Still Not Yours: An Enemies to Lovers Romance

by Snow, Nicole

  While we’d stared at each other, frozen, Landon’s voice shouted from downstairs, calling my name, as the front door of my house burst open. I’m suddenly regretting giving my coworkers at Enguard the emergency key, but I know I’d be grateful if I’d ended up in a situation I couldn’t handle.

  I start toward Liv, but she flinches, and I recoil.

  That one subtle motion of hers stabs right through my heart. It’s only then I realize how many of my defenses I’ve let down, that she can even reach my heart to pierce it so easily.

  But then I’m pulled away into low, muttered conversations with Landon, James, and Gabe, while Skylar’s got Liv, furiously checking her over.

  Liv is compliant, polite, letting Sky fuss over her with the first aid kit, but she keeps her eyes lowered. She won’t look at me.

  Snarling, I force myself to tear my gaze away, giving Landon a full rundown of everything the fuck on the floor told me. It's hard to form words in this whirlwind.

  Cop cars scream in the closing distance, sirens coming. They’ll be here soon to take him into custody. Too late to stop the man who showed Liv I'm a violent monster.

  Landon falls silent after I finish recapping, stroking at the five o'clock shadow covering his chin and frowning, his mouth set in a thin, displeased line, before he shakes his head.

  “Damn it. I thought we might have two organizations in this, but I don’t like this one bit. Not knowing it for sure. Two makes things twice as messy. Now we’ve got two different unpredictable agents to deal with.”

  “Can we keep Liv and Em safe?” I ask. “Do we need new measures? This fucker was in my home.”

  “We’ll make sure of it, one way or the other.” Landon looks past me.

  I follow his line of sight. Liv watches me now, her eyes wide and liquid with tears, and fuck if she’s not melting the walls I’ve been struggling to keep around myself all over again.

  Landon sighs. “Go talk to her. Try to reassure her.”

  “I don’t think she –”

  “She knows you,” Landon says. “She’s been living with you. The rest of us might as well be strangers.”

  He's right. Too bad it only makes it worse.

  The real question is, does she want me anywhere near her?

  I pull away from Landon and approach the bed, where Liv is curled up in a ball against the headboard, hugging her knees to her chest and staring miserably down at her toes. I sink down to the edge gently, far enough away to keep from making her feel cornered or threatened but offer my hand with a hope I hadn’t known I could feel, fragile and trembling.

  “Liv,” I say softly.

  She doesn’t take my hand.

  She throws herself against me.

  Buries her face against my chest and wraps her arms around me with a surprising, desperate strength.

  “Riker,” she gasps, almost a sob.

  I hold my arms out from my sides almost helplessly.

  James is watching me slyly. Landon gives me an unreadable look. Meanwhile, Gabe is so preoccupied with Sky, whispering something in his thick Louisiana accent, I don’t think he even realizes we’re in the same room, nor does she.

  But even if the others are watching, fuck it.

  I can’t resist the need to bring her home.

  Slowly settling my arms around her, I wrap her up against me. It soothes some animal fear inside me, to feel her soft, slim body pressed so close.

  “Still wondering if you hate me, sweetheart?” I growl softly in her ear.

  Liv peeks up at me through her tangled, mussed hair. “Huh?”

  “That look, back there...thought you didn’t want me touching you.”

  She shakes her head quickly, messing up her hair even more as it whips around, then buries her face against my side with a muffled, “No! I need you, Riker. I need you so much right now.”

  “I’m here. I’m here, Liv.” I stroke her back slowly, trying to calm her trembling body.

  I hardly notice when the others tactfully take their leave, murmuring to each other as they file out of my bedroom. If they're noticing this is more than professional, I don't give a damn. I'll deal with the fallout later.

  What's really important here is her, relaxing in my arms.

  She's alive. She's safe. She's still mine.

  “You'll have to talk to the police soon. Can you handle that?”

  Sniffling, she pulls back enough to wipe at her tear-streaked face, and offers me the bravest, most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen, all the more heart-wrenching when she’s devastated. “As long as you stay with me, yes.”

