“Can’t you just tell me what I need like usual?” I half laughed, half cried.
She laughed too. “You’re an adult, sweetie. And you have been for a while. It’s about time I started treating you that way.”
I had no words. Not a single one.
“Let’s hear it,” she said.
“I’m still getting those letters,” I told her. “Like what I got at graduation.”
The line was quiet for a moment. “You didn’t figure out who was doing it?”
“No,” I said. My voice got small. “I’m starting to get worried, Gram.”
“Have you called the police?”
I shook my head, then realized she couldn’t see me. “No, I haven’t.”
“I would do that first,” she suggested. “Bring them the notes.”
Just the thought of going to the police station felt like jumping into the ice bath headfirst. “The last time I was around police...” I cringed, remembering the visit to the prison. And them questioning me about my parents’ drug use before that.
“Oh.” She paused. “Do you want me to call them?”
My voice was small as I said, “Yes.”
“Tell me what the letters said.”
I got them out of my drawer and read them all aloud. None of them said anything real or threatening, if you didn’t have the context.
“If this is a joke, it isn’t a funny one,” she said. “Do they have a return address?”
“No.”
“Do you have any idea who it could be?”
“None.” I’d thought of this a million and one times. “I mean, my parents are in prison. I don’t really know anyone else who would want to hurt me.”
“I’ll call you right back.”
The line went silent, and my eyes went wide. Grandma was calling the police. I gripped my cell phone in both hands and went to the window to wait while Grandma talked to them. We had a great view of the parking lot. Of the tiny cars pulling in and leaving, driving in circles looking for a spot that wasn’t a day’s hike away. Some people walked out there, carrying massive hampers of laundry.
I wondered if their lives were as normal as they looked or if they were like me. Could they be like me?
My phone rang, and I was in such a rush to answer it, it fell to the floor, sliding underneath my dresser.
I got on my hands and knees—learned we needed to sweep and mop—and retrieved it. I swiped the answer button and held it to my ear, still lying on my stomach. “Hello?”
“Bad news,” Grandma said.
My heart fell. “What?”
“They said if you don’t know who it is, there isn’t much they can do. If you did find out, you could file a victim protective order, but other than that...”
“I’m on my own.”
“You are not,” she said. “You have me. And Jon.”
I smiled at the thought. “I haven’t told Jon yet. I don’t want to worry them if there’s nothing we can do.”
“Abi, I—”
“Please, Gram?” I asked. “Don’t tell them. There’s already enough drama in my life. I don’t need their worry too.”
Begrudgingly, she said yes, but then added, “But I still think you should tell Jon. He’s been through a lot, too. He’s stronger than you think.”
I didn’t doubt how strong he was. He just deserved better.
“So what are you going to do?” she asked.
“What should I do?” I asked. “I’m terrified.”
“This person is clearly a coward,” Grandma said. “Whoever it is won’t hurt you in front of other people. But just in case, I would head to the gun store and—”
“Grandma! I can’t get a gun. I wouldn’t even know the first—”
“Not to get a gun!” she cried. “They have other self-defense items. Pepper spray, tasers. Talk to an associate and have them set you up. Get whatever you need to feel safe and put it on the emergency credit card.”
The stress of it all leaked out my eyes. “You mean it?”
“I let you stay in an unsafe situation before. I’m never making that mistake again.”
All those years when I’d hidden in my room, abused by my parents without anyone who seemed to care...they washed away. Grandma cared; I could feel it in my core.
“I’m going now,” I said.
“Good girl. Call me if you need anything at all.”
I promised her I would and then hung up. The note sat on my desk like a flashing neon sign reminding me that no matter how far away I got from my parents, I’d never escape fearing for my safety. For my life.
I balled up the note and threw it in the trash, anger replacing disbelief. Sure, I wanted to know who was sending these and how they seemed to know so much about my life. But really, I wanted to punch them in the throat for ruining this moment for me.
Didn’t I have enough on my plate? Didn’t I have enough worries? I wasn’t going to let whoever this was take my focus off what was important to me: Jon and continuing to prove I was good enough to be here—with him.
When I lived with my parents, I was defenseless. I had no money, but that wasn’t the case anymore. Grandma had equipped me with a credit card and told me to spend as much as I needed to feel safe.
I left my dorm, looking over my shoulder every few seconds to make sure I wasn’t followed, and went straight to the gun store.
I walked inside, greeted by stuffed animals with huge horns and glassy eyes. In the back, rifles lined the walls, just like the ones we’d seen in the back windows of vehicles at the chili cook-off.
I wondered what it would feel like to grip the smooth wood. To know that what I held in my hands was stronger, more powerful, than any person.
More powerful than me.
“Can I help you?” an older man dressed in the store colors asked, looking down his nose at me.
“I have a stalker,” I said, my voice sounding strange, even to me. “The cops can’t do anything, and I need to defend myself.”
A corner of his lips lifted. “We’ve got you covered.”
The sales associate set me up with a stun gun and pepper spray, along with a keychain he swore could be lethal, a pointed ring I was supposed to wear at all times, an alarm button, and even a pocketknife.
