Jake looked at me with finality in his eyes and asked, “Are you going to come out of the closet—yes or no?
“Jake, listen to me. I can—"
“Yes or no?” Jake asked.
“I’m sorry Jake, but I can’t.”
“I love you, Nathan. I really do. But I can’t be your secret anymore. I love you to the moon and back, but...”
I knew what this meant. We were done. Over. Just like that.
This was the end, the end of a beautiful journey which I would never forget.
7
Life without Jake was disastrous. The more I tried not to think about him, the more he popped into my mind.
Jake had become an integral part of my life, our lives so intertwined that it was impossible for me to do anything without considering him first. However, this was life, and it often plays by its own rules. I knew there was nothing I could possibly do to fix the mess I had made for myself.
A week passed and life had never seemed more of a hell. No matter what I did or where I went, I missed Jake. I missed his comforting presence. My body missed him and so did the heart. It was impossible for me to obliterate Jake from my life and the more I thought about him, the more I regretted my decision.
I knew it was time for me to really think about where I had drifted. It wasn't like I was ashamed of being gay, but I was scared of the what-ifs and maybes and the questioning glances of too many people and the way my colleagues and boss would react. I was skeptical of society and the labels they would impose and I was worried about how my life would change because of my decision.
However, deep in my heart, I knew the one person that truly mattered was neither society, nor my colleagues—it was Jake and merely accepting who I was would have saved my relationship with him.
I had to do this— for me, for him, for us. I decided that I would come out of the closet and I took a leave from my office and went directly home.
Of all people, my parents deserved to know it. They were staunch Christians and I knew it would be an uphill battle to convince them. I really wished they would accept me for who I was but I would face their wrath if needed. They deserved to know it. I wrote an open blog post detailing everything about the time I first met Jake, how he brought out the best in me and the way I felt in his presence.
I narrated about my trouble in keeping everything a secret and the realization that I deserved to come out of the closet and the relief in acceptance of who I was. This wasn’t just me, but the blog post was a shout-out to every single person who had it tough being homosexual because society is so damn fucked up.
As I called my parents and told them about it, I was ready to accept their wrath. My mom took me by surprise when she said, “Nothing changes my love for you. We love you for who you are. Be yourself and seek love. It doesn’t matter if it’s a boy or girl.”
I realized that none of the people I loved would judge me for who I was and I thanked both of them. I was happy that I had finally revealed who I really was, and I was ready to face Jake and tell him the same.
After putting on my shoes and heading out the door to head over to Jake’s, I found him standing at my doorstep.
He had tears in his eyes and I saw that he had just read my blog. My colleagues had called up Jake and told him about the blog post and they all congratulated me. Not one person out of the ones I really loved judged me for who I was, perhaps because they had all known that I had been running from myself.
“I love you, Jake. I always have. I’m sorry for being such an asshole, but here I am – all in the open and begging for your love. Would you take me back?”
“You didn’t have to do all this, dude. I was ready to be your secret affair. You didn’t have to walk this path.”
“I love you, Jake. I would do anything for you.”
Once in there, we knew that words would no longer be enough. Our bodies had ached for each other and I was waiting for Jake’s touch.
We both walked inside my apartment and decide to commence our story with a kiss. I unbuttoned Jake’s shirt and took off his pants.
“Damn, no underwear, Jake?”
“Man, I was in a hurry. I was in the shower when I thought of you and I knew I had to get to you. I am thankful I didn’t forget my pants.”
I cradled his dick and lowered my mouth and kissed it. The touch of my tongue on the tip of his dick made him moan.
“I have missed this so much,” I said and he pulled my hair and brought me closer.
In less than a minute, Jake stripped me completely and then pushed me on my bed. He wanted some rough sex and he was hungry for my body. He climbed over me and locked my hands behind my back. He then bumped his chest to mine and kissed me, hot and hard.
As he slowly slid down on my body, he massaged my balls and then started to suck them. My breath started coming in short gasps and the pressure he built by the smoothness of his tongue was too much to bear.
I was driven to the edge of the seat and his hands continued to rub my ass, with his mouth giving me an amazing blowjob.
I closed my eyes and could feel each and every fabric of my being, elevating in pleasure. Jake’s tongue was all over my dick, and as he started to lick the tip of my cock, I started to shiver.
I could feel an electrifying sensation running all over my body that was initiating from my cock. I couldn’t fight anymore. I just wanted to surrender myself in his warmth as he kept sucking me hard. My dick touched the tip of his throat as he sucked me deeply. There was darkness in front of my eyes, but in that darkness, I could see his beautiful face. I started to rub his head and as I took a firm grip of his brown hair, I knew that I couldn’t control myself anymore.
“Damn you, Jake, I missed this. God, I’m about to cum,” just as I said this, I filled his mouth with my cum and he sucked every drop of it.
I was not able to stop it and filled his mouth with my hot seed. As I ejaculated inside of him, I started to breathe heavily. I could feel myself levitating and reaching a whole new world.
I opened my eyes and it felt as if I had come back to my apartment after traveling to the stars and back.
