Shocked by his fierceness, her anxiety had her breathing heavier. Zach would never hurt her—physically, at least—but she sensed he was determined to unearth the past until he’d buried her in it. “This isn’t about forgiveness. It’s about letting go. We have to let go for our son’s sake.”
He grabbed the back of her head and pulled her close. His lips hovered over hers just long enough for her to push him away. Since her brain wasn’t firing on all cylinders, she fisted his shirt in her hands and pulled him closer instead. Closing her eyes and hitting the mental rewind button, pretending it was like any of the other kisses they’d shared, was so easy. Hot, mind-numbing, and a prelude to a foray that would end in his bedroom with the two of them tangled up in damp, wrinkled sheets. But she couldn’t erase the past ten years. Her life was different, and one lousy kiss didn’t change anything. Okay, it was one incredible kiss… a kiss that made her want to wrap her legs around his waist and hold on as though her life depended on it. She wanted to explore his demanding mouth and the hard planes of his chest the way she had in her dreams ever since he walked back in to her life.
“God…” he whispered. He was breathing heavily, his hand fisted in her hair and his eyes glazed. “You can’t deny we’re as hot for each other as we ever were.”
She couldn’t deny it, but she didn’t have to give in to it. “I have to go. I have work tomorrow.”
He stepped back reluctantly, tucking his shirt back into his pants with one hand. Rennie blushed. She’d done that; she’d pulled his shirt free when they kissed. That’s how desperate she’d been to feel his abs, to satisfy herself they were still impossibly defined. They were. Damn him. He was too perfect, too… everything.
“Can I still come to Tyler’s game tomorrow?” he asked, running a hand through his hair.
One lapse in judgement didn’t mean she had the right to renege on their agreement, no matter how much she might want to. “Sure.”
“Great.” He smiled before wiping his mouth.
His lips were slick from her lip gloss, and she couldn’t supress the wish he’d gone inside like that, so all of the women who’d been throwing themselves at him would know he was taken. No! He wasn’t taken. She couldn’t let herself go there. “I’ll text you the details tomorrow.”
“Sounds good. I’ll make reservations at my buddy’s steakhouse. They have lots of healthy options on the menu.” He frowned. “Will Tyler be okay with a later dinner if he has a snack before the game?”
Her heart melted a little. He was concerned about her son. No, he was concerned about his son. She had to remind herself he was Tyler’s father and she had to learn to step aside so they could form their own relationship. “That’s fine.” She forced a smile before reaching for the door handle. “Thanks for everything you did tonight. It meant so much to the Griffins. They’re good people. They deserved a break.”
“I’m glad I could help.”
She believed him. Zach has never been self-centered. He was always the first one to help a friend in need. That was one of the reasons she’d fallen in love with him. If she wasn’t careful, she’d be at risk of it happening again. When she got inside the car, he gestured for her to roll down the window. She turned on the car and lowered the window. “What is it?”
“You know I’ll be dreaming about you tonight, don’t you?”
“Zach—”
“Do you know how many times you’ve snuck into my dreams over the years?” He leaned over, wincing when he braced both hands on his knees. He hadn’t complained about his shoulder all night, but she was pretty sure the pain medication must be wearing off. Still, she didn’t insist he go inside and take another pill. She waited, holding her breath, wishing he would pick up where he’d left off, yet hoping he would leave before he said something that would keep them both awake. “Too many, Ren. Too damn many.”
She wanted to reach out to him because that’s the way it had always been between them. She couldn’t be in his presence without wanting to touch him. Finally having her hands on him again had awakened feelings she’d suppressed for the better part of a decade.
“You were every blonde in a crowd, every sweet laugh ringing out over all the others, every pair of baby blue eyes that sucker punched me in the gut.”
Tears gathered in her eyes because, although she’d never admit it, she knew exactly how he felt. He’d lived in her memory too. As much as she’d loved her husband, a part of her had always belonged to Zach. “I should go.” She couldn’t let him continue. If she did, there was no telling where they might end up that night.
“Right.” He straightened, looking her in the eye.
She knew he saw her tears, but if she blinked, they would fall. “I’ll see you tomorrow night.”
“I can’t wait.”
God help her, neither could she.
Chapter Twelve
“I still can’t believe Zach is coming to my game,” Tyler said, punching his fist into his baseball glove. “That’s so cool. All the other guys are gonna be so jealous.”
Rennie gave her son the evil eye in the rearview mirror. “He’s not coming to make your teammates jealous. He’s coming to see you play because you practically begged him to, remember?”
“You don’t think he’s comin’ just ‘cause he feels like he’s gotta, do you?”
Tempted to correct him, Rennie decided to let it slide. She had enough to worry about—like how she was going to keep her mind on the game and off Zach’s rock hard thigh pressed against hers. “No, he’s coming because he wants to.” That much she was sure of. He’d responded to her text almost immediately, telling her he couldn’t wait to see both of them.
“And he’s really gonna take us out for dinner after the game?” Tyler was practically bouncing up and down in his seat.
