“No!” he interrupts me and pushes off the doorframe. He walks over to me. “You are exactly what I need right now. We are where I’ve wanted us to be.”
My smile returns. “Tell me what you want me to do?” I urge. “What can I do to make it better?”
He releases a sigh as he lifts his hand and runs it through my hair. “Love me forever.” It breaks my heart that he feels so alone in this world. He has friends and family who love him, but right now, they are all so disconnected from one another.
I place my hands on his chest, and I feel his heart pounding. “Not loving you isn’t an option,” I tease him, trying to lighten the mood.
And it works. He gives me a smile as his eyes search mine. “Going to Panama was the best decision I ever made.”
“Mine too,” I agree.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
RYDER
I go to kiss her but hear a knock on our door. “I’ll get it,” I tell her, walking out of the closet to go answer it.
When I open the door, I’m not surprised to see Jaycent standing there. His eyes are puffy and red. He avoids meeting mine.
I take a step to the left and welcome him in.
“Who is it, babe …?”
We both look up to see Ashlyn coming into view, and she immediately grabs her phone off the countertop when she sees Jaycent standing there, turning away from her. “I’m gonna go see Becca,” she states and then walks out the door that I’m still holding open.
I shut it and turn to face him. I don’t say anything. I don’t know what Jaycent is going through at the moment, but he’s come here to talk to me. I’ll let him take his time.
We were all upset to find out about Maggie. But the love I felt for her outweighed the madness I felt toward my father and Rosie from keeping her a secret.
He gets my attention as he starts to pace. “I didn’t mean to interrupt anything,” he says, and his voice is rough.
“You didn’t,” I assure him.
He runs a hand through his hair. “I just needed to talk to someone,” he says with a head nod. “Becca doesn’t understand …”
“I will,” I tell him.
He nods his head again as if he’s trying to convince himself of that. He stops pacing and turns to look me in the eye, and I see the hurt all over his face. “I knew Gwenda slept with my dad.”
I frown. “So you’ve known about Maggie?”
He shakes his head. “No. But I knew they had an affair. I knew that your mother was in love with him.”
“She loved him?” I ask confused. “I thought that it was just a one-time sort of thing?”
“I don’t know how many times it was,” he says with disgust. “But I caught them one day. At my parents’ house.” He shakes his head. “My mother had passed… He was lonely … weak …” He swallows. “She loved him, but he didn’t love her.” He growls as he starts to pace again. “Then he died.” He sniffs. “I had no clue …” I go to ask what he’s talking about, but he continues as he paces. “And then she went and paid Conner to keep her away from me,” he growls, getting angry. “‘Cause she knew I loved Becca. I could have prevented all of it had I just opened my fucking mouth,” he snaps.
I take a step toward him. “Jaycent? I’m trying to understand, man. But you’re not making much sense.”
He stops and turns to face me. Tears in his eyes. “It’s all my fault. Had I stood up for me and Becca back then, none of this shit would have ever happened!” he snaps.
I frown. “I don’t understand ….”
“Your mother loved my dad!” he shouts. “And when he didn’t love her back, she got angry. She knew me and Becca had something, but she refused to let her daughter be with the son of the man she loved. So she paid Conner to move away with Becca.” He’s breathing heavy and nostrils flared. “Your father told Becca that he had taken care of Conner when I was the one who had him thrown in jail.”
“You what?”
“I didn’t want her mad at me more than she already was. I made some phone calls and found some old drug charges against him. Guess that was another reason he was so willing to get away from here and go to Seattle. Everything leading up to this point is my fault.” He sighs.
“No, it’s not,” I say, shaking my head.
He narrows his eyes at me. “I never told anyone what I knew. If I had told your father …”
“He knew.”
“He knew about the affair, but Maggie …”
“He knew about her too,” I say softly. “He knew about our sister, and that was how Rosie found out about her.” I take another step toward him. “Maggie is safe,” I say, and my words cause him to fist his hands down by his side.