“Oh, God! That was amazing!” I said as I leaned towards him and we locked lips.
Jake had an amazing body and as he stood in front of me completely naked, I started to squeeze his ass.
We kept kissing each other and as I took a firm grip on his dick, I could feel him getting aroused. His dick was getting harder with every second and I knew that he was ready to fuck me hard.
“Your turn now!” I said as I lay on the bed, giving him the signal to fuck me hard.
“Ah! This would be new to you!” Jake said as he turned me around and then slapped my ass cheeks. He knew that it would be my first time and gave me a perfect rim to make it easy. The moment his tongue touched my asshole, I started to feel a sensation. It was like as if I was touched by some kind of a God for the first time.
He lubricated it with his tongue and I moaned with pleasure. When he had lubricated it enough, he gave me no warning as he pushed his dick inside my hole and then drove me crazy. He penetrated deeper and harder and I lost all senses as he completely took control of me.
“Oh God! Yes! Jake!” I started to scream out loud as he penetrated his dick inside of me. I was experiencing some pain, but it was the kind of pleasure that I wanted to go through for the rest of my life.
The moment his dick touched the tip of my insides, I started to get an orgasm of a different kind. He had the entire control of my body and kept fucking me for a very long time.
He held my hand and I started to bite the pillow while taking his cock inside. I didn’t want him to stop as he certainly delivered by pressing his dick into my hole, deeper and faster with every push.
“Nathan! You are sexy as hell!” he said as he touched my inside, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to stop anymore. There was not even enough vacuum between the two of us and we became a single soul at that time.
We both closed
our eyes, experiencing the kind of orgasms that people only dream about.
After having driven me enough, he rotated his dick one more time and filled my hole with his cum as my orgasm ripped me apart.
We spent the whole night making love and had too many orgasms for one single night. We gave each other the pleasure we wanted and as the night ended, so did our troubles.
As long as I had Jake with me, I knew there was nothing which would stop me from living the life I had dreamed of. I kissed him one more time and slept in his arms because I was finally home.
I had made a choice and I was damn proud of it.
The End
First Time Bareback Cowboy
Cole Berry has been an obedient pastor's son all his life—but now, all that's about to change.
When he lost his mother to cancer, he found out something about his father that he has never been able to forgive. And although it was a scandal in their gossipy small town, Cole doesn't feel his father was ever punished enough for this transgression.
But he's about to be.
Instead of asking for donations for church repairs at the town fair, Cole intends to make an entirely different announcement. He's gay—and he'll be auctioning off his virginity to the highest bidder.
The entire town is in the crowd, and most of them are shocked… but some are thinking of bidding. Among them is local loner cowboy Beckett Walsh, whose divorce alienated him from the community a couple of years back. Cole is beautiful, sure enough, but is this really what either of them wants?
Chapter 1
It was strange how life took these twists and turns sometimes. If you traveled back in time to last year's town fair and told 21-year-old Cole Berry about his intentions for this year’s fair? Well, he would not have believed you, and yet here he was. As he looked in the funfair mirror at his distorted reflection, it raised a wry smile – but it wasn't the length of his torso or his squashed face that amused him. It was the spotted red bow-tie he wore, and the memory of the look on his father's face as he had seen him wearing it this morning.
“You're wearing that to the fair?” he had asked, thick gray brows raised with a blend of surprise, dislike and judgment. “Looks a little queer.”
“It'll be fine, pops. It's the style nowadays.”
In truth, though, his father had been right. Especially combined with Cole's slim figure and perfectly coiffed hair, it was more than a little queer, and that was Cole's deliberate intention. One year ago, he would really never have dreamed of humiliating his father this way. Back then, he may have already encountered the dangerous truth about his sexuality, but it simply wasn't in his nature to torture his father with it. When they had lost Cole's mother, it had bonded them closer together; no matter how out of date his father's views were, Cole would never have wished to turn them into some kind of emotional torture device.
Now, however, all bets were off.
He turned as he caught sight of a figure in the mirror, recognizing the brazen, neon shade of pink in that figure's dress. In this town, that color belonged to one person only – and that person was his best friend Claire.
“You look very handsome today,” she told him, approaching to fiddle fondly with his bow-tie. “Don't get me wrong. I love it – but I didn't think you'd ever wear that thing within 50 feet of Pastor Berry.”
“Neither did I,” Cole admitted, looking down at it as she fixed it back in place. “He certainly didn't like it when I headed downstairs this morning.”
“I can't imagine he did. What's the occasion?”
Cole grinned, shrugging one shoulder. “Town fair.”
Claire narrowed her eyes at him. She was far too big a fixture in his life not to notice the mischief in his expression, and he knew that if he did manage to deceive her – which wasn't likely – then the ruse wouldn't last for long. Just as he expected, she didn't believe him for a moment. “I don't trust you, Cole Berry.”
“You shouldn't,” he admitted. “But I can't tell you. If I do, you might try and talk me out of it. You're too sensible.”
