“What are you doing here?” I asked.
He gripped my unbandaged fingers while his other hand tenderly held my face. “I could ask you the same thing.”
My lips twitched, but quickly fell. “I’m so sorry.”
Shushing me, he pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry. You wouldn’t have been here if it weren’t for me.”
I shook my head, nearing sobs. “I just wanted to get away from campus. I never thought it would lead to…this.” I shuddered at the memories of last night, fresher and more painful than any nightmare.
“You thought you had a friend,” he said. “It’s not your fault.”
“It was though. If I hadn’t been so stupid about the letters and track and my weight, and—”
“It’s my fault,” he insisted.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I said into his shoulder.
“I did. I made you feel like you weren’t enough. I should have told you every day how amazing you are. I should have taken my chance before you lost the weight.”
My heart tightened at his words. I wanted to argue, but part of me had always wondered if he’d finally decided to date me only because I’d become thin.
“I knew I had to meet you the second I saw you on the bus. I knew I wanted to date you when I walked into my dining room and saw you sitting there. And I knew I couldn’t live without you the second I walked away from you this morning.”
The shards of my heart slowly came back together. “But…”
“No buts,” he said. Then he pulled back and looked in my eyes, caught my heart with the emotion I saw behind the most beautiful green. “Everything I loved about you was already there. You never had to be anything more than Abi. Your family problems, your weight, your mile time—none of that changed my mind about you. Abi was always enough.”
I held on to him, for the first time believing every single word.
Chapter Sixty-Three
Now that Jon was here, I couldn’t imagine staying another second in Sheila’s house.
She said she understood, but we still had to go to the police station for my official statement. Jon went with me, refusing to leave my side.
He didn’t flinch away from my account of the day. Instead, he held my hand tighter, his jaw tightening with each detail.
“What’s happening to this guy?” he demanded of the investigator.
She shook her head. “If he survives, the case will go to trial.”
“If he survives?” Jon asked.
“He is in critical condition,” she said. “He’s lucky he made it.”
I covered my mouth in horror.
Jon gritted his teeth together. “Lucky?”
She looked between Jon and me. “I’ll give you two a minute.”
With the door shut behind her, Jon stood, fuming, “I hope he suffers. He should die a thousand times over for what he put you through. What he was planning to do to you.”
I cringed, knowing there was a real possibility I could have been dead in the pasture. Tortured slowly by someone who wanted nothing more than to transfer his pain to me. Not sitting here beside Jon.
“I can’t help but feel responsible, though,” I said. “He never would have been in such a dark place without my dad.”
“No,” Jon cut me off, his voice firm. “When bad things happen, it shows who you really are. Your parents turned to drugs after your dad’s injury. Eric tried to murder someone completely innocent. And you? All you’ve done is pour every bit of your energy into making yourself better. They had that chance, too, but they chose something different.”
I swallowed. Was that true?
“You’re a cycle breaker, Abi,” he said. “The drugs, the violence, the abuse… it ended with you. I’m the luckiest man alive to be with someone so kind and good. I can’t believe I almost blew it.”
Tears burned my eyes. I would never take Jon for granted again or think of him as anything other than a precious gift. I didn’t deserve him; I had lucked out.
But maybe I did deserve something good after everything I’d been through. Maybe good things and bad things didn’t happen for a reason. They just happened. And you had to take them as they came.
He pressed his lips to mine, and the tangy taste of salt blended with the sweet flavor of Jon. I held him close, savoring every second of our kiss. His lips were tender, soft, adoring. Our embrace was like falling into a hammock and rocking slowly, knowing everything, no matter what, would be okay, just because we had each other.
Chapter Sixty-Four
We left as soon as we’d finished with the investigator. Jon drove the entire way to Woodman, holding my hand, but that still didn’t feel close enough.
We didn’t talk much, but his hand gripping mine said all there was to know. He had me. And he wasn’t letting go.
Grandma called a couple of times on the way to check on me, but I couldn’t bring myself to talk to her. Not yet. I just wanted to see her. To show her I was okay—or at least, going to be.
We arrived in Woodman late at night, after the stars were already twinkling in the sky and the moon hung like a silver orb straight above us. It seemed crazy they still shined after what happened.
Jon opened the door for me and walked me down the sidewalk to Grandma’s house.
She didn’t wait for us to get inside. The door flung open, and she raced toward us, tears already streaming down her lined face. She took me in the tightest hug I’d ever felt.
Jon hung on to my hand, but I hugged her back with everything I had left.
She pulled back, stroking my hair away from my face, touching my cheeks like she wanted to make sure I was real.
“Abi, you’re okay. You’re okay.” She pulled me in again, sobbing against my shoulder. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
“I had to be,” I said, holding her tight. “I still have so much crap to give you about you going steady with Jorge.”
She groaned and let out a half laugh, half sob. “Silly girl.” But then she took my other hand and led us into the house. “Jon said you might be hungry, so I made everything.”