“Your mother wants her,” he says through gritted teeth.
“What? How do you know that?” I ask.
“Your father told me when we had our talk outside at Rosie’s earlier tonight. She’s been threatening him about her.”
I start shaking my head. “But why all of a sudden?”
He snorts. “Your father has filed for divorce. To her friends and the town, she looks like an idiot who couldn’t keep her husband. But if she has a child.” He shrugs. “She has sympathy.”
That’s exactly what I had told Ashlyn. “What is he gonna do?” I ask.
“He’s going to give her what she wants, so she’ll leave Rosie and Maggie alone.”
I run a hand through my hair, letting out a breath. “How much does she want?” She had wanted him to step away from the company, so he did, but he can always go back to it. After the divorce is final, we can sign some more papers and everything be undone. What is the price she wants in order to walk away from Maggie?
He looks at me and says, “She doesn’t want money.” I frown. “He’s called off the divorce.”
ASHLYN
I sit on the couch in Becca’s apartment as she sits beside me crying. “He’s so mad.” She sniffs.
I reach over and grab some tissue for her. “At your mother?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “At everyone.”
I place my hand on her back and start to rub it. “He’s not mad at you, Becca.”
She nods. “He is. On the way home, he was talking all this nonsense. About my dad and then Conner. And then he was yelling about me going to Seattle …” She sobs.
I pull her to my side and gently rock her from side to side. “He didn’t mean it,” I assure her. “There’s just so much going on right now …”
The door to the apartment opens, and I look over my shoulder to see Jaycent walk in with a pissed-off Ryder behind him.
Now what?
Jaycent comes over to us and bends down in front of her. She sniffs and then wipes her nose with the tissue. Without a word, he takes her into his arms, and she sobs into his chest. “I’m so sorry, baby,” he tells her softly.
**
We make our way up to our apartment without saying a word to one another. I walk in and go straight to our bedroom. I’m getting undressed and climbing into bed when he enters, holding a glass with dark liquid in it.
I hold in a sigh. “What’s wrong?” It’s a stupid question to ask because there is so much that isn’t right at the moment.
He ignores me as he walks to the bathroom and shuts the door behind him.
I stare at it for a few seconds, debating whether to go in there or to just lie down and go to sleep. The stubborn part of me decides to get out of bed.
Storming into the bathroom, I find his white t-shirt on the floor while he bends at the waist to push down his jeans. He looks over at me as he straightens and kicks them to a corner. “Thought you were going to bed,” he growls.
I come over to him and lean my hip up against the countertop. “And I thought you were in a good mood?”
He snorts. “I’m so fucking done with this day.” Picking up his glass, he takes a big swig.
“Then come to bed with me,” I say, reaching out and touching his arm softly. I can feel his tense muscles ripp
le under my touch. “This past week has been hectic, to say the least. Let’s just go to bed and start over tomorrow.”
He slams his glass down on the countertop. “Tomorrow won’t be any better.” Then he turns to walk over to the shower.
“Well, aren’t you the little pessimist,” I observe.
He enters the shower, once again shutting me out. The only thing I’m wearing is a pair of boy shorts, so I rip them off and go in after him. He’s standing under the sprayer, his head tilted back and his arms lifted as he runs his hands through his hair.
And my sex clenches at the way the water runs down over his hard chest and defined abs. I want to fall to my knees and lick his defined V. I know sex should be the last thing on my mind, but I’m so unbelievably attracted to him. It makes me insane. His cock hangs between his thighs and makes my heart speed up. Even soft, it’s intimidating.
I make my way over to him as he continues to run his hands through his hair, eyes closed. And I crave to know what he’s thinking. What’s going on behind that gorgeous face of his? Why will tomorrow be just as bad as today? I can’t help but think I’m part of the problem. He told me earlier I’m not, but that doesn’t help ease my fear. Am I in the way? Am I just another obstacle creating stress in his life? I know his workload has gotten bigger, but I also know that now he is gonna try to balance the two so our relationship doesn’t suffer. And that alone could cause problems between us.
