling to the wayside with him, so did my dreams of having a family. It had taken me a while to get the strength to leave him, but I had decided long ago that he would never be the father of my children. I’d at least had sense enough to know that making him a father would have been the worst thing I could have possibly done.
But this though…
This I hadn’t expected in the slightest.
Taking a deep breath, I carefully read the instructions for the first test, and then I went for it. The subsequent minutes that ticked by as I waited for the results felt like the longest I had ever experienced in my life.
Positive.
I swallowed, starting at the little blue plus-sign for a moment.
I then ripped open the second box, read the second set of instructions, and went downstairs for a glass of water. A half hour later, I took the second test.
Positive.
I stared at the two blue lines, confirming the first results.
I waited a whole hour before taking the third test. That one resulted in another plus sign.
Positive. Positive. Positive.
Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant.
I was pregnant. And there was no doubt whatsoever who the father was. I’d only been with one man since leaving Zander…
Right that moment, I heard my phone buzzing. I didn’t need to look to know it was Anderson, but I sure as hell couldn’t talk to him at the moment. I needed time. I needed to think.
I need to wrap my mind around this extremely unexpected turn of events in my life and determine what it meant for me.
I needed to think about how I was going to go about telling Anderson…
And worst, I had to think about how Tobias was going to take the news.
I went to lie down on my bed, flat on my back with my hands resting on my stomach, feeling a mixture of awe, shock, and nervousness. When the nausea started to slowly creep up on me again, I didn’t know if it was my emotions running amok that caused it, or the little seed growing somewhere in my womb.
CHAPTER 23
Anderson
From day one, working at the firm with Tobias had been a demanding job. It was trying, and it took a lot of patience. Yet in all the time I’d worked there, nothing had ever felt as difficult as the past few days. Every time I stepped into the building, there was a chill in the air that practically froze my lungs with every breath I took. While it had absolutely nothing to do with the temperature, it had everything to do with the iciness of Tobias’s stare every time we happened to cross paths.
Time and time again, I tried to reach out to him, but he continued avoiding me. The days went by and he refused to speak to me. And to make matters worse, Joanna continued to avoid my calls.
By the end of the week, I was completely at my wits end. I entered the
office, confused and desperate. Suddenly, my eyes landed on Libby, remembering that she and Joanna were on friendly terms with each other.
Trying as best as I could to keep my composure, I trailed after her as she turned down the hall, likely heading to the supply closet Joanna and I had used for a make-out session.
“Hey, Libby,” I called out.
She jumped, startled. “Oh! Anderson…Hi…” she said, a deep flush spreading over her cheeks.
I mustered a smile, even though my jaw muscles didn’t want to support the gesture. “How’s it going?” I asked.
She stared back at me curiously. She’d been working at the firm for a while now, but she and I had never particularly been chit-chat buddies. “Fine,” she said. “You?”
I nodded, wanting to say that I was fine as well, but unable to force out the word. I stuffed my hands into my pockets to keep myself from fidgeting. “Um…I was just wondering, by any chance have you heard from Joanna lately?”
The second the question left my mouth though, I realized that I’d made a mistake. Everyone knew that Tobias and I were best friends, just like everyone knew Joanna was Tobias’s sister. It was unusual in itself for me to ask anyone else about Joanna’s whereabouts; if I had a question about Joanna, it would have only been logical for me to approach Tobias.
Libby’s eyes widened, and I was left wondering if she knew what was going on among the three of us. If not, I wondered if at the very least, she had noticed that Tobias and I hadn’t been on speaking terms.
I glanced around, paranoid and wondering if the whole office knew something was up. After all, our drama at the gala hadn’t exactly been subtle.
“Um… No, not really,” Libby answered, averting her gaze. “Why do you ask?”
I shook my head. “Never mind, Libby. Have a nice day,” I said, briefly patting her shoulder and hurrying off to my office.
* * *
It was just before my lunch break, but I had no appetite. So instead of heading to the break area or out for a bite to eat, I left my office and headed straight for Tobias’s.
That man was going to hear me out if it was the last thing I did, especially since I couldn’t even get in contact with Joanna. Plus, my encounter with Libby had left me thoroughly shaken. I needed answers, and was determined to get them before the end of the day.
I knocked on Tobias’s office door. From inside, I could hear him shuffling about. “One second,” his voice rang from the other side of the door.
I heard the doorknob jiggle, and shortly thereafter, I was staring into Tobias’s face—into those gray eyes that were so much like his sister’s. He swore and was about to slam the door right back in my face, but I held my arm out, stopping him.
“Anderson, I’m not in the mood,” he said through gritted teeth.
“Well that’s just too goddamned bad,” I said, forcing myself into the office. He and I got into a little tussle right there on the spot as he tried to keep me from entering, but I managed to push past him. I slammed the door behind me and locked it.
Tobias snarled back at me. “Anderson, I’m warning you…”
“You’re warning me? Warning me of what, Tobias?” I challenged. “Warning me that after all these years of practically being brothers, you’re just going to turn your back on me entirely?”
“Yes, because if you were my brother, then how the hell would you go and…and…do what you did—”
“Dammit, Tobias! Enough already,” I yelled. “Why are you being such an asshole about this? Grow up! I like your sister! I’ll yell it from a rooftop. Now why on earth is that such a horrible thing to you? Don’t you think you’re taking the whole protective big brother act too far? Because if you don’t, then let me be the first to tell you—you are!”