  “I’m here. Promise you I’m here.” I brush my knuckles to her cheek, easing away a few more damp trails on her skin. “Are you okay?”

  “No.” Her eyes well, and her lips tremble with the clear struggle not to burst out sobbing. “This doesn't make any sense. Daddy, Jesus, why would he...”

  She can't get it out, and I don't blame her.

  “Don't know, Liv. He obviously didn’t think this through or realize it'd put you both in danger.” A harsh truth that makes my fist hungry for Alec Holly's face.

  “Or he didn’t care,” she says bitterly.

  “I hope he cares. You’re his daughter.”

  I gather her closer. I'm still trying to fathom how even someone as self-absorbed as Alec Holly wouldn't care how his actions affect his children.

  It’s much easier to believe he’s too arrogant. So far up in his ivory tower that he doesn’t really comprehend the real-world repercussions of certain things. Maybe he thought he was powerful enough. That he could mess with a gang like the Pilgrims and come away clean because he’s just that untouchable.

  Instead, he set ripples into motion that are growing wider as they spread, aftershocks threatening to shake Liv’s entire world apart.

  I could never do that. Not to Em. I’m a different kind of father from Alec Holly.

  Liv shifts against me, resting her head to my shoulder and hugging close against my side. “Riker? Why would you think I wouldn’t want you to touch me?”

  Fuck.

  I tense. My gut sinks. “Just thought you woke up and saw what I did. To that man, the bastard on the floor, who tried to hurt you.”

  “I did.” Her hand creeps up to curl against the back of my neck, stroking through the tight trim of hair at my nape, a gesture that I suspect soothes her as much as it demolishes me. “I told you before – you don’t scare me, Riker. I’m grateful for you.” She rubs her cheek to my shoulder in such a sweetly trusting gesture. “I get it. You did what you had to do to protect me. And now we know what’s going on, all thanks to you.”

  “Do we?” I ask. “This entire thing still doesn't add up. Why would your father hire hit men? Especially such clumsy ones?”

  “I don’t know.” She bites her lip, her eyes glazing over, distant and contemplative. “I guess he was trying to take care of Milah, but this isn’t really something he’s ever dealt with. Organized crime, I mean. Not that I know of. It's a horrible accident. A mistake.” She looks at me again, something haunted in her gaze, a tired weariness that so often makes her seem so much wiser and more jaded than her years and sheltered innocence. “That’s kind of what Daddy’s done our whole lives. If there’s a problem, he throws money at it until it goes away. He even paid someone to transfer their daughter to another school when I was eleven because the girl was bullying me.”

  Her smile looks cynical, with a touch of self-loathing I can’t stand to see. “I should’ve stood up to him, when I couldn’t stand up to her. And he’s still doing it. I mean, Milah did need rehab, still needs rehab, but the way Daddy handled it was disgusting. It was just paying someone to fix his ‘broken’ daughter. And I guess he thought paying someone would fix this too, but he just made a bigger mess.”

  “We'll clean it up,” I promise, kissing the top of her head and just holding her, reminding myself she’s safe and I got here in time.

  I don’t know how I’ll fix this, honestly
.

  It's the most fucked up, dangerous situation I've ever seen at Enguard, or when I was overseas for Uncle Sam.

  But I know I have to try, for Liv.

  For this sweet, fragile, impossible woman, there’s no other option.

  * * *

  It’s an unsettling feeling, worrying about having Em and Liv in my own home. Thinking about how close I came to losing everything here, but I can’t leave Em at Mrs. Baum’s forever.

  Also don’t think the Pilgrims will try anything here again once they realize their man is in custody. What’s nagging at me, though, as I sit at the kitchen table finishing out the details on a police report, is how they knew Liv was at my house in the first place.

  That was the whole point of this endeavor – that she disappear somewhere safe, somewhere we could keep an eye on her but where they’d be unlikely to track her down.

  Either someone told them where to find her, or they’ve gotten more diligent in their search and made the connection between Enguard and Liv.