I reach out and place my hands on his hips. His eyes snap open, and he lowers his head to look down at me, his hands gripping my hips in a state of panic.
“Sorry,” I say, realizing he didn’t know I was in here. He is really out of it.
He pulls me to him, and I feel his cock start to harden against my lower belly. His hands leave my hips and find their way into my hair. I gasp as he tightens them, and his lips crash on mine. I can taste the lingering whiskey in his kiss, and it has my head spinning when he knocks my back into a cool shower wall.
I pull away panting. “It’s okay,” I tell him and his brows pull together in confusion. I just want him to take his frustration out on me. I want him to fuck me! We both need it.
He places his forehead on mine and closes his eyes, sighing heavily. “I’m trying …”
“Shh,” I say, running my hands up and down his forearms. “It’s just you and me right now, baby. Let go.”
Without another word, his lips are on mine again.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
RYDER
“Good morning, Mr. O’Kane!” Kelly says cheerfully as I walk off the elevator.
I walk right past her and into my father’s office, slamming the door behind me. “Tell me you were lying to Jaycent,” I demand.
He sits behind his desk, his phone to his ear. The person on the other end must have said something because the next thing he says makes me narrow my eyes at him. “It’s your son.”
“She’s on the phone?” I demand and all but run toward his desk. He hangs up the moment I go to reach for it. “So he was right?” I demand.
He sighs and says the one thing that makes my skin crawl. “You have to pick your battles, son.”
I take a step back as if he hit me. “Pick your battles?” I ask in disbelief.
He nods. “Yes. And this is not one worth fighting.”
I can’t believe I’m hearing this! “How can you say that?”
“This is what is best for Maggie. If your mother …” He can’t even finish the sentence. “She will be so lost. Confused. And I won’t do that to her.” He shakes his head quickly. “She needs to stay where she belongs, and that is with Rosie.”
“So just let the bitch win?” I snap.
He slams his hands down on the table as he stands. “That is your mother!” he all but shouts.
I snort. “Yeah, some mother she is.”
“Ryder …”
“First, she cheated on you. Had a baby with your best friend, which she didn’t even want. And then paid a man to fuck your other daughter …”
“Ryder …”
“Now, she’s blackmailing you to keep her reputation.” I snort. “She’s fucking pathetic. And so are you,” I snap.
“Get the fuck out of my office!” he roars, pointing at the door.
“Gladly!” I shout, throwing my hands up in the air, and then spin around and walk out, slamming the door behind me.
“Mr. O’Kane?” Kelly asks timidly as she stands from behind her desk. “There’s a call on line four …”
“Hang up on it!” I snap and get on the elevator. Taking the day off.
I walk outside the glass doors and see Milton still standing by the back door of my Escalade, having only dropped me off minutes ago. “Where to, Mr. O’Kane?” he asks.
“Talia’s,” I say, and he nods, closing the door.
I sit in the back of the SUV and remove my suit jacket and tear off my tie. I undo my cufflinks and roll up my sleeves along with undoing the top two buttons. I feel like I can’t breathe. My heart pounds in my chest, and my palms are sweaty. I can’t seem to catch my breath. I’m so wound up. So pissed. I’m spiraling out of control.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and look up my mother’s number. My finger hovers over it for a few seconds as I think about what I would say to her. That I would finally tell her what I think of her, but instead, I close out the screen and throw it to the floor. She would just hang up on me before I could get the words out, and that would just piss me off more.
“We’re here,” Milton announces, and I climb out of the back seat.
“Hello, Mr. O’Kane,” a man says as I enter Talia’s. I’ve seen him before but don’t remember his name.
I nod. “Hello …?”
“Thomas.”
