by Jane Anthony
“Do you understand the rights I have just read to you?”
“I got it.”
Bob wraps his hamhock hand around my elbow, but Wren lunges forward. “Wait! No, you can’t do this!” she shouts.
“He’ll post bail as soon as he’s booked. Come down to the station when you can,” Bob grumbles.
Tears fall down her cheeks in tiny rivulets. She sobs my name one last time as Bob hooks his meaty fingers around my arm and drags me to the squad car.
CHAPTER 29
Wren
I HAVE TO SEE ASHER.
Shit.
I race around my tiny condo, throwing on clothes and shoes before running to my car. This is my fault, and I need to fix it.
Pulling in front of the Elliots’ house, I run across the frosty grass. My lungs burn in the frozen wind whisking across my tearstained cheeks. The bell chimes a tune beyond the door. I sit and wait, my heart slamming against my ribcage as the door opens and Asher stands on the other side.
“Hi.” I wipe my face and slide my hands up over my hairline. “Can we talk?”
“Wren.” He pushes the door open enough to let me in, then closes it behind us. Bruises have already begun to take shape around his eye, his split lip crusted with dried blood. “Unless you’ve come to thank me for my gift, I have nothing left to say to any of you.”
“You can’t press charges on him.”
A sarcastic grunt rumbles in his chest. “He came into my home and attacked me.”
“And that was wrong, but you can still do the right thing. You owe me that much.”
He lifts a questioning brow.
I wander across the foyer, trying to get my jumbled thoughts in order. Everything inside me spins at once, my jittery nerves about to take flight. “For all the other women you brought to your bed while we were together.”
His jaw clenches as he grinds his teeth. “Jesse tell you that?”
I swallow hard, standing my ground. “He didn’t have to.”
His gaze softens around the corners as he stands in awkward silence before speaking. “Sex is entertainment. Intimacy is a privilege I shared only with you.”
“That’s supposed to make me feel better?” I ask with a hard glare. “What if I came to you and said I balled a bunch of guys while we were together, but that’s okay because I didn’t love them.”
A shadow passes over Asher’s face. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“I know.” I shrug. “You are who you are, and I accepted that a long time ago, but you’re not a lost cause. I know there’s goodness inside you. Hiding beneath the lies and deceit is a man who’s dedicated his life to justice.”
“So, my repentance for being unfaithful is to let the man who stole my girlfriend and bloodied my face walk free?”
Rolling my eyes, I throw my hands up in frustration. “They took him away in handcuffs. He’s not a criminal.”
He grabs my arms and twists me to face him. “Look at my face, Wren,” he seethes, pointing up at purple blobs muddling his angry expression. “How am I supposed to go before a judge looking like I just stepped away from a prize fight? Do you have any idea what this does to my credibility?”
“Please,” I beg, fingers subconsciously moving over my bloated midsection.
Asher’s gaze drops between us. A sound rumbles in his chest, a gurgle of fear that rattles out loud as he tears open my coat.
Confused horror slashes across his features. He steps back, his jaw dropping at the sight of my pregnant body.
“Surprise,” I stutter with a nervous snicker.
He lifts his hand, pointing at my stomach as if it’s Godzilla coming to smash the village. “What . . . When . . . How . . .?” He jams his eyes closed, shaking sense into his own head before opening them again. “Mine?”
“Yes,” I whisper, running my palm protectively over it.
His face rotates through a kaleidoscope of colors, from blush to scarlet, then red before settling on a deep shade of burgundy. The silence sways between us like a guillotine.
“Say something,” I plead. I don’t care what it is. Anything to break this deafening quiet crushing my eardrums like a tin can.
I half expect him to tell me to go to hell. To deny what I’m carrying and turn away, but I do not expect what happens next.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice is clear and calm as a bubbling brook.
I stare at the man I almost married, unsure of how to respond. I prepared for a war, but there’s no fight inside Asher’s eyes. Just utter surprise and a smooth softness I’ve never seen.
