Every Time

by Lexy Timms

  “Whatever,” I said. “You’re pissed off because surgery and chemotherapy will expose to Bryan what’s going on with you because you’re scared of his reaction. You’re scared he’ll leave you, so you’re over there probably plotting on how to push him away. Holy hell, I can’t believe I ever wanted to be like you,” she said. “Tell me how you really feel, Anna.” “Fine. I will. You’re being pathetic. You’ve been diagnosed with an aggressive cancer, yes, but you’re allowing it to turn you into this weak little ... thing! Where’s the Hailey who taught me how to fight for what she wanted? Where’s the Hailey who convinced me to follow my dreams no matter what? Where’s the Hailey who broke her arm in seventh grade and still managed to ride the bus home before anyone knew about it so you wouldn’t upset anyone at school?” “Dying, apparently.” I leaned my forehead against the window as I heard Anna scoff. I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t hold back my tears any longer. I felt my entire body shaking as my chest began to hiccup, and suddenly Anna’s car was filled with my sobs. I felt her pull the car over before she reached out to me and placed my head on her chest. We sat there on the side of the road and cried into one another. I soaked Anna’s chest while her fingers ran through my faded blue hair, and all we could do was cry. I cried until I heaved, and then I cried until my body could no longer take my crying. “I’ve already caused him so much pain, Anna,” I said, sniffling. “I love him and I have to minimize his pain now. I have to make sure he’s happy.” “Then choose to live, Hailey,” Anna said. “Choose to fight for your life. Because you’re what makes him happy.” “But what if it doesn’t work, and I die anyway? He’ll be in the same position you are, crying while I wither away. I should encourage him to be with someone else, someone who’ll make him happy even after I’m gone.” “You’re such a fucking drama queen,” Anna said. “Always have been. Mom and Dad thought I was bad, but you were theworst.” I giggled a bit through my tears before I leaned myself up off her chest. “Sorry for the snot,” I said, sniffling. “Don’t worry. I got some in your hair,” she said. “Ew.” “Hailey, do you really not hear yourself when you talk? Even if I’m willing to keep your secret, you pushing Bryan into another woman’s arms is only going to break him further. He trusts you and loves you completely. You won’t be pushing your Bryan toward another woman, you’ll be pushing a tainted, battered, betrayed Bryan to another woman. And that’s not fair for her to clean up after your mess,” she said. “I don’t know what else to do,” I said, whispering. “Tell him, Hailey. That’s what you do. Choose to live, tell him, and have the fucking surgery. People care about you. Deal with it. And don’t you dare ask me to help you with this venture of pulling this shit on Bryan. I don’t support it, and it’ll never work. You know this.” I sighed heavily in my seat as Anna wiped at her face. Maybe she was right. Maybe that wasn’t the best way to go about things with Bryan. Maybe I needed to end things now before it got any worse. Maybe it was time for me to walk away from him. I’d have to find an appropriate time, and if I was going to do this surgery, I’d have to do it before then and before my body started withering away into nothing and my sickness was plastered all over my body. I felt Anna lurch back into the road as I settled my forehead onto the cool glass of her car window, and I sighed as I resigned myself to what I had to do. I’d have to end things with Bryan to save him from me.

  But holy hell, I was going to miss him.

  Chapter 11

  Bryan

  I t was the evening of the double date, and we were all sitting around the table. Anna was sitting beside Drew and Hailey was crooked underneath my arm in the booth. We’d all settled on Italian after establishing a day and time, and the moment I picked Hailey up, I knew something was wrong. She looked a bit paler than usual, and I had to ask and make sure she was still up for tonight. I didn’t want her sacrificing the little bit of energy she did have to do something like this for Drew and her sister. I told her I was more than willing to stay back with her and cook her some soup or just hold her for the night. But she insisted on coming out, and I was glad we did. The smile on her face while all four of us talked was wonderful. Though her skin did feel a bit cold, I tried to shy away from worrying so much about her. I wanted to enjoy the evening and make her feel as comfortable as possible because eventually, I wanted to hold her close to my body tonight. And she had sort of been bucking against that lately. “So, Drew. How’s the tattoo shop going?” Anna asked. “It’s actually coming along. The rental agreement kicked in at the beginning of this month, and my grand opening is set for the end of this month,” Drew said. “That’s awesome!” Anna exclaimed. “Are you getting excited?” “Well, right now I’m just excited to be here with you,” he said. Hailey threw a glance my way, and I couldn’t help but chuckle. “You look beautiful, by the way,” Drew said.

