“Yeah, Chris told me.”
“Well, I planned to have a few people over on Thursday. I know it’s not anything different from most weekends, but I really want you to be there.”
“Me?” My head shook. “I’m probably the last person who should be there.”
“Why?”
“Why?” A crazed laugh came from me. “Because I remind him of all the bad, the loss, the heartache. I’m like a walking trigger for him.”
“You’re also all the good.” Doug placed his palms on the table. “The happiest I’ve ever seen him was with you.”
“That was a while ago.”
“Then you aren’t looking hard enough.” Doug reached out, touching my hand, his eyes pleading with mine. “Please, just think about it. I think it will help him to have you there. If anything, you are the one person who really gets it. Understands.”
I stared at Doug with awe. For someone who everyone claimed to be dumb, he seemed extremely intuitive when it came to Hunter.
“I’ll think about it.”
“Okay, but after you think, come by.” He swiped his sweet tea off the counter, leaving a generous tip, and walked out.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Thursday brought sunshine, clear skies, and heat, but from the moment I woke up, a chill sat on soul, my feet dragging heavily into the earth. On Colton’s eighteenth birthday, Carrie and Dan insisted I throw him a party at their house, which was no different from any other party at their house, but Colton had loved it. Normally the king of the party, he had even more reason to be in the limelight. About to go off to football camp, the party was crazier than normal. His smile had been bright and happy. He had been so carefree and loving that night, telling me he loved me, talking about “our future.” We were clueless that this birthday would be his last.
Luca, wanting to cheer me up, took Stevie and me out to lunch, but I found myself staring off in space, lost in memories. Grief fizzed between the cracks, draining me of wanting to talk or contribute to the conversation.
Because I wasn’t home last year, I never really dealt with their birthday, not wanting to think of the vastly different ways I’d lost both brothers. Now that grief clung to me like the humidity.
My cell sat in my lap, my fingers reaching for it then stopping myself. I honestly didn’t know if Hunter even wanted to hear from me. And what would I say? It would all sound meaningless. I knew all too well how “I’m sorry” became hollow.
Colton was alive and vibrant in my head, like he had come back to haunt me again. Knowing him, he was probably bored in the afterlife. “Hell yeah, I’m bored!” I could picture him prancing next to me, unable to stay still. “I’m stuck in a graveyard with all these stiffs.” His smile expanded with a chuckle. “Get it? Stiffs!”
I rubbed the bridge of my nose, smiling to myself at Colton’s imaginary corny joke. It would have been something he would say. I did miss him. He was an awful boyfriend, but I missed my friend. The one who could easily make me laugh. He and Hunter brought different qualities out of me. Colton had revealed my carefree side, helped me not to take things so seriously, while Hunter dug beneath my skin and brought out all my layers. Challenged me. Made me want more out of life.
Stevie was all for the party, whether it was because she thought it would help me feel better or she just wanted to get out, I couldn’t say.
“I’ve got your back, girl.” She rubbed my arm when we got out of her car, while Luca tried to unfold himself from her tiny backseat. “You say the word, we’re out. You want to get drunk or cry in the corner, I am here for you.”
“Thank you.” I leaned my head on her shoulder. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Not a whole lot in this town.”
I smiled at her comment, but the humor did not reach my heart.
Luca’s presence at Doug’s felt wrong, but he had been so sweet all day, trying hard to cheer me up. I couldn’t abandon him at the hotel while Stevie and I went to the party. It was beyond rude, and first and foremost, Luca was my friend.
The front porch was empty, and no music blared from the backyard. We walked through the front door to find only a few people I recognized from the garage in the living room. Clearly Doug was trying to keep this low-key and intimate for Hunter.
“Hey!” Doug greeted us when we stepped out into the backyard. Twinkly lights ignited the yard in a soft glow. A huge, new aboveground inflatable pool now stood in the middle of the yard. Doug, Jones, Megan, and Chris sat around the rim of the pool, their feet in the cool water as they drank their beers. Some others I knew were around the liquor table, but I counted only about a dozen people. This was a lot smaller than Dougie’s normal parties. Hunter wouldn’t want a lot of people he didn’t know around, and today was about Hunter, even if he didn’t want it to be.
