“Past a certain point, they aren’t mine to decide.”
“What’s to decide? What are the options?”
“I thought that would be obvious. You all but said it yourself.”
“Just say it.”
“Forget or… die.”
She says it so matter of fact and without any malice that Felix is waiting for her to crack a smile or something.
Felix chuckles mirthlessly and says, “You’re serious. Just kill me?”
“Not ‘just’. It won’t be quick or easy like say… a bullet in the brain.” She shoots a quick poison-tipped smile before returning to genuine concern. “Trouble cases get fast-tracked to the top of the donor list. It could take years for you to die and I can’t bear the thought of you in that much pain. Not you. You hurt me bad but… you still don’t deserve that.”
Felix says, “Why can’t I just move away or something? Play dumb? Start over?”
“Believe me, I know how this all sounds… but this is not a game to them. They don’t leave things to chance or choice. I’ve done all I can and this is your last chance.”
“‘Donor list’? ‘Them’? Audrey, what are you?”
Her distortions glitch and pulse with more intensity.
“Still so curious? I haven’t forgiven you yet, boy. I don’t really owe you anything, do I? How about I put it this way… Strange as it sounds, what I am has almost nothing to do with this. What I’ve done has a bit more. And who I am has everything to do with it. But it really, really doesn’t matter now. You should have just taken your medicine. Let me take you there before this last kindness is revoked.”
“So what… I just go with you and they zap me and we’re happy ever after?” Felix asks, trying to fight the ton of bricks feeling of defeat pressing against his chest. He looks at Grieves playing with the panel in the wall again. Grieves looks back at him and smiles.
“I-iht’s ttinguhlly… it’stingly-tingly– it’s tingly I like it.”
The last part becomes clearer than usually; more normal sounding, which makes it odd. Felix looks at the panel more closely.
Audrey looks at Grieves and makes a disgusted face then back at Felix and answers, “Yes. Simple as that. It won’t ever come up again. We’ll go and I can give them that awful camera and that will be the end of it.”
“What about the camera?”
“They thought they got them all with the recall and had teams buying or stealing the rest to destroy them. I won’t ask where you got that one. As long as you don’t have one, I don’t care what happens to them.”
Felix looks at the HDV-426 on Hirofumi’s metal desk and Hirofumi is a little more visible as a result but still looks more like a partially filled-in silhouette. Felix can just make out his bewildered expression and it hits him how strange his side of the conversation with Audrey must sound without context of the full thing. She’s right. I’m finished. Only one thing I can do.
Felix bows his head a little and starts walking toward Audrey and Kaori like a scolded child. Audrey smiles, relieved. Kaori seems to relax a little too but it’s hard to tell with Audrey’s spell or trick making everything but herself fuzzy and dark.
He gently grasps Kaori’s upper arms and says, “I’m really sorry.” He pulls her in and kisses her forehead. “Just remember to breathe.”
“Nah-zhay?” Kaori asks, curious why she should.
Felix throws Kaori onto the puffy couch next to Yevgeny, lunges toward Grieves and the panel, pries it open, and throws a set of main breaker switches Grieves has been molesting.
The room goes pitch black and Felix hears frustrated and confused murmurs from the people out in the warehouse at the home/free terminals. The only lights are Audrey’s swirling distortions, a faint glow from Grieves’s head and hands, and the buttons on the HDV-426. Grieves looks around like he noticed a change but can’t place it.
Kaori starts screaming and won’t stop, Yevgeny chortles, and Hirofumi yells, “FELIX!” Oscar groans and it sounds like he’s sliding his hands on the wall behind the couch to keep his balance on the couch arm.
Felix can’t tell if Audrey can see in the dark but he hopes not. Her pulsing eyes are reflecting the burning glow from around her face and head but they are darting around the room so he might have a shot. He jumps back to the metal desk and wrenches the camera from its connected cables and fumbles for the power switch to extinguish the little lights but he can’t find it.
Fuck it– Just go!
He cradles the camera like a football and goes for his best interpretation of the Heisman Trophy. He grabs his pack in one hand, slings it over a shoulder, and barrels through the room toward the door, fumbling through Oscar and Hirofumi’s flailing arms and legs.
