by Zoe Norman
I stand at the end of Olivia’s bed, watching her. Jamie gives me a supportive pat on the back and tells me that Olivia’s doctor will be in soon to talk to me. IVs are attached to her left hand. Her leg and knee are wrapped, but there’s no cast. Hopefully she didn’t break it when it was trapped under the dashboard of the SUV in the crash. Her left eye is swollen and a Steri-Strip bandage covers the cut above her eye. Her hair is still matted with dried blood, but otherwise, it looks like she was incredibly lucky. My heart aches for her. I would give anything to be the one in her place. I’m the one who deserves this, not her. She’s good. She’s pure. She’s my life.
As I approach her bedside, Olivia’s doctor walks in, reviewing his chart. He introduces himself as Dr. Alex McCarthy, head of Neurology at Maimonides Hospital.
“Well, Owen, our girl is doing pretty well, considering.”
His use of ‘our girl’ makes me bristle, but because he’s helping to save her life, I’ll let it pass.
Dr. McCarthy goes over her bill of health, covering her obvious injuries. Her knee is severely sprained and they’re still concerned about a torn ACL, but they’ll know more after the swelling has gone down. He discusses his concerns about her severe concussion and explains that Olivia is in a coma because of the swelling. This seems counterintuitive as a coma, at least for me, means bad news. But he assures me that there’s no concern for alarm—it’s just nature’s way of healing itself. They’re monitoring all of it very closely. Thankfully, her skull wasn’t fractured, but her brain was rattled around quite a bit. As Dr. McCarthy is going over Olivia’s status, another white coat walks into the room.
“Ah! Perfect timing. Owen, this is Dr. Anna VanderVeen. She’s the OB/GYN who examined our girl.”
OB/GYN? Why does Liv need to see a… Oh God! What if something happened to Olivia’s lady parts? What are they called? Oh yeah! Ovaries. Did something happen to Olivia’s ovaries or something? That car did hit her pretty hard, and maybe the lap belt did damage. What if she’s not able to have children?
“Owen?” Dr. VanderVeen grabs my arm, bringing me back to the present. “Let’s have a seat, shall we?”
In a daze, I take a seat opposite Dr. VanderVeen and lean forward, placing my elbows on my knees as Dr. McCarthy goes to Olivia’s bedside and reviews her monitor and vitals.
“Owen,” Dr. VanderVeen says quietly, “I’ve done a thorough examination of Olivia, and the baby is perfectly fine.”
Wait. What? Baby? Olivia’s not—
“She had some vaginal bleeding, but that’s common in about twenty-five percent of pregnant women, and given the severity of the accident, I would have been shocked if I hadn’t seen any. The baby is just fine and was perfectly protected by Olivia. You’ll need to refrain from sexual intercourse for a few weeks, but given Olivia’s current condition, I don’t think that will be an issue.” She tries to make a joke to lighten the heavy mood, but it falls flat. Noting that I’m not sharing in her amusement, she wipes the smile from her face and continues more solemnly. “We’ve been monitoring the baby via internal ultrasound, and so far, everything looks perfect. The baby’s heartbeat is strong and measures right on target. We’ll be watching both of them very closely, obviously, but I’m really pleased with how things look.”
I’m speechless, stunned silent. I physically cannot speak. I nod my head up and down, trying to process all the information her doctors have machine-gunned me with. Dr. McCarthy and Dr. VanderVeen look at me and then to each other, not knowing what more to say.
“Owen, we know we’ve given you a lot of information. If you have any questions, just let us know,” Dr. McCarthy says, breaking the awkward silence and gripping my shoulder in an effort to reassure me.
I nod my head again, acknowledging them. The doctors turn to leave and I grab Dr. VanderVeen’s wrist, stopping her.
“How far along is she?” I ask quietly, my eyes not leaving Olivia.
Dr. VanderVeen looks through the chart quickly and replies, “Ten weeks. You’ve got a strong baby there,” she says, smiling, and they both turn to leave me alone with my thoughts.
Olivia’s pregnant. I’m going to be a father.
