An Old Flame

by Raquel Belle

  “So, what? You did me a favor by pushing that girl on me?” I asked, deadpan.

  Neil grinned, his eyes swimming. “Yes I did,” he said. I clenched my jaw and put my glass and cigar on the table.

  “I fucking knew you did that shit on purpose,” I said and stood up to leave.

  “Wait, wait, wait! You’re gonna blame me? You’re the one who felt her up, made out with her, and took her home! All I did was help reveal what was deep inside you all along. You wanted to play the field!” Neil said and laughed. I shook my head, my hand was halfway balled up into a fist, but I didn’t hit him. I just left.

  “Wait, Mark!” Jimmy called after me. I ignored him and walked out. Sometimes, Neil was just too damn much to deal with without wanting to punch him in the face, especially while he was drunk. The guy was a meathead. I stomped to my car, angry with Neil and angry with myself. He was right even though I hated to think it. Ultimately, I was the one who kissed that girl and it was the stupidest mistake I’d ever made. I sighed heavily and started the car to drive home. My blood was hot with anger and resentment. I wanted to talk to Stephanie, to hear her voice.

  I called her, and the phone rang three times before she answered. “Hey,” she said, I could hear the smile in her voice. I took a deep breath, and my head started to clear.

  “Hi, sorry to call you so soon,” I said.

  “What’s wrong? Did you get into a fight or something?” she sounded concerned and it was crazy how well she still knew me.

  “No, I was about to,” I said.

  “Did someone bump you on the street?” she asked. I cruised on the road, so traffic wasn’t heavy, but it wasn’t light either. The bar wasn’t too far from my house anyway.

  “No. I met up with the guys for drinks and a cigar. But Neil ruined everything. He was way too drunk and just … pushed my buttons,” I said.

  “Sounds like he hasn’t changed,” she noted. All I could do was grunt in agreement. She wasn’t wrong.

  “Hey how’s Leena doing after all this time? Does she hate me?” That made her laugh, which was telling. After Steph and I ended, Leena would drop me random hate texts, but I never blocked her though. I felt as if I deserved the bashing.

  “Yeah, she doesn’t approve of us hanging out. To be honest, I’m still on the fence about it.”

  My palms started to sweat on the steering wheel. The thought of losing my shot with her when I had only just gotten it made me edgy.

  “But I thought that we … I thought you’d give me a chance,” I paused, and she spoke before I could.

  “Mark, take a breath. Why are you acting as if I’m your whole world? Your life is bigger than me, you know. You’ll be alright,” she said. I didn’t say anything for two whole minutes, until I pulled into my drive. I was surprised that she stayed on the line with me.

  “I wasn’t alright, Steph. You were my whole world, and my life was nothing without you in it. Success can’t make me feel the way being with you and coming home to you made me feel,” I finally said. It was her turn to be quiet. I got out of the car, and the call transferred to my cell. I stayed out in the cold air, kicking the gravel on the drive.

  “Then why did you do it?” she asked. I huffed, and shook my head, my eyes on the ground.

  “There was a small part of me that was curious,” I finally admitted. I heard her take a deep breath.

  “And, what about now? Are you still curious?” she asked.

  “No. Not in the slightest. Well, I lied … I’m curious about you and your life now,” I said.

  She chuckled softly. “Curious, huh ….” She sighed. I kicked the gravel again and turned towards the house. It was huge, as if she’d been in my life when I bought it. There was no way Steph would let us get such a big place. She probably wouldn’t like it if she ever came over.

  “What are you up to now?” I asked.

  “Grading papers, but I’m also falling asleep, so I’m done for the night,” she said.

  “You don’t sound upset,” I said. It started to rain/snow. I hurried inside and stuffed my coat and shoes in the foyer closet.

  “I don’t know. I guess you being curious is a lot better than some vague, non-answer. I thought you did it because you were the chief example of a smart idiot,” she said, “and that made me mad because I didn’t see it. I felt like I let myself get hurt.” I stopped walking halfway to the kitchen.

  “You blamed yourself?” I asked, incredulously. I was angry at myself all over again.