Hirofumi yells, “Felix, you ASSHOLE! My SERVERS and my– FUUUUCK!” Then he’s so mad he’s cursing a long string in Japanese.
Kaori can’t stop her high-pitched screaming and Yevgeny can’t stop laughing about it. Through his laughing he says, “You sound– …like Newt– …in water part!”
Felix can see the little mites glowing around his mouth and nose like bioluminescent deep-sea fauna and it makes his laughing face look like a dim mask in the dark.
As Felix is trying to brush past Audrey, her shark eyes lock on the little lights of the camera and an industrial hydraulic clamp locks around his wrist or it feels that way. He keeps rushing for the door but his arms stays behind with his hand now through the camera’s carry grip.
“REAL CUTE, FELIX!” Audrey chides in her shrill, room-vibrating angry voice. He pulls with everything he has but she won’t let go.
“OH, SORRY. DID I GIVE YOU THE IMPRESSION THAT I’M WEAK?! I’M GOING TO DRAG YOU OUT OF HERE AND LOCK YOU IN MY CAR! I’LL CALL FOR A RESTRAINT GURNEY WHEN WE GET TO THE CENTER AND WE’LL GET YOU DEALT WITH PROPERLY!”
Her other machine claw of a hand locks on his forearm and she starts pulling him back to her.
Felix strains and yells, “Fuck you! Let go of me!” He’s almost crying from the frustration and pain of pulling against her grip.
“I’M NOT HURTING YOU! YOU ARE HURTING YOURSELF PULLING LIKE THAT, IDIOT!”
Grieves notices that Felix is upset and that makes him upset. “Thatt-iss ver-ry rhooood. HowrudeIdon’tthinkHe– Liiikes yooudoingg-that.”
Grieves storms over to Audrey and Felix and passes through both of them with a static electric buzz and a flash before grabbing Felix’s free hand and pulling him away from Audrey. Her grip is still incredibly strong and it just becomes a tug of war game.
She seems breathless.
“GA! WHAT WAS THAT?! THAT FELT SO WEIRD! KEEP THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!”
Grieves looks back at her hands and Felix starts vibrating. He can feel it in his bones and pores and then pretty much everything. Felix’s body goes almost numb but the lack of normal feeling is replaced by the metal in a wall socket feeling. Then he can see through the now translucent camera and then the bones and tendons in his hands and they are glowing and Grieves pulls him out of Audrey’s grip through her fingers. He keeps pulling Felix along and pulls him through the wall that Hirofumi’s table and computer are set against. Felix gets a visual flash of the wiring and pipes running through the wall before they are through into a room Kaori uses for fashion design and drawing. It’s jet black inside but Felix knows the rough layout.
“Okay, okay! Thanks but let go!” Felix yells, his words echo in his head and reverberate strangely.
Grieves stops and lets go and Felix is instantly opaque, filled-in, and solid. Other than the definite astonishment, Felix is just glad his feet were out of the floor. Then a wave of nausea crashes on his stomach and he retches on a loose spool of yarn on a chair he can see faintly in the glow from Grieves.
“Oh, maaaaan…” Felix moans.
They hear Audrey and Hirofumi stumbling into the hallway and Grieves grabs Felix’s arm again.
As he goes all translucent and glowy again Felix tries to protest, “No don’t–” but h
e’s already looking through his clothes and skin and muscles again at his luminous bones and marrow and Grieves is leading him through the room.
Audrey and Hirofumi hurry down the hall perpendicular to Grieves’s path through the room he and Felix are in. Felix can hear Kaori sobbing and taking in stuttering breaths as she tries to feel her way out of the dark maze and he feels terrible. Then he hears Yevgeny mocking her through his amusement and it sounds like Oscar is trying to guide her out of the computer room. “It’s okay, sweetie. Come on.”
Grieves pulls Felix through the wall and into the hallway. Audrey must hear or feel his vibrations and looks back. She slows down as she watches Grieves steer Felix through the hall behind where she just was and through the other hallway wall and out of sight. Grieves keeps going through the dark room on the other side and through into another before veering toward the south wall and Felix has to squint as they emerge out onto Rincon and the dim but blinding light of the grey, rainy day.
