“I needed to her to see that she had feelings for me,” he snaps.I shake my head. “You were supposed to be her best friend. But you’re nothing but a fraud.”
“I don’t expect you to understand. You walked away as if she meant nothing to you,” he shouts.
“I made a mistake,” I snap. “But I guarantee I won’t make that mistake twice. If she told me today she wanted you, I would fight for her like a fucking man.”
He takes a step toward me. “You think you have everyone fooled?”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“When I refused to leave and went back to see her, your friend wouldn’t let me enter the apartment. He told me that you loved her and that you just needed time to come around.” Jaycent said that about me? “She believed it too. She fell so hard for all your bullshit. Then I met one who sees through all your lies. Vicki told me all about you and how you use women. How you need them to make you feel superior. How she’s your true love, and you always run back to her … And how you were going to marry her …”
I throw my head back, letting out a laugh I can’t keep in. “I’ve heard enough,” I say, still laughing as his brown eyes shoot daggers at me. I slap him on the shoulder, and his body tenses. “I just wanted to say thanks for making me a dad with the woman who I plan on marrying.”
“You son of a bitch!” he shouts.
I walk over to the door and open it. A brunette stands there with her right hand up as if she was about to knock on the door. “Vicki,” I say with a smirk.
“Ryder?” She gasps. “What are you …?”
I look over my shoulder at Bradley, and he still holds his glass in his right hand, eyes narrowed on me and nostrils flared. “Karma is a bitch, man,” I say, referring to Vicki. He has no idea what he has gotten in to with that woman. Then I walk out, unable to contain my laughter.
ASHLYN
“You’re kidding?” Becca gasps.
“No,” I say with a giddy laugh. “We’re having a baby.” God, that sounds so crazy to say. I still can’t believe it.
She jumps up from the couch and runs toward me, hugging me tightly.
Ryder and I spent all night last night going back and forth on whether we should tell anyone about the baby. I did some research on pregnancy while we laid in bed, and it said most miscarriages happen within the first twelve weeks. I told Ryder we should wait until we crossed that point just in case. He shut the laptop on me and said I had read enough. And then he brought up another good point. Vicki already knew, which meant his mom probably knew. And we had told his father yesterday when he came in and found me a bawling mess. And I wanted to be the one to tell Becca. She is my best friend, after all. So, not wanting to chance someone else beating me to it, we called them over tonight after Ryder got home and told them the good news.
“Congratulations, man,” Jaycent says, hugging his friend and slapping him on the back.
Ryder pulls away smiling, and I can’t help but stare at the way his green eyes light up. I think back to the way he danced with the little girl at the wedding and how natural he looked. He’s gonna be a great father. He looks so proud. “I hope you plan on selling baby clothes in your store, Becca,” Ryder tells her.
“Store?” I ask confused.
She bites her bottom lip nervously. “I’m opening up a store here in Manhattan.”
I smile. “That’s awesome.”
Jaycent throws his arm over her shoulder and has that same smile Ryder wears. “She’s being modest.” He kisses her on the cheek. “For every article sold, she is going to donate one to a homeless shelter,” he beams.
Tears come to my eyes, and my throat tightens. Becca’s face falls. “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you …”
I shake my head. “It’s not that.” Trying to finish, I take a deep breath, but the tears just come faster.
Ryder pulls me to his chest, and I can feel it vibrate against mine as he tries to hold in his laughter before he says, “Pregnancy hormones.”
They all laugh, and I slap his arm. He just laughs harder and then kisses me on the head. “I think this is a good time,” Ryder says excitedly.
I pull away, unable to contain my laughter. “I agree, babe.”
Jaycent and Becca look at one another and then back at us. “Something else you guys wanna tell us?”
Ryder claps his hand and says, “We have a surprise for you.”
“Go get it,” I say, pushing on his arm. I’m so giddy.
Ryder leaves our living room, and they look at each other nervously. And I say, “You’re gonna love it.”
“Love what?” Becca asks just as Ryder reenters the living room.
He holds a big cage in his hands covered with a pink blanket. “What the hell is that?” Jaycent asks.
Ryder sets it down on the floor and takes a step back. “Well, open it.”
They seem a little nervous, but after a long second, Becca reaches down and pulls off the pink blanket.
“SURPRISE!” Ryder and I both say.
“You have got to be kidding me.” Jaycent says and then cracks up laughing.
“I don’t understand.” Becca looks back and forth between Ryder and Jaycent.
Jaycent leans down and opens the cage and then picks up the floppy eared bunny. “It’s Nibbles!” I say.
“She’s alive and well, and she’s all yours,” Ryder says, nodding his head at them, having way too much fun.
I laugh. “I gotta say, Jaycent, you put on a good show even though I was mad at the time.”
They didn’t stay long after that, leaving us alone in our apartment. We stand in the entryway after telling them bye, and I step to him. He places his arms around me and leans his head against my forehead, and I let out a long sigh. “We’re having a baby.” It’s the first time I’ve said it out loud to him and not panicked.
“How do you feel about that?”