“After the way we left things, I wasn’t sure how to bring it up,” I answer honestly. “Then Jesse and I . . .” Guilt floods my insides. I drop my gaze without completing my statement.
“You’re in love with Jesse,” he finishes for me.
I keep my gaze fixed on the floor. “He’s the air that I breathe.” My voice strains over the rock in my throat.
Asher’s glare burns me to dust. I glance up through damp lashes as he moves closer and lifts his shaky hand. “May I?”
I nod. With trembling fingers, he presses his warm palm to my stomach. The baby responds with a series of kicks that brings a gasp to his throat. “It moved.”
“It does that.” A smile breaks through the crushing emotion sitting on my chest. “We find out the sex next month.”
“We.” It’s more of a morose statement than a question.
I lift my hand to his forearm and lightly grasp. “Jesse and me. But he can’t do it from prison.”
His mouth twists in a scowl. He snatches his hand back and crosses his arms over his chest. “So you were just going to raise my baby with someone else, is that right? I bet he thinks it’s his,” he snarls.
“He knows it’s yours, and he doesn’t care. Because that’s what love is, Asher. Acceptance.”
“No. I refuse.”
The calm has passed, and the storm rears its ugly head, threatening to blow us both away with its violent squall. It rolls up my cheeks, cracking inside me like thunder and lightning. “I don’t remember giving you an option.” I curl my arm around my middle as if I can protect it.
“I have rights.”
Tears burn my eyes, but I blink them back, sucking in huge gusts of air. “Are you threatening me?”
“Just stating a fact.”
“What do you want?” My voice trembles again, only this time, it’s not the sweetness blowing me away. It’s the fear sliding down my throat, making it hard to speak.
“I want my kid to know me.”
“And?”
“I want him to carry the Elliot name, after a paternity test.”
I narrow my gaze. “You think I would lie to you about this? Unlike you, I didn’t sleep around. I stayed true.”
“So you say.”
I swallow hard, contemplating his requests. Asher in my life feels like a noose tied around my neck, but the fact remains. He not only has rights, but he has the law on his side and the ability to make my life miserable if I don’t relent.
And he has Jesse.
My sweet Jesse sitting in a jail cell on Christmas morning.
“Okay. And you drop the charges on Jesse?”
He pulls his dark brows together. “That wasn’t part of the deal.”
“There’s no deal without him. For Christ’s sake, Ash, it’s Christmas. Be a decent human being. For once in your life.”
The slow rise and fall of his chest tell me I’ve backed him in a corner. His lips twitch; his jaw clenches. The minutes before he nods his head feel endless, but reason wins out in the end.
CHAPTER 30
Jesse
PAIN RADIATES UP my forearm as I sit in my cell. My heels pressed into the metal bench beneath me, I rest my head on my knees, licking my wounds.
I’m a hotheaded asshole who landed himself in jail on Christmas morning. That’s got to be a new low, even for me.
That first hit was exhilarating. Hearing his bone
s crack against my fist, that crimson splatter flying from his lips. He had it coming. He’d been begging for an ass kicking since the day we met, but I held back for Wren’s sake. All I needed was a reason. And he gave me one.
Still. The look on Wren’s face continues to haunt me as I rot in the ten-by-ten cage waiting to be processed. The fiery fury mixing with remorse. Red cheeks burning under hot tears. She looked at me as though I was a monster. A stranger.
I feel like one.
Something inside me snapped when my mom dropped that bomb. It’s as if her admission was a switch that triggered the beast within me. Anger runs through my veins like a noxious gas.
I can’t control it.
It controls me.
I’m a puppet pulled by violent strings. An untamed animal ready to strike without warning.
I don’t know who I am anymore.
All I know is I love Wren. And I’ll do anything to make her happy, safe, and cared for. Protected. Her and her baby.
The thought caves in my chest like a sucken hole. When did I start referring to it as hers? From the moment she told me, I staked my claim.
“Dylan!” Bob comes around and unlocks the cell and slides the door open with a clang. “You’re free to go.”
“I am?”