MY HEAD IS POUNDING. I mean pounding like the worst headache I’ve ever had in my life. I’m having a hard time opening my eyes. They are so heavy. I force them open as my brain starts to register the sounds in the room.
There is constant beeping—lots of beeping. I try to move my hand, and while it cooperates, the movement sends a sharp pain up my arm, so I abandon my attempt. Looking up, I notice that the ceiling is white. I turn my head slightly to the right, not an easy feat with the pounding in my skull. Ouch. There are flowers everywhere. Everywhere. There is also a board on the wall.
My nurse? I take stock of my surroundings more thoroughly. I’m in a hospital bed. I lift my gaze and notice that my arm hurts because I was pulling tangled IV lines that are secured into the top of my hand. Instinctually, I twist my hand so the tangle loosens and I can move my hand more freely. I close my eyes and right myself, so I’m facing the ceiling again. God, the throbbing.
I feel movement to my left. I slowly turn my head to find Owen, his head down, sleeping. His hand is lying on my upper arm. He’s so beautiful. His wavy brown hair is disheveled. He has several days’ worth of facial hair. Somewhere in the back of my mind, it registers that I like it.
I don’t want to wake him. He looks exhausted. I watch him sleep, his back rising and falling with his breaths. I don’t know how long I sit there watching him, but suddenly, he twitches and his hand squeezes my arm. I reach over my body with my other hand and place it on his head. Letting my fingers trail through his hair, I enjoy the softness of his curls. I give his scalp a slight scratch, something I do when we cuddle, which he loves. I smile as he lets out a low, breathy moan of pleasure. His head rubs against my arm, trying to nestle against me.
As if he were shocked, he sits up, his eyes wide and terrified, hunting around frantically. He finally realizes where he is and looks down at me. The corners of my lips lift weakly for him and his face goes from panic to sheer joy. His hand reaches out and caresses my cheek, my face leaning in, desperate for the feel of his touch.
“Hello, beautiful,” he says with a smile. He stands from his chair and leans over me to press a button.
A loud, staticky sound comes from what seems to be a call button on the side of my very techy bed. “How can I help you?”
“My girl woke up, Nurse,” Owen says softly.
“Excellent! We’ll be in shortly!” the nurse replies excitedly.
Owen, still standing, looks my body up and down as if to inspect me. When he’s satisfied, he bends over and kisses me chastely on the mouth. As he plants soft kisses from my mouth, up my cheek, to my forehead, he says, “You sure took your sweet time coming back to me.”
He brings his lips back to mine. Pushing my hair out of my eyes, he kisses me again, still chastely, but they linger.
“Hi,” he says.
“Hi,” I say back, my voice scratchy and hoarse.
“How do you feel?” he asks as he sits himself back down next to me. He takes the hand closest to him and lightly holds it, tracing my fingers with his.
I grimace. “Everything hurts,” I say, trying to talk softly because my throat hurts so bad. “Owen, what happened?”
“You had an accident, baby. A very bad car accident.” His eyes become moist as he says this, and he runs his hand through my hair, stroking my head. It feels so good, my aching head relishing the touch.
A woman in very lively, purple scrubs with Hello Kitty faces on the top comes running into my room. “Well, hello there! Glad to have you back with us, Miss Burke!”
I scowl at her, her voice piercingly loud. “How long was I out?” Why does everyone seem so surprised that I’m awake?
“You’ve been out for a few days now, love. Three to be exact.” She comes over to the side of the bed and Owen moves out of the way. She checks my IV sites and vi
tal sign stats being taken by the machines I’m hooked up to.
“Everything here looks good, Olivia.”
Next, she checks the fluid levels in IV bags hanging pole and looks to make sure my lines aren’t tangled.
“This looks great too. The two of you are healing nicely.”
I squint at her. Two of us? As she adjusts my pillow and sits me up just a bit, she tells me that she’s not surprised that I’m in a lot of pain and she’s going to get me some pain meds. She says that they’re being very careful with what they’re giving me so I don’t have to worry. What is she talking about?
