by Ally Hayes
Her father visited early on in the fall and introduced her to museums she would have found eventually, but she allowed Robert the pleasure of presenting them as if he had personally created each masterpiece. Patty came for a longer visit just after Christmas. She offered to return for Jackie’s birthday, but they both decided it was silly as she’d be returning home a couple of weeks later. On May eighteenth, Patty called and sent gifts. Robert sent flowers. For the third year in a row, Matt did not call.
The year away had also been good for Jackie and Richard’s relationship. It was a necessary separation. When she fell dangerously for him during her sophomore year, she knew it would be challenging to see him, but she wasn’t prepared for the price they would both pay if they were caught. It only made sense that she would take a year to travel; both because many Yale students did so, and also because being with Richard either on or near campus was jeopardizing them both. His turn would be next. He would take a sabbatical to write during her senior year, so they could be together and he could keep his position as a professor safe until she graduated.
Jackie would be spending the summer at home. She had a project for her modern art class to work on and planned to catch up with old friends in the evenings while helping her mom out during the day. She wanted to enjoy her last free summer.
It was going to be a great summer; she smiled to herself at the prospect. Next, she heard the telltale bing alerting her and the fellow passengers that they had parked at the gate. She carefully removed her items from the overhead compartment that may have shifted and waited to disembark.
***
Telling Jackie was going to be the hardest thing Patty had ever done. She rehearsed her words while she waited for Jackie to return from customs. Ann must have felt as nervous about telling Patty, she realized. She had told her too quickly. She had been too raw to process it herself when she confessed to Patty. Ann was still shocked and enraged. She hadn’t gotten sad yet as she had become yesterday, the eve of the wedding. She was crazy when she told Patty.
“Oh, Ann, I don’t know what to say,” Patty replied when Ann told her the initial news, before any plans had been made.
“Yes, you do. You want to say, ‘thank goodness it’s someone else’s daughter and not my precious Jacqueline.”
“No, Ann. That’s not fair.”
“Fair? Ha! Maybe so, but you can’t deny that you never thought Matt was good enough for her, and now this proves it for you.”
“Ann, calm down. I never said anything like that.”
“You didn’t have to.” Ann hung up the phone.
Patty was shocked to find Ann sitting at her desk the next morning.
“Oh, quit your gawking. I’m fine now, and I need the paycheck more than I need your pity.”
Patty had left it up to Ann to broach the subject after that.
A week later, Ann reported that Kristie’s father, a judge with an outstanding reputation, insisted they be married right away and move to a town near him and his wife. Judge Noland was buying them a starter house and expected Matt to not only to fix it up but to law clerk for him as well. Ann and Bill would be sending them off with some new pots and pans and their best wishes.
Patty wondered if she should have sent the couple something, as she was driving to the airport. She decided no, that once the baby was born, she would send a gift. From her limited experience with these matters, she noticed that once the baby arrived, everyone usually calmed down. It would become all about the new life, a grandchild, and not the circumstances.
She parked in the garage and made her way over the international terminal. Now Jackie was finally emerging from customs with her matched luggage. They embraced and told each other how great they looked, even though Jackie looked disheveled from the overnight flight.
“Where’s Dad?”
“In D.C., or on his way back, actually. He said he’d be at the house in time for lunch. I picked up some of the things you said you missed.”
“Mint chocolate chip ice cream?”
“Of course.”
Jackie dozed on the ride to Westhaven. Surprisingly, Robert was waiting for them and had even set the table. Jackie was back. The connection to home had been reestablished.
After exchanging pleasantries and polishing off comfort food, Robert asked Jackie about her plans for the summer break. She explained her low-key ideas, but when she got to the part about assisting Patty in the office, he raised his eyebrows.
“Really? Do you think that’s such a great idea?”
“Yes. I won’t have the kind of time a real employer would want, and Mom always needs an extra hand with inventory and other odd jobs. I want to help out where I can,” Jackie explained.
“What about Mrs. Foster?”