“Hey, guys.” I walked closer, motioning back to our third member. “This is Luca, my friend from Italy.”
They all greeted him, but from the looks they gave him, they all knew exactly who he was to me.
“Nice pool.” Stevie reached over and dipped her hand in.
“Come on in. Swimsuits are optional.” Doug waved us to join them.
“Where’s the birthday boy?” Stevie peered around the space, Hunter nowhere in sight.
The group all looked at each other and anxiety coiled around me.
“Can’t find him. He hasn’t answered his phone all day. I’ve looked everywhere.” Jones adjusted his hat, a frown creasing his face. “I went to his parents’ house. I even drove by the graveyard to see if he might be there.”
“I’m worried about him.” Doug strangled the neck of his bottle. “You remember how bad it got last year.” Jones, Megan, and Chris all nodded, staring down somberly.
I could feel Colton around me like I had earlier, his voice whispering in my ear. “You know where he is, Jayme. You know my brother like you know yourself. Where would you go?”
I knew precisely where I’d go.
“Stevie, give me your keys.” I held out my palm, more a plea than a demand.
“What? Why?” she asked, while her fingers dug in her pocket, placing them in my hands.
“I know exactly where he is,” I said, already turning for the door, not even hesitating. I heard them ask after me, their questions falling on deaf ears as I jogging to the car, my mind clamped down on the only thing important.
Hunter.
Stevie’s white hatchback Corsica zoomed down the street, taking me to my destination, but I felt as if I was stuck in slow motion, the red lights causing me to bounce in the seat, banging my hand on the steering wheel.
My impatience only mounted as the car skidded into a parking place. Climbing out, my leg pinched as though on cue, a souvenir from the accident, forcing me to slow down as I trekked across the pavement.
My flip-flops hit the grass, which tickled my toes, my gaze searching, feeling in my gut I was right. But what if I wasn’t?
With no lights, the stars burst down on me. The dark seemed to magnify the crickets’ loud chirping and the pounding of my heart in my chest. A drop of doubt slid down my throat.
Then I saw him. His figure almost blended in with the ground.
Hunter lay in the center of the football field, just like I found him before Colton’s memorial, where we both came, unbeknownst to the other, to feel Colton’s presence. Colton’s body was buried in the graveyard, but Colton’s soul remained on this field. I knew Hunter would come here. Because it was where I would have come.
I walked softly across the field. Hunter lay with a bottle of bourbon next to him, his arms tucked behind his head.
“Should’ve known you’d find me.” He waggled his head, still not looking at me.
Shuffling off my flip-flops, I lowered myself down, stretching my body out next to him, my arm brushing his. “It’s where I’d come.” I gazed at the stars. Everything about being here with him felt natural. Comfortable. Like this was where I had been heading all day with
out even knowing it.
Without a word, Hunter picked up the bottle and set it between us, like an offering, reminding me of the time he did the same with a bag of chips. Sadly, so much had happened since then and too little had changed. Here we were. Full circle. But then I didn’t know what his mouth felt like on mine, what he felt like deep inside me.
“Your friends are worried about you.” I tilted my head to stare at his profile, his mouth twisting at my words. He was so beautiful I felt my lungs gasp for air. I turned my face back up to the stars.
“Yeah. I know.” He adjusted his hands under his head. “I don’t blame them after last year, but I couldn’t deal with people. Not even them. The watchful gazes, the overcompensating, trying to keep me occupied. And I’d have to keep reassuring them I was fine. I love them, but I don’t have the energy to pretend. Not today.”
I understood exactly what he was saying. It was what I felt all day today. Stevie and Luca tried to keep me busy and engaged, but I only became more exhausted and sadder because I knew how hard they were trying.