Suddenly, I get a wave of a memory. The pregnancy test. The many pregnancy tests. All positive. Baby. Pregnant. Oh God. The baby. Owen.
The nurse cheerily walks out of the room, off to get my medications. I am left with Owen, who doesn’t know about the baby.
I look over at him. “Baby,” I squeak out, my voice raw and unforgiving. “The doctor. I need to talk to him. It’s...important. I need to ask him something.”
Owen walks back to his place by the bed and takes my hand again. “Do you need to ask him about the baby, Olivia?”
My eyes grow wide with surprise, shock, and then terror.
“I know about the baby. Our baby. Your doctor said everything looks fine. We have nothing to worry about. He said you were very lucky. You had some spotting, which they reassured me was normal in the first weeks of pregnancy.” He lifts my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles.
I close my eyes and cry. A cathartic cry that I imagine my psyche has needed for three days now—forget the tortured weeks before. This is obviously not how I wanted him to find out. Nor did I even have myself formally checked by a doctor. So this is a bit of a shock to me too—that it’s now confirmed.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Owen. I wasn’t keeping it from you. I just... I was terrified to tell you. I know this wasn’t expected. It wasn’t for me either. I don’t know how you really feel about kids. We never talked about it. I was so scared.” I’m rambling and crying harder, weeks of torment flooding out of me all at once.
Owen is smiling down at me, still brushing my hair from my face, just...listening. I can’t tell what’s going through his mind at all.
We stare at each other for a beat before, as if on cue, the nurse walks in. “I have meds!” she exclaims gleefully
Too cheerfully, I think. My throbbing head agrees.
“So the meds are okay…for the baby?” I ask her, nervously. I know that most medications can’t be used during pregnancy.
She nods her head, smiling as she injects a syringe of pain medication into my IV port and double checks the IV site.
“I know this is a lot to take in all at once, Olivia. You’ve lost a few days too, so it’s that much more confusing. Do you have any questions for me?” she asks.
I think for a second. Do I have questions? I have a lot of them actually.
“What injuries did I have?” I ask warily. I’m not even sure if I want to know what’s wrong with me.
“Well, the doctors are waiting for the swelling to go down with your leg and will do a few more tests. The good news is you didn’t break anything. You may have tweaked your knee pretty good, considering it was caught under the dashboard, but let’s wait to see what the ortho’s say in a day or two. You had a rather serious head injury but no skull fracture, so that’s good. Although, you’re going to have quite a headache for a while. You also have a lot of abrasions along your body in various places. You probably don’t feel them yet, but you will. You’ll be feeling pretty beat up for a while. Because you’re pregnant you’ll be here a few more days. They’re going to want to observe the baby a bit longer, make sure it stays stable...deal with the knee, that sort of thing. Although, I have to say, Miss Burke, considering what you’ve been through, you’re one lucky woman. Best news of all is that your baby looks fantastic.”
I take a deep breath of relief. I could have broken every bone in my body as long as the baby is okay. “Um…do you know how far along I am?” I ask looking at Owen out of the corner of my eye. It occurs to me that I only guessed how pregnant I was, but I had no way before of knowing exactly.
“You’re ten weeks, sweetie.” She smiles widely.
I feel Owen squeeze my hand.
“Thank you,” I call to her as she walks out the door.
Owen sits back down next to me. He leans on the bed, his head propped on his hands as I stare at the ceiling, trying to absorb all the information I’ve gotten in the last five minutes.
“So...”
There’s that awkward silence again, and I wish the nurse, as annoying as she was, would come back. I can feel Owen looking at me, even feel his smile. What is he smiling about?
I speak, not moving my eyes from the ceiling. “I knew for two weeks, Owen. I didn’t know how to tell you. I was scared and not sure how to let you know. We haven’t been living together all that long and I didn’t want you to think it happened on purpose. It didn’t happen on purpose. You need to know that. You need to believe that.” I ramble all this in a rush of breath. It has to be said. At this point he knows… What’s the difference?
He casts his eyes down at the floor then at my hand in his. He is playing with my fingers and breathing heavily but steadily. Oh shit. I don’t know what that means, and what’s worse, I can’t see his face.
