“I know who he was.” Bradley. He’s still in town? God, did he just move in with them? I take another drink.
“Nice man …”
“Milton!” I snap, running a hand over my unshaven face. “Can we please just not discuss the girls and their date?”
“Sure thing, boss,” he says, sounding unaffected by my short fuse.
I sit back in the seat and think about calling Jet to ask him to keep an eye on them, but then I talk myself out of it. It’s none of my business. But Becca is my sister. I can check up on her any time I want, and I won’t sound like a stalker. More of an older brother.
I get out of the Escalade before Milton can even open my back door and crawl out, the bottle still tightly in my grip.
“Will you need anything tomorrow, sir?” Milton asks, coming around the front of the car.
I shake my head because I don’t plan to leave my place for the rest of the weekend. “I’ll see you Monday.”
He nods and shuts my door before getting back in the Escalade and pulling away from the curb.
I make my way up the stairs and through the glass doors. Thoughts of the last time I stood here, heavy on my mind. Not sure how long it will take to get her out of my mind, but it won’t be fast enough.
I enter my apartment and walk in, not even bothering to turn my lights on. The Manhattan skyline lights my apartment enough from the floor-to-ceiling windows. Yet it suddenly feels empty. Too big. Strange, I’ve never had that problem before.
I slowly head toward my room and shut the door and then fall onto the bed. The liquor bottle still in my hand. I let out a sigh as I imagine her being here with me. Or there with him. I just want to scream at the thoughts I can’t help but stop.
Conner stands before me. He smiles, and his once white teeth are now stained with red from my punch to his face a moment ago. “So still fucking the whore, are you?” He looks at me and laughs. “You know”—he reaches up and wipes the blood from his chin—“I used to share a room with Becca right beside Ashlyn.” He leans in closer and whispers, “I used to lie awake and listen to her scream out Bradley’s name.” My heart beats so hard in my chest, my ears are pounding. “Then you had to go and fuck her.” He looks me up and down with disgust. “How does it feel to know that no matter what you do, she’ll always go back to him?”
I grind my teeth at that memory. Even that fucking bastard Conner knew that she was never going to give me more than just her body. Bradley was always gonna get the girl. I’m not sure why I ever tried.
Even after all that, I still can’t help what I do next.
I pull out my phone and dial up Jet’s number, deciding to do it after all.
He picks up after the third ring.
“Hey, Ryder? What’s up, man?” he asks.
I hear the pounding of music in the background. “Not much,” I tell him. “I was just calling to see how opening night is going,” I lie.
“Great. You gonna make it out?”
Make it out? Not sure I wanna go there and see Ashlyn with Bradley. They’d be dancing or, worse, kissing. “No, I can’t make it,” I say and tip the bottle back. “But my sister is there.”
“Yeah, she came in with a couple of friends earlier. I’m taking care of them.”
Great! He’s getting them drunk. I’m sure their drinks just keep coming. “Can you keep an eye on her for me, please?” I don’t think he has a clue that I mean Ashlyn.
“Absolutely!” I open my mouth to say thanks when he speaks again. “Hey, man, I gotta go take care of something.”
“Okay …” Click.
He hung up. I throw my phone to the end of the bed. It bounces off and hits the floor with a thud.
I sit up and take another swig. Then another. And then another. I drink until I’ve finished the bottle and my vision blurs. My father was right—come Monday, I’m going to get my ass back in the game and put Ashlyn behind me. No matter how hard it is to do.
ASHLYN
Two hours later, I’m drunk. And doing something I thought I’d never do again—laughing.
I stand at the bar of Seven Deadly Sins, holding a glass in my hand with dark liquid. I’m not sure what is in it, but a nice man bought it for me, and it is delicious. It’s like my fourth one. On top of all the tequila shots I’ve had. And whatever drinks our waitress keeps bringing to our table, thanks to the hot owner himself.
“Where did your friends go?” the man yells over the music as he leans into me.