  “Yeah, I know it’s ridiculous,” she said. “Where are you now?” she asked suddenly.

  “I’m at home, in the hallway by my kitchen,” I said, making her laugh.

  “Okay, I was just making sure you weren’t near Neil anymore,” she yawned, and I frowned. I didn’t want to hang up the phone. She sighed. “I have an early morning, Mark. We’ll talk later?”

  “Okay, maybe we can meet up tomorrow?” I asked.

  “Maybe, I might have plans after work, though,” she said and yawned again. I could ask her out to lunch, but I was sure she had to stay on school grounds until the end of the day. I wished her a good night, and we ended the call.

  Chapter Ten

  Stephanie

  It had been a couple of days since I’d had dinner with Mark. Since we kissed, and he finally told me the real reason that he cheated. I thought I would be angry after hearing the truth, but it didn’t pan out that way. Part of me wanted to move on from it and hearing his explanation felt like closure.

  There was an early-release at school, and on Friday, the kids were off. We were getting so close to the end of the quarter before winter break. I couldn’t wait to have a couple of weeks off. I drove to the airport to pick up my dad. When I got to the airport terminal, I scanned the busy sidewalk and spotted him as he stepped outside with his suitcase. I couldn’t help the huge grin on my face.

  Joe looked the same since I last saw him on Veterans Day. He wore a trucker hat low on his head and sported a red flannel shirt and blue jeans. I rolled down my window and shouted, “Joe!”

  He looked up, his still handsome face crinkled with an embarrassed smile. I popped open the trunk and hurried out to help him with his bag. “Forget this old thing. Where’s my hug?” he grumped.

  I laughed and hugged him tight, then he insisted on putting his own bag in the trunk. “Dad, you look good!” I took his hat off to see his full head of salt and pepper hair. He had a classically handsome square-shaped face and a dimpled chin. He had always blamed his high cheekbones he on his mother’s model looks.

  “I look the same. When are you gonna stop lying to me?” he said and pulled his seatbelt on. I giggled and pulled into traffic. “How are you anyway? Are you eating? It doesn’t look like you’re eating,” he said.

  “My sweater is baggy. That’s all,” I said. “Where are we going first? To eat, or did you want to catch that movie I was telling you about?”

  He waved his hand dismissively. “That flight was surreal. It was the worst hour of my life. I want to take a nap or something before we go all over the place.”

  “Sheesh, dad, what happened?” I asked, chuckling. My entire life I’d been chuckling at my dad’s personality. It never failed, even when he was happy, he was still grumpy.

  “This kid was screaming at the top of its lungs a few rows behind me. I could hear it through my headphones. Then the flight attendant forgot to give me those little cookies that come in a pack—”

  “I know you like those cookies, dad,” I said.

  “Yep, and then the landing was bumpy as hell. The whole thing was horrible,” he said.

  “Is there anything that can make you happy?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “There is only one goddamn thing,” he said, and that was it. I smiled, knowing he meant me. We drove home talking about his favorite topic to gripe about, politics. By the time we were in the elevator to my floor, I had to end the conversation because my blood pressure was rising. When we stepped into the apartme
nt he glanced around for a second and then grabbed the handle of his bag.

  “This place hasn’t changed much. I wish you’d move into a house already. Especially before the market shoots up,” he said, and wheeled his bag to the spare bedroom.

  “Love you, pop!” I called.

  “Yeah, love you too,” he said. I heard the door close, so I left him to get settled. Joe was getting old. Though it didn’t show too much, he was nearing eighty. Before he used to be able to hang out all day like normal, but lately he needed more and more down time. I bit my lip and took the opportunity to finish grading some assignments. My “office” was really my kitchen table. Thankfully there was a breakfast bar, and the dining room table that I actually ate at. My apartment was in a trendy complex near Norman Port. The building was new when I moved in a few years ago, so my apartment had all of the modern finishes. I also had a nice view through the huge kitchen window, and the living and dining room balconies of the courtyard below which looked like a small forest park.

