by Robin Roseau
“Whereas I was caught repeatedly.”
“It wouldn’t be any fun after all that planning if it was over too quickly. So, my friends left a surprise?”
“Yes, and it’s rather embarrassing,” I said, “and a little difficult to deal with.”
“Not a tattoo.”
“No. Almost as permanent. Do you want me to tell you, or do you want to find it?”
“Find it,” she said. “You are my Galatzi wife.”
“Yes,” I said.
* * * *
It took her time to find the surprise, but not all that long. At first, she laughed. And then she realized the rest of the joke. And then she tried to get it off me. I complained and said, “You have to cut it.”
“Do you know how hard this stuff is to cut?” she asked. “You’re stuck with it for a few days.”
“Get this thing off me.”
“Do not take that tone with me or you’ll wear it for a month.”
“I’m going to have to go to the bathroom a lot sooner than a month,” I said.
“Are you desperate now?”
“No.”
“Then we have time to do other things.
And so we did, although they involved retying my hands for better access. It grew very, very late, but Kalorain headed to the kitchen to find a knife. She went to work but complained after five minutes. “This isn’t working.”
“Kalorain…”
“Maddalyn, I don’t have a clue how to do this without hurting you. You have a few choices.”
“Yes, and one choice is to fly to the embassy and use far more capable tools.”
“As if I’d let you go.”
“Get this thing off me.”
“Calm down,” she said. “It’s not that bad.”
“I tell you what. Let me to this to you, and then you can tell me that.”
“I can cut most of the material out of the way,” she offered. “And then you could pull it to the side or something.”
“You think this is funny.”
“I do, a little.”
“Let me put it this way. My lips aren’t touching any part of your body again until you get this off me.”
“Maddalyn,” she said. “It isn’t that bad. It’s pretty funny, actually.”
“Cut as much away as you can without subjecting me to sharp edges,” I said. “If you don’t have the rest off by noon, I’m flying to the embassy and will deal with it myself.”
“I’ll go with you if you don’t make that threat about your lips again.”
“All right. Please kiss me, then get rid of as much as you can.”
She did kiss me, but then she said, “I have an idea.”
She got up from the bed and stepped from the room, leaving the door ajar. Then I heard knocking.
“What are you doing?” I screeched.
“Mother, I’m sorry, but I need your help.” I heard a muffled response. “No, that part we figured out. Please, can you come?”
“Kalorain!” I screeched. “What are you doing?”
It was a minute. And when she came back, it wasn’t just Kalorain. Luradinine and Pippa were with her. Pippa’s arms were tied, and they both looked deeply mussed. They began laughing, but then Luradinine said, “You don’t know how to finish tying a diaper?”
“Yes, I know how to finish a diaper,” Kalorain said. “Removing this particular diaper is problematic.”
“Paybacks are a bitch,” I muttered in German.
All three crowded closer. Luradinine bent down and then began laughing. “Sap.”
“Sap?” Pippa asked.
“Tree sap,” I said in English. “The same material they use for their coins. It dries solid. It’s what they used on the ropes so we couldn’t untie them.”
“Oh, no,” Pippa said. “Did you try cutting it?”
“I can barely scratch it,” Kalorain said.
“They wanted to brush that onto our hands.”
“If you clean them while it’s still warm, it’s not bad,” Kalorain explained. “But if you let it dry, you have to chip it off.
“Have you tried pulling it off?”
“It’s too tight around my hips,” I said. “They made sure.”
“What are you going to do?”
“We have tools at the embassy that will cut through anything, but apparently someone wanted to embarrass me more by providing an audience.” I offered a small glare at my wife.
“I don’t have any ideas,” Luradinine said. “But at least if you feel a certain need, you can just let go.”
“That isn’t funny, Mother,” I said.
“Sure it is. You’re not really mad, Maddalyn, just a little embarrassed, and maybe a little put out that Kalorain isn’t able to scratch an itch tonight.”
I thought about it. “I’m already getting even with them.”
“Oh?”
I relayed what they had told me. The three of them listened quietly.
“So we’re a hot commodity?” Pippa asked. “Cool.”
“Cool,” I agreed.
“I’ve been aware of this,” Luradinine said. “I didn’t think they’d play a trick like this.”
“They were very careful,” I said. “It’s embarrassing, but they made sure they wouldn’t hurt me. Can we not share this publicly? Let them wonder. Ignore any inquiries or comments.”
“We can do that,” Luradinine said. “Well, it sounds like you have a plan. Good night, Sappy.”
“Funny,” I said.
“I have a suggestion,” Pippa said. “Maddalyn, I think you should let a doctor remove it.”
“I am not letting Serenity see it, too!”
“I’m serious, Maddalyn. You’re talking about pretty powerful tools. You could get hurt. Luradinine, make her let Serenity help.”
“I don’t have that authority, Pippa.”
“Fine. Kalorain does. Kalorain, listen to me about this. Please.”
“Maddalyn,” Kalorain said.
“I think you’re just teasing me, Pippa.”
“Pippa,” said Luradinine. “Please go get Serenity.”