“Yeah.” I folded my arms under my head like his. “Last year, being away, I felt l could separate myself from it. Pretend it was just another day. But it was only waiting for me to return, coming back with a vengeance.” I licked my lips. “I’ve been feeling Colton today. Hearing him. Seeing him.”
Hunter’s Adam’s apple darted around, his lids blinking. “Me too.”
“Yeah, I suppose you would, huh?” A strangled chuckle came from my chest. “Like looking in a mirror.”
A smile grew on Hunter’s face as he rolled his eyes. “That’s the best you got?”
“Come on, Colton’s corny jokes have been going around in my head all day. He shanghaied all my wit from me.”
“Sounds like Colton.”
Sitting up, I took a small sip of the bourbon, leaning back on my hands.
“Nothing has really changed. People wanted us to be over it at his potluck, and here we are over a year and half later, and I’m still not over it.”
“Me neither. But I don’t think I ever will be. Especially when I keep getting older and he doesn’t.” Hunter leaned up enough to take a drink. “But the bastard keeps gloating in my head he’ll forever be fuckable and sexy and I’ll grow fat and old.”
Laughter caught me off guard, a spurt of humor cracking across my ribs. Colton would totally say that.
“While he’ll stay every high school girl’s fantasy even when they’re fifty, you’ll be popping Viagra pills like vitamins.” Laughter started deep inside as I heard Colton’s voice in my head.
“Viagra?” Hunter sat up, laughter wobbling his mouth. “You think I will need Viagra?”
“Kind of goes along with your receding hairline.”
Hunter’s eyebrows shot up, his mouth dropping open. “Oh really?”
“Don’t be ashamed. It’s totally natural to have a limp dick and no hair at your age.” I shrugged.
A wicked gleam struck his irises.
Shit. I knew that look.
“No!” I hopped up, darting away, but Hunter was faster. His arm looped around my waist, lifting me off the grass with a squeak, pulling me into his body.
“Okay, saggy tits.” He sniggered in my ear.
“Oh!” I wiggled out of his grip, bolting away again. “I’m sagging now?”
“To your knees, like stretched out prunes.” He stalked toward me.
“Ohhh!” I backed up, trying to keep the distance. “At least they’re in reaching distance since you’re down there anyway.”
Hunter’s eyebrows shot up, his mouth dropping open in surprise, humor dancing over his features. He stopped, shaking his head. I halted with him, watching him. The threads of joy streaking across his face lowered my guard.
I should have known better.
In a blink, Hunter leaped for me, his arms wrapping around me, picking me up.
“Since I’m down there anyway?” His voice rasped in my ear, repeating my words, flooding my body with embarrassment, realizing what I said. “Is that where I’ll be?”
He set me back on my feet, our bodies pressed together. I felt every inhale of his chest against mine. Desire whirled through my head and made me teeter. He reached out and grabbed my arm as though he sensed I was unstable, his other hand sliding my hair behind me ear.
“Jayme?” My name was a murmur, the vibration tapping my mouth, forcing me to lick my bottom lip. He inhaled sharply through his nose. The line between right and wrong was dissolving with every breath. The tension between us was thick and tangible.
Step away from him. This is wrong, and you know it, Jayme.
“We should get back.” I sounded weak. Unsure.
“Yeah, we probably should.” His mouth only seemed to inch closer.
Was I moving yet? No? Crap.
“Thank you.” His words brushed against my mouth.
“For what?”
“Finding me. Making me feel for one moment I could breathe today.”
My lids fluttered, knowing he had done the same for me. The agony of our situation cut an even deeper channel.
“Then it’s only fair to thank you.” I forced myself to look at him.
He tilted his head.
“For helping me find myself. For pushing me to be more than the girl who didn’t even know she was playing a part.”
“If I remember correctly, you didn’t give me much of a choice.” His eyes wandered over my face, a lopsided grin tugging at his mouth. “Stubborn, strong, determined. From the time you sat on the bleachers next to me or stomped into the physical therapy room, you forced me to look at you.”
“You bring it out in me, I guess.”
He huffed with a smile. “What? Being a pain in my ass?”
