She wasn’t sure she knew who the real her was. But she gave him a nod and for the first time in a long time, hope filled her.
She just prayed she wasn’t making a huge mistake.
“I’ll help you with whatever you need.”
“It’s so romantic. Having to help me on and off the toilet. Not that I’m saying there needs to be romance between us. I mean, obviously, I know this isn’t that. . .” Fuck. Shut. Up. Eden.
She forced herself to look up at him, prepared to see him looking uncomfortable or maybe even annoyed. Or worse, that she would see pity in his eyes. She didn’t think she could take that.
Instead, his eyes were filled with warmth. Understanding. “You’re scared. I get why.”
Did he? Did he know she was freaking terrified that he was so far under her shields that she’d never be able to keep him out again? That he was part of her now and to lose him would tear her in two? Did he know that was why she had verbal diarrhea? Fuck. The last thing she wanted was to have the guy she had dreamed about for years helping her go to the damn toilet.
“Eden, look at me. Look at me, baby girl.”
She hadn’t realized she’d closed her eyes. It would be so much easier if he’d just let her hide. But that wasn’t Zeke’s style. He didn’t shy away from anything.
She stared into his gray eyes. “I get this is hard for you. Last thing I want to do is make you feel embarrassed or for you to be afraid to tell me what you need. But you have to know I consider it a privilege to help you in whatever way you need me.”
“It’s beyond the call of duty.”
“You forget who you’re talking to. Taking care of you is the reason I was put on this earth.”
“That’s a really cheesy line,” she whispered hoarsely. But on the inside, hope soared. It couldn’t be real. Zeke thought he wanted her, but he hadn’t been around her for any length of time. Not like this. And she wasn’t just concerned about her broken body putting him off, it was far less messed up than her broken mind.
Maybe he could help you put yourself back together.
And maybe she’d just end up pulling him apart.
He grinned at her. “Might be cheesy but it’s the truth. I mean it, Eden. Taking care of you, in all ways, is a privilege. One I don’t take lightly. For much of my life I had no control. I was put in whatever foster home my social worker could find for me. I stopped caring about people because I didn’t know when I would be ripped away from them. Nobody ever needed me. Just me. It might not be what other people want or what they think is healthy. But I have to be needed. I want you to know what I need out of this. Then there can’t be any confusion.”
She’d never thought about his needs. Fuck. When had she become such a selfish cow? It had all been about her. Zeke’s childhood had been hell and he’d risen above it all to become the man he was now.
What had she done? Wallowed in self-pity?
“I swore when I claimed someone, I would never let her go. And I would do everything to keep her. I get that you’re scared of what you feel for me, of what this is between us. I get that you don’t want to be vulnerable to me. But what you have to understand is that there is nothing about you that could ever turn me off or disgust me or whatever else it is that you think I might feel. I want this, Eden. The more you let me help you, the more it fulfills that part of me that needs to be needed. Can you give me that much? Let me help you?”
“I’ll try,” she whispered. “I’m used to doing as much as I can myself.”
“I know you are. I don’t want to rip that away from you. But there are times when you will require more help than others. Like now. I don’t want you to keep anything from me out of embarrassment. And when you are Little, I’ll want more. I’ll demand it.”
She nodded. She got that. She might not have much experience with being a Little, but she lived with one. She got it. Being Little meant she could give away all those adult worries like embarrassment and just be. That night he had spent with her, he’d given her privacy when she’d needed to take care of more personal things. But he was right, she needed him more now. She wasn’t in a familiar place. She didn’t have all the tools she needed to care for herself.
But she had him.
“It’s easier to accept help when I’m Little.”
“Then we’ll make sure you have plenty of Little time,” he said simply.
“I really think you should stay away from me.”
“No,” he said firmly. “I’m not going anywhere, Eden. I’ve wanted you for the longest time. I don’t care what’s going on in here,” he tapped her forehead, “no, wait that’s wrong.” He took a deep breath, let it out slowly. “Look, give me a problem I can fix with my hands and I’m there. Emotional stuff I’m not so good at it. But if you need me to hold you, I’m here. If you need me to step in and be the bad guy, I’m here. You need someone to tell you that you’re beautiful and kind and smart and loyal, then I can do that, every day, every hour if that’s what you require to believe it. If you need someone to give you boundaries, discipline, protection, love, baby, I’m that guy. I can do all of it. But only if you let me.”
“All right. I’ll try. I can’t make any promises, though.”
“So while we’re here you’ll obey any rules I think you need for safety? You’ll let me be in charge? Whether you’re Little or not?”
“It was meant to be just one night.”
“You need more than one night, princess. Your Little is part of you. And denying her is hurting you. We barely touched the surface that night six weeks ago and a few hours later, you shut me out completely. That won’t happen again. We don’t know how long we’ll be here, so you’ve got to be prepared for that. And for me stepping things up several notches.”
He watched her eyes fill with worry. He knew he was pushing her. And she could well refuse him. But this could also be the break he was looking for.