She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen her son show so much enthusiasm about anything. Seeing that sparkle back in his eye was nice, even if she knew the worst was still to come. How would he react when they told him that Zach was his father and that Rennie had kept both of them in the dark? Would her baby hate her? Would he want to cut her out of his life, begging to move in with Zach or his grandparents? Of course, she would never let that happen, but just considering the possibility cut her to the core. “He sure is.” She smiled. “Apparently a friend of his owns a steakhouse nearby. He thought you might like that.”
Tyler wrinkled his nose. “I’d rather have pizza instead.”
She shook her head. “Didn’t you have pizza last night?”
“Yeah, so?”
“So tonight you’ll have steak or chicken or even salmon, with salad. You want Dr. Simmons to be pleased with your blood sugar and test results, don’t you?”
Tyler heaved a sigh, staring out the window with a grimace. “I guess.”
She knew diabetes wasn’t easy for her son, but it was the hand life had dealt him. Rather than offer pity or sympathy, she chose to remind him things could be much worse. At least they could control his diabetes with diet, exercise, and insulin. Not all sick children were so lucky.
Rennie turned into the parking lot, and her eyes zeroed in on him right away. Zach was in the midst of a crowd of excited boys obviously begging for his autograph and stories about baseball. She noted he was signing with his right hand, and she wondered how his injured shoulder was. He’d mentioned he saw the doctors earlier and had a physical therapy appointment. She hoped the news was good.
Tyler was out of the car and running toward the small group before Rennie had even put the car in park. The kids weren’t the only ones excited to see Zach. Lily was standing at Zach’s side. She was talking, and he appeared to be listening, but Rennie couldn’t tell from a distance whether he was enthralled. She shouldn’t be bothered by other women making a play for Zach. It’s not like she had a claim to him or even wanted one. Their kiss meant nothing. It was a moment of weakness. If she could convince herself of that, she must be getting better at lying. Zach was wearing dark shades, but she still fel
t his eyes on her when she approached. The thrill bumps rising all over her arms gave him away.
“Hey there,” he said, grinning. “Nice to see you.”
It was a casual greeting, one he might bestow upon a business associate or acquaintance, but the way he said it, low and intimate, let her know he meant it. “It’s good to see you too, Zach.”
Rennie tried hard to ignore Lily, but she was shooting daggers at Rennie through her fake eyelashes. Apparently her son had spread the word to his teammates that Zach would be there because Lily was decked out in her tightest jeans, tiniest tank top, and highest heels. Unless Rennie missed her guess, the other divorced moms would be sporting a similar uniform. Didn’t they know Zach was so much more than his pitching arm, good looks, big fat contract, and celebrity status? He was kind and sweet and… If she didn’t stop, she was going to talk herself into falling in love with him again. She couldn’t let that happen.
“Hey, guys,” Zach said, knocking the peak of Tyler’s hat down with his left hand. “You should catch up with your coach. The game’s gonna start soon.”
There was a chorus of groans, but the group eventually broke apart and walked toward the baseball diamond.
Walking backward, Tyler said, “Thanks a lot for coming, Zach.”
“My pleasure, kid.” He smiled. “Now get out there and show me what you got.”
Tyler gave him two thumbs up before he sprinted toward his teammates to join the huddle.
“He’s such a great kid, Ren,” Zach said, smiling at her.
They shared a moment as a mix of regret and pride charged the air between them. They had created that awesome kid, and even though Zach hadn’t been a part of Tyler’s life growing up, her son was becoming more and more like his dad every day. She saw it in his mannerisms, his laugh, and that intense look in his eye right before he released the ball. No doubt about it, Tyler was the best of both of them. Rennie couldn’t be any more proud of him.
“Well, I guess I should get out there,” Lily said, interrupting their moment. “Should I save you a seat, Zach?”
“Uh no, that’s okay. Thanks for the offer though.”
Rennie could barely contain her smile when Lily’s expression fell. “I need to have a quick word with Zach before the game, Lily. You don’t mind, do you?”
She looked between them as though she wanted to object but couldn’t find a good reason. “Sure, I guess I’ll see you later.” She hesitated as though she was waiting for Zach to say something more. When he didn’t, she walked slowly toward the stands.
“You wanted to talk to me about something?” Zach asked, sliding his glasses up on his head.
She would have preferred he keep them on. His eyes reminded her of melted chocolate. That made her think of the time he’d drizzled it all over her body and licked it off. She barely suppressed the urge to fan herself. “I hope you don’t think I’m out of line for saying this, but—”
“You can say anything to me. You know that.”
Uh oh, he was getting closer, invading her personal space. The last time he’d done that, she wound up plastered against her car with her hands fisted in his hair and her mouth exploring his. She certainly couldn’t let that happen there… in front of their son. “I just, uh, wanted to talk to you about…”
He slipped her sunglasses up on her head with a smile. “I want to see your beautiful eyes.”
“Why?” she asked, feeling a little breathless when his knuckles skimmed her cheek.
“’Cause I can always tell exactly what you’re thinking by looking in your eyes.”
“Really?” She licked her lips. They felt dry even though she’d just applied raspberry lip gloss. “What am I thinking right now?”
