Another mystery to add to the pile.
He sighed. Standing side-on to the mirror there was no sign of any change. He would be more careful with his diet for a bit, he decided, and it would be fine.
It was the work party for Thanksgiving, held a week early so that those who were taking leave around that time could also attend. There would be the annual awards for the best employee, and there was a good chance one of them would go to Bryan. He was a model employee, after all.
He always enjoyed the parties. He liked most of his colleagues, and it was good to spend an evening in lighthearted fun. He turned in front of the mirror, smiled, and then walked to the front door.
“Bryan! Hi!” Jeff, with two glasses in hand, came across the floor the moment Bryan arrived.
“Hi.” Bryan smiled. They shook hands. It was good to see Jeff, as always.
“Some wine?” He asked, handing Bryan a glass. Bryan smiled and shook his head, selecting a glass of sparkling orange juice instead.
“You look great.” Jeff smiled.
“Thanks.” Bryan smiled back. It felt good to be here.
Jeff and Bryan looked around the room. It was elegant and tasteful—the party was always held at a classy venue—and the room was filled with classically-dressed men and elegant women. The air smelled of evening and cologne, and light violin music drifted across from the gallery.
“Good evening.”
Jacob Smith, owner of the firm, drifted past.
“Hi!” Jeff looked a bit green, a slightly manic grin on his face, and Bryan grinned inwardly. Jeff was always nervous around their bosses, as if he was perpetually caught in a misdemeanor.
“Good evening.” Bryan smiled at Jacob, a tall, spare man in his late fifties, with an elegant black suit and an even more elegant manner.
The boss stayed to chat with them for a moment, complimenting Bryan on the sterling work he had put in during the end-of-year rush. Bryan glowed. He did work hard.
“You should take some time off, though.” The boss commented as he drifted past, heading for the starters, “Too much hard work can take its toll on the best of us.”
“Yes, sir.” Bryan nodded. Inwardly, those words made him feel nervous. Was he cracking up? Was it becoming obvious?
When the boss was safely out of hearing distance, Jeff turned to Bryan.
“Whew.” He breathed out, a sound of sheer relief.
“He's gone now.” Bryan grinned. He also felt relief, even though the boss had been so kind. And Jeff's look of reprieve was comical.
“What do you think that was about?” Jeff asked.
“I don't know.” Bryan paused. He thought about asking Jeff, and decided it was a good idea. “Jeff...” He began.
“Yes?” Jeff drained one glass of wine, and leaned back on the high table behind him, a long, lean study of relaxation.
“I think I might be losing it.” The words tumbled out before Bryan could take them back, and he immediately felt shy and foolish.
“What?” Jeff's pale eyes stared into his, looking confused. “What do you mean?”
“I mean...” Bryan continued, leaning back beside him on the edge of the bar, “I mean, I've been having these strange experiences just lately, and...”
“Wanna talk about it?” Jeff asked, recognizing the seriousness in Bryan’s tone. His pale blue eyes met Bryan's, care and concern in their depths.
“Perhaps.” Bryan felt relief wash over him. Maybe he could trust Jeff after all.
“Well, maybe we can check out the garden.” Jeff inclined his head toward the door. “I’m told it's really worth seeing.”
“Okay.”
Outside, the air was crisp but not too cold. The ground crunched beneath their feet as they walked along the elegant sweeping pathway that led from the door to a stand of trees. The lawn was manicured and the scent of late flowers washed through the darkening evening as they headed for the ornamental flower beds on the far side of the garden.
“What's bothering you, man?” Jeff asked, leaning back to look up at the purple clouds as they walked. The evening wind traced its way through his fine reddish hair, brown in the half-light of dusk.
“Well...lots of things. For a start, I kinda lost my memory last month.” Bryan began. “And...someone seems to have tried to break in, but I don't know what happened because I don't remember.”
“Well,” Jeff paused. “Falling unconscious could come from being really tired.” He finished. “I mean, an uncle of mine—he was a medic, worked long hours at the hospital, you know—he collapsed at work and remained unconscious for a week. Stroke, brought on by blood pressure being too high.”
