Deep Shadows

by Bella Forrest

  But she was my friend.

  She was someone who had trusted me enough to allow me into her group on OH when she didn’t even know me, and had given me direction in my life, and a sort of family. Beyond that, she’d been working on getting into the archives and giving me hope that I’d actually find my daughter again, at some point. Sure, we had a long way to go, and a lot of things had changed since then, but still…

  “Are you sure?” I asked, my voice broken. “You know she’s our friend, our leader. Why would you accept this as the right thing? There’s a chance that she’s still there, hiding. That she hasn’t been taken by the Ministry, and might just be waiting for us to come get her. I don’t see anything wrong with just going to look.”

  He glanced down.

  “I’m sorry, Robin. But Nathan’s the one in charge here. When the group’s in danger, it’s up to the leader to do whatever he has to in order to protect it. And in this case, he’s the leader. He’s just trying to protect the rest of us.”

  My heart broke a little more at that, and I stood slowly, attempting to sort my chaotic feelings into a few simple sentences, and stared down at him. This morning, I’d woken up feeling as if something had changed in our friendship, like we’d crossed some sort of line and might be moving toward something a lot bigger than just… friends. Now I felt as if I’d misunderstood things, and my heart was hurting over it.

  “She’s my friend, Hux,” I told him stiffly. “She’s been my friend a lot longer than you have, and a lot longer than Nathan has even been a part of my life. Like I said, we don’t know if she’s hurt and needs help, or if she’s just waiting for us there. Either way, I’m going to her office, just to make sure. I have to.”

  I spun on my heel, ignoring the gasps from the others, and stalked toward the door, my mind a black hole. For all the thoughts I’d had moments before, I now seemed to be nothing but a physical body. My brain had gone blank, maybe because it knew I’d done the right thing, and that it didn’t have to think. For just a moment, it could allow my body to be in control. Just until we got to the door.

  At which point I felt a hand come heavily down on my shoulder.

  I whirled in irritation, sure that it would be Jace or Cloyd—maybe Zion—trying to stop me, but reined my temper in when I saw that it was Jackie. Ant was standing right behind her. Both had pinched white faces and eyes that were blazing.

  “You’re going after Nelson?” Jackie asked quietly. “Well, we’re coming with you.”

  I looked from her to Ant and saw him nod sharply. At my lifted eyebrow, he shrugged.

  “What?” he asked. “It’s not like we’re going to let you do it on your own. Besides, she’s our friend too.”

  I let out a breath of relief that I wouldn’t be going on this journey alone, and shot one last glance back at the table. To my surprise, instead of displeasure or concern, I saw Zion and Alexy looking at me with… approval. As if they’d been hoping I would do exactly what I was doing.

  Which was odd. But also, not really my problem.

  I turned on my toes without bothering to look at Jace, already knowing what I would see there, and pushed out the door, Jackie and Ant on my heels.

  12

  I stood against the corner of the building, breathing so heavily the air burned in my lungs. I’d just sent Jackie and Ant ahead of me to wait at the light while I got myself under control, because this wasn’t the way I wanted to leave things with Jace.

  Or maybe this wasn’t how I wanted to start my search for Nelson.

  I wasn’t certain which aspect was bothering me more, but I knew that something felt distinctly wrong. I’d never paid much attention to the phrase “don’t let the sun go down on your anger,” but I did know that I disliked leaving things unsaid and messy.

  After the night I’d spent with Jace, it really did feel like he deserved more than what I’d just given him. It felt like I deserved more than he’d just given me. I wasn’t expecting him to come racing after me, obviously, but I did want to take a moment and sort through my emotions before I went tearing off into the city with Ant and Jackie. I knew I wasn’t being rational—or, at least, a part of my brain was screaming at me, telling me so. I’d told Ant that we couldn’t go after Abe right away, and I’d been completely sure of that. But this was different. Abe was literally in the hands of the government already. He was a prisoner, and going after him would mean going up against the government itself.

  As far as we knew, right now, Nelson was just missing. Out of contact. We didn’t know for sure that she’d been taken prisoner, and we wouldn’t know anything for sure unless someone went to her office to do a bit of research. Besides, part of that research would be getting hold of the hard drives she’d hopefully left behind. They were supposed to contain data on all the various potential loopholes Nelson had managed to find in the government’s security, and that could be useful not just in helping me get my child back one day, but also in helping us in our more immediate situation, given that the government had our friends.

  Going to do some initial research and collect tech was worlds different from trying to actually spring someone from the Ministry. It was incredibly clear to me when I looked at it that way. So why didn’t anyone else see it?

  I closed my eyes with a sigh. There was also the fact that Nelson was one of our best techs and had led a team on OH long before Nathan decided to bump everyone up a step. In fact, I was willing to bet that she was the one he’d truly wanted in OH+, and the rest of our group had just come along as extras.

  If we were going to attempt to rescue Abe and the rest of our team, we needed techs like her. We needed her.