Ah, yes, Ashlyn has told me about him before. “Where’s Ashlyn?” I ask.
His face falls, and I catch it before he can mask it. “Uh …” He looks around as if at a loss. Then his eyes meet mine, and he sighs. “She isn’t coming in today.”
“Not coming in?” I take a step toward him, and he takes a step back. “I just dropped her off here thirty minutes ago,” I snap.
He nods. “Yes, but then she left.”
I take another step toward him, not in the mood to be fucked with. “Where did she go?”
His shoulders slump. “She went to a meeting.”
“Where at?” I growl. Is it a top secret meeting for NASA? Why in the hell is it like pulling teeth to find out where my girlfriend is?
“She went to the Belvedere Hotel,” he finally says
“Thomas,” I growl, “I’m in no mood to play games. So you said she left for a meeting and then you tell me she’s at Belvedere.” He nods quickly. “Explain.”
“She has a meeting at the restaurant in the hotel.”
“Why was that so hard?” I ask and slap him on the shoulder.
“Belvedere Hotel,” I tell Milton as I get into the back of the Escalade again.
I try calling her twice but get voicemail both times. Just as we pull up to the hotel, I see her coming out, wearing a smile on her face. She comes to a stop and turns to her right and shakes the hand of a man dressed in a black suit with a bright yellow button up. He pulls her in for a hug.
My anger rises more than I thought possible. I’m out of the door before the Escalade comes to a complete stop.
I square my shoulders as I approach them. “Ashlyn.”
She pushes the guy away from her at the sound of my voice and spins around to face me. “Ryder?” she squeaks. “What are you doing here?”
Walking up to her, I take her in my arms and give her a long kiss on her lips. It’s totally a douche move, but at this point, I couldn’t care less. I want to show whoever this man is to my right that she’s mine. Pulling away, she stumbles a bit and I finally turn my attention to the man staring at me with narrowed brown eyes.
“Ryder O’Kane,” I say, reaching out my hand to him.
“I’m very aware of who you are,” he
says in an annoyed voice. And I notice he places his hands in his pockets instead of shaking mine.
“Well, I don’t know who the hell you are.”
“Ryder,” Ashlyn snaps. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Coats,” she says, turning to him.
“It’s quite all right, Ashlyn.” He says her name with a smile on his face, and I fist my hands down by my side. Turning to face her, as if I’m not standing here, he gives her a bright smile. “I hope to hear from you soon, Ashlyn.” Then he looks at me. “We would love to have you in Seattle.” He walks off.
I whirl around on her. “What the fuck does he mean by Seattle?”
ASHLYN
Shit! How did he find me? “Ryder …” His name comes out a little rough, so I clear my throat. “I can explain.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard you say that one before,” he snaps.
I let out a long breath. “How did you find me?”
“Really? I catch you at a hotel with another man, and you ask how I found you?” he asks with wide eyes.
My mouth falls open. “Don’t go there, Ryder. You know damn well I wouldn’t do that,” I snap.
He takes a step back and runs a hand through his hair as he lets out a long breath. “I know,” he says softly. “I just …” He trails off. “What’s going on, babe?” he asks confused.
I lick my lips as I look around, and Milton catches my eye by Ryder’s Escalade. “Come on. We both need to get back to work,” I say, taking his hand.
“Thomas said you were talking the day off.”
So that’s how he found out. “Well, I’m not. I’ll explain on the way.” I don’t miss the fact that his hand is shaking in mine. I know something else is going on other than finding me here.
Once in the Escalade, I turn to face him. “We had a meeting at work on Monday, and your father was wrong.”
He snorts. “About so many things.”
I ignore that because I don’t know what he’s talking about. “Talia’s has been sold.”
He starts shaking his head. “No—”
“Yes,” I interrupt him. “When I questioned the details, she said she could not disclose them. Why didn’t you tell me that you bought them?”
Selfless (Selfish Series Book 3) Page 17