“How horrible.” Bryan shuddered.
“Well,” Jeff gave him a wry grin. “You see? Hard work is bad for you.”
They were silent a moment, leaning back on an ornamental fence, looking out over the beautiful terraced garden.
“I really don't think you have to worry, though.” Jeff added at length. “I mean, you're the best employee, almost. Everyone knows that.”
“Thank you.” Bryan breathed out. He paused. They were both silent, breathing in the scents of the evening.
“Thanks so much for everything.” Bryan said after a while. “It's been great to talk to someone about this.”
“You don't have to thank me.” Jeff was looking down at him, his pale blue eyes bare, showing the deep pain and care in their depths. “I've been glad to have time to talk to you.”
“Thanks.”
They stood like that, Jeff's eyes on his. Both of them could feel the sudden shift, the tension. The desire.
Jeff leaned in, and his lips brushed Bryan on the mouth. The touch was sweet and gentle, and full of care and gentleness and longing.
Bryan returned the kiss, gently.
Jeff breathed out. His eyes were staring into Bryan's, so pale they were almost violet. Bryan met his gaze.
“Wow...” Jeff breathed out.
“Jeff...” Bryan looked at him, impeaching.
“I know.” Jeff leaned back beside him, and together they contemplated the garden in all its evening glory. “You don't feel that way about me.” Jeff finished. He did not sound sad, or even angry; just factual. Bryan felt his heart clench, as it was not true. He did. If it was just them, if he was just him, if...if he did not love someone else, he thought, mind reeling.
“I do...I mean...I...”
“I don't mind.” Jeff said, steadily. His hand jostled his shoulder, a friendly gesture that could be interpreted any way by anyone. “Hey,” he continued, seeing Bryan and how shattered he looked. “There's nothing to worry about.”
“I know.” Bryan bit his lip. His eyes, dark and troubled, met Jeff's. “I know. Jeff...I...I don't know.” He sighed and looked away, looking out across the garden. They were silent for a while.
“I mean,” Bryan continued, hesitantly, “I do feel that way about you. In fact,” and he looked into Bryan's eyes, saying it with all sincerity, “I have always wanted you.” He sighed. Jeff was still beside him, letting him talk without any kind of judgment. That was what Bryan really loved about him, he realized, as if for the first time: his easy, non-judgmental nature.
“It's just...all this stuff.” Bryan cleared his throat, trying to explain. “The stuff that's happening to me. It's not just memory loss and fatigue...it's…other stuff. It's weird.” He paused, looking up at Jeff with a concerned expression. “I don't know what it is, but until I know for sure, I don't want to commit to anything.”
Jeff was silent. “I understand.”
As they stood there, his hand slid over Bryan's, and he squeezed his fingers, lightly; a gesture of caring support that demanded nothing.
Bryan felt his heart contract. Of all things, he had not expected such care. “Thank you.”
“Not at all.”
They stood and watched the sunset, and felt the wind, cool and chilly, spring up as the day lengthened and the shadows of the trees stretched to the falling darkness.
&nbs
p; Behind them, the sound of other guests rose and fell, as people took to the fresh air outside, seeking respite from the closeness indoors.
“I guess we should go back.” Jeff sighed.
“It is cold.” Bryan agreed, noticing for the first time and feeling a shiver creep down his spine.
“Yeah.” Jeff nodded. His hand moved, and they stood, moving apart slowly.
“Last one to the table's a rotten egg.” Jeff grinned. His eyes, still gentle, held a deeper understanding than before.
Bryan, seeing the care still there, and multiplied if anything, swallowed. He really did love Jeff, in a way. If he did not love someone else...he stopped. “You're on.” he grinned.
Jeff, seeing the smile, grinned broadly. Together, breathless and laughing, they raced to the back door of the hall. Jeff reached it first.
If anyone noticed them, they did not think to comment on the undue levity of two accountants, in full evening dress, arriving grinning and panting, with Jeff punching the air in mock triumph.
