Chloe’s top teeth sunk into her lower lip, but then she nodded. “Okay.”
“You agree?”
She nodded. “I agree.”
Then, just to make it official, Nathan reached out his hand to shake on it.
Chloe leaned forward and slid her hand into his, and when the smooth skin of her hand brushed against his, Nathan felt an unexpected jolt. Kind of like he had when he’d kissed her. His eyes were on her face and he could have sworn he read something in those blue eyes of hers. Something that reflected what he was feeling.
She drew her hand back and placed it in her lap.
Ready to start the truth-telling immediately, Nathan said, “Let’s talk about that kiss.”
Chloe’s eyes widened and a blush flooded her cheeks.
Nathan could see that this was a subject that was going to become very interesting very fast.
“What about it?” she asked, blinking several times in an obvious attempt to gain control over her transparent reaction.
“First off, I apologize for doing something that was clearly unwanted. I was out of line.” His statement was kind of a test to see how Chloe would respond. She’d just promised to be honest, after all. Had even shaken on it.
Now Chloe knew why Nathan had pushed Truth so hard. Then again, if he didn’t come out and ask her a specific question she wouldn’t have to say anything.
“I’m over it,” she said, but as the words left her mouth she knew that wasn’t true at all. How could she say she was over it when it was all she’d been able to think about? Guilt at failing at their game swept over her.
“Are you?” he asked, his eyebrows raised. “Because I’m not.”
Glad he hadn’t pushed her, she grabbed on to this opportunity to dig a little deeper. “Why not?”
A muscle moved in his jaw as he gazed at her. “I’m confused.”
“What are you confused about?”
He narrowed his eyes. “About you, Chloe. About what you’re feeling.”
Uh-oh. This subject line could only lead to trouble. Because she was determined to get back on track with Truth.
Avoiding his eyes, Chloe reached for the basket on the coffee table. “What do you have in here? I’m starving.”
Out of the corner of her eye she saw his lips twist into a smirk as he shook his head.
That was okay, as long as it deflected his train of thought.
He opened the basket and took out paper-wrapped sandwiches, one marked California Club, the other marked Roast Beef. Then he took out a fruit salad, a potato salad, two small bags of chips and two large chocolate chip cookies. “All your favorites.”
“Nice.” Chloe stood. “Let me grab some plates and things.” She went to the kitchen and gathered a few items, then brought them back to the living room. “Why don’t we take this out to my balcony?”
“Sounds good.” Nathan reloaded the picnic basket, then followed Chloe out the sliding door and onto her balcony.
Once they’d arranged the food on the small balcony table and they were both seated, they began eating.
“Thank you for bringing lunch,” Chloe said, hoping Nathan had forgotten the conversation they’d been having.
“Anytime.” He took a large bite of his sandwich, chewed and swallowed, then set it on his plate. “Let’s get back to my question.”
So much for distracting him with food. “You never actually asked a question.”
Nathan chuckled. “Okay. I’ll ask it now.”
Great.
“When I kissed you,” he said, “I almost felt like I was kissing two different people.”
Not willing to make this any easier for him, Chloe munched on a chip before saying, “I still didn’t hear a question.”
Nathan laughed. “Fine. You want me to come out and say it? I will.”
Oh no. What was she getting herself into? Afraid to provoke him any further, Chloe stayed silent.
“Did you really hate that I kissed you? Truth.”
A kaleidoscope of emotions swirled inside her. On the one hand, kissing him was a dream come true, but on the other, her feelings toward him were so unsettled, so wrapped up in her grief for Lisa, that it had been hard to truly enjoy that kiss. “I haven’t decided,” she finally said. She knew that wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but it seemed to be a good compromise for all of her feelings. And it was actually the truth.
“You know,” he said as he stabbed at a chunk of watermelon with his fork, “I almost didn’t come over this morning. But then I thought about how quickly life can change and I knew I needed to come talk to you.” Sadness and regret filled his eyes and a muscle worked in his jaw. It seemed as if he was trying to get his emotions under control.
Chloe’s eyes were riveted to him.
He cleared his throat. “When I’d been on that island so long that I’d resigned myself to dying there, alone, I had an epiphany. Life’s too short to cling to anger when you can be putting your energy into being happy instead.”
The profoundness of his statement jolted Chloe. Not only because she knew he was right, but because it reminded her of the terrible things he’d been through. Still, in a corner of her mind was the memory of Lisa. Despite recognizing that her feelings toward Nathan had softened considerably, there were still barriers she had to break down.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
Truth, truth, truth. “Well,” she began, her eyes pointed toward the food in front of her. Then she met his gaze. “I get what you’re saying and I agree.”
Undisguised hope filled his eyes.
Chloe threw up one hand. “But…”
Nathan’s lips tugged downward. “But what?”
“I need time, Nathan.”
She’d seemed moved by what he’d told her and had even said she agreed. It was time to push for more. “Time to do what, exactly?”
Chloe looked thoughtful, like she hadn’t worked out exactly what needed to happen in order for her to forgive him. “I…I don’t know.”