Bob chucks a thumb over his shoulder as I drop my feet to the floor. “Charges have been dropped.”
Asher isn’t pressing charges? It’s a goddamned Christmas miracle, take two.
“You’re one lucky sonofabitch, you know that?”
Thoughts of Wren still cling to my mind. Her face, her smile, the sweet way she says she loves me. “I truly am, Bob.”
He claps me on the shoulder as I pass, his meaty fingers digging into my flesh. “I don’t want to see you back here again.”
“Merry Christmas,” I tell him with a smirk as I saunter out of the holding cell. It’s still early enough. Maybe Wren and I can put this whole thing behind us and enjoy what’s left of the holiday I ruined. I hope it’s not too late.
But as I round the corner, the high hopes I had for moving past this blip harden into a ball of regret that grows steadily the closer I get. My beautiful Bird sits idly by waiting for my release. She shines like the sun, her gorgeous glow gleaming in the dim surroundings.
A lost memory rips from my subconscious. My mom and I sitting on that very couch, waiting for my dad. Funny how memories work. It’s something I hadn’t thought about in years, but standing on the other side of the glass, it feels like yesterday. My feet pushed into dirty old sneakers that felt too tight. Still half asleep, I shivered in my pajamas, hugging my teddy to my chest. “How much longer, Mama?” But my mom didn’t answer. She simply wrapped her loving arm around my shoulders and urged me to go back to sleep.
Panic rises in my chest. This isn’t the life I promised her. Spending her holiday at the police station awaiting my release. She should be home with her family celebrating. Another thing she can’t do because of me.
It’s all because of me.
The door opens, breaking my melancholy trip down memory lane. Asher walks in with a coffee in each hand. She smiles, takes his offering, and scoots over, allowing him to sit.
A sick feeling settles in my gut. I wanted her so badly I was blind to the truth. Even now, with chafe marks burning each wrist, I can delude myself into thinking I’m the right guy for her. The one who can give her everything she deserves. But the truth has been pounded into me since as far back as I can remember. Her father was right. They’re all right.
I’m a loser.
I’ve always been a loser, yet somehow, I’ve convinced this amazing woman that she loves me.
The only thing I have to offer is misery. We’re happy now, but eventually, she’ll be sitting in that seat with our son beside her in the middle of the night asking where his dad is.
“He’s right there,” I mutter to myself, my gaze falling on Asher.
Now I know why he dropped the charges. He did it for her. Beating down his door like a madman accomplished the exact opposite of my goal. I drove her back to him. That was his plan, no doubt. To watch me go down in flames as he swoops in to take back what was his before my abrupt arrival. I should have known it would end this way.
Nice guys finish last.
Rich guys get the girl.
I allow my mind to travel to that alternate reality. One where she’s his, living in that mansion on the hill. She was happy with him before I came back. I want her to be happy again, even if it means my heart has to break. That’s what love is. It’s putting her needs before my own.
I hold my breath until it burns. This is what it will feel like. Loving Wren is like breathing; her love is the air expanding my lungs. I can’t live without it. But I have to.
For her sake.
For the baby’s sake.
I push through the door and mosey into the waiting area.
“Thank God,” she murmurs, throwing her arms around my neck. “It took forever. I wasn’t sure if they were going to let you out today.”
Her words are a knife twisting my gut. I pull away from her warm embrace and focus on the man next to her. “Sorry about your face, man. Thanks for not letting me rot in prison.”
Pursing his lips, he nods his head. The urge to smack the smug look off his face makes my fingers twitch, but I refrain. There’s no reason to. I can admit when I’ve lost.
Instead, I turn away and wander under the dusky sky. Cold and dreary, the smell of snow blowing in on the frigid breeze matches my insides. A frozen heart wrapped in ice.
“Thanks, Asher. I’ll let you know about the next appointment, okay?”
“Yeah. Great. Enjoy the rest of your holiday,” he grumbles and falls into the seat of his BMW.