Bryan grinned and jostled his shoulder playfully. “You won.”
“I did.”
They talked for a while, and then Jeff wondered over to fetch some supper, noting a space in the group around the refreshments area.
Bryan stood back, leaning against the table. So much had just happened. His heart was soaring with the sudden realization that Jeff did, in fact, care for him. He felt wonderful, but also slightly sad.
If I wasn't passing out. If I wasn't having strange dreams. If I wasn't in love with someone else—a someone who might not even be real...
He sighed. It was all too much to think of. He decided not to think about it. He would enjoy the evening, and not worry about anything. When he went home, he would think some more. Phone the doctor if he had to. Take back his sense of control, and try and understand what was going on in his life. No more strange apparitions or peculiar tiredness. He needed to fix this, for so many reasons. He desperately did not want to stop the dreams. But what if he had to? His heart felt so confused. Whoever or whatever the dreams were, they had become very important to him. He sighed. He needed to understand so much, and did not even know how to get started in doing so.
7
“And one and two and three and four...”
Bryan bent over to touch his toes, following a tape of aerobics instructions on the speakers in the living room. It was Saturday, and he was taking some time off to work out.
He could not understand what was happening to him. This had all got a bit out of control now, and he was desperate to gain the control back.
Fine, he had been having attacks of raging appetite occasionally over the last two weeks or so, and yes, he had been eating a little more of late. But the scale told him he had gained ten pounds. It didn't seem possible. He exercised each day for thirty minutes before bed, and once a week, on Fridays, he spent over an hour at the gym, working off the stress and cares of the week at work. With his healthy regimen, he should never be putting on weight like this. Even Jeff had commented that he was looking thicker about the waist—it was embarrassing.
“And one, two, three, jump, one, two, three, turn...”
The tape continued giving its instructions. Bryan could feel himself sweating. He felt breathless and dizzy, and the slightest exertion made him feel weak. He felt his pulse. It was a little slower than normal, but otherwise not untoward. Why was he suddenly feeling so faint and listless all the time?
“And step! And turn! Step! And turn!”
He walked over to the desk and paused the tape, feeling perspiration running down his back. He sat down, head reeling even as his breath returned to normal again.
He thought over the events of the week. The symptoms of dizziness, appetite gain and listlessness had continued. And the dreams. But nothing else had changed. The surprising weight gain was, well, a surprise.
Abandoning the video, Bryan stood up to go to the shower, still thinking.
In the shower, the warm water, suds and the clean scent helped him to think straight. How were these things connected? Strange dreams, blank-outs, whirling headaches, tiredness, weight-gain. He must be coming down with something. He must have some illness, surely? Some physical reason for all of this.
He ran his hands over his waist, feeling the increase in girth even as he tried to explain around it to himself.
Could it be his liver? No, he told himself, he never drank; or hadn't, not for a long time. He must really be getting heavier – and the scale told him so, after all. He tousled his hair dry, grimacing as he felt himself disoriented, wanting to fall over.
In the bedroom, dressed in his pajamas, he sat in bed and thought more critically over it. He should see a damn doctor. What if it was contagious? He could be jeopardizing everyone at work.
But, he reasoned, if it was contagious, where had he caught it? And wouldn’t someone else have caught it by now? No, he though. Not contagious.
He felt reluctant to go to a doctor. What if it wasn't physical? What if he was just hallucinating? What if it was something in his mind? He was still reluctant to go through the long round of psychological assessments he had been pressed into as a child.
“Am I insane?” He asked the room at large, feeling, for the first time in his life, truly scared. What if he was?
He thought about it, and relaxed. Besides being tired and taking longer over things, he was still functioning at work; so much so that his boss had urged a rest on him. And no one had reported any errors in his books, no one had noted any funny behavior; Jeff had noticed nothing odd about him. If he was going insane, there would be more signs than this as well.
He sighed. That felt good. He wasn't mad and he wasn't dying—or if he was, it seemed to be happening so slowly that no one had detected anything.