Before I left the store, he made sure I had the items connected to my keychain, in an accessible spot, and my ring slipped on my finger.
“These won’t do you any good if you’re not ready,” he said.
The words doused my self-defense flames with ice water. This wasn’t the type of thing I could shop away. I needed to be ready, whenever, wherever.
Chapter Thirty-Three
On Monday morning, I slid into my seat next to Eric in communications with seconds to spare before the bell. He had just enough time to run his fingers through his wavy hair and smile at me before Prof Warren started talking about the upcoming week.
“Group project, with an oral presentation, due Friday. On Monday, we’ll have a test over the presentations. Attendance is mandatory,” she said and began passing massive packets of paper down each row. “Look at the person beside you. I hope you like them, because they’re your partner for the rest of the semester.”
Eric sent me another grin, and my stomach made an uneasy turn. I didn’t want to have any more of an excuse to talk to him or cross lines that should be drawn in more than just sand.
I looked at the instructions on the handout. Each group had to take a section from the book and present on it. My mouth fell open. “She’s having us teach the class.”
His shoulders lifted in a shrug. “Welcome to college.”
Before the bell rang, we made a plan to meet in the dining hall during his lunch break for the rest of the week to work on the assignment. I wasn’t crazy about giving up the one hour a day I had with Jon, but it was the only time we had that didn’t interfere with his work schedule or my track practices.
When I made it to my next class a few minutes early, I sett
led into an empty seat near the back where I’d at least have some privacy. I got out my phone and sent Jon a text to break the bad news.
Abi: Group assignments are the worst. :( My partner can only meet at lunchtime this week.
Jon: Ugh. That stinks.
Jon: I could use the extra study time. Cumulative, essay answer exam in philosophy.
Abi: Essay answer?
Jon: By hand.
Abi: Yuck.
Jon: I know. I’m more sad I won’t get to see you.
My heart melted at his words.
Abi: We’ll have this weekend, though, right?
Jon: Of course. I’m not letting you out of my sight.
Abi: Good.
The professor began talking, quieting the students. I glanced up at the front of the room, where the professor had a slide on the screen with the headline TEST REVIEW.
I swore under my breath.
Abi: Gotta go. Just got assigned a test.
Jon: Good luck, beautiful.
Abi: I’ll need it.
I shoved my phone in my pocket and listened to blow after blow.
Cumulative exam.
Short answer.
Friday.
My other two classes only brought more bad news.
Tests. Tests. And more tests.
Had all of my teachers gotten together and decided we should all have exams before the long Labor Day weekend? Because they piled on the assignments like they had. And apparently, Jon’s had too. Judging by our homework piles and impending exam dates, the first two weeks of college had been a joke compared to what now amounted to an entire mountain of homework assignments and group projects.
And since the boys’ and girls’ track teams had settled into what Coach Cadence said was the regular schedule, Jon and I wouldn’t even get to walk to practice together anymore. If my weights were in the morning, his were in the evening. If Coach Cadence planned a long run for the evening, Jon was up before the sun for his.
As I walked to the dining hall an hour later than normal to meet with Eric—not Jon—it struck me how much I preemptively missed him. I never knew I could be so homesick for a person who only lived a floor away from me, but my entire body seemed to drag with the feeling.
Eric looked up from his phone and gave me a smile.
I dropped into my chair, setting my tray on the table a little harder than necessary.
“Long day?” he asked.
“Yep. And it’s only noon. Let’s get started?”
His hand reached across the table and grabbed mine. “What’s this?”
I glanced down at the promise ring on my finger. Just seeing it warmed my heart. “My boyfriend gave that to me.”
“No.” His thumb ran over the sharp tips of my self-defense ring.
“Nothing,” I said, pulling my hand back and coming up with a lie. “My grandma’s super paranoid about me being away at college, so she had me get a few things.”
He chuckled. “Protective grandma, huh? What all did she have you get?”
I tried to make light of it as I listed the things I had—from pepper spray to the stun gun.
“Well,” he said, “you can never be too safe. You never know when someone out there wants to cause you harm.”
His eyes darkened, and I wanted to ask the story behind his expression, but something told me it was a secret he held close to his heart.
“Let’s get started?” I suggested.
He nodded.
After our study session, I walked back to the dorm to settle in for some studying before track practice. When I went to turn the door handle, it was unlocked.
My heart leapt to my throat, pounding harder than it had in every race, while I stood frozen, trying to decide my next steps.
Did I go in? Would someone be there?
“Anika?” I called.
She didn’t answer.
“Anika?” I yelled, louder this time.
When she still didn’t answer, I glanced back and forth down the hallway. Empty.
I firmed my hand on the pepper spray on my keychain, twisted the handle, and kicked the door open. It swung back, too heavy to bang against the opposite wall.
At first glance, there was no one in the room.
I stepped inside, still wielding my pepper spray. Anika was nowhere to be seen.
But neither was anyone else.