Felix watches the rain shower down through his clothes and body before bursting on the concrete under his luminous, see-through boots and feet. Grieves lets go of Felix and he becomes solid again, forcing the rain out of his space with a shuddering spray. Felix stumbles toward the asphalt of the street itself but the nausea is worse this time and he retches hard down onto it and crumples to his hands and knees.
Through his teary eyes, he sees the Swede parked at a bad angle on the wrong side of the alley and realizes Audrey must have been upset and anxious to see him to show such a lack of control. What if she really does love me, whatever she is? For a moment, he regrets what he just did to escape her and any hope he had of forgetting all of this.
Grieves walks back through the corner of the warehouse over onto the covered walkway between it and the next one over and chastises what sounds like Audrey and Hirofumi as they rush toward–Shit!
As Felix hauls himself off the drenched street, he takes his pack off his shoulder and releases the top flap. He jams the HDV-426 down in between his clean socks, a t-shirt, and a bag of Double Stuf Oreos then takes his first few painful steps. Hirofumi whips around the corner of the warehouse and beelines for Felix with bare feet. I forgot how fast Hiro is, shit!
Felix picks up speed and goes into a dead sprint to keep some distance between them. They are in a mad dash and the distance between them gets shorter then longer then shorter again.
Hirofumi yells, “Stop, you shit! I’m hung over– Agh!” He runs over some sharp gravel on the street and sucks in air as he tries to keep pace through the pain. He slows to a limping jog and Felix looks back.
Hirofumi is slowing, but down by the warehouse Audrey is already starting up the Swede. This keeps Felix pumping his legs and he nears the corner of Rincon and 8th. As he’s rounding it, he looks back and sees Audrey driving up to Hirofumi and slowing down to let him in.
Felix slips and stutter-steps onto 8th and beats his feet toward the intersection of 8th and Folsom.
You’re running again, Felix. You hate running.
I know, I know. If I survive this day, I’m never running again! Believe that!
The Swede squeals around the corner behind Felix and quickly catches up to him going against traffic on the one way street.
She seems a little upset.
Audrey swerves to avoid the cars Felix is running between and paces him as she and Hirofumi yell and plead through open windows. He ignores them. She steers in close and Hirofumi stretches to try to grab Felix but he jukes away. She curses and speeds up some, getting a little ahead of him.
She’s going to cut me off!
Felix cuts at an angle to the sidewalk on his right and Audrey’s swerve maneuver misses. Face stinging from the pelting rain, he hauls ass up the sidewalk while she tries to pace him again.
He notices the light for the cross traffic streaming through the intersection turn yellow and hopes that she didn’t. He sprints full speed like he’s going to run through the intersection so she speeds up to cut him off again. He’s running so hard that his hat shifts on his head and meets some resistance. It’s blown off onto the wet street behind him and he imagines the Swede’s wheels crushing it like as under a tank tread.
The light turns red and the cross traffic eases to a stop as the cars lined up like stomping bulls start pulling into the intersection toward them. The first row of the motorized phalanx starts honking at the speeding Swede and Audrey looks forward.
She screams, “Shit!” and slams on her breaks too fast, sending the Swede into a slide. Felix can just see Hirofumi bracing himself by straightening his arms against the dash. The tires lose all traction and they hydroplane, barely missing the evading oncoming cars and only slowing when she trades paint with the side panels of a parked Escalade just past the intersection.
Felix puts on his brakes too or rather tries to and slips again, this time slapping down on the concrete full on his side and onto his holstered pistol. Ow. Well, “Gun-shaped Bruises” could be a good band name. Or song title. Probably song title.
He claws himself up and back to his feet with hands shaking from the pain and makes a break northeast up Folsom perpendicular to his initial path.
Audrey wrenches the Swede free from the Escalade and tries to turn around amidst a cacophony of honks and yelling from drivers and onlookers.