He rubbed a thumb over her cheek. “Unless you think you can’t handle me?”
She narrowed her gaze at him. “Was that a dare?”
He hid his amusement. “Are you turning me down?”
He knew she wouldn’t be able to resist.
“I’ll still have a safeword?”
“Of course.”
“All right,” she said hesitantly.
“Then let’s see what we can do to get you back to sleep.”
“I really won’t be able to sleep again. I already told you that I rarely sleep more than a few hours a night. I haven’t in years.”
He frowned. “That’s not healthy. Has no one ever tried to help you with that? Clint? Kent?”
“When I was younger, they took me to sleep specialists.”
“But not recently?”
“I, um, might hide how much it affects me.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Meaning you’ve been lying to them.”
She bit at her lip, looking at him hesitantly. “Yes, I guess.”
“That’s very naughty, little girl. Lying will get you into big trouble. But since you haven’t lied to me, I won’t be punishing you for it. However, I am going to look into what I can to help you sleep. Because I don’t like the idea of you only getting a few hours. This also means you will definitely be having naps for the foreseeable future. Whether you are big or Little.”
She dropped her lower lip in a pout, but he kept his face stern.
“Now, let’s see what I can do about getting you to sleep.” He gave her a heated look. “I’ve been dying to touch you again, baby. To kiss you, taste you, make you scream with pleasure.”
She blushed. He gazed down at her intently as he rolled her to her back. Then he pushed her nightgown up her body, slowly kissing his way up her stomach until her breasts were bared. He moved over her, pressing her legs apart so he could nestle between them. He placed his forearms on the mattress on either side of her before lowering his mouth to her nipples.
Holy shit. That felt so good.
“You’re so wet.
Are you aroused, baby?”
“When aren’t I aroused around you?” she muttered. Whoops. She froze as she realized what she just said. He leaned up and stared down at her. Then he gave her the best gift she’d ever received.
He smiled at her.
A genuine Zeke Jonas smile. They were a rare and beautiful thing.
“Glad to know that, princess. Because I feel the same damn way.”
Her clit throbbed; her whole body was on fire. He licked at the tight nipple before gently biting down and tugging on it. She swore she felt that tug on her clit. Then he kissed his way over to her other nipple, worshipping it as well.
Fuck if this was a taste of what she had coming when he finally got around to giving her that punishment, then she was in so much trouble.
So. Much. Trouble.
Just when she was about to beg him to stop, he started kissing her stomach. He licked his way down to the top of her mound. “Have you lost weight, princess?”
She stiffened. She’d noticed the waistband on her pants were a little loose. She hadn’t had much of an appetite since she’d. . .since she’d told him to go. But how did he know that?
He’d scooted down the bed so now he lay fully between her legs, which were pushed well apart so he could see everything.
“Maybe we should turn off the light,” she squeaked.
“No way, princess. I want to see all of your beautiful body. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Although I’ve noticed you still haven’t answered my question.”
Well. Crap.
“Why do you care?”
He just shot her a look. Right. He’d told her over and over that he cared about her.
Her. Eden Jensen. The woman that had spent years snapping at him in order to keep him at arm’s length.
“I haven’t had much of an appetite,” she admitted.
He nodded but didn’t say anything else. Was it weird to say she was kind of disappointed? Definitely surprised. He was usually so overprotective. He reached out and spread the lips of her pussy. She closed her eyes. Fuck. This was embarrassing. No one but her gynecologist had seen her down there.
“Now, that’s the prettiest damn pussy I’ve ever seen.”
“You’ve seen a lot?” she snapped. “You going to grade them? And why the hell do they call them pussies? Don’t you think. . .” She let out a groan as he leaned in and took a long lick of her.
“Sh, baby,” he murmured. “You’re nervous. But you don’t have to be. I’m right here. And no matter how many times I’ve been with another woman, this is my first time with you. It’s special. If I have my way, which I plan to, you’ll be the only woman I’ll do this with from now on.”
Oh fuck. Did he just say that?
But then all thought fled her mind as he licked her clit. Holy fucking Christ. How could that feel so good? He took her tight nub into his mouth before flicking it again with his tongue. Then he moved lower, towards her passage, driving his tongue deep inside her.
Shit!
Her vision went black. It was like nothing she’d felt before. She’d no clue this is what it would feel like to have someone place their mouth on her. Amazing. Overwhelming.
“Fuck, you’re delicious. I can see I’m going to be spending most of my time here, eating you out.”
Oh hell. Those words. Maybe they should have embarrassed her rather than making her even hornier. He drove her insane. Her head thrashed back and forth on the pillow, sweat coating her skin, her breath coming in sharp pants.
“Zeke! Zeke!”
“Come, baby. I’m right here. I’ll never let you fall. I’m here. Come for me now.”
And she crashed. The orgasm washing through her, sending the world around her spiraling. As she came down from her high, he rolled her onto her side then tucked himself in behind, cradling her. She could feel his hardness pressing against her.
“That was truly stupendous.” She still felt like she was flying.