I went through my routine, checking under the beds, in the closets, in the space beneath the desks.
My heart was still racing when I locked the door behind me and sat in my desk chair. How had Anika been so careless to leave the room unlocked? I always locked it when I left.
I got out my phone and sent Anika a text message. Or three.
Abi: You left the door unlocked.
Abi: I was terrified.
Abi: Haven’t you heard of all the things that have happened to girls in dorm buildings?
Abi: Our stuff could have been stolen.
My fingers flew over my keyboard as I pounded out each message.
Anika: Whoa. I’m sorry, okay?
Her cavalier response just made me more angry. This wasn’t a simple mistake to me. It was life or death. But she didn’t know that, which was my fault. I took a deep breath and let it loose through flared nostrils.
Abi: Just be more careful next time.
She didn’t reply, which was probably for the best.
I couldn’t focus on my homework, so I just lay in my bed, feeling the hum of adrenaline slowly leave my body as the sales associates words echoed through my mind.
They won’t do any good if you’re not ready.
But how could you ever be ready for something you couldn’t see?
Chapter Thirty-Four
After the latest torture-training run, Nikki, Mollie, Jayne, and I showered in the locker room and then went to the dining hall together. While they loaded their trays with full-fat food, I had to pick only the healthiest foods from the salad bar. As I dabbed grease from my grilled chicken, I eyed their plates with envy. How could they eat hamburgers and salads drenched in ranch when I had to eat like this just to avoid ballooning?
But then I remembered. I’d done this to myself with years of overeating. Really, my parents had done this to me. But it was up to me to fix it.
“We should go dancing tonight,” Nikki said.
Mollie eyed her. “Are you crazy? We just ran ten miles.”
Jayne shrugged. “It could be fun.”
Nikki nodded. “You in, Abi?”
I eyed my barely touched food. If it got my mind off Jon and how absolutely long this week would be without him, it would be worth it. “I’m game.”
“Good.” She shoved the rest of her burger in her mouth and talked through the food. “Go get dressed, girls. I’ll meet you downstairs in ten.”
As I walked to my dorm, I sent Jon a quick text. More out of hope than anything. He’d been too tired or busy to talk the last couple nights.
Abi: Going out with some friends. Might not have my phone. Can we talk?
Jon: I’d like that.
Within a few minutes, my phone rang, his name on the screen. His voice in my ear was better than anything I’d tasted all day. I let out a breath, feeling lighter already.
“I miss you,” I said.
“I miss you too.” His voice was full of honesty...and regret?
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“I can’t go to Woodman for Labor Day,” he said. “One of my dad’s cousins is in the hospital in Amarillo. I think he needs me there.”
I should have been sad, worried, offered help, but my first thought was that Jon wouldn’t be spending Labor Day weekend with me. And who knew the next time we’d get a full weekend together?
Then I realized what a terrible person that made me and felt even worse. “I’m sorry.” I apologized for my thoughts, even though he hadn’t heard them. “Will she...he? be okay?”
“I’m not sure,” he said. “She just passed out at work, an
d they don’t know what’s going on.”
“That’s awful. Are she and your dad close?”
“Like siblings. My dad isn’t taking it well.” The inflection in his voice was clear. While I’d been thinking of myself, he’d been worried about his dad. That was one of the reasons I loved Jon. He always cared for others before himself.
“I can come with you,” I said. “Grandma and Stormy will understand.”
“No,” he replied, too fast. “You have a good time. Both of our weekends shouldn’t be ruined.”
I didn’t tell him that not seeing him, not being there to support him, would ruin my weekend. Instead, I played the good girlfriend I knew I should. “Okay, let me know if I can do anything.”
“Have fun tonight,” he offered. “You can do that for me.”
“What?” I reached my dorm and put my key in the door. It was locked this time.
“With your friends? Aren’t you going out?”
“Yeah, I am.” How had I already forgotten about that? Jon had my heart, mind, soul. I needed to focus, though. “Some girls from the track team are going dancing.”
“You should bring Anika,” he said. “Kyle said she’s lonely.”
I felt guilty enough already for going off on her for what was probably an innocent mistake. I knew just as well as her that no one locked anything in Roderdale.
I spotted her at her desk, bent over a textbook, and said a simple “I will” to Jon as to not give anything away.
“Okay, I gotta run,” he said and rushed out a hurried, “Love you.”
I barely had enough time to say it back before he’d hung up the phone.
Anika looked up. “Jon’s still busy?”
She seemed to be ignoring the locked-door debacle. I would too. I liked that plan.
“Yeah.” I turned into my closet to hide my stinging eyes. I knew how pathetic it was that I was this upset simply because I couldn’t spend a weekend without him. “Some girls from the track team are going dancing tonight. Wanna come?”
“I wish.” She huffed. “If you see my psych professor while you’re out, can you trip her or something?”
“Trip her?” I laughed. “That’s the best you can do?”
“Spike her drink?”
“While she’s out drinking?” I teased. “Want me to tickle her with a feather while I’m at it?”
Abi and the Boy Who Lied Page 10