Grandma’s table practically sagged under plates and plates of food. Everything from dressing-less salad to grilled chicken and carrot sticks. But there was real food there too. Potato casseroles and a bowl of coleslaw that had to be more mayonnaise than cabbage.
I went straight for the serving spoon and ate a big bite, strips of cabbage hanging out of my mouth.
They both laughed, and Grandma said, “We got our girl back, didn’t we?”
Jon grinned. “We sure did.”
We ate to our hearts’ content, until multiple plates had emptied and there was no more room in my stomach.
Grandma looked at me with love-filled eyes. “You need some rest.”
I didn’t want to go to bed after all that had happened, but I couldn’t deny the bone-deep tiredness that touched every part of my body. Mostly, I didn’t want to leave Jon.
She looked at him and said, “You’re welcome to stay.”
Chapter Sixty-Five
Jon and I crawled into my bed. Even though it was a queen and had so much more room than my bed in the dorm, we lay just as closely.
I faced him, letting my hand fall softly to his chest, right over his heart.
His fingers moved over my temple, brushing my hair back in a soothing pattern.
Our eyes held, admiring, marveling, savoring.
“I can’t believe I almost lost you,” he said.
“I don’t want to think of that anymore,” I replied, pushing up so I was over him, straddling him, my hair falling like a curtain around us. “I want to think of our future. One that never ends.”
His eyes glittered as he nodded, understanding dawning on his face.
I dipped my head down and kissed him, slowly, like we had all the time in the world, but the truth was, we only had this night, this moment. That was all we were ever promised. I couldn’t live another second not making the most of it.
With each slow kiss, each gentle touch, he cherished my body, adored it, until he traded spaces with me, hovering over me and pressing his weight against me as gently as he could. I gripped his shoulders and brought him closer to me for another kiss.
Breathing soft and slow, he feathered kisses along my cheek, along the bandages on my chin, down to my collarbone and the wrappings on my shoulder.
I reached down to peel off my shirt, struggled, but he helped me and then removed his own.
Our skin touched, warm, charged, safe. I wanted nothing to keep us apart, to stall this wonderful sensation spreading through my body. I made to pull up my sports bra, and he helped with that too, being gentle as it brushed against my bandages.
For a moment, he just stared, and I couldn’t find it in me to be self-conscious. To worry about Denise and what she had or hadn’t shared with him. I knew it would never come close to what I felt for him now. To what he so clearly felt for me.
We loved each other for the rest of the night until sweat slicked our foreheads and our bodies were spent. And then he held me close, his lips pressed against my forehead, as he whispered over and over again how much he loved me.
Chapter Sixty-Six
Soft light slanted through my bedroom curtains, illuminating the smooth planes of Jon’s face. I took him in, every inch, knowing he was completely and fully mine. Just like I was his. After last night, it could never be any other way.
I lay silently beside him until his eyelids fluttered to life, and he saw me through heavy lids, a smile slowly spreading across his face.
“Good morning, beautiful.” His voice was husky. Perfect.
I smiled back at him. “Is this real life?”
He chuckled, pulling me closer to his chest. “How could it be anything else?”
Someone yelled from outside the room, and the door flew open. Stormy stood, wearing her apron from work, arms folded across her chest. “Abi almost gets murdered, and I have to hear about it on the radio?”
I shuffled back, pulling the blanket around my chest.
She rolled her eyes. “Oh, and you had sex. I suppose I was supposed to do my tarot cards to find that one out?”
“You don’t do tarot cards,” I said. “I think you’re supposed to read them.”
Her hands flew out at her sides, matching her exasperated expression. “That’s not the point!” She hurried to me and held me close, wedging her arm between Jon and me. “Thank God you’re okay.”
I nodded. “I’m getting there.”
She stepped back and caressed the not-yet-present bump of her stomach. “If I had to find another godmother for my baby, I would have found you in the afterlife and murdered you a second time.”
I laughed. Harder than I should have.
She rolled her eyes, exasperated. “Get dressed, lovebirds, and meet me at the diner. I’ve got to get back to work.” On the way out, she turned and held up a sticky note. “Oh, and your grandma’s at some guy named Jorge’s house. She’ll be back at noon.”
After the door shut behind her, Jon asked, “Are we going?”
“Yeah.” I gave him a mischievous smile. “But there’s something I want to do first.”
I kissed him again, hungrier this time, playful, and we got lost in a tangle of sheets and limbs and love.
When it had been so long we were at risk of Stormy barging back in, we took separate showers and got dressed. The only clothes I had here were ones that were too big for me before I left for college.
None of them fit right, but I pulled on a pair of sweatpants with a drawstring and one of my many T-shirts. I stared at the words, tears forming in my eyes. I love you from my head to-ma-toes.
The restaurant was busy when we got there, but the second Stormy saw us, she turned over her shoulder and yelled into the kitchen window, “I’m taking fifteen!”