My heart pounds against his chest, and I know he can feel it. “Terrified,” I admit.
“Don’t be,” he whispers. “I’m going to take care of you both.”
I let out a shaky breath. “You’re too good to me.”
“I love you,” he says, pressing his lips to mine.
**
“Shit!” I curse while I stand in the closet trying to find something to wear. Ryder’s side looks well put together. He has his button ups hung in order by color. His jackets and slacks are mainly gray and black, also done by color.
My side looks like a disaster. I even have clothes on the floor. I decide on a black and white dress. Can’t go wrong with black and white.
I hurry to dress and try to flat iron my curly hair, but it’s no use. So instead of wearing it down, I put it up in a tight bun. Being pregnant has already changed my schedule, halting my life for about thirty minutes this morning while I hovered around the toilet. Ryder tried to help me out, but I ended up yelling at him to get the hell out and just go to work. Having the man you love watch you vomit isn’t how you want him to see you first thing in the morning.
So I got a late start.
I just step out the front door of the Q’s and see Milton opening the back door for me when my phone rings. “Hey, babe,” I say, sliding in.
“Hey,” he says softly.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, knowing his tone is off.
He lets out a long sigh. “I’ve been thinking.”
Panic rises. Has he changed his mind about the baby? “And?”
“You don’t have to work.”
I let out a breath. “Ryder—”
“Just hear me out,” he interrupts me. “I don’t want you to work.”
My brows rise. “Are you saying I can’t work?”
“No. That’s not what I mean.” He sighs. “I just …”
“Ryder, I want a career.”
He’s silent for a moment. “I know, it’s just …” His work phone rings in the background, and he tells me he’ll call me back.
My interview was shit! I
sat in there talking to the older man about how I had worked at Talia’s and my college degree. He didn’t seem to care much about my potential. And I really didn’t care. Ryder’s words just kept bouncing around in my head.
He didn’t want me to work.
It didn’t take a scientist to know why. Nannies raised him and Becca. He doesn’t want that for his children, and I understood that. I don’t want them raised by nannies either. But women do it all the time—have children and a career—so why can’t I?
When I arrived back at our apartment, I called the one person who could give me the only advice that mattered.
She answered on the first ring. “Hi, Mom.”
“Hey, honey,” she says excitedly. “How is your day going?”
Fucking pregnancy hormones have tears building in my eyes. Shit, I’m only eight weeks into it. How will I be by the time I’m eight months?
“Honey?” she asks, and her voice is now full of concern. “What’s wrong?”
A dam breaks. “I’m pregnant.” I couldn’t stop. I told her about me and Ryder’s breakup, and then how I got pregnant and what Bradley had done.
“Next time I see him, I’m gonna hit him with a shovel,” she snaps, making me laugh. Then her tone changes. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m nauseated all the time. And I can’t stop crying over everything,”
She gives a little laugh. “Oh, pregnancy takes over your body, and you’re along for the ride.” She makes a joke, and I laugh.
“Can I ask you a question?”“Of course.”
“Did you ever want to quit your job and stay home with me?”
She’s quiet for a long time, and I look at my phone to make sure she’s still on the other end. Finally, she speaks. “I took six months off when I had you.”
“You did?” I ask not knowing that.
“Yes. Your memaw was sick.” My father’s mother. “And we were paying for her in-home care. I had every intention of quitting when I got pregnant with you. After what had happened to Henry, I didn’t want you out of my sight. But staying home just wasn’t in the cards for us.”
“Ryder wants me to stay home. But I’ve always seen myself as a woman who had a career and could also have a family.”
“Honey, you don’t have to have a career to be considered a hard-working woman. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. And women who are stay-at-home mothers aren’t any less of a woman than ones who have a career and children.” She sighs. “Did you call to ask my opinion on the matter?”
“Yes.”
“Put the career on hold. It will always be there, honey. That degree you got isn’t going anywhere. But your child? I know nine months seems so far away, but it will be here before you know it. And then every year just goes by faster and faster. Then they’re graduating college and moving far away from you.” I hear her sniff. “My advice is to be a mother and a wife first. There will always be jobs available.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
RYDER
I walk into the apartment, and this amazing smell of chicken and cheese hits my senses.
I look over at the kitchen table as Ashlyn places a dish in the center of it. She looks up at me and smiles. “How was your day, sweetie?”
“Good.” I nod to the table. “What’s up with this?”
She rubs her hands on my t-shirt that she wears. “I wanted to cook you dinner.”
“Are we celebrating something? Other than the baby?” I ask, and she laughs.
“Something like that.”
She comes up to me and wraps her arms around me. “You got the job?” I say the only other thing that comes to mind.
“Yes, they called me about an hour ago and told me it was mine if I wanted it.”
I smile, but it’s forced. Can she notice? I reach up and press a few loose blond strands behind her ear. “Congratulations, baby.”
“I told them no.”
“What?”
Her smile widens as she wraps her arms around my neck. “I told them no,” she repeats. “I thought long and hard about it today, and dreams change.”