  It took me an hour to finish all of my grading. By that time, my dad stepped into the kitchen and opened the fridge. “If you’re still working, don’t worry about me. I see some stuff in here for a sandwich,” he said.

  “No, dad, come on. It’s your first night. I’m done anyway. Let’s go to our normal seafood place,” I said. “Put on a trench coat. The weather said it’s going to pour.” I hurried into my bedroom to pull on a pair of boots and a thicker sweater. As I was fishing for my coat, my cell started ringing. I practically dove to the bed to get it.

  “Hello?” I said, sounding a little out of breath.

  “Everything okay?” Mark said.

  “Oh, yeah, everything’s fine. Hey,” I said awkwardly and walked back to my closet. I found the tan coat I’d been looking for and shrugged it on.

  “Are you busy tonight? I was wondering if we could hang out,” he said. I paused, my foot halfway out of my door. Joe stepped out of his room across the hall and quirked his eyebrow at me.

  “What is it?” he asked. “Is there a ghost? Is it your mother?”

  “Dad! That will never be funny,” I said.

  He snickered. “You just don’t believe me, but I saw her and you know she’d haunt me too, that old bat,” his voice was fond, and he shook his head with a smirk as he walked to the foyer alcove and coat closet.

  “Oh, your dad’s in town?” Mark asked.

  “Yeah, we’re going out to eat,” I said.

  “Sounds like fun, where to?” he asked. I paused, not sure at all if that was a good idea. I stepped into the foyer, still debating.

  “Is that Leena?” Joe asked. I shook my head. “Well, who is it?”

  I shushed him.

  “No that’s okay, Mark,” I said and shooed my dad out of the door.

  “Mark?” Joe said loudly. “Let me talk to him,” he grabbed the phone from my ear, and I groaned.

  “Dad! Can you not …” I said, pouting as if I were a teenager and he was yelling at me about my phone time.

  “Mark, where the hell have you been, young man? You know I never approved of the way you left my daughter,” Joe said while walking down the hall, putting distance between us. I hastily locked the front door and sprinted after him.

  “Dad, stop!” I said. He moved the phone to his other ear, as I tried to grab it.

  “We’re going to Anne’s Crab House. I’d like to see how you’re doing,” Joe said. I groaned again. Joe ended the call and handed my phone back. I shook my head at him. We stepped into the elevator vestibule, and he acted as if everything was all peaches.

  “Why do you have to be so nosy?” I asked.

  “You know Leena is like my second daughter, right?” he asked.

  I gasped. “You talked to her about me! She told you about Mark?” I yelled.

  He patted my shoulder. “We talk all the time, and yes, she told on you,” he said smugly.

  I shook my head slowly. I was going to kill her. The elevator opened, and we stepped on and headed down to the garage.

  ***

  “Dad, just please don’t say anything private,” I said pointedly. We reached the restaurant, and I luckily found parking on the curb right beside it.

  “He still doesn’t know about that, Stephanie?”

  I sighed heavily. “Why does he have to know?” I asked honestly.

  “Because it involved him, and that’s something serious that you just don’t keep to yourself,” he said forcefully. Joe put his hand on his chest. “If it were me, I’d want to know.” We got out of the car at the precise moment that it started to rain. The water was icy and numbing when it fell on my hands. We hurried into the warm crab house to rich spicy and buttery scents. The restaurant had one huge cafeteria-like dining room. It was loud but homey.

  “This smells like home,” Joe said. I shook my head at him, trying to hide my smile.

  “Hey, Steph, Joe!” Mark stood up from a table just behind the hostess’s podium. We walked around her to the table. Mark hugged me briefly and shook Joe’s hand.

  “It’s nice to see you’re still alive and everything, Mark,” Joe said. I sat down and immediately picked up the menu. I felt vaguely as if I’d been set up somehow.

  “Ah, likewise, I guess. You look good for an old man though, Joe,” Mark said.

  When we’d been dating, Mark and my dad always had a good rapport. I expected my dad to be frank with Mark. I just prayed that he didn’t tell Mark about the miscarriage.