  The possibility makes my guts churn.

  I make a mental note to tell the others to keep a tight perimeter around their own homes, all while half-listening to Liv, Em, and Sky talking over Chinese takeout in the living room.

  I’m grateful Skylar stayed after everybody left. She’s a strong, calming presence, a bit of extra security helping to nail things down and keep them feeling safe while I’m distracted with the report. I’m careful about what I say, about the use of necessary force.

  Was it truly necessary?

  Or did the sadist in me just want to hurt the man who hurt Liv for the sheer pleasure of it?

  I’m tapping my pen against my lower lip, lost in thought, when Sky comes drifting into the kitchen. She leans her little shoulder against the doorframe and folds her arms over her chest, just looking at me with her mouth slightly pursed and one eyebrow arched. I cock my head at her.

  “That look usually means I’m about to get my ass handed to me. What now?”

  “You’re damn right you are.” She glances over her shoulder, then steps closer, dropping her voice to a hiss. “You’re screwing a client, Riker. What the hell are you thinking?”

  Goddammit. I rake my hand over my face, exhaling the fire in my lungs slowly.

  She must’ve gotten it out of Liv, that girl can’t lie to save her life.

  “How long have you known?” Then I pause, eyeing her through my spread fingers. “And how screwed am I?”

  “Not at all. Yet. Landon doesn’t know, but that doesn’t mean he won’t figure it out if I did.” She rests her hands on her hips, mock-glaring at me. “You’re lucky I’m such a good friend.”

  “You’re also a bit of a hypocrite.”

  “Nah. That’s the other reason I’m keeping your secrets, pal.” Her grin looks annoyed but affectionate. “Not like I didn’t do the exact same damn thing with Gabe.”

  “It was different with Gabe, though. You’re both in the protection business. Liv, she's...”

  “Out of your league?”

  “Vulnerable,” I correct with a glower. “Dammit, Sky. The last thing I'd ever want is to take advantage of her. This is more than just a fuck.”

  “I know. So don’t.” She leans forward, resting her elbows on the table, that sarcastic façade dropping for an unexpectedly sincere look. “If she’s vulnerable, then protect her. Don’t take advantage of her.”

  “What if I can’t protect her? What if we're in over our fucking heads on this one?”

  “It's not a choice. It’s your job, Riker, and it’s also what you do for people you love.”

  “Love?” I whisper the word like it's in some new language.

  “Yeah. Your own words, almost, 'more than just a fuck.' Remember?”

  I do. But love? Fuck.

  The unspoken question hangs heavy between us, making a strange throbbing start somewhere below my ribs.

  Do I love Olivia Holly?

  Sky saves me from falling into that bottomless pit by straightening, slapping her thin hand on the table. “Right now, though, you need to get packing. Your cover’s blown, your place is compromised, and you can’t stay here.”

  Another shock rolls through me, turning my blood scalding red. It's worse because she's right.

  “I don’t think they’d try anything here again. Not a repeat job,” I snarl.

  “You don’t know that. You don’t know how reckless or how vindictive Lion is. We have reports of entire families being slaughtered in their homes over a Pilgrim vendetta,” she says grimly, and the very thought chills my bones. “So, big guy, get your shit together. Literally and metaphorically. Get your girls ready to go, and figure out what you’re doing with Liv before you fuck everything up. It’d be better to break up with her than keep stringing her along. She’s too brand new, Riker. You don’t want to be the first man to break her heart.”

  “I don’t think I am,” I mutter, though the things her father did broke her heart in an entirely different way. And I have a lot to think about, but not right now.

  Sighing, I sink down in the kitchen chair. “Fine. I’ll take care of it. Think I know just the place to take her, where no one will even think to look.”

  13

  Too Little, Too Late (Olivia)

  Few things drive home how serious this is than watching Riker sit down and have a very quiet, very solemn talk with Em about the fact that we’re leaving again.

  And this time, we might not be coming back for a very long time.