“No!” I protested.
“Pippa, do what I said.”
I began complaining in German, then flopped back hard on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Pippa was gone about two minutes before Serenity and Margotain both followed her back into the room. “Did you have to get her, too?”
“That was still German,” Kalorain said.
“Pippa said there was a medical emergency,” Serenity said. She moved closer. “Is that a diaper? Since when is a diaper an emergency? Or is that all you had to cover a wound?”
“It’s a diaper emergency,” Pippa said. “Also known as a practical joke. Try to get it off.”
“You don’t need a doctor; you need a mother.” But she moved closer and then spent a minute looking at it, finally rapping against the sap. “What is this?”
I let Kalorain explain this time, and then Pippa explained my solution. “Serenity, don’t let her do it herself.”
“Who else are we going to show?” I asked, still staring at the ceiling.
“Margotain,” Serenity said. “I’m going to need to take Maddalyn to the embassy tomorrow.”
“Not without me,” Margotain said.
“You’re not watching!” I complained.
“Then you can go get one of the doctors at the rejuvenation center to do it,” Margotain said. “Come along, Galatzi Wife.”
“Margotain,” Serenity said. “I’m going to need to explain about a doctor’s responsibility to her patient.”
“She’s not your patient.”
“She became my patient the moment I stepped into this room and it became clear she needs a doctor,” Serenity said.
“I’m not letting you out of my sight,” Margotain declared.
“It’s not like I’m going to run off.”
I sighed. “She can come,” I said.
“That was German, Maddalyn,” Sereni
ty said. “I’m sorry, honey. This was a pretty shitty trick to pull.”
“Yeah, well.” I told them what the women had said. “We’re all ahead, everyone in this room. Success is the best reward and all that. Margotain can come. Please don’t tell anyone else. I mean it, Margotain.”
“She isn’t going to tell anyone else,” Serenity said. “What are you going to do between now and morning?”
We relayed Kalorain’s idea. Serenity looked things over. “Are you desperate?”
“No.”
“I’d rather you didn’t touch it,” she said. “If it’s not chaffing.”
“It was earlier, but it’s fine now.”
“Leave it like this, then, if you can stand it.”
Luradinine knelt down beside Serenity and poked at the sap.
“Seriously?” I asked.
“I’m not happy,” she replied. “This is supposed to be a fun event for everyone.”
“Please hold my hand.” She took it, and then Kalorain moved to the other side of the bed to take my other hand. “Luradinine, I had fun. I am asking you to ignore this, as if it didn’t happen.”
“You’re awfully upset, Maddalyn.”
“Only because I’m embarrassed, and everyone keeps inviting more people to see.”
“I’m sorry,” Kalorain said. “But I think Pippa was right.”
“I know,” I said.
“I’ll need to practice on something,” Serenity said. “I’ll want to know how the saw responds to this material.”
“I don’t know how to get a batch of sap tonight,” Luradinine said. “Whatever we had earlier is hard by now. The best I can do is probably a coin.”
“It’s the same material?”
“The coin will be harder. The sap continues to become firm for a few days.”
“That’s probably fine,” Serenity said. “I’m sorry, but it’s going to need to be a big coin.”
“Why are you sorry?”
“Because the big ones are the expensive ones.”
“You do know that I literally make this money,” Luradinine replied. “I’ll make an extra one in the next batch. Bring me back the destroyed one so I can validate making an extra.”
“We will,” Kalorain said.
“Now that I’m sufficiently embarrassed, could all of you go away now?”
* * * *
“Kalorain?”
“Can’t sleep?”
“If I promise to behave, will you untie me?”
“Yes, Darling,” she said.
She saw to that, and I rolled to face her, wrapping arms around her. “Roll away,” I said. She did, and we spooned. “I love you. When that woman came to you, were you tempted?”
“Is that what you’re thinking about?”
“I’m trying to distract myself. Were you?”
“Not even a little,” she said. “Do you wish I had been?”
“No. Is that sort of thing common?”
“Common? No. But we have all kinds, too, Maddalyn.”
I nodded. I thought for a while. “I thought about it once, with another couple. I never would have asked, but if they had, I’d have said yes.”
“Did you want to say more than that?”
“No,” I said.
“Do you want to know why I wasn’t tempted?” I nodded against the back of her neck. “Because what we have is perfect, Maddalyn. There’s no way to improve on it.”
“I love you,” I whispered. “If I’m not too sore tomorrow, when we get back, could I be your bath girl?”
“That would be lovely,” she said.
* * * *
I stood by while Serenity tested various tools against the coin, locked into a vice. In the end, she went with relatively low technology, a simple oscillating saw with a diamond carbide blade. She also grabbed a simple shears. She turned to me. “Okay. Jump up and lock yourself into the vice.”
“Funny. Can we do this inside somewhere?”
We managed to make it all the way to Cecilia’s office without being noticed. Kalorain had towels, which we spread on the conference table. I stripped down and climbed onto the table then lay down on my back. “I can’t believe this,” I muttered.