“Only fair, since you are a pain in mine.”
“Still?” He tipped forward, a hair away from kissing me.
“Always,” I whispered back. I knew I should have stopped him, but I also knew I wouldn’t. The anticipation of his kiss heaved my chest. His mouth grazed mine.
“Hey, what are you two doing out there?” a man’s voice boomed down the field. I jumped back, swinging around to see a campus cop standing in the walkway between the stands. “You’re not allowed to be here.”
Hunter grumbled and stepped away from me, swiping up the bottle of bourbon.
“Sorry, we’re leaving.” I grabbed Hunter’s arm, tugging him behind me and pulling him to the parking lot, trying not to think about the disappointment screwing into my shoulder blades. I should have been relieved the man stopped us, but I couldn’t lie to myself that much.
“Did you drive?” I hoped not since he was holding a half bottle of liquor between his fingers.
“I walked.” He shot me a look. “You know I wouldn’t do that.”
I directed us to Stevie’s car. Hunter didn’t even question it and hurried into the passenger side.
We drove back to Doug’s in silence, the moment between us left on the field, where it probably should stay.
Hunter and I walked out to the patio, all eyes turning to us.
“You found him,” Doug blurted out, raising his beer to me. Hunter absorbed himself with his friends, letting Megan hug him tight.
Stevie sauntered up to me with a knowing grin on her face.
“Don’t.” I gritted my teeth.
“What?” she replied innocently. “I wasn’t going to say anything.”
“You didn’t have to.”
“Just crazy how none of his friends, the ones who know him best, knew where to find him. But you did,” she muttered in my ear as Luca came over to us, his expression lined with tension.
“Hey, Luca… I’m sorry I left you like that.”
“Don’t worry about him.” Stevie patted his arm. “We’ve been having a nice chat while you were gone.”
My lids narrowed on my friend, wondering what that meant.
“Yes.” Luca nodded, tucking his hands in his pocket. “She kept me entert
ained with stories.”
“O-kay.” Something felt off, but I didn’t want to ask. Not yet. I needed to get through this day first.
Music and talking buzzed around us, but the atmosphere felt strange, like we were all here against our will.
I tried to keep my attention off Hunter, but that had always been difficult for me, even when we hated each other. He was a presence which took all the oxygen in the room. He held his phone in his hand, peering down at it, and with a sigh, hit the button, turning away from everyone. He even moved to a shadowy corner as though it would bring privacy.
Was it Krista?
I was surprised she wasn’t here. And if they couldn’t get a babysitter, why wasn’t Hunter home with his family on this day? Especially with Cody.
His shoulders hunched to his ears, his fingers pinching his nose like I had seen him do so many times outside the garage.
Was she giving him shit for not being home? I didn’t know what kind of relationship they had, but of all days to give Hunter a break, it was today.
His head shook frantically, causing me to take a step.
“Bellezza?” Luca touched my hand. “Are you all right?”
“Um. Yeah.” I couldn’t break away from Hunter. I felt it in my gut something was wrong.
Stepping past Luca, I strode toward Hunter, his voice becoming clearer the closer I got.
“Listen to me. Please… don’t do this,” he begged. “You’re not alone. I miss him too! You have me.” His voice cracked, sounding like a child. A scared one. “No! Don’t!”
He froze in his spot. “Mom?” His hand pulled the phone away from his ear, staring at it in disbelief. “Fuck! Mom?” he yelled in the phone.
Julia? He had told me she wasn’t doing well, that the divorce and Colton’s death were taking her down a dark road.
He hit redial and I could hear it ring over and over.
“No! Fuuccckkk!” Hunter screamed at the phone. Feeling my presence, he peered at me, terror widening his eyes.
Oh. God. No. He didn’t have to say anything. I knew.
“Let’s go.” I didn’t even think, just acted on instinct, Stevie’s keys still in my pocket. I turned running for the door. “Stevie…” I yelled, causing the small gathering to look at me.
Broken Love (Blinded Love Series Book 2) Page 24