“Usually, you're too sensible,” Claire insisted. “I'm the one who's been encouraging you to put yourself out there for years. Are you even on Grindr yet?” She paused, leaning back a little to take another look at him. “Is this some kind of Grindr contact spotting outfit? Is this your version of 'I'll hold a rose, you'll be the one in the blue hat'?”
Cole snorted, linking his arm through hers to lead her out of the room of mirrors. “Not even close. You'll see, though, I promise. I think you'll like it, maybe, once you get over the initial, um… shock.”
“Now I'm really curious.”
“Hey,” he said, suddenly realizing something. “I've never actually asked, but… listen. If, as part of this huge sneaky bow-tie related plan, Pastor Berry does find out and no longer wants me living in his house…?”
“Oh, shut up,” said Claire fondly, squeezing his arm. “You know you don't have to ask. You can stay with me for as long as you need to – though I might kill you first if I don't like what happens today.”
“I'm telling you, I think you'll like it.”
“But if you think I'd try to persuade you out of it...”
They continued bickering affectionately as they wandered through the fair. Most places wouldn't really consider the event a huge deal, but in Blue Mine, Wyoming, it was about the biggest fixture of the year. Out here there were no corporate launches or big parties; people talked about family weddings for several years after they'd happened, and feuds and gossip endured for decades. It was a different life out here – the kind of life that many people ran away from after college.
Cole had never really had access to this option. After his mother passed away, he had felt a strong duty to stick by his father. After all, as the town's pastor, he was expected to be strong. Cole wasn't sure he could do that if he returned home to a house empty of both his wife and his son.
As it turned out, it seemed Pastor Berry was perfectly capable of filling his own house. But that was another matter.
“Hey,” Claire said, tugging him out of his silent reverie. “It's later than I thought. The dueling fiddles are about to start. Isn't your speech on behalf of the church fund scheduled right after that?”
“Shit. You're right.”
They hurried towards the main stage, standing off to the side so that they could stand together a little while longer. Soon, Cole would have to go backstage and prepare for his speech, and Claire would not be allowed to follow – but for now, he could stay in her company and soothe himself with the sounds of some good music.
He could do this. He absolutely could – even if his 21-year-old self wouldn't have thought so. He just had to remain calm and take deep breaths.
Once again, however, Claire's long-term knowledge of him came in handy for her. She looked at him as the fiddling continued, taking note of his deep, even breathing, and folded her arms over the pink neoprene of her dress. “You're never this nervous. You've done this before.”
“Not this,” he told her. In doing so, he was confessing to his plans being structured around this speech; Claire knew fine and well that he had asked for donations for the church before, and on just as big a platform. Their eyes met, and he knew that she was trying to read the answer out of him, but couldn't. Even Claire wasn't a mind-reader, after all – close as she was to it. “I'll be fine,” he assured her. “I'd better go. Wait for me, after?”
“Of course,” she promised. The amount of concern on her face was surprising. Evidently, she really had no idea what he was about to do. Unlike his father, however, Cole knew that Claire had his best interests at heart. Her concern was simply because she didn't want to see him make a mistake. She wanted the best for him, and he loved her for that.
Did he love his father, still? He didn't know anymore. As he passed through the small backstage area, the fiddling died out, and the announcer began thanking the performers. He didn't have much time left. He had to be absolutely sur
e this was what he wanted to do before he stepped out there. Any uncertainty and he'd probably chicken out – and he certainly couldn't take this back once the words had come out of his mouth.
Well. His father couldn't take back his infidelity either. He should never have cheated on Cole's mother, especially while she was dying – and especially not as pastor of this town, preaching about integrity and trust and loyalty at the pulpit every week. Cole couldn't stand the hypocrisy, and he couldn't stand knowing that his father would deny the kind of love that Cole felt simply because it was directed at other men.
What right did he have to criticize the way anybody loved, after betraying his own marriage so thoroughly and at such a terrible time?
The idea stayed. This was definitely the right thing to do, and his mind was made up. As he heard the announcer deliver his introduction, he made his way onstage with steel in his resolve, even if his heart was beating like a jackhammer. He wished that he had a glass of water, but it was too late to ask for one now. It didn't matter. He could do this regardless.
He spotted Claire at the edge of the crowd, both curious and concerned. A few meters along, he could see his father smiling up at him from between the faces of other townsfolk he vaguely recognized.
Cole did not smile back.
“Thank you kindly, Mr. Announcer,” said Cole, taking the microphone and the stage as his own. Though his mouth was dry, his words sounded surprisingly confident as they rang out across the crowd. “I appreciate that kind introduction – and you're right. My father did send me up to here to speak about the church. As our congregation will be aware of, the roof is still in dire straits after the storm a few months ago, and we are desperate to have it repaired. However, with that all said, you… all already know that the church needs money. I'm sure that's not news to you. So there's… something else I'd like to talk about instead.”
He fixed on Claire's face in the crowd, patently ignoring his father's. Right now, he was willing to bet she thought she knew what Cole was going to say. She thought he was going to come out. Well – she was half-right, but that wasn't all.
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