I can’t hide the smile on my face. “What is your dream now?”
“To be yours. To be here for you when you get home with dinner on the table and to be a mother to your children.”
I arch a brow. “Children? We’re having more?”
“As many as you want.”
I reach down and grab her ass, lifting her off the ground. “We should get to working on that.”
She throws her head back, laughing. “There’s already one baby in there. We have to wait to make the next one.”
“Practice makes perfect,” I say, carrying her off to our bedroom.
**
I’m standing in the bathroom when I look out the open door and see her sitting on our bed on her laptop. I spit out my toothpaste. “What are you looking at?”
“Art,” she says simply.
Placing my toothbrush in the holder, I walk out and fall onto the bed beside her. “What kind of art?”
“Talia’s is having an auction this weekend. They are selling all the art left in the gallery.”
“I bet their artists were pissed about them closing,” I say.
She shrugs. “Not sure. I haven’t spoken to any of them. But I can’t say they would be happy.” She scrolls down to the bottom of the page and clicks on a picture of what looks like to be a spider web but each piece of string is a different color. “This is my favorite.”
As she begins to tell me about the differences in the colors, I realize I’ve never spoken to her about art. We were living together and expecting a baby, yet I never asked her about her true passion.
I sit back with my head against the headboard as she snuggles up next to me, showing me one picture at a time, and I just smile at her. I ask questions here and there, and her face lights up as she takes me through all the pictures. I realize I can’t let her give up on her dreams. She was right when she said that dreams change, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up on one for another.
She’s selfless—giving up something she dreams of to make me happy. And I can’t allow that.
**
“Yes,” I tell the woman on the phone while I sit at my desk.
“Mr. O’Kane?” She confirms my name.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Okay. I have your information and will let you know when they’re ready.”
“Thank you,” I say, hanging up just as the door opens to my office and my father steps in. “Good morning,” I say with a big smile.
He looks at me as if I’ve lost my mind. I like to think I’m beyond that now. “What can I do for you this morning?” I ask.
He snorts and runs a hand through his hair. He tosses an envelope onto my desk, and I pick it up. “What’s this?”
“Jackie just gave this to me. She said that you had her on a wild goose chase.”
I nod, eying the envelope and getting a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. “Have you looked inside?”
“Yes,” comes his clipped answer.
I look up to meet his eyes, and he nods his head once. “You were right, son. And I have already put things in motion.”
I grind my teeth and pull the papers out to read over. My eyes scan over the words and figures. I find myself smiling even through the anger. “Well, looks like you’re gonna get your divorce after all.”
ASHLYN
“Where are we going?” I ask, reaching up to the blindfold.
“Don’t,” he says, grabbing my hand and pulling it away; he intertwines our fingers together so I can’t remove it.
“Is this some new fetish of yours?” I ask with a laugh.
“Something like that,” he answers with a laugh of his own. “Just a little longer.”
I huff but smile. He’s up to something. He’s been this way for a month now. Anxious. I just figured it was work, but I realized it was more than that when I woke up this morning and he had a
blindfold in his hands. I thought we were gonna have some kinky morning sex, but he obviously had something else in mind.
I feel Milton bring the Escalade to a stop, and Ryder helps me out of the SUV. “Just a few more steps,” he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice. I think he’s more excited about whatever it is than I am.
I walk up a few stairs and then hear a door open. Then my heels are clapping against the floor, and it echoes loudly. I frown. Where has he brought me?
I feel him standing behind me, and then his fingers are untying the knot to the blindfold. He removes it, and I open my eyes. It takes a second for them to adjust, and when I do, I frown. “I don’t understand …” I say, turning to face him. He wears a sly smile on his beautiful face, and his green eyes shine. I’m confused.
My mouth opens and then closes, looking around the inside of Talia’s gallery. All the previous art still on the walls and the same crystal vase he sent me with red roses now sits on my old desk. But only this time, there are two vases with a dozen red roses in each.
I turn back to face him. “What are we doing here?” I ask.
He still wears that smile. “I wanna show you something.” Taking my hand, he pulls me over to one of the white walls to look at a painting. I look over at it and notice it right away. It’s the house where we stayed at in the Hamptons. It has the ocean behind it, and a sold sign out front …
He steps up beside me. I look over at him. “You bought it to sell it?” I ask, wondering why he would tell me this way.
“Close,” he says, smiling. “I bought it. For us.”
My heart starts to pick up. He didn’t. Did he ...? “We’re keeping it?”
“You said you liked it.”
“I loved it,” I say, and tears sting my eyes.
He turns to face me, and I do the same. He grabs my hand and kneels on his right knee. My heart pounds as I gasp.
He just smiles up at me. “Ashlyn, you told me that dreams change. And I realized that mine changed the moment I met you. I didn’t know I could love someone as much as I love you.” He pulls a box from the inside pocket of his suit jacket, and my breath catches when I see the Tiffany box. “I will spend the rest of my life making all your dreams come true. I just ask that you make my dream come true by becoming my wife.”
Selfless (Selfish Series Book 3) Page 23