“You’re thinking about the kiss we shared last night,” he said, inching closer.
“Zach, we can’t do this here,” she said, hearing the desperation in her voice. She was so weak where he was concerned. Her body ignored her brain’s emphatic message every time he was within touching distance.
“I know that,” he whispered. “We can’t go public until we tell Tyler the truth. Which will be when?” She knew he would press her about that, but at the moment, she was more concerned about what he meant by going public. Before she could ask, he said, “It looks like the game’s about to start. We can talk about this later, at your place.”
“At my place?” she asked. Her voice sounded squeaky. “Who says I’m planning to invite you back to my place?”
“We’ll be spending the whole evening with Tyler. We won’t be able to say much in front of him, and you can’t deny we have a lot of things to decide, Rennie.”
He was right, of course. She scratched her palm, and he looked at her, grinning. “What’s so funny?”
“I want to hold your hand too.”
How did he know that’s what she was thinking? “What makes you think that’s what I was thinking?”
He laughed. “You forget how well I know you, lady. We may not have been together for the last ten years, but you haven’t changed all that much.”
Neither had he. They could probably still finish each other’s sentences. That was sad, alarming, and comforting all at the same time. “Wait,” she said, reaching for his hand. “You made me forget what I wanted to say. It’s kind of important.” She immediately withdrew her hand when she saw him wince. “God, I’m sorry. Is it your shoulder? Did I hurt you?”
He chuckled. “Relax, I’m fine. What did you want to talk to me about it?”
She would rather grind broken glass into her palm than ask, but she had to set her pride aside for her son’s sake. “Are you interested in Lily?”
“Who?” he asked, frowning.
“Lily—that woman you were just talking to.” It put her mind at ease that he didn’t even seem to remember her name.
“You can’t be serious,” he said, rolling his eyes.
“She said she gave you her number at the birthday party.”
“She did, and I threw it in the trash as soon as she turned her back.” He seared her with the intensity of his gaze. He may not be touching her, but with the way his eyes were sweeping over her face, he might as well have been. It had the same effect as an intimate embrace. “Don’t you know you’re the only woman I’m interested in?”
Rennie’s lips parted, and she knew she was subconsciously begging him to seal his question with a kiss. What was wrong with her? He was Zach. The father of her child. The man who broke her heart. “You can’t. I mean, we can’t—”
“Talk about this here. I know.”
He knew damn well that wasn’t what she was going to say, but he’d effectively shut her down just the same. “Zach, I’m serious.”
“So am I,” he said. “This isn’t a game to me. This is my life, and I want you and our son to be the most important part.”
***
Zach knew he’d said too much. Rennie had been unnaturally quiet since his big proclamation. What the hell had he been thinking? He’d promised himself he would take it slow, get to know her again, let her get to know him, while he built a relationship with his son. He wanted her to see that he was ready to be a father, that he wanted to make up for all the years he’d lost with Tyler. He knew he couldn’t rush her into something she wasn’t ready for. She’d been alone with Tyler for a while now, and it would take both of them a long time to trust a man who’d already let them down once.
“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” he said quietly as they watched Tyler jog off the mound. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No, you shouldn’t have,” she said, twisting her narrow gold band.
“Why do you still wear that?” he asked. He was probably crossing another line by asking her about the husband she’d lost.
“On the day I married Nathan, I promised him I’d never take it off.” She looked at the simple ring. “The least I can do is keep that promise.”
Her statement made Zach wonder if she harbored some guilt about her
late husband, but he shouldn’t ask. Of course, that didn’t stop him. “You still feel you owe him something?”
Rennie bit her lip. “I…” Her eyes fell on the family a few rows ahead of them. Two parents with a son just a little younger than Tyler. “I don’t think I was the wife I should have been. I loved Nathan, but…”
Zach knew they were far enough away from the other parents that no one would be able to overhear their conversation, and he really needed to know more about the man who’d taken his place in Rennie’s life. “But what, Ren?”
“Sometimes I think he knew,” she said, sliding her hands under her thighs.
“Knew what?”
“That I’d never really gotten over you.”
Wow. He hadn’t seen that one coming. It was difficult not to smile. He wanted to jump up and pump his fist in the air. “Really?”
“Nathan and Tyler loved baseball,” she said quietly, watching the players jog back onto the field. “They used to watch games together all the time. I’d watch too, but never when you were playing. He asked me if it was because I still had feelings for you.”
“What did you tell him?”
Rennie stared at some point beyond the first baseman. “I told him I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t help the way I felt. I hated myself for hurting him, but we’d promised we’d never lie to each other. Given what happened between you and I, that was kind of a deal breaker for me. Nathan knew that.”
“Where did you go from there?” Zach wanted to believe if his wife had told him she still had feelings for her ex, he would have let her go. If the woman in question was Rennie, he couldn’t be sure. He may hold on to her by any means necessary because after living without her for a decade, he knew that having even part of her was better than being alone with his memories.
“He asked me if I wanted to come back to Texas, to tell you about Tyler.”
“What did you say?”
“I told him I needed to think about what I wanted to do. We had that conversation the day before he died.”
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