by AG Meiers
“What are you doing up so early? Is everything okay?” Orla was sitting in front of the fire with a cup of coffee in her hands. The fire was still burning low, so she must have just lit it.
“Yes, everything is fine. What are you doing down here already?”
“When you’re old, you don’t sleep that long anymore. I’m usually up around this time,” she said with a shrug.
The room was chilly, and she was wearing one of his dad’s old fleeces over her flannel shirt. When she got up, her movements were stiff and slow. Sven’s chest suddenly tightened, and he tried to swallow around the huge lump forming in his throat. Guilt rushed through him like the overflowing Cold Creek. How could he leave her? How could he make plans for a life away from her?
“Whatever you’re thinking, lovey, stop it right there!” Orla said, and Sven raised his head in surprise. “Sven, you’re my son, I know you. And just now you looked like the boy who thought the dog had a seizure because you had shared your PB&J sandwich with him. Meanwhile the old hound was having a good time chasing bunnies in his dream.”
“Orla, I . . .” Sven wasn’t even sure what he wanted to say. “I should have been here—” His voice broke.
“Ahh, Sven, sweetheart.” Orla went over to him and started to gently rub his shoulder. “I know that makes little sense to you. But I’m glad you weren’t here when it happened. I’m glad, because you’ll remember Duncan like he would have wanted you to remember him. Strong like an oak tree and full of life. I mean it. I’m glad you weren’t here. And Duncan would say exactly the same.” She took a deep breath. “It probably won’t make much sense to you until you have your own kids, but I’m sure some day you’ll think back and you’ll understand.”
Kids? The shock must have shown in his face.
“Don’t look so surprised. A lot of gay couples adopt these days. Down in the city it isn’t a big deal at all. And I’m young enough to be an awesome grandmother.” Orla gave Sven a quick hug. “Taking you in was the best thing that ever happened to us. You remember that.”
Before Sven could recover, the back door rattled.
“That’s Elliot now. Just in time.” Before Sven could ask why five thirty in the morning was just in time, Orla called out to the old man as he shuffled into the room, “Elliot, good thing you’re here.”
“Where else would I be?” Elliot asked as he poured himself a cup of coffee and took a scone from the plate on the counter. He blinked when he saw Sven standing next to Orla. “But what’s he doing here?”
“Sending me to my early grave. That’s what he’s doing here. So serious. Always so serious. Taking everything to heart and worrying the blue out of the sky. It’s good you’re here, because we need to beat some happiness into the lad. Here he is”—Orla was waving up and down in Sven’s direction—“got a great job opportunity in the city. Men lining up in front of his door to claim him.” She pointed straight at Sven. “I know who I’d take if I were you, but if you like that police officer of yours, that’s fine too.”
Sven let out a little laugh. “Subtle, Mom.”
Elliot gave Sven a commiserative glance. “Has he gotten some coffee before you meddle with his life again?”
“Men, always sticking together. Traitor, you’re supposed to support me.” Energy was buzzing through Orla, and she looked more like her usual self again.
“Never seen you needing any help with meddling.”
“Elliot!”
But the old man only laughed and brought Sven a cup of coffee. Before Orla could say anything else, he asked, “So, what are you boys up to, today?”
Sven’s mood sobered. “There are things I need to tell you. About Jayden and the agency.”
Perfect Match Commitment #17:
Happiness and love are just a click away. Start the application process today.
Jayden sat on the bed and for the fifth time read the crumbled note in his hands. Come over to the lodge. We need to talk. No signature. Straight forward. To the point. All Sven.
But Jayden sat unmoving. He wasn’t ready to face Sven. He’d managed to get himself showered and dressed. Since then, he’d been sitting here with his head spinning with random, broken thoughts. Guilt was still suffocating him, and the hurt in Sven’s eyes last night had almost torn him apart, but over the chaos in his mind, another voice was loud and clear: Not crazy! Not a loser! Sven understands!
Waking up to an empty bed had been tough. Not that he’d expected Sven to stick around. It was surely a preview of what was to come, though; Jayden didn’t deserve anything different. Last night, falling asleep next to Sven, it had been easy to ignore the fact that their little bubble of happiness was gone, but in the stark morning light, he had to face reality.