Serenity set the saw down and then spent some time examining me. “All right. This will take two cuts. This isn’t the most precise device I would prefer to use. I’m going to cut away a portion of the free material first.”
I lay still as she removed two portions of the diaper, forming two triangles in front in the area immediately nearest where the section that ran between my legs met the section around my waist.
“It’s widest there,” Kalorain observed. “There is more to cut.”
“It’s the most accessible,” Serenity said. She took another towel and added it between my skin and the diaper. “Kalorain, I want you to hold it for me. We’ll cut here first. I want you to lift it away from her skin as best you can.” She demonstrated herself. Kalorain took over, and then Serenity picked up the tool with both hands.
She worked carefully, but it took almost no time at all to cut through the material. It made a snap at the end, and then Serenity straightened. “Good job, Kalorain.”
“Thank you, Doctor.”
“Now here,” she said. They both adjusted position. Kalorain’s hands were cold, but I didn’t say anything. She did a good job keeping my skin away from the dried sap, and thirty seconds later, the second cut was done. Serenity peeled it away, and I wriggled off of it before wrapping another towel around me.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“You’re welcome,” Serenity replied. “Maddalyn, Pippa was right to get me. You couldn’t have done this yourself, and Kalorain has never used tools like these. This wasn’t the way to teach her.”
“You’re right,” I said. I pulled my clothing on then said, “Kalorain, what are you doing with that?”
“I’m not sure,” she said.
“We’re destroying it,” I said.
“It’s a memento.”
“It most certainly not a memento, unless we’re having matching ones.”
“Maybe we should destroy it. How? It won’t melt or burn. If you throw it in the forest, the cotton will eventually rot away, but we’ll still have the sap.”
“I’ll take care of it,” Margotain said. I turned to look at her and raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you trust me?”
“Margotain will take care of it,” I said.
“Good. Galatzi wife, go put that away. We’re returning to Beacon Hill.”
We all did.
Anticlimax
We stayed a few more days at Beacon Hill. And then we dispersed. Cecilia and Sartine took Cecilia’s jumper, along with Tranquility, back to Indartha. Pippa, of course, stayed with Luradinine. The rest of us flew to Sudden, but we took Mama and Laradain to the rejuvenation center. Laradain was ready to begin her service. Mama would help while continuing to learn Talmonese.
Margotain and Serenity moved into the vendart’s home. Baardorid and Valtine were quite pleased to have her.
Mordain moved back home, but she was working with Arthur to improve her navigation skills. He was also teaching her about flight plans and emergency operations.
Kalorain and I stayed in Sudden for a few days, the twins living with us. We rejuvenated our relationship, which didn’t exactly need rejuvenation. Then it was back to Indartha to resume my job on a steady basis.
It was strange. I’d been ready for Mama and my friends to live with us for at least four months. They’ve been here less than half that, and we had all dispersed.
In a way, this all seems rather anticlimactic. Shouldn’t my story have a big crescendo? But it really doesn’t. It was life. Life goes on.
But I had the things I most wanted.
I had Kalorain, and our relationship was perfect.
I had a job I loved.
On a planet I loved, filled with people I loved.
I had the respect of my boss and my coworkers. I had emplo
yees who looked to me for leadership. Me. They looked to me for leadership.
I had my friends.
And I had Mama.
And even better, all those people were happy, too. It turned out that Margotain was exactly what Serenity needed. She provided a fabulous home base, and Serenity was as happy as I was.
And Margotain couldn’t stop smiling.
Luradinine and Pippa were also besotted, although their dynamic was much different. Oh, it was definitely a Galatzi relationship, and perhaps of all of us, it was the closest to traditional. After all, Luradinine was both wife and vendart, and Pippa’s job didn’t offer authority in the same fashion as mine did, or Serenity’s or Cecilia’s.
Tranquility stayed another two weeks with Nalatine. Their goodbye was tear-filled, but Nalatine wasn’t ready to leave Indartha, and Tranquility wasn’t willing to stay. She returned to Sudden to live in her room in our house. But she said she’s fine.
She actually surprised us. She took a temporary job at one of the Sudden bathhouses, strictly as an opportunity to continue to practice her Talmonese. As my story nears the end, at least for now, Tranquility was nearly ready to begin working at the rejuvenation center, but she was waiting for Serenity. That would be soon.
I think that’s everything, at least for now.
Afterword
All of us collected at the door. There was a bright, red ribbon across the entrance, and we stood before it, facing the crowd.
Everyone was there. Well, not everyone, but it felt like everyone. We’d ferried people from Sudden, from the rejuvenation center, and from Indartha. And it seemed like most of Beacon Hill was there. We didn’t have room for everyone, not all at once, but we were going to offer tours and let people see the dancing.
But for now, the business partners were collected in front of the ribbon, and suddenly we realized we hadn’t planned this.
“Someone should say something,” Luradinine said.
“Who?”
“Mother is most comfortable talking in front of crowds,” I said.
“Maybe, but this isn’t my place as much as it’s all of yours.”
“This was Maddalyn’s idea,” Pippa offered.
“You picked the name,” I countered.