He kissed along her neck. “Glad you thought so.”
“What about you, though?” Amazingly, she felt so relaxed that she was almost asleep. Maybe he was right when he said he could help her with her insomnia.
“I can wait. For you, I’d wait forever.”
Hell. Who knew what a charmer he could be?
She was in so much trouble.
13
She looked down at the plate of food in shock. It was piled high with scrambled eggs, bacon and toast. It was enough to feed four people.
When she’d woken up, she’d felt his hard cock pressing into her back. He hadn’t said anything about his arousal, though. So she hadn’t mentioned it either, even though she felt kind of bad. She didn’t know how to ask him if he wanted her to do something. . .hell, she wasn’t even sure what to do. She knew the logistics of it all, of course. But she’d never actually done anything.
What if she was crap? Would he realize he’d made a mistake about her and change his mind?
Of course, he wouldn’t. This isn’t about sex.
No, it was about much more. And that still scared the shit out of her.
“You’re not eating, princess.”
“Um, just wondering when the football team is arriving to help us with all this,” she joked.
“You’ve lost weight, Eden. Weight you didn’t have to lose. I want you to make a good dent in that.” His voice was stern. Authoritative.
She sighed. “I’m not in danger of being too skinny. I could afford to lose that weight. Probably a few more pounds too.”
“You don’t lose weight by not eating. Skinny doesn’t mean healthy,” he lectured. “And you won’t be skipping any meals on my watch. I want you taking in some proper nutrients.”
“But proper nutrients are just so boring. I’d rather take my calories in with ice cream.”
He shook his head but she saw his lips twitch. “Eat. We’re going for a workout and you’ll need the energy.”
“A workout?” She gaped at him as though he was speaking a foreign language. “I don’t workout.”
“You do now. You need to keep moving your muscles. Keep yourself strong and fit.”
She scowled at him, feeling like she was being lectured at. “This isn’t what I agreed to.”
“You agreed that I would take charge of your health and safety.”
“I’m healthy.”
“And I’m going to make sure you stay that way, by eating well and getting in some exercise.”
“I don’t have proper exercise clothes.” There, let’s see what he did with that.
“That’s okay. I’ve found you some clothes to wear.”
“Whose are they?” she asked suspiciously.
“Hayes, the guy who owns this cabin, they were his wife’s. She was a Little too.”
“You said she died?”
Sadness filled his face. “Yeah. She was a sweet thing. Kind, caring, a bit shy. But when she was in Little mode, she came out of her shell. And Hayes adored her. Fucking worshipped the ground she walked on. Here was this big, gruff Navy SEAL whose heart was owned by a woman who was everything to him. May didn’t do very well without him. He was getting out, about to retire when she died. It nearly killed him.”
“Poor man.”
“They used to come up here to play. They often brought friends too. There are other themed rooms. I don’t think he’s been here since she died.”
“Won’t Hayes be annoyed that I’m using her stuff?”
“No, baby. He told me to help myself. I know it’s weird but May would have helped anyone who needed it. She wouldn’t worry about you borrowing her clothes. And a lot of the stuff here was used by their friends when they came here to play. It’s more like it’s communal stuff.”
“How did she die?”
“Severe asthma attack. The next-door neighbor found her. Hayes was overseas at the time.”
“Oh God, that’s terrible.”
“Don’t think Hayes ever forgave himself. Even though it wasn’t his fau
lt, he felt like he should have been there for her.” He stared down at her. “Us daddies tend to be overprotective. We like to protect our Littles from anything and everything.”
Her body warmed at his words. He’d protected her. Stood between her and Duke last night even though she didn’t think the big biker intended to hurt her. But if he’d tried, then Zeke would have stopped him. She’d only ever felt that sort of protection from her brothers. And that was different. They were family.
Zeke was. . .she didn’t know exactly what he was.
More.
“You’ve stopped eating.”
“I’m full.”
He frowned as though he didn’t believe her.
“I really can’t eat this much.”
“All right. I laid out some workout gear for you. Do you need help getting changed?”
“I can get myself changed. I’m not completely helpless.”
“I didn’t say you were,” he told her mildly.
“Shouldn’t we be focusing on finding Keira rather than what I’m eating or working out?” she snipped.
“The others are taking care of finding Keira. There’s nothing either of us can do. I’m taking care of you. And I think before we go for a workout, we need to go over my rules.”
Well. Shit.
He turned her chair so she was facing him where he still sat at the table. He reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. It was such a tangled mess that she’d simply dragged it back into a ponytail. But a few strands had obviously broken free.
“First. You can’t use your phone. I’ll keep it charged and with me, in case Keira calls. I’ve turned off the location tracker just in case. You want to call your brothers, tell me. Hayes keeps a sat phone here for emergencies, so we’ll use that.”
That sounded fair enough.
“Second. And you already know this. There will be no talking down about yourself. I won’t stand for it. No one talks badly about my baby, including her.”
Daring Daddy (Montana Daddies Book 5) Page 13