  “I’m telling you, she’s going to be trouble,” a voice suddenly muttered from around the corner. I moved rapidly back into the shadows, wondering whether I should at least turn away, so it looked like I’d been walking rather than eavesdropping. I didn’t want to overhear anyone’s personal conversation—it was too risky, and we all had too much on the line here. With our friends in the hands of the Ministry, I’d started to become an even bigger believer in the idea that we were all safer if we knew less than nothing about each other.

  And listening to private conversations definitely wasn’t the way to maintain my ignorance.

  I had just turned away from the voice and started to make my way toward where Jackie and Ant were waiting for me, when something abruptly changed my mind.

  “Robin is just speaking up for her friends,” a voice that I recognized protested. “She’s not trying to make trouble. She’s doing what any friend would do. Nelson is probably in trouble, and Robin wants to know for sure. That’s all it is.” The voice was unmistakably Jace’s.

  I frowned. I hated hearing other people talking about me. You always found out things that you didn’t want to know. But I froze in place and turned back toward the voices, unsure of what to do next. This sounded like a conversation that I might need to hear. If they were talking about me and my intention to find Nelson, perhaps they would also talk about things that would come in handy on our quest.

  “She should learn to take orders like the rest of us,” the first voice—Cloyd’s, I realized—said. “Nathan says we don’t go after Nelson because it’s risky, and he’s right. If Robin has any common sense, she’ll listen to him and obey his command.”

  I narrowed my eyes and strained my ears, trying to sort out why he would be taking that sort of slant on the situation. I hadn’t known Cloyd for long, but he’d seemed to be a fair-minded individual. I knew he was dedicated to his friends. Why was he siding with Nathan?

  “She has plenty of common sense,” Jace replied, his tone defensive. “She knows what needs to be done, and surely you can see the logic there. We’re in short supply of techs, and having Nelson back on the team would make things easier.”

  There was a sharp hiss that dismissed Jace’s reasoning, and at that moment I realized that this conversation was about more than just their words. Although Cloyd was one of Jace�
��s closest friends—and had actually come down out of the mountains with Jace—they seemed to be distinctly at odds about something. And they were going out of their way not to talk about it directly.

  I hoped it wasn’t actually about me. I didn’t want to be the girl who came between two friends; although, I was also close to melting into a puddle at the idea that Jace was standing not ten feet away, defending me.

  “Jace, I know how you feel about the girl, but you can’t let your emotions rule you,” Cloyd said. “You know how important this is. You know how much danger we’re in. You know Nathan would never ask us to do anything that wasn’t in our best interests, in one way or another.”

  “Wouldn’t he, now?” Jace asked, and I could hear the heavy doubt and sarcasm in his voice. “I suppose he does have a reason for everything he does, and I do believe that his reasons are for the greater good. As far as individual benefit goes, I have my doubts. But that’s not the point. The point is, leave her alone. She doesn’t need you messing with her, and you’ve got no good reason to do so. There’s a fair chance that she’s just going to Ant’s house to get away from us, and I can’t blame her for that, either. It’s been a difficult twenty-four hours, and she’s lost more than one friend.”

  There was a long, loaded silence, and then the sound of some sort of scuffle—almost as if Cloyd had decided to come after me anyhow, and Jace had gone out of his way to stop him. I pressed myself back against the building and whirled away from them, my heart beating heavily and my feet ready to dart down the road. But then the sounds stopped, and there was silence again. I pivoted slowly, afraid that I’d find them at the corner, staring at me, but the corner was still empty.

  I was still safe from being caught.

  But instead of running the other way, I again rested against the structure. Was the argument over? They’d already given me quite a bit to think about, including the weird undercurrent between them about Nathan. But if they had anything more to say, I wanted to hear it.

  “You know Nathan’s going to take care of it,” Cloyd finally said, his voice more subdued now. “She’s putting herself into danger for something that she should ultimately leave to him.”

  “But she doesn’t know that, and she doesn’t need to know it,” Jace answered, his voice also calmer. “Her instincts are telling her to go after her friend, and she has a right to follow through on that. To feel as if she’s doing something rather than just sitting around waiting.” He paused for a moment, and then added, “If you had the chance to go after Kory rather than just waiting, I suspect you’d do it in a heartbeat.”

  Cloyd let out a ragged laugh, and I could imagine him shaking his head, those deep, sad eyes of his looking down. He’d always seemed incredibly withdrawn to me, and I wondered again what had happened to make him look that way. What had he lost that had wounded him so deeply?

  “I can’t say I would do otherwise,” he agreed. “And you know I don’t like the waiting. But I’ve got even more at stake than you do. We both know we can’t step out of line. It’s not worth the risk.”

  “But if Robin can find Nelson and Nelson can help us find Kory…” Jace let the statement hang, leaving it for Cloyd to fill in the ending.

  “Then we might be able to get him back more quickly,” Cloyd muttered.

  At that, they appeared to have reached an accord. I heard the sound of footsteps walking slowly away from me, but only one set. Someone was going back to the bar, while the other was remaining standing mere feet away from me.

  Something told me it was Jace nearby, and my fingers twitched with the sudden need to reach out for him. I wanted to reach for his hand and thread my fingers through his, reveling in the strength and warmth I would find there. I had a quick memory of how it had felt to lean up against him the night before, and then another memory of waking up to the emptiness of being alone. I allowed myself to smile slightly.