  “You don’t look half bad yourself,” Anna said. “I heard Hailey had a bit of a hand in developing your business.” “She did,” Drew said. “She gave me some color schemes that would have gone really well with the parlor as well as some basic layouts of how the interior should look to invite people in. I wanted an artisticestablishment, not just some rundown tattoo shop.” “Which ones did you end up going with, by the way?” Hailey asked. “I went with the green scale for the front room with silver accents. Then the two back rooms have that mermaid paint you pointed out along with brown accents. It looks really awesome. You should come by and check it out sometime,” Drew said. “I’d love that,” Hailey said, smiling. “How did you set up the interior?” “Plush chairs that line the walls and I’ll have music playing instead of a television. You walk in and the cash register’s on the right, sort of catty-corner, and there’s a small place where I’m gonna put refreshments and shit like that.” “Ooooh, that sounds really nice,” Anna said. “If you come by, I’ll give you the grand tour,” Drew said, grinning. “Let me know when she comes by, so I don’t come by until after you’re done disinfecting the place,” Hailey said. I threw my head back in laughter at her statement while Anna and Drew both blushed furiously. “So, Anna. How’s your work coming along?” I asked. “Eh, it’s a part-time job. I do enjoy it, but it’s not where I want to be for the rest of my life.” “Well, what’s your dream?” Drew asked. “Hah! You sound like Hailey. Well, I’ve always had this dream of singing on an opera stage for the rest of my life,” Anna said. “The Royal Opera House in London to be exact,” Hailey said.

  “I’m still a while off from pursuing that dream, but, I have to admit, I kind of miss the legal work.”

  “What?” Hailey asked.

  “I mean, not all of it. But there were always those clients who truly needed my help, and I loved getting them what they deserved,” Anna said. “I thought about maybe taking on some pro bono clients in my spare time when I’m not working my part-time job,” Anna said.

  “That actually doesn’t sound awful,” Hailey said, grinning. “How long have you been considering this?”

  “Eh, only for a few days. I wasn’t really sure about anything until now, but it’s still an idea I’m batting around,” Anna said.

  “Well, I think it’s a wonderful idea. It means you’ve got a big heart, and I like that in a woman,” Drew said.

  “Well, I’ve got few other things that are big in nature that I think you might enjoy,” Anna said.

  “That wasn’t even kind of subtle, sis.”

  “Wasn’t supposed to be,” Anna said.

  The waiter came and took our orders, and that’s when Hailey got quiet. She was active and enjoying the conversation when we first sat down, but now she seemed a little far off. Her eyes were settled onto the table, and her body was sort of laying cockeyed against mine, and every once in a while, her sister would shoot a wary glance at us while Drew absolutely talked her ear off.

  “Hey, you okay?” I asked.

  “Yeah. A bit of a headache,” she said.

  But it wasn’t just that. The palor of her skin was growing. Her hand had slid into mine, and I could fee
l it growing clammy. I started to worry about her. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her into me, and that’s when I noticed something.

  I noticed she was losing some weight.

  “Are you sure you want to stay? I’m more than willing to pack up our food and take you back to my place or something,” I said.

  “I promise I’m okay. I’ve just got to ride out this headache,” she said. She closed her eyes and laid her head on my shoulder while I held her close to my body. I wanted to warm her cold, clammy skin with my heat. I wanted to somehow breathe the color back into her skin. This was more than stress, more than a headache, and more than her just running ragged with the store. Something was very wrong, and the looks Drew was stealing of her told me he was seeing it, too. My eyes finally caught Anna’s, and I could’ve sworn she was trying to communicate with me. Her eyes were filled with unspoken words, and her jaw clenched with determination. I could tell she was crying out for me, trying to yell something in my direction while keeping her mouth shut. I could’ve sworn it meant something, and she was trying to silently communicate to me the secret Drew and I didn’t know yet. But the moment was gone when Hailey sighed against my shoulder. “Finally. It’s gone,” she said. “Well, that’s good, because I want to run something by you,” I said. “Is everything okay?” Hailey asked. She rose up from my shoulder to look at me, and I could’ve sworn her eyes were dulling in color. “Yeah, yeah. I had a very interesting woman come into my office a few days ago.” “A woman?” Hailey asked. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say the look Anna shot Hailey was nothing short of disgust. “Yeah. Her name was Ellen St. Claire.” “Of the St. Claire Foundation?” Anna asked. “You’ve heard of them?” I asked her.

  “Oh, yeah. They’re the single largest philanthropic foundation that gears itself solely toward poverty and the homeless community. What did she want?” Anna asked. “She wanted to offer me a job,” I said. “Wait, what job did she offer you?” Hailey asked. “A position as their main operations director. Apparently, I’d be paid to work hands-on with the homeless community and head up the multiple projects they do throughout the year,” I said. “Dude, that’s awesome! What’d I tell you, man?” “Well, I haven’t taken the job. I didn’t even consider it when she came to see me,” I said. “But I’ve had some time to think about it, and I thought I could get your input on it.” “Would you still be able to run your construction company with Drew not there?” Anna asked. “I was thinking of asking her to make me part-time for a while, so I could. I mean, if we could get some sort of partnership going with the company, I wouldn’t have to abandon one to do the other. I’d have the manpower and the support to expand my construction efforts, which means I could continue to do my homeless community work while also helping them to theirs.” “That sounds like a wonderful idea, Bryan,” Hailey said. “You really should take the job. You know, how you’ve been working it so far.” “You think so?” I asked. “Dude. What did we already talk about?” Drew asked. “Yeah, what did you guys talk about?” Anna asked. “We talked about how Bryan doesn’t always enjoy construction, but he does always enjoy the work he does with the homeless. I told him he should start his own foundation or something, but this is the next best thing. You could see how a foundation is run and how it works, and maybe open your own someday,” Drew said. “He’s got a point,” Anna said. “It would be a wonderful hands-on

  experience.”