“Let’s go home,” Wren says, linking her arm in mine. A pink hue colors her cheeks and the tip of her nose. She beams up at me, a small white cloud billowing from her lips. I add this moment to my bank of memories. I want to keep it. The sight of her, pink and perfect, shining against a backdrop of mournful gray. My bird. It’s time for her to fly away.
“What appointment?” I ask, climbing into the passenger seat of her Dodge Neon. An orange-scented pine tree sways from the rearview as she slides in beside me. It smells strangely of orange Tic Tacs, a fragrance so strong I can almost taste it on my tongue.
“The gender appointment. I thought it would be nice if he came.”
“Without even talking to me first?”
When she turns the key, the engine sputters before revving to life. She sits back, letting it warm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think I needed your permission.”
Flurries whir around us. I watch them spin and dance as they pirouette through the evening air. I can’t look at her right now. Not when all I want to do is pull her into my arms and steal her mouth. “I didn’t say you needed my permission.”
“Then why the interrogation?”
A sharp breath pops between my lips. “I just got out of prison. Excuse me for being ornery.”
“Life on the inside was hard, huh?” she jokes with a small smirk. “You weren’t anyone’s bitch while you were in there, were you?” She taps me with her elbow before throwing the car in gear and pulling away from the lot.
“You’re not funny, Wren.”
She furrows a brow and chucks a quick glance in my direction. “Okay, sorry,” she spits. “Whatever.”
We drive home in heavy silence. The weight of it bearing down, crushing my shoulders until it’s a burden to even lift my head. Another second, and I’ll go mad.
I jump from the car as she pulls in front of the door, and she follows me out. “What the hell is your problem, Jesse?”
Unlocking the door, I throw it open and stomp inside. “The second I turn my back, there you are cozying up with ole Asher.”
She winces as if I’ve smacked her. I may as well have. That accusation is beneath me, but it’s the best way to rile her up enough to throw me out. “Are you serious right now? He’s t
he one who got you out of jail. If it wasn’t for Asher, you’d still be in there.”
“If it wasn’t for Asher, I wouldn’t have been in there at all,” I growl.
“No one made you run over there and beat him up like a lunatic. You did that all on your own.”
Her chest puffs as I move in closer. “Face it, Wren. The man still makes you wet, and you know it.”
The sting of her slap catches me off guard. I stumble back, clutching my cheek as my pride tumbles across the floor between us. I should have stayed in Cooperstown. All I’ve done here is create problems for everyone. “Bitch,” I sneer.
A crimson flush sneaks up her cheeks like napalm. “Asshole!” she shouts. Her olive eyes darken to a misty shade of moss. “Why are you being like this? This isn’t you.”
“You made me this way.”
“Me?” Her brows shoot up to her hairline.
My mouth curves into a maniacal scowl. “You and all your bullshit problems. You have me on a goddamned leash, and you love it. I’m the guy you call when you need something, and I’m always stupid enough to run the second you do. It’s always been that way, ever since we were kids. You say jump, I say how high.”
The words leave my mouth and turn back on me as buckshot filling my chest full of holes. Every syllable hurts to say, but I force them out anyway. She needs to hate me the way I hate myself.
Her lips part in a stunned expression. “That’s not true.”
“It is, and I’m sick of it.”
A wave of emotion crests her lash line. She pushes her lips together, tamping down the trembling that has me wanting to kick my own ass.
“Wow. That’s way harsh, Jess.”
I’m a walking pile of shit that never deserved her.
“The truth hurts, little Bird.”
The pulse in her neck jumps. She squares her shoulders, crossing her arms over her chest. “No one’s keeping you here, Jess. If you want to leave, there’s the door.”
“You’d love that, wouldn’t you? Move me out so you can move Asher right in to take my place. One big happy fuckin’ family.”
“I don’t want Asher, Jesse. And if this is how you’re gonna be, I don’t want you either.” Still wearing her coat, she turns back toward the door. “I’m going for a drive. You can either stay here and feel sorry for yourself, or pack your shit and leave. Either way, I’m done.”