  Jace had defended me against one of his closest friends. I didn’t want to come between them, but there was something nice about knowing that he had my back, even if he didn’t know I knew it.

  Of course, that was only one side of the story. What had those two been talking about, in terms of Nathan? What exactly had he done for them, and why were they both so nervous about upsetting him? I’d always had the feeling that they had trusted him explicitly. Now it seemed as if any relationship with him came with some heavy strings attached. Strings, I feared, the rest of us had been tied with as well, even though we’d never been told exactly what we were getting ourselves into.

  I finally moved from the corner, convinced that now wasn’t actually the time to approach Jace, and made my way toward where my friends were waiting. I doubted Jace was going anywhere, and I wasn’t sure how much he would tell me even if I asked about what I’d overheard.

  Nelson, on the other hand, was an immediate issue. We needed to get to her office and see what we could find.

  13

  When I caught up, I found that Jackie and Ant were in the middle of deciding what we should do next. They started moving the moment I joined them.

  “My house,” Ant said quickly. “Granted, Cloyd was there last night, but I don’t think he was paying attention to how we got there. He definitely isn’t the sort of guy who’s natural on the city streets. I bet he’d get lost just trying to get to the next corner from here.”

  I stifled a giggle at the characterization—which was more accurate than Ant realized, given that Cloyd had just recently been transplanted from the wild into civilization with Jace—and tried to match my steps to his longer ones. Jackie, who was even shorter than me, was having a lot more trouble, but we all shared one basic idea: we needed to get out of here as quickly as possible. None of us wanted to wait around for anyone to try and talk us out of our plans. I knew now that Jace supported me, but I still didn’t want to run the risk of Cloyd or one of the others coming after us.

  “Too bad we’re not closer to mine,” Jackie huffed. “Having spent a full night at your place, I can confirm that it’s a complete dump. Looks exactly like I would expect an apartment that belongs to you and Abe to look.”

  Abe.

  That brought up another quick thought, and I figured I might as well address it.

  “So, what exactly are we thinking, here?” I asked, having spent all of my leadership strength back at the Roundhouse. At this point, I needed their input, because I was fresh out of ideas.

  “Get to Nelson’s, somehow figure out what happened to her and whether she’s still around, find her, and then… somehow use her to get our friends out of wherever they’re being held? Roughly?” Jackie supplied.

  Ant snorted. “While I agree with the plan in general, something tells me that it’s going to be slightly more complicated than that. Complicated just seems to be the way our lives are going right now.”

  I took a deep breath, then coughed as the smell of exhaust from a passing truck filled my lungs. I quickly blew out again, my mind racing.

  Well, yes, obviously things wouldn’t be that easy, but it made sense to me that Nelson could be the key to everything. She was the most technologically knowledgeable person in my immediate group of friends, and while she’d made a mistake during the raid, that didn’t mean she didn’t know what she was doing. If we could get her out of whatever scrape she was in, it could be our path right to rescuing the members of our team. We would need a hacker to coordinate the nuts and bolts of finding out where they were, and though Nelson might be a bit nervous about going back in…

  A bit nervous. Now that was an understatement.

  Besides, I reminded myself, jumping off the curb to follow Ant across the street. We need to take one step at a time.

  True, the people who had been captured had to be on our list of things to do, but we needed to find Nelson first. I still couldn’t think of a better way to do that than starting at her office. I had no idea what we might find there, but I hoped that we’d at least find some clue to her whereabouts. And it wasn’t
just about finding Nelson. She’d shown me where she had hidden hard drives, specifically so that I could get to them if anything ever happened to her.

  Well, something had happened. And if it turned out that we didn’t have Nelson anymore, that she truly had been captured, then having those hard drives and the information on them might just give us what we needed to rescue her.

  No matter what happened, it was action. Nathan’s orders of “sit tight and wait” didn’t exactly work for me. It left a lot of our friends in a dangerous situation, and we might have been paranoid about our privacy up to this point, but that didn’t make them any less my family. Even if I didn’t know their real names.

  At that moment, another hand grabbed my shoulder and yanked me backward, pulling me nearly off my feet. I stumbled and turned, confused. Ant and Jackie were in front of me, but someone had come up behind me without my notice.

  Jace.

  He was standing way too close, and I looked up to register that the raw honey color of his eyes looked distinctly lighter, as if it was being watered down. He looked frustrated and slightly confused. I wondered whether he and Cloyd had continued their discussion after I left, and whether it had gone badly if so.

  “Robin, I need to talk to you,” he said urgently.

  A sudden honk and the screech of tires made me realize that we were standing in the middle of the road. I lifted an eyebrow at him and turned to continue on my way. I couldn’t tell him that I already knew much of what he had to say. I was going to have to listen to him, but we had to get out of the street before we got hit. Jace matched his strides to mine and started talking before we’d gone even two more steps.

  “I’m sorry for how that all came out back at the Roundhouse. I didn’t mean for it to happen like that. Honestly, I was trying to plan something better between my meeting with Nathan and our discussion in the bar. It was just… There wasn’t going to be an easy way to say that stuff, no matter what. And I…”