She might not have any idea, but he had one. “Would you be willing to spend time with me?”
She opened her mouth, but this time he put his hand up to stop her from speaking.
“Hang on. Let me finish.”
Her lips pressed into a tight line.
“Maybe there’s no hope,” he began, truly hoping he was wrong, “but I’d like the opportunity to at least earn back your friendship and the only way that’s going to happen is if we spend time together. And I don’t mean working on my house.”
He gestured toward her to let her know he was done talking.
Chloe thought about what he’d said. Deep inside she was desperate for things to go back to how they’d been. But she knew they never would. Then again, maybe they didn’t have to go back to how they’d been. Maybe she needed to stop looking backward and instead look forward to a new way of thinking, a new way of living. And really, who better to do it with than Nathan? The man who had been her best friend.
“Okay,” she finally said. “I’ll do it.”
Elation swept over Nathan’s face. “Really?”
As she watched the relief and happiness play across his features, Chloe had no doubt that this was something that was immensely important to him. That alone spurred her on to commit fully to this.
“Yes,” she said with a smile that felt wonderful. “Really.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
“Now what?” Chloe said.
Nathan had half-expected her to refuse, so he hadn’t actually thought beyond the moment. Was it too soon to tell her that he wanted more than friendship?
Yeah, probably. One obstacle at a time.
“Well,” he said, his mind racing with ideas of things to do, “why don’t we do something fun today?”
For a brief moment she had a deer in the headlights look as if she hadn’t thought he would come up with something so soon. Then her expression smoothed out, which built his hopes that she was really going to try.
<
br /> “What did you have in mind?” she asked.
What did he have in mind? Then he thought of something. “I’d love to take you out on an ATV.”
Her eyes widened. “Aren’t those things dangerous?”
“Not necessarily. We’ll wear helmets and I won’t go too fast.”
Her forehead creased with worry. “How about a hike instead?”
As much as he wanted to push her to do something outside her comfort zone, he had to remember that her sister had died in an accident. Baby steps. “Hiking it is.”
Relief flooded her face. “All right.”
Glad that she’d come up with an alternate idea instead of turning him down flat, Nathan said, “Day’s wasting, so we should get going as soon as we’re done eating.”
Chloe nodded, then picked up her sandwich and took a bite. They chatted about where they would go hiking, deciding on a place they’d hiked before. Then they talked about what they might see.
“I hope we see a deer,” Chloe said.
Thrilled that she actually seemed excited about this date, Nathan wondered if she actually thought of it as a date.
Deciding not to worry about the semantics, when they were done eating he helped her clean up, then they grabbed some water bottles from her fridge and placed them in a daypack Chloe pulled from a closet.
“Next time I’ll be better prepared,” Nathan said with a small grimace.
She smiled. “You weren’t completely unprepared. I mean, you brought that delicious lunch.”
He chuckled. “Don’t forget the flowers.”
Laughing, she said, “Right.”
They walked out of Chloe’s condo and toward Nathan’s Lamborghini. Chloe stopped beside it and looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Maybe we should take my car. I mean, since we’ll have to drive on a dirt road to get to the trailhead.” She smirked. “Your car’s not really meant for off-roading.”
Looking at the low clearance of his car, Nathan nodded. “That is true.”
“Alrighty then,” she said as she swept her arm upward, “this way.”
He followed her to her car, a four-door compact. They both got in, then Chloe turned on her car, backed out of her parking space, and headed out.
As they parked at the trailhead, Chloe let the memories of the other times she’d been there wash over her. The other times she’d come there with Nathan, Lisa had been there too. But to her surprise, instead of feeling terrible grief, she felt a deep melancholy. It was still something she wished she didn’t have to feel at all, but it was a bit easier to deal with than the crippling grief she’d come to expect.
They climbed out of her car, and with their water bottles in the pack on Nathan’s back, they set off.
“Do you remember the last time we came here?” he asked.
Chloe stared at the dirt-packed ground as they walked, her mind working to recall when they had last been there. A moment later she turned to Nathan. “Wasn’t it a few weeks before you and I graduated college?”
He nodded. “That’s what I remember.”
It had been her and Nathan and a few of their other friends. And Lisa. Life had been completely different then. The future had stretched out in front of them, full of promise. Kind of incredible how much had changed since then.
She needed to stop dwelling on the past. She knew that, and yet it took an effort to turn her mind away from the past and focus on the here and now.
Nathan’s phone rang in his pocket. Glad for the distraction, when he ignored it, she looked at him with surprise. “Aren’t you going to get that?”
His lips turned up in a smile. “Why? Do you think it could be something important?”
“I have no idea.”
Softly chuckling, he shook his head and eventually the ringing stopped. He smiled at Chloe. “Better?”
It was hard for Chloe to ignore her phone when it rang. Or even if a text came in. It was like she had to check it. What if it was important? “You never used to ignore your phone.” She shook her head. “Even when we went to a movie you’d check your phone.” She laughed. “Except that one time someone yelled at you to put your phone away. That time you actually left the theater to see who was calling.” She narrowed her eyes. “What’s your secret?”