  “Bryan, if you really want our input, I think this is the culmination of what you’ve been working toward for years,” Hailey said. “You should get involved with this. You seem really passionate about partnering up with the foundation and pairing it with your company. I think it’s worth a meeting with this woman again.” I was honestly a bit surprised at how enthusiastic Hailey was about this. I thought with the mentioning of another woman in the picture, she might get jealous. Or maybe she would be concerned about the time I would have to spend with her. But she was all smiles and full of encouraging words, and I appreciated it. It felt wonderful to have her support when making a decision like this. “So, say she agrees to the part-time thing,” Drew said. “What would that mean for the company?” “Well, there’s a good chance I could convince her to absorb the costs the construction company’s already absorbing, so she could write it off as a donation. And if she couldn’t do that, then maybe I could talk to her about paying the first year’s bills on the houses we put the homeless workers in after they’re done with the jobsites. That would be another bonus to them, and it would be another project I’m sure Ellen isn’t dabbling in right now,” I said. “You talked about expanding,” Anna said. “What would that entail?” “Well, with the media attention I unintentionally garnered from John’s showcase, there are more people than ever across the state reaching out to us and what we do. If I just stuck with the company, I could easily book us projects into next year. But with a partnership with a foundation like this, I could talk to Ellen about funding some of the money upfront to expand now and then donating the money back to her when it’s all said and done. We could reach more people in the state that way and take on even more projects to help get the homeless cleaned up and off the streets,” I said.

  “Sounds like you’ve really thought about this, man, like I did with my tattoo parlor,” Drew said. “Yeah, and that kind of thinking should tell you something,” Anna said. “I really think you should go for it. Just sitting here talking to you about it makes me want to jump up from this booth and do my pro bono work now.” We were all chatting about the future, and I assumed Hailey would eventually chime in with her art therapy classes. I knew she was in the process of advertising them and trying to get people to sign up for them, but she hadn’t given me an update about it as of late. I realized she had fallen very quiet again while we talked about the future of our lives, and there was something about it that screamed out to me in warning. Was Hailey sick? My eyes danced along the profile of her face while our food was finally set in front of us. We all dove in and continued to talk, but all Hailey did was take a few bites and play with the rest. She didn’t really interject into the conversation anymore, and she didn’t give her input on anything we were talking about. It was like she had completely tuned out and traveled to another world, and I was getting scared. Not worried. But scared. “You not hungry, Hailey?” Anna asked. “I’m so sorry, you guys,” Hailey said. “I’m just so tired. This week at the gallery was brutal, and my exhaustion is overpowering my want to eat.” “Hailey, I totally get you. After all the work I put into the shop yesterday, I came home and stared at the wall for an hour. Fell asleep without so much as eating lunchordinner. You need some sleep,” Drew said. “You’ll wake up hungry, you’ll eat, and you’ll feel a lot better.” “Would you like me to take you home, so you can get some rest?” I

  asked. “No. I promised you guys this would be a double date,” Hailey said. “Not gonna lie. I love you Hailey, but the alone time with Drew would be nice,” Anna said. “Couldn’t have said it better myself. Chica, go get some rest. Let us know how you’re doing in the morning. I’ll take good care of your sister,” Drew said. “Something tells me I could’ve gone on living without that information,” Hailey said, snickering. “Come on,” I said as I took her hand. “Let’s get our food packed up and get you home.” I flagged the waiter down who brought over some boxes, and a few minutes later, I was escorting Hailey out the door. I pulled her body against mine while I walked her to the car, and I could slowly feel her body giving out. Her legs were unsteady, and her posture was slumped. This was more than her being tired. This was something far greater than that. And the text message I got from Drew as I slid into the car confirmed my fears. Something’s very wrong. She looks sick. “Hailey, I really want to take you back to my place,” I said. “No. Just take me back to my apartment,” she said. “I really think you could benefit from having someone around right now. I want to make sure you eat and get some rest,” I said. “Bryan, I’m not a child. I want to sleep in my own bed.�
�� “Then I’m staying with you,” I said. “Just drop me off.” The spark of fire in her eye was the most emotion I’d seen her show all evening. I sighed in frustration as I cranked up the car, but I relented and started driving toward her apartment. She wasn’t letting me in again, and I was angry with her, but more than that, I was sad. Sad and worried and filled with regret. Had I not gotten so angry with her be