He had to leave. No matter how much he wanted to stay here with Sven, tucked away in the mountains. Away from the scary mess that was his life. He just couldn’t. The letters on the note in front of him turned blurry, and he tried to keep the tears at bay.
He had to sort out his life. There was no alternative to paying Nicolas Carter his money back. The job from the baking website was a pipe dream. It would never be enough money, and he wasn’t even sure that Perfect Match would allow him to take it.
One thing Jayden knew with absolute certainty: whatever happened with him and Perfect Match, he couldn’t pull Sven into the mess with the agency. He already felt strangled with guilt that he was part of a scam that had cost Sven a couple of thousand.
For a few crazy seconds, he wondered if Sven would wait for him. Please, love of my life, just wait a year or two while I whore myself out and cheat a few guys out of their hard-earned money. Yeah, right, that would go over well.
Love of my life? Yes. Sven wasn’t simply a good-smelling, warm body to cuddle up with. He hadn’t pitied Jayden or patronized him or, worse, made fun of him behind his back. Sven had taken all of his crazy in full stride, with a smile. Jayden felt safe with him.
In the bright, sunlight-flooded cabin, Jayden couldn’t lie to himself any longer. Sven was it for him. And he’d almost told him so last night, but it would have been the worst moment. Sven didn’t have a reason to believe him. And it wouldn’t have been fair to put this on Sven while he was still hurting from the betrayal.
Slowly, Jayden stood. Maybe he could talk to Alex and see if there was another way to pay back his loan. Nevertheless, he’d have to leave Cold Creek. He probably needed a visa for Canada. And there was no work for him here anyway. Maybe he could go back to Wyoming, where the cost of living was low and work his butt off until he’d covered his debt. Yeah, no . . . pipe dreams again. Nicolas Carter wasn’t a man open to negotiation. He’d scared Jayden from the start. Chills ran down his back at the thought of trying to bargain with Carter now that he’d broken Perfect Match’s single most important rule: not telling an outsider about the agency’s darker side. He could only pray Carter would never find out.
And to what avail? He couldn’t ask Sven to wait. With perfect guys like David around, it was unlikely that Sven would still be interested by the time Jayden had paid off Perfect Match. Jayden took another strangled breath and looked down at the note.
Time to go. There was no way out. He was going to lose Sven. Even if Sven forgave him the betrayal, Jayden was going to break his heart all over again by leaving. So, he better get it done quickly and then pack his bags. Jayden dragged himself to his feet. He took a long last look around the tiny cabin before he walked out. Oh God, saying goodbye was going to be hell.
After the warmth of the cabin, the crisp morning air sent a shiver over his body. Philadelphia was his home, but Cold Creek in the early morning sun was the most beautiful place on earth. Jayden took another deep breath and somehow felt a little lighter as he walked down to the lodge.
When he opened the door, he found Elliot, Sven, and Orla sitting at the table in front of the fireplace, an empty breakfast plate in front of Sven. There was still a faint smell of bacon in the air. Jayden’s stomach grumbled loudly. Another side effect from
fresh mountain air—a bigger appetite. Sven stood when Jayden entered and took a few steps in his direction. His right hand reached out, but he dropped it abruptly, only to then brush it through his short hair in that nervous gesture that was so familiar by now.
“Jayden, sweetheart, come over and sit down with us. Sven and I want to talk to you.” Orla pulled him into a quick hug when he got to the table. At first, he just stood still, not sure how to deal with the guilt that rushed through him. But he would never see Orla or Elliot again, so he held on to her just a moment longer. Then, trying to hide his sadness, he thankfully grabbed the coffee Elliot handed him. The old logger nudged him into the chair next to the one Sven had reclaimed.
After a moment of heavy silence, Sven said, “Jayden, after everything you told me last night, I understand that you want to take control of your own life. I . . . Actually we all, we don’t like what it means.”
What? Oh God, Sven must have told Orla. Orla knew he was nothing better than a rentboy or, worse, a cheat who had taken her money. Jayden’s face burned with humiliation. He kept his eyes glued to the table. His hands shook so much he spilled some of the coffee as Sven continued.