I spin around, the straw between my lips. I scan the busy club and dance floor. This place is packed with wall to wall people. The man who let us in stands over in the far corner talking to another man who has a security shirt on, but it’s not Miller. He nods his head and points over at a hallway where I know the bathrooms are. I’ve visited them often; breaking the seal was a bad idea.
“I don’t know,” I respond with when I don’t see them. But they could be standing a foot from me, and I’d probably have a hard time seeing them over the neon flashing lights and my somewhat blurry vision.
“Do I need to give you a ride home?” he asks, making sure to yell over the music as he leans into me.
I start shaking my head quickly, and it makes the room spin. He places his hands on my shoulders to steady me when I sway. I giggle. “They wouldn’t leave me,” I manage to say but then tilt my head to the side. Would they?
“Would you like me to help you look for them?” he asks, lifting the beer to his lips and taking a good size drink.
Should I find them? I mean, I’m not all that worried about them. Should I be? “Yeah,” I tell him, setting my drink down on the bar.
He takes one last drink of his beer to finish it off and places it on the bar before picking mine up. “I’ll carry it for you.”
“Thank you,” I say and go to take a step forward but trip over my own feet.
He wraps his arm around my waist, and I laugh that I need the assistance. “Come on, Bambi,” he calls out over the music.
He walks me around the dance floor and down a long hallway toward the bathrooms. He comes to a stop, and I stumble forward. If not for his arm around my waist, I’m sure I would have fallen. “There they are,” he says.
I look ahead just in time to see Becca running toward us. She barrels into me, pushing me backward, and then another set of arms wrap around me, and I know it’s Thomas. “Where were you guys?” I yell over the music.
“We had to use the ladies’ room,” Thomas tells me and then looks at the man I have been talking to for the last hour. “What have you been up to?” He looks back at me and winks.
The nice man just laughs. “Whaattts your name?” Becca slurs.
“Nick,” he says, reaching out his hand to shake hers. And then Thomas.
“Well, aren’t you just adorable,” Thomas says with a wink, and Nick shifts uncomfortably.
“You’re scaring him,” I tell him, and we all laugh but Nick.
“Don’t worry, honey. I’m taken,” he says, but the smile he is giving him looks like he’s available.
“This place is awesome,” Becca says, grabbing both my hands. “They have these rooms that have each sin on them.” She rambles on, not making much sense, but I nod as if I understand.
“It’s freaking packed,” I say loudly. “Glad we got here when we did,” I add.
Thomas nods his head as he eyes a man who squeezes between us. “I’ll be back …”
“Thought you were taken,” Becca calls out to him.
“I ain’t blind,” he says, waving a hand at her.
We laugh again, and Nick offers me my drink. I take a long sip from the straw and then offer a sip to Becca. She takes it and then licks her lips excitedly. “Can I buy you a drink, Becca?” Nick asks her, and she nods her head quickly.
“Like you need another.” I snort.
“That’s why we’re here,” she screams over the music. “To get waaaasted.”
“By the looks of us, we’re already there,” I say, making Nick lau
gh.
He places his hand on my lower back, and my body immediately leans into him. I know I shouldn’t give him false hope because I don’t plan on doing anything with him. The lights dance off the walls and floor, and my eyes have a hard time keeping up with them. My skin tingles from the alcohol, and my body is humming from the pounding of the music. “There’s nothing wrong with having a little fun,” he says, leaning to talk into my ear, causing a shiver to run through me. I close my eyes and imagine I’m with Ryder—that he is the one touching me—but when I open my eyes and see blue eyes instead of green staring at me, my heart shatters all over again.
I take a step back from him and pull my cell out of my purse and check to see if he has called or text me. I have one message, and it’s from Bradley.
Bradley: I’m still here. I can’t leave without you, Ash. Please come see me. Let me make this right.
I exit out of it and turn off my cell. Drunk Ashlyn doesn’t need to be talking to anyone tonight. Then I turn to Nick and Becca. “How about some more tequila?”
**
Monday morning, I stand in the kitchen with Becca while Jaycent takes a shower. She hands me a coffee mug, and I smile at her. “Thank you.”