“Owen, look at me,” I say with as much authority as my broken self can muster.
He raises his head, and the friendly, loving smile he had for me earlier is gone, replaced by something that looks like...hurt?
“I would never think this baby was on purpose, Olivia,” he growls sounding emotional. “I’m hurt that you didn’t know how to tell me. I’d like to think of myself as a pretty approachable guy, especially when it comes to you. I would have wanted to know, wanted to share in this with you. I know this is unexpected and we’re not doing things in the most conventional way, but I need you to know that I’m...I’m excited about this. I’m scared as fuck”—he shrugs his shoulders—“but what guy who almost lost the love of his life—but didn’t—comes to find out he is going to be a father all in one day wouldn’t be scared?” He gently lays a hand on my stomach, and tears begin to pour from my eyes. “I love you so much. I almost lost you. I almost lost both of you. Don’t you know that nothing in the world could keep me from wanting you? From needing you in my life?”
He kisses my forehead and nuzzles his face into my neck, his hand stroking my belly, his tears leaving cool marks on my skin.
“You can’t get this into your stubborn, beautiful head, but you are it for me, Olivia. I have what I need. There’s nothing left to look for. We are in this together, okay?”
I tear up again as he lifts his head and kisses me lovingly. All the emotion of the day has exhausted me.
I rest my hand over his as it covers my belly. “Okay. Together,” I say softly. I can feel my eyes drifting closed. I’m so tired.
“You’re getting sleepy,” he says. “You need your rest. Close your eyes. I’ll have the nurse bring you whatever you can eat for when you wake up.”
I nod slowly, my eyes already closing and my body already drifting. I feel him kiss me on the forehead again, and I drift off, thinking about the little family that has suddenly appeared in my life. Despite my bruises and injuries, I realize just as I fall asleep that I am blessed.
Something is moving against my face. It's soft. Then I hear a humming, like someone talking through a filter far away. I struggle to open my eyes, but it's hard. My head is pounding. It feels like a woodpecker is trying to escape from my head while an elephant sits on it. I finally pry my eyes open and see Owen pulling away from me. He was kissing my cheek. He runs his hand over my hair, his knuckles grazing the spot where his lips just were.
"Hi, beautiful," he says.
"Hi," I respond softly. My throat still hurts. It's hard to talk. "Ice?" I ask.
Owen swiftly gets up and retrieves a small, pla
stic pitcher from the side table and shimmies some ice chips into a Styrofoam cup.
"Do you want to try and sit up a little? I can raise your head?"
When I nod yes, he presses a button on the side of the bed, which slowly raises the head until I'm not fully sitting up but at more of an angle than I was before. Owen takes a plastic spoon and scoops in some ice. Holding the spoon up to my lips I open up and moan as the cold shards slide into my mouth. I know in this moment that nothing in the world has ever felt so fantastic.
Owen smiles and laughs. "Good?"
I nod enthusiastically, and he gives me another spoonful.
"How long have I been asleep?" I ask, noticing that it's dark out now.
"About three hours or so. Your parents stopped by again a little while ago. They’re going home for the night to shower and get some clean clothes, but they’ll be back tomorrow.”
My parents. How did I forget about them through all of this? Oh yeah, I’m pregnant and my boyfriend didn’t know.
“They came? Are they okay? Do they know about the baby?”
“They came the first day you were here and have been here since. Simon and Reese have been by too. They’re okay. Terrified and sick that their little girl is hurting, but okay. And yes, they know about the baby.”
I sigh, feeling awful that I’m putting my parents through all of this. That I’m putting Owen through all of this. And on top of it all, I’ve been hiding a pregnancy from them.
Geez. When I think of it that way, I feel like a really bad person. I try hard to push the thought from my mind.
“God, I feel so bad. They came all this way. My mom must be all over the place about the baby. I need to not sleep so much.” I take a deep breath as I try to adjust myself in the bed.
“It's fine, sweetheart. You need the rest to heal your body and take care of our baby." He smiles again, so broadly that it hits his eyes.
I can't help but smirk back. "You look rather smug," I say.