“My secret?”
Chloe stopped walking so Nathan stopped as well. “Yeah. You don’t seem at all bothered by the fact that you could have missed a super important phone call.”
Then, to her surprise, he reached out and took her hands as he faced her. “What could possibly be more important than being with you?”
As his eyes locked on hers and the deep timbre of his voice filled the space between them, Chloe’s pulse skyrocketed. The moment was suddenly too intense and she scrambled to come up with something to say that would lighten the mood. “What if it was the police calling to say someone had stolen your car?”
Nathan’s shoulders lifted in a shrug as a carefree look came over his face. “It’s just a car.” Then he smirked. “Besides, there wouldn’t be anything I could do, would there? So why get upset over it?”
Chloe thought about the time Nathan had parked in a no-parking zone and his Range Rover had been towed. He’d thought it had been stolen and he’d totally freaked out.
This Nathan was nothing like that.
“You’ve changed,” she said, kind of astonished at the truth of it.
A bark of laughter left his mouth. “You just noticed? Because I’ve been trying to tell you that ever since I got home.”
Slowly nodding, Chloe turned her body to indicate that she wanted to keep walking, and hand in hand, they continued on, their steps unhurried.
This Nathan—easygoing, wanting to please her, genuinely caring, and still supremely hot—she liked him. More than she ever had before.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked as they walked along the shady trail.
Chloe turned and looked at him, her heart skipping a beat to know he was into her. She’d been crazy about him for years and had only dreamed he would feel the same. Now though, with their fingers intertwined and his attention completely on her, she felt a happiness that she hadn’t felt… Well, ever.
“I’m thinking,” she began, “that being stuck on an island all by yourself obviously made you reconsider what’s really important.”
A sardonic smile curved his lips. “Now you’re getting it.”
Realizing that her thoughts weren’t automatically going to Lisa like they usually did when thinking about Nathan and the cruise, Chloe knew she was actually starting to move past her grief and anger. A sense of relief that she might be able to get on with her life swept over her and she softly exhaled as peace flowed over her. Then her thoughts turned to what it must have been like for Nathan—all alone and not knowing if he would live to see another day. “How did you survive?” she asked as she gazed at him, her voice soft. “On that island?”
Nathan got a faraway look as he turned to face the direction they were going.
Maybe she shouldn’t have asked. Maybe the memories were too painful. If she was stuck on an island in the middle of the ocean and had to survive by her wits, she wouldn’t have made it.
Studying Nathan’s profile as he stared into the distance, it hit her. He was as prone to mistakes and fallibility as anyone else. He was just as human as she was. Yet he had survived for a year, all alone on an island. He was incredible.
Chapter Twenty-Three
This was the first time when someone had asked about his experience that Nathan actually wanted to give an answer. With Chloe’s hand in his, he felt such a connection to her that he wanted her to know his every thought and feeling.
“You don’t have to tell me,” she said, her voice soft and her expression tender.
“No,” he said as a smile slowly curved his lips. “I want to.”
She smiled back, a smile filled with a warmth he hadn’t seen on her face since he’d returned home.
She was softening toward
him. He had no doubt. And it thrilled him. There had been a shift in their relationship, a shift in the right direction, a shift that he’d been working toward from the moment he’d laid eyes on her several weeks earlier.
Right then it felt as if they were the only two people in the world—it almost reminded him of how he’d felt on the island. Except for one major difference. This time Chloe was with him and she was the only person in the world he wanted to be with. He imagined what it would have been like to be stranded on the island with Chloe. It wouldn’t have been the torture he’d experienced. It would have been paradise.
Now, as he looked into Chloe’s sky-blue eyes, he felt a closeness to her that he’d never felt with another living soul. Ever.
That’s when he knew.
He was in love with her.
Stunned, he completely forgot about the question she’d just asked and instead focused on what he was feeling at that moment—the warmth of his love for her, the softness of her hand in his, the comfort of her presence beside him. It felt so good and so right. She’d been his best friend for what felt like forever. But now he wanted something much deeper than friendship. He just hoped she would eventually feel the same.
Gazing at her sweet face, he wanted to blurt out his feelings, but after the work it had taken to get to this point he didn’t want to scare her away. Instead, he would bide his time and wait for the right moment.
“Let’s sit,” he said as his gaze swept the area. A grouping of large boulders was nestled off to the side of the trail. Nathan led Chloe to them before releasing her hand so they could face each other as they sat.
“Before you start,” she said, “I just have to say…” She shook her head. “Without even knowing what you dealt with, I think…I think you’re incredible. For surviving against what must have been unbelievable odds.”
Her words filled him with peace. Not only because of the admiration she plainly felt, but because he could sense that she was beginning to forgive him for Lisa’s death. Then he knew. Until she forgave him he would never be able to forgive himself. He needed her forgiveness. Desperately. But he had to earn it, had to prove himself worthy of it. He could only hope she would find it in her heart to forgive him.
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