  “Don’t lie to me, Mark,” Joe said and sat down. He put a biscuit on his plate and tore it open. “I hear you’re super successful now?” I refused to look over the menu, trying to telepathically convey my annoyance with the both of them.

  “Depends how you measure it,” Mark said.

  Joe snorted. “I hear you. It’s interesting seeing you back in Steph’s life and all,” Joe said.

  I rolled my eyes and put the menu down. “Dad stop talking about me as if I’m not right here, and he’s not ‘back in my life,’ we’re just … catching up.”

  “For lost time?” Joe asked. Mark glanced at me, with his eyebrows raised as if he were in trouble.

  “You really didn’t want me to come, huh?” he asked.

  I shrugged. “There’s nothing we can do about it now.”

  The waitress finally stopped by our table to take our appetizer and dinner orders. I got what I usually did, fries and half a snow crab with the house’s signature boil. She dropped off more biscuits and promised to be back with our drinks.

  “So you’re just catching up, huh?” Joe asked. I stared him down, and the King of the Grumps gave me an equally stoic stare.

  “No, I’m … getting a shot at a second chance,” Mark said clearly.

  “Well I hope you guys catch up on everything. Even though I don’t like how things ended between you two. You’d been engaged, you know. That’s big,” Joe pointed out.

  “Thanks for the reminder dad,” I said, hoping my tone conveyed how much I wanted him to shut up.

  “So, uh, what were you guys up to today?” Mark asked. The waitress came back with our drinks. Mark tore the paper off of his straw and started to fiddle with it between his fingers.

  “Nothing yet, this is our first outing,” I said.

  “What about you? Tell me all about your successful company, Mark,” Joe said. My nerves eased some as Mark started to talk about the Internet security giants he, Neil, and Jimmy had become. I was interested since Mark had veered all conversation towards me when we had dinner together. He talked about how they’d simply caught a bunch of lucky breaks that led to a string of successes. By the time our food came, I realized how modest Mark was being for me and my dad’s sake.

  “Mark, you guys came up with the programs. You did the hard work of networking and fostering mergers. How is that a lucky break?” I finally asked.

  Mark shrugged. “You know what I mean … The opportunities were lucky ones.”

  “You’ve got brains, kid. Don’t
doubt that,” Joe said. A couple of servers stopped by our table with the seafood. As soon as they left, we all dug in. The food was too good not to give full attention for a while. Joe finished his lobster before Mark and I finished our food. I worried about his mouth being unoccupied, and what he could say while I couldn’t actively stop him.

  “Aw, geez, I feel my throat itching,” he said.

  I quirked my eyebrow at him. “Dad, are you allergic to lobster? Since when?”

  He waved his hand at me dismissively. “I’ve always had a slight allergy. I usually take a Benadryl before to cancel anything out,” he said. “I just forgot to bring it with me.”

  “I can run to the store to get him some,” Mark offered. He wiped his mouth and stood up.

  “There’s no rush. Finish your food,” Joe said stubbornly.

  I shook my head. “No dad, I don’t want to risk anything.”

  “Then I’ll go with him, and you can meet us. It’ll cut down on the time.” Joe got up and reached for his wallet, but Mark moved faster and took out some twenties, handing it to me.

  “I’ll text you about where to meet us. Could you have them bag mine up please?” Mark asked.

  I nodded, my brain not moving fast enough to subtly make sure my dad wouldn’t spill the beans. They left quickly, and I sagged into my chair. My heart was beating way too fast. When the waitress stopped by the table, I asked for the check and doggy bags. My foot tapped restlessly against the floor, as I waited for her to return with the check. When she came back, she tried to chat about the extra biscuits she had packed, but I quickly thanked her, paid her a huge tip on top of the bill, grabbed the doggy bags, and left.

  Joe was as straight forward as they came, and when he had his mind set on something he thought was moral, there was no swaying him. I knew he’d hint to Mark about the miscarriage, at the very least. When I got in my car, I called Mark since he hadn’t texted me yet.

  “Hey …” he answered slowly.

  “Is everything okay? Where are you guys?” I said, alarmed at his cautious tone. I started the car and gripped the wheel tightly.