“How dare you tell me how to take care of my own family!” Tobias shouted, his nostrils flaring.
But I refused to back down. “Joanna is a grown woman, Tobias! She doesn’t need you taking care of her anymore! Get that through your thick skull!”
The office fell so deadly quiet after my outburst, I feared people a mile away had heard me. Tobias stood before me, stunned. His eyes shot daggers at me, and for a second, I was fairly certain he was about to punch me.
I braced myself…
But Tobias took a step back and blinked. He appeared to deflate right before my eyes. “She doesn’t have anyone else to look out for her the way I do…” he said, his voice almost a whisper. “She’s… She’s the only family I have, apart from you. And you don’t know how close I’ve come to losing her…”
I stared back at him, confused. “What do you mean? What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the pieces of shit she keeps allowing into her life. The last one damn-near killed her. Zander. Her ex. He was crazy. Dangerous. He’s beaten her to a bloody pulp I don’t know how many times. What she told me was bad enough, and I know for a fact that she hasn’t told me everything. She’s afraid to.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I said, my throat tightening. Even though I’d heard about Zander before, by no means had I known it was that bad. I staggered backwards until my back hit the wall, the thought of someone beating Joanna making me want to smash everything around me to pieces.
“She never told you, huh?” Tobias said.
I looked up at him, finding that the fury in his eyes had subsided. I shook my head. “No. She didn’t tell me.”
Tobias nodded. “Yeah, because that’s how Joanna is. She’s secretive. She could be dying on the inside, but she’ll insist that she’s fine and doesn’t need any help. That’s why I’m so protective of her. I have to be, because she doesn’t always do the best job of looking out for herself. She only came to me this time because she finally got tired of Zander hitting her. It keeps me up at night sometimes, wondering what would have happened if she hadn’t got the strength to leave him after that last time. I hardly recognized her when she showed up to the house. Her face black and blue…”
“And…what happened to…to Zander,” I said, uttering his name like a swear word.
Tobias sighed. “I wish I could say.” He paused and shook his head. “He called her here, you know.”
“He what?”
Tobias nodded. “Yeah. And she tried to hide that from me. That he somehow found the number to her office and threatened to come for her. The only reason she told me was because she thought he had found her one day. Remember that day she called me from the parking lot?”
I nodded, remembering that day perfectly. We’d been in a meeting when she had suddenly called Tobias. I had sensed that something was wrong, but had opted to mind my own business, assuming it to be some kind of sibling issue that was none of my concern.
“She called because she thought someone was watching her in the parking lot. She didn’t want to admit it, but she thought it was Zander. But then she went right back to being her typical self, refusing to let me help her. I tried to get her to stay at the office until our meeting was over, or to even let you drive her home, but she refused.”
I shook my head and stared down at the floor, unable to believe what I was hearing. “I had no idea.”
“That doesn’t surprise me,” Tobias said. He expression suddenly hardened again. “So you have to understand why I’m so protective. If I’m not looking out for her, who will? She doesn’t confide in anyone. She was even secretive with our parents back in the day. I’ve always had a feeling in my gut that one day, one of her secrets was going to get her in trouble. I’ve been worried sick about her. And then…this?” He shook his head. “It was just too much. I was already pissed off that she wasn’t taking Zander as seriously as she should have, and that she had been keeping his stalking a secret in the first place. But then to find out that she’d been messing around with my best friend and didn’t even have the decency to tell me? How was I supposed to feel?”
I sighed and lowered my head. “Listen, Tobias, I get it. I understand where you’re coming from.�
�
“Do you?” he said, his voice turning hard and skeptical once more. “Then why the hell did you keep this from me too?”
“Because… Hell, your reaction proved why, didn’t it? We knew you weren’t going to take it well. We wanted to tell you eventually, but we just couldn’t seem to find the right timing. You weren’t supposed to find out the way you did though, that’s for sure.”
Tobias huffed. “I sure as hell would have appreciated being spared from finding out that way too.”
“Can you forgive me?” A long silence followed my question, but eventually, Tobias nodded. Nevertheless, there was a distinct look of disgust on his face. “Are you sure?” I asked.
“I just don’t get it, Anderson. Joanna? Of all people, all the women you’ve been with, you choose my little sister. You two couldn’t stand each other. How did this happen?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “Things were different back then. She’s changed. I’ve changed.”
Tobias rubbed his temples as if he had a headache. “Just tell me, you guys never… Not when we were kids…”
“No,” I said quickly. “I never looked at her that way when we were kids, I swear. Trust me, how I feel about her now came as a shock to me too. It was a shock for both of us.”
“You really care about her?” Tobias asked, his voice weary.
I nodded. “Yes, I do. More than I’ve cared about any woman in my life. It feels weird for me to say that, but it’s true.”
“And it’s weird for me to hear that, but…”
“But what?”
Tobias shrugged. “I guess it could be worse.”
At this, I could only laugh. “Yeah, it could be. So thanks.”
“I mean it,” Tobias said. “It’s going to take me some time to get used to, but I know you’re a good guy. Just don’t get too comfortable. Because I’ll still kick your ass if you ever hurt her or break her heart.”
“Trust me, I know that.”
Tobias moved toward me, his hand outstretched. I clasped it, and before I knew it, we were hugging. “Sorry I went so ballistic,” he said. “I know I can’t protect her forever, but I also know I don’t have anything to worry about if she’s with you.”
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