Jon held my hand and led me to an open booth, the farthest one from anyone else, and sat down on the same side as me. I loved the way his arm snaked around my shoulders and rested there, like that was where it belonged. Where I belonged.
Stormy came over and flopped down into the booth, causing the cushion to let out a whoosh of air. She ignored it and put her elbows on the table. “Tell me everything.”
I told the story, and the more I said it out loud, the more I realized the depth of horror that had happened to me. I had been through hell and back twice now. But I had survived each time.
When I finished, there were tears in her eyes that she wiped away. “If he doesn’t die, I’ll go murder him myself.”
I shook my head. I didn’t know what to hope for. Wishing him dead would make me too similar to him. But having him alive meant knowing there was someone on the planet who wanted, and attempted, to have me dead.
“What are you doing next?” she asked. “Are you going back to college?”
I sighed. “I don’t even know if they’ll take me back. I broke the nutritionist’s rules on day one.”
Jon gently rubbed my back. “We’ll figure it out. And if not, we’ll transfer somewhere cheaper next year.”
My mouth fell open at what that meant. “You’d do that?” He’d be giving up everything for me.
“I’d do anything to be where you are.”
Stormy pretended to gag herself.
Someone yelled her name from the kitchen, and she rolled her eyes.
“I’m going back to work,” she said. Then she reached out and lifted my chin, holding her fingers beneath it so I had to look at her.
“I love you, chica. I would kill for you.” Then she looked at Jon. “Don’t you ever forget that.”
Chapter Sixty-Seven
Mr. Scoller called the college and pulled some strings that may have included a few legal threats.
Jon and I would go back on Tuesday, my nineteenth birthday, our athletic scholarships intact. All homework waived. It was the best present I could have asked for.
Jon might have argued that he had given me a better package.
I might have hit him.
But I did have to meet with the nutritionist and follow through on her rules. I wasn’t crazy about the hours it would take out of my week, but I would do it. Even though I wanted to live in the moment, I had to remember there was an endgame bigger than my twelve by twelve dorm. I had a future to think about. One that included Jon and hopefully a family.
Before we left though, Grandma wanted to take me to lunch, just the two of us.
I agreed, trying not to show her just how much I wanted to stay. I loved being in Woodman, being home with my grandma. At least here I wasn’t a ship in the middle of the ocean, floating in the dark and searching for land.
Plus, I never had to worry about being anyone but myself around Grandma or our friends. They accepted me as I was, knowing my past, my flaws, how I used to look. This was home. But to be able to come back, I needed to leave.
Grandma and I went to the same restaurant where Jon took me to breakfast the first time. Where our families sat together and shared a meal. Where Jon told me that attractive guys—like him—would ask me out, go on dates with me, if they just took the time to know me.
My insides warmed. Jon had chosen me. He knew me. I would remember that always.
“You sure are thinking about something,” Grandma said behind her menu.
I looked up at her. “What?”
“You haven’t said a word since we left the house,” she commented. “Are you worried about that scumbag? You know, even if he gets out of the hospital, he will never have access to you again. I will make sure of it. You hear me?”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Grandma,” I said, half admiring of her steely gaze and half intimidated. “I know. It’s not that.”
She set her menu down and looked at me, worry in her eyes. “What is it then?”
“How are things ever supposed to go back to normal?”
Grandma’s mouth set in a determined line. “Listen to me, okay? If you hear anything I say, I want it to be
this.”
I nodded, waited.
“Once there was a man who fell into the subway in New York City. He got caught between the train and the wall. When the firefighters got there, they realized that the train had cut through his internal organs. The thing that had injured him was the only thing keeping him alive. They knew the second they moved the train, he would die.
“When you grow up in a home like yours, where your parents are always fighting or you’re getting beaten down every single day, you start to feel like that guy trapped in the subway. You hate the train that’s keeping you there, but you don’t know how to live without it.
“And when that train moves, you panic. You search for anything that resembles that train to keep you together because you don’t know how to exist out of that chaos. And if you can’t find anything wrong, you create it. In school, in your eating habits, and in your relationships. Do you understand?”
I shifted in my seat, feeling the uncomfortable truth of her words work through me.
“You haven’t gotten used to living outside of chaos yet, Abi. But it’s your choice. Are you going to find another train, or are you going to learn to live without it?”
Chapter Sixty-Eight
That’s how I found myself in the nutritionist’s office, ready to eat a truckload of crow, along with whatever else she asked of me. Even if it included red meat and ranch dressing.
I was worth it. My future was worth it.
She stared across her fake wood desk at me and said, “It’s good to see you, Abi.”
I nodded, cringing. “Are you ready to tell me you told me so?”
A sad look crossed her face, and she shook her head. “I spoke to the counselor you’ll be working with on campus, and she said a lot of times eating disorders are about control. The worst thing I could have done for you was tell you everything to eat and make someone watch.”
Abi and the Boy Who Lied Page 18