“What that agency does is fraud. I don’t have to tell you that. I know you think you have to go back because you owe them money, but the truth is you could get into much more trouble. What if the next . . . if somebody else figures it out and goes straight to the police?”
“What? No. I know I screwed up.” Because of you, Jayden added silently. I screwed up because I couldn’t walk away. I couldn’t hurt you like this. “Please, Sven, I—”
Orla interrupted him. “Hush, sweetie. No talk like that. This is all just plain wrong. Sven won’t let you go back.”
“Orla, please. I want this to be Jay’s decision. It’s his life,” Sven said quietly.
“Well then, get on with it. Tell him what we came up with. Jayden, we’re not here to judge. We want to help.”
Everybody was looking at Jayden, but he didn’t know how to respond. The ticking of the old clock in the corner and the little pops of the fire filled the silence. After a few moments, he said, “I don’t deserve your help.”
At the same time Sven said, “We want to give you a loan.”
Before Jayden could react, Sven explained. “Orla and I, we have some money from Dad’s life insurance. It’s sitting in the bank. You can pay us back with interest if that’d make you feel better. It would be a loan, but instead of paying Perfect Match, you’d be paying us.”
Jayden opened his mouth to respond, but Sven held up his hand. Jayden lowered his head and stared at the coffee spill on the table. “As you said yourself, it’s not that much money. Loaning you eight thousand wouldn’t really make a lot of difference to us. It’s in an account. We’re not doing anything with it. You can pay it back in a few years and . . .” Sven’s voice was low when he added, “Jayden, please look at me. Say something.”
“I don’t know . . .” Jayden managed to choke out.
Orla responded first. “Oh, sweetie, don’t be a fool. You’re a good man and in trouble. Let us help.”
“Why would you do this for me?” Jayden searched their faces. “I lied to you. I’m part of a scam.” Guilt twisted his stomach. It was still hard to say that out loud, but it felt good to finally be honest. “You should be kicking me out, not helping me. I don’t deserve your help. Why would you want to help me?”
There was a moment of silence, and then Orla quietly stood up. “Sven can explain.” She pulled Elliot out of the room with her.
As soon as the kitchen door closed with a low click, Sven turned back to Jayden. “First off, it’s our decision to offer you the money. Orla and I talked about it.”
“You’ve only known me for a few days. This is crazy. I could just take your money and disappear.”
“Whose side are you on?” Sven chuckled, but then turned serious again. “I thought about this all night. If I don’t do this, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.” Sven’s hand carefully cupped Jayden’s chin. “Haven’t you figured this out yet? I think . . . Well, I think you’re my perfect match.”
Jayden made a strangled sound: half laugh, half sob.
Sven’s sky-blue eyes locked with his. Sven’s thumb glided gently over his lips. “I kinda knew it the minute the door slammed shut behind you that first night. So, maybe we should give this a try and see where it leads. Am I alone in wanting that?”
There was no way Jayden was going to lie anymore. “No, no, you’re not. It’s just such a clusterfuck. How can you trust me? How do you know it’s not only about the money?”
“I admit, a part of me is still hurt and angry. But I want to try and move forward.”
“Sven—” Jayden’s voice broke a little. This was all too much. “This is . . . I just can’t believe . . . I mean, you’ve offered me an out from a shitty situation. Orla’s right, I’d be a complete fool not to take you up on it. But I almost want to say no so that you know that all I want is to be with you.”
“Jayden, stop. Listen, I—” Suddenly a huge smile appeared. “Oh, thank God. Did you just say yes? You’ll let us help you? God, sweetheart, I’m so fucking glad.”
The endearment snuck under Jayden’s skin and into his heart. He reached for Sven’s hand and interlaced their fingers. He couldn’t suppress a low sigh of relief when Sven pulled him into his arms.
“Baby, I trust you. The real you was always shining through the deception. Doesn’t matter anymore why you came here. I’m so glad you did. We all needed you. You are good at making people happy. Really good at making me happier than I have been for a long time. My sunshine . . .” Sven mumbled the loving words against Jayden’s skin while kissing a soft trail along his face and neck.