She only nods. I can tell something is wrong. I’ve been trying to be in a better mood for her, but it doesn’t seem to be working. We went out Saturday night and had an amazing time at Seven Deadly Sins, but things went back to normal yesterday. I wasn’t happy or laughing, and she wasn’t smiling anymore. “What’s wrong, Becca?”
She sighs and shakes her head. “Nothing,” she finally says after a long second.
I place my hand on her shoulder. “Well, I am here when you’re ready to discuss it.”
“Good morning, ladies,” Jaycent says, entering the kitchen. He kisses her on the cheek and then nods at me.
“Morning, babe,” she says cheerfully, and I know she’s faking.
“Well, I am off to work, guys,” I say, wanting to give them time alone. Maybe it’s just me she doesn’t want to talk to about what is bothering her. My phone rings, and I pull it out of my purse to see it’s my mother. I smile.
“Tell her I said hello,” Becca calls out.
I give her a nod and exit the apartment. “Hey, Mom,” I say.
“Hey, sweetie, something wrong?” she asks. “I haven’t heard much from you.”
I’ve been avoiding our family Facebook chat ever since Ryder and I broke up. My cousin has been posting pictures of him that she finds on the internet every freaking day. If we were still together, I would tell her to fuck off. But right now, I choose to avoid them all. “Just been busy,” I lie. My life has never been more boring.
“Well, how are you and Julian?” she asks.
I walk over to the elevator and push the down button. “It’s Ryder, Mother. He goes by Ryder,” I tell her for the hundredth time. “He’s good,” I say not wanting to go into detail on my broken love life.
“Good,” she says happily. “When am I going to get to meet him? Your cousin Angela posts so much about him from the internet that I feel like I already know him.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m not sure, Mom.” The elevator dings, letting me know the doors are about to open. “I gotta go. I’m about to get in the elevator, and I’ll lose you.”
“Okay, honey, I hope you have a great Monday. I love you.”
The doors slide open, and I take a step toward it but come to a stop when I see a set of green eyes narrowed at me.
My heart pounds in my chest, and it’s hard to breathe. My palms instantly start sweating.
“Ashlyn?” my mother calls out in my ear. “I said I love you.”
“I love you too,” I whisper, swallowing the lump in my throat. And then drop the phone from my ear before hanging up.
My heart still pounds in my chest as I look at him. He’s wearing a dark blue button up tucked into a black pair of slacks. His hair is styled to perfection in that messy way, and his face is freshly shaven. He looks perfect, and that makes it hurt even worse.
I quickly look around the elevator to see if he’s alone, and I let out a long breath when I don’t see a half-dressed woman in there with him. I’d cry if there was.
His eyes look me up and down, and his lips pull back with disgust. As if he has finally realized he was way out of my league. It hurts more than his words ever could.
I swallow nervously and take a step toward the elevator. “Ryder …” My voice cracks on his name, and I curse myself for being like this. I was doing better. I thought I was gonna be able to get over him, but seeing him right here and now proves I never will. He’ll always be the one who got away.
Instead of saying anything back, he steps over to the right and presses the button on the elevator, and then he squares his shoulders as he places his hands in the pockets of his slacks, giving me a “go to hell” look right before the doors slide shut on me.
I stand there half dazed as realization dawns on what he just did. He hates me so much that he can’t spend one minute with me in an elevator? Did he seriously just close it on me? The moment of panic I just had is replaced with rage.
I shove the door open to the apartment so hard that it bangs on the wall. I hear someone hiss shit, but I ignore them.
“That bastard,” I hiss.
“What’s wrong?” Becca asks.
I look at her as Jaycent excuses himself from the room. “He just shut the elevator door on me,” I growl.
“Who?”
“Ryder,” I explain, gripping my cell. “I was on the phone with my mother. The doors slid open, and I went to step in it but paused when I saw Ryder already standing inside the elevator. He just gave me this ‘go to hell’ look, and then as I went to step on the elevator, he reached over and pressed the button for it to shut.” My arms go wide. “On me. He’s being a child!” I’m shouting as my temperature rises.