Felix keeps hoofing it and desperately searching for a way off this street before she catches up. He sees a “Dead End” sign near the entrance to a street on his right called Rodgers. For what it’s worth…
He cuts around the corner and runs down a line of cars parked on the left side of the dead end street. They’ll see me if I’m just running down the street like an idiot.
There’s a decent-sized first-gen hybrid car in the line so he runs in front of it and crouches by its front bumper and tucks himself in to hide. Except that there’s a middle-aged man sitting at the wheel reading something or playing a game on a tablet. Damn it! I just need a few seconds.
The man is pretty sucked into his tablet so– Nope. There it is. The man notices Felix and looks at him. He’s just confused at first then seems a little scared.
Felix raises his hand and gestures “It’s cool; just need a minute” but the man seems to misinterpret it and get mad now. He locks his doors and honks reluctantly. It looks like he’s never used his horn but right now it’s his only weapon against the mongrel hordes. Felix gives him a “what the hell, man?” look but it occurs to him how strange his panting, wide eyes, and sneaky crouching must look. That doesn’t change the fact that this asshole is going to get me caught!
The Swede blows down Folsom past Rodgers. Audrey is driving so fast Hirofumi only barely glances down the dead end street and doesn’t see Felix at all. It’s only a glimpse but Felix gathers that the side panels on the Swede are badly damaged and there’s a squealing he’s never heard before from what must be a thrown off alignment. And she is pissed for sure. He can see from her profile that her distortions have lost any control she had over them and the car interior looks like there’s someone on fire in the driver seat.
Felix rises and leans over the angry/terrified man inside his car. Felix flips him both birds, slaps them down on his windshield, spits on it, and knees the front panel above the wheel well. As he walks away, he slaps the driver window with the back of his hand. Yeah, he’ll probably call the cops but fuck him.
When he reaches the corner, he peaks around and up Folsom. The Swede is already two blocks down and burning up the street. There might as well be steam spraying off the tires. She’s really pissed.
The Swede cuts down a dead end street about a block down on the right called Hallam. Must have noticed I wasn’t in sight. Gotta get gone.
Felix cuts across Folsom and heads down to the corner of 8th where Audrey just had her demolition derby show. He hurries around it and heads up the sidewalk toward Market, keeping an ear and eye out for signs of the Swede. As he goes, he formulates a plan.
Okay, think… think…
/> Where can you go?
Where is it safe?
Europe? The UK? Japan? Hong Kong would be cool. No you’d have to deal with Visas and Passports and shit.
Howard Street.
And for all you know, it’s like this there… or worse.
What’s far from here but not so touchy ID-wise?
You should go to Hawaii, Felix. Fuck yeah. Just chill.
As long as you are frugal and don’t piss off the locals, you could be okay there probably.
Natoma Street.
I should have enough saved to get a last minute ticket and have enough fundage to keep me going until I can find like an under the table dish washing job or something.
Hell, I could probably sleep on the beach. People do that there, right? Actually, maybe not. Maybe it’s like Jamaica and it’s pretty but the actual place is totally different than you’d expect outside of tourist shit.
Minna Street.
Man, for all you know, they’ve got all this spooky weirdo shit over there too. How could they not?
It’s worth a shot, though. Just act normal. Quit taking the pills and just let yourself forget. Or maybe start preachin’ it in public and get gassed on purpose. Then it’s all surf wax and sunsets. Nothing to keep me here.
Mission Street.
Okay, it’s settled. Jump on the BART and head to SFO.
Felix continues up to Market and cuts up toward Civic Center Station.
I can drop Walter and Isidora a line when I get settled and tell them not to mention anything to the gang for a while if at all. Other than that, nothing’s keeping me here.
He reaches the stairwell and starts down the steps to the station.
Forget or die, huh? I think I’ll go hide somewhere and forget my own way. Everyone else I know who could see is dead already. Nothing’s keeping me–
Oh. Shit.
27
Felix takes another pill while he’s hustling up Grant toward Chinatown.
Can’t miss anything right now. Gotta stay sharp. Get in and out and fly the hell away.
As he passes through the gate at Grant and Bush, it occurs to him that his disguise is a dead giveaway now.
A Tear in the Veil Page 35