Jayden closed his eyes and soaked in the tenderness of the moment.
“Look at me.” Sven touched his chin. Sven’s eyes were brimming with happiness. And Jayden probably had the same sappy smile on his lips. Shit. If only fixing his life would be that easy.
“Sven, you know that I still have to leave, right?” It broke his heart to interrupt their moment, but being the man that Sven deserved meant everything to him. He was willing to take Sven’s help, but he wasn’t going to let him take the responsibility for Jayden’s mistakes.
Sven froze, and he dropped his arms, leaving Jayden feeling exposed.
“Why?” Sven’s voice had an edge to it.
“I don’t want money between us. I’ll need to find work, a decent job to pay you back. The contractor job is only part-time. I’ll need something else.”
“Oh . . . okay . . .”
“You understand, right? I do want to be with you, but I can’t stay here in Cold Creek. I’m not sure where I’ll end up, but I’ll figure it out and—”
“So you want to go back to Philadelphia? Or Wyoming?” Sven asked, his eyes drilling into him. Jayden shivered. He would have to do his best to rebuild trust. They hadn’t started under the best circumstances and it would take some time, but Jayden would give it his all.
“No. There is nothing for me in Philadelphia or Wyoming. I just can’t stay in Cold Creek.” Jayden again tried to explain: “I’d have to find a way to get a work visa. At home, I worked a lot in restaurants and stores. Do you think I could find something in Newbury? ’Cause, you were right. I don’t want to go back to Perfect Match.” Knowing that he wouldn’t have to trick another man had already made him breathe easier. “But if I take your money, then I want to pay it back as quickly as possible. To make that happen, I’ll need more than just the contractor job, and the sooner the better.”
“So you do want to stay with me?”
Jayden rolled his eyes at him. “Oh, Sven, fuck you, stop sounding so hopeful. I don’t know how to work this all out yet.”
“All I’m asking is if you want to stay with me, I mean, be with me.” Sven was blushing. “I don’t want you to think the loan comes with strings attached. The next steps should be your decision. I just
hope that you would want us to be together.”
“Hey, I want nothing more than to stay with you.” It came out barely as a whisper, but Sven beamed at Jayden’s words.
“I took the job in Vancouver with the Forest Industry Council. I signed my contract this morning. I’ll work as a technical writer. You know, just as I told you. Yeah, it’s only a three-year contract, but with a possible extension. The main drawback is that I have to move to Vancouver. I don’t like to live where I don’t fit in, but if I have you, City Boy, if we go together, I’ll be okay.”
“What? You what?”
Sven chuckled. “I took the job, I’m moving to Vancouver, and I want you to come with me. We could share an apartment. You could find work or even finish your degree. I actually think that maybe you should give the baking a shot and see if you can turn that into a job. But it doesn’t matter to me. I love you anyway—”
Jayden almost lost his balance and leaned hard against the table.
“Shit,” Sven muttered. “I didn’t mean to say it like that. You don’t have to say anything.”
Jayden quickly put a finger over Sven’s lips. “Stop talking.” His mind wrestled with the information. Sven was moving to Vancouver and he wanted Jayden to come with him, to share an apartment, and . . . Sven loved him.
“Move in together? Shouldn’t we date first? I mean, the right order would be attraction, dating, love, then moving in and then getting mar—” Jayden was ready to die of mortification when he realized what he’d almost said. Stupid lists, because of all the things to say, this was probably the worst.
Sven blinked in surprise, but then he smiled gently. “Sounds like a great plan. A glorious future. I told you I was attracted to you from the first moment we met, and we’ve spent a lot of time together since then. I’ve never lived with anyone before, but I like being around you. We have another two weeks before I start, so technically we could date more before we move in together.”
Jayden didn’t have a chance to answer Sven’s question. Orla and Elliot came back—obviously, Orla couldn’t wait any longer to hear his decision. She should be so upset with him for all the lies, but instead she was welcoming Jayden with open arms. He hadn’t realized how much he needed to be forgiven.