“I don't know what I can do.” He summed up his thoughts. And he didn't. Besides, there was part of him that didn't want to do anything, as he was starting to really like the dreams: if they were hallucinations, and the first sign of madness, he thought, sleepily, he rather hoped he wasn't going to stay sane after all.
The dreams. He thought about them. He could happily spend his life asleep, if they meant that he could spend more time with that amazing person he met when he closed his eyes. He saw him almost every night now, and the connection was, if anything, growing deeper by the day. He prioritized nights, now, even more than before. While he had always believed in eight hours of sleep, he was getting fanatical about it, insisting that all business was concluded before eleven, so he could spend his full eight hours asleep.
“You're really serious.” Bryan chuckled to himself, and realized it was true. He had never formed a deep attachment, perhaps because he had felt betrayed when he discovered his adopted status; he did not really understand why. But with this man, he felt so different. He felt almost as if he did not need to commit, because the part of him that mattered—his heart—had been committed to him since long before he was born. He shrugged. That sounded crazy. But inside, he knew it was true. This man really meant something to him. And whatever happened, he wanted him to stay—in his life, forever.
8
It was night again, deeper now, but lit with the same white light. Bryan rolled over, and into the arms of the man behind him. He had just returned from the deep sleep that followed their climax.
“You're here again.” Bryan smiled.
“Yes.” The man noted, slowly stroking his hair. “Indeed, yes.”
“Very good.” Bryan smiled. He moved closer, so their bodies slid over each other, as always amazing Bryan with the smoothness of his partner's skin. The color had ceased to bother him at all; in fact, he hardly noticed anymore. He would have been more surprised to find that he was normal-flesh color, and not the intense, dusk-edge blue to which he was now so accepting.
“You know what's happening?” Bryan asked, sleepy. He didn't really expect an answer, but felt the man tense.
“Happening?”
“In my body
.” Bryan replied.
“Yes.” The man smiled. His hands encircled the increased girth of Bryan, unconcernedly.
“Besides that.” Bryan grinned. Strangely, he felt unconcerned about it, since the man seemed not to notice it, and not to think it in the least untoward, which was encouraging.
“What?” The question was not insistent, the voice half-asleep already.
“I mean...these...symptoms I have.”
“You have symptoms?” He asked, sounding oddly alarmed.
“Yes.” Bryan insisted. He made his voice reassuring, feeling touched but also concerned that the man was worried. It really wasn't bad stuff, after all, just a sore head and a bigger appetite than usual. “I mean, my head is sore and I'm hungry, but it's okay, I mean...”
“Oh.” The man smiled, and kissed him again. “That's good.”
“Good?” Bryan sounded surprised.
“Well...” The man paused, and closed his eyes. “It's completely normal, I'm told.”
“Normal?” Bryan asked, intrigued. “Normal to what?”
“Well...in your state.”
“What state?” Bryan was fascinated. What did that mean, anyway?
“You mean...” the man was wide-eyed. “Oh.” He closed his eyes and lay back. He looked so distant that Bryan hesitated to disturb, concerned as he felt.
Suddenly, he felt something touch the edge of vision. Or, that was the only way he could describe it to himself. He felt like he was seeing, and not seeing, and thinking, with his eyes open, all at once.
In front of his vision—or was it his mind, and his eyes were closed? He was not sure—he could see a picture of a man. Himself. He was lying in the bed, and he was held in the arms of his partner. They had clearly made love. The image made Bryan smile, and move back, pressing himself against his partner as he thought of their actions. He sighed. It changed again, providing him with another image of himself. This time, he was standing in the bathroom. It was clear he had gained weight. The thought focused on his stomach, moving down. He looked at it. Yes, it was him, and he was thicker in the waist. What did it mean? He saw another image. This time he was with the man again, and they were in bed, and Bryan looked ill. He felt the sense of deep physical trauma, and then peace. He and the man, in the vision, looked content. They were lying in bed together.
Celestial Seductions: The Complete Series: An MM Gay Paranormal Mpreg Romance Collection Page 3