“You’ve got to be joking.” She sighs.
I shake my head and then run a hand through my hair. “Nope.”
She walks over to me and places her hands on my shoulders. “You have got to make him hear you.”
“What’s the point?” I ask, pulling away.
“The point is that this is not who you are.” Her voice rises. I narrow my eyes at her. “Jesus, Ashlyn. You are not this woman who lets a man treat her this way. Make him listen. Make him see that he is being an ass. That he has been wrong for long enough. Quit being this woman who lets a man make her feel small and doubt herself. You did nothing wrong, and he needs to see that.”
I let out a long breath and look over to see Jaycent has reappeared. “You’re right,” I growl.
“Yes, I am,” she says with a nod.
I’ve let this go on long enough. I smooth my skirt down and then push hair from my face. “I am not that kind of woman. And I’m tired of letting him make me feel that way.”
He just thinks he hates me. Wait until I’m done with him.
CHAPTER SIX
RYDER
I stand at one end of the long conference table with the Manhattan view to my left. Men fill the seats, and my father sits at the other end.
I lean over it, my hands flat on the black surface. My hair is washed and fixed, I actually shaved this morning, and I didn’t pick my clothes up off the floor. I look well put together for once, but I feel like shit inside. I love you, too. I knew the moment the elevator came to a stop on her floor that it would be her standing there, but nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. Or what I felt.
She looked so gorgeous, and the thought of him having her made me want to punch a fucking wall. Or myself. I knew the moment I saw her dressed in his shirt and the way she called him baby, I had lost her. But I love you? Nothing and I mean fucking nothing could have prepared me for that punch to the gut. I’m still having trouble breathing. I can’t get it out of my head. I love you too …
“Ryder?” my father calls out, clearing his throat.
I look up at him and stand up strai
ght when he arches a brow in question. What the fuck are you doing, Ry? You’re supposed to be working. You had the weekend to drink yourself into a stupor, but now, it’s time to man up.
“Gentlemen,” I say, straightening my black suit jacket as if it wasn’t already in place. “Let’s get started, shall we?” I sound so unaffected. As if I haven’t had a major loss. As if I came to work prepared when all I wanna do is hide under my desk and drown in a bottle of Jack.
They all nod as they look up at me. I open my mouth to speak when I hear Kelly speaking loudly outside the conference door. “Miss … he’s in a meeting … you can’t.”
“One sec, gentlemen,” I say, already making my way over to the door. It swings open and about hits me in the face.
“Mr. O’Kane, I’m so sorry. I’ve called security …” Kelly begins, storming in behind the last person I expected to see.
My heart races, and my eyes widen when I see the beautiful blonde standing before me as if my mind summoned her. “Ashlyn?” I ask in a high pitch voice.
She narrows her blue eyes up at me, and she pulls her shoulders back. My eyes run up and down her in a way that I should be ashamed of, but I’m not. “We need to talk, Ryder,” she demands.
My father clears his throat, and I realize I’m standing in a room full of men who see me as a professional running a billion-dollar company. I pull my shoulders back as well and clear my throat. “I’m busy,” I say, trying to sound like a boss, but my eyes drop to her chest, and I lick my lips at the way her tight black blouse hugs her tits.
Why would she think I want to talk to her? Did she not get that hint when I shut the elevator door on her this morning? It was a little low of me, but I couldn’t chance being in there with her alone. I’m trying to keep from falling to my knees to beg her to pick me. I don’t have much confidence in myself right now either.
She places her hands on her hips. “This won’t take long.”
“Ash—”
“I’m tired of you acting like a child!” she snaps, interrupting me.
I snort. “Me acting like a child?”
“Yes!” she shouts, and I ignore the men shuffling uncomfortably in their seats behind me. “Not only have you been ignoring me but you’ve also been ignoring your sister.”
Selfless (Selfish Series Book 3) Page 6