  Somehow, it’s more final. More real. It was one thing when it was just scattered incidents, but in the end, once it was over, we were always coming home to a normal life.

  No.

  They were always coming home to a normal life. This isn’t my life, no matter how much I’ve loved pretending all this time. But they still had that – the illusion everything would be okay, and nothing would change for them, in the end.

  Not really.

  Riker would still go to work. Em would still go to school. They’d have their friends, their hobbies, Riker and his wooden ships in bottles and his late night drinks and his quiet, broody, irresistible man-thoughts. And Em with her savant-level math and her self-defense classes and her crush on her instructor’s kid, Ryan.

  I’ve disrupted their entire lives. Screwed up everything.

  I was supposed to be in and out and gone once this problem was over, but it’s been almost a month now and we only know a little more than we did before. We’re no closer to ending this.

  I have no idea how large the Pilgrims’ organization is. There could be hundreds or thousands of them.

  Are we going to have to arrest them all before we can feel safe again?

  How are we going to stop this when they can just send an endless wave of people after us? And even if I walk out of Riker and Em’s lives right now, they’ll never be safe again – and it’s all because of me?

  I just want to curl up into a ball and disappear, take all my problems with me.

  Em, though, isn’t nearly so reserved. As soon as Riker finishes explaining that we’re going back to “Grandma Em’s house,” she’s all excited energy, rattling off memories of swimming in a creek and learning how to skip stones and how it actually snows and and and –

  I almost smile. She’s so alive, so courageous, and I really do admire her.

  She’s an amazing girl, who’s going to grow up to be an amazing woman.

  She races upstairs to pack, leaving me and Riker alone, sitting a significant distance apart on the couch. He sits like there’s a mammoth on his shoulders, bowing him forward, his hands dangling between his legs, and he just stares at them coldly without a word.

  I’m afraid to break the silence, but I venture anyway, “There's a Grandma Em?”

  “Ah. Her maternal grandmother. She’s named after her.” He looks up at me with an exhausted smile, and the tired lines in his face nearly kill me. “There’s a winter lodge just outside Yosemite, up around the ski resorts.
Crystal – my ex-wife’s parents – are still alive, but they'd deeded the lodge to her. When she died, I couldn’t stand to keep it. So I gave the deed back, but I still have a key. They’ve told me I’m welcome to take Em up any time.”

  Nodding, I smile. This doesn't sound half bad. “We can use the getaway.”

  He shrugs, looking up with his eyes dark and severe. “It’s messy terrain, Liv. Hard to get to on foot, impossible to get to directly by car or even prop plane. We’ll have to hike about a mile, but it’s defensible – and since there’s no legal connection between me and Em’s grandparents except Em, it’s a lot harder to trace through any official records to figure out we might've disappeared to a remote cabin with my ex-in-laws’ names on the title.”

  I want to comfort him so much, so deeply.

  Anything to ease some of the misery I’ve brought to his life. I half expect him to push me away when I scoot over to lean against his side, offering closeness when I don’t have words.

  But I nearly squeak when instead he wraps both arms tight around me so suddenly. So strongly.

  That’s when I realize I’ve done the right thing. This bear of a man is way too proud to ever ask, but it couldn't be clearer...

  Riker needs me.

  Just as much as I need him.

  And I hadn’t realized how much I’d needed this until we’re holding each other so tight, nearly clinging, and he’s rasping soft words into my hair with such raw, pure feeling.

  The desperation, the fear, and something even deeper.

  “I almost fucking lost you today,” he whispers. “Christ. If I’d shown up just a minute later...”

  “But you didn’t lose me.” I clutch my hands against the back of his shirt and press into him so hard, it’s like I’m trying to melt into his muscle, his ink, his wall of flesh. “You saved me. You always save me. I know you always will.”

  “Liv, yeah.” Two simple words, more like thunder than human speech.

  He sweeps me up so suddenly then.

  It takes my breath away – but not nearly as much as his kiss.

  He holds me captive, not with force but with gentle, tender warmth so magnetic it pulls me into an unbreakable hold, compelling me to fall into him.