“Robert,” Patty began to interrupt but was beat by her daughter.
“What about her? Just because I don’t speak to her son doesn’t mean I have any problem with her. Anyway, that’s all in the past. It will be fine.”
“You haven’t told her?” Robert turned to Patty.
Patty glared at Robert across the table and gripped the napkin in her lap. “Not yet. She just got home.”
Jackie alternated looking between her parents. “Told me what? What is going on?”
“Robert, let me take care of this,” Patty pleaded.
“My pleasure,” Robert responded. Wiping his mouth with his napkin then giving his daughter a reassuring smile, he excused himself to his study. Patty took and a deep breath while Jackie’s stomach flipped and dropped.
When the damage had been done, Jackie simply looked dazed. Maybe she shouldn’t have told her while she was still jetlagged, Patty thought. But it didn’t matter. The when or how of the news could not change the facts.
“Do you want to be alone?”
“Please.”
“Let me just say—” Patty began.
“Mom, I know you mean well, but please save me the ‘this too shall pass’ and ‘he was never right for you’ lecture. Now is not the time. Please just let me digest this.” Jackie got up from the kitchen chair, placed her plate in the sink, and walked slowly up the stairs to her room she had not seen in months.
The tears came as soon as she flopped on her bed. Of all the times she had cried over Matt, none of them could come close to the hurt she now felt. Not even after that fateful Thanksgiving. That had been her fault; she was ashamed and full of self-hate. This was different.
She jumped to her feet and opened the jewelry box on her dresser. On the top row sat the claddagh ring. She picked it up and held it in the palm of her hand for a moment before lifting the bottom drawer and burying it under an old folded-up note.
This time it was really over; he would not be back. He could not show up asking to come back, start over, make it better. He was someone else’s now. And he was about to become a father.
Of all the worst case scenarios she had conjured up over the years, she never thought of this. It was truly worse than she could have ever imagined. It was even worse than getting accidentally pregnant by Matt herself. As she cried she became angry—angry at the dumb girl who let this happen. Aware that she was thinking irrationally, Jackie couldn’t help but feel jealous of her. How could this nobody get Matt for the rest of her life because of one mistake, one night? Jackie threw her bear when she answered herself, because she, too, once made a one-night’s mistake that cost her Matt.
She thought about calling Richard but didn’t have the energy to talk. Richard. She snapped back to the reality that she was in love with Richard, wasn’t she?
It was time to tell her parents about him. She had been hiding their relationship from her parents for obvious reasons, but in comparison to the news she had just had delivered, it might not seem so devastating to them that she was dating a professor.
Not yet, she reasoned. Today was supposed to be a day of recovery from the trip. Now it had turned into a recovery of another sort. She sat up, realizing she had no idea what time it was,
and squinted through her bloodshot eyes at the digital clock. Two o’clock already? She imagined Mr. and Mrs. Matthew Foster were probably on their way home to New Jersey.
Chapter Sixteen
Matt
Matt wanted a drink. Didn’t everyone deserve a drink on their wedding day? But Matt could not have one and would have to endure the drive to New Jersey in the back seat of his new in-laws’ car with his stranger-wife stone sober.
Judge Noland held a poker face the whole day. Mrs. Noland had continuously dabbed at her eyes with a tissue, occasionally allowing little sighs to escape. Kristie had been all smiles, and now she actually seemed excited to go “home.” He realized why when they pulled up to their new residence.
Matt assumed they would stop at her parents’ house first, but instead they had driven straight to the house intended for the new family-to-be. It was hard to miss.
“Welcome Home Mr. and Mrs. Foster” read the banner hanging over the front door.
As soon as they parked in front of the house, a bunch of girls emerged, squealing excitedly. Kristie joined in. Apparently, they had been making preparations all day and were anticipating this moment—greeting the bride. Matt would eventually discover the group consisted of three friends and Kristie’s two younger sisters. As they fawned over Kristie, her father took Matt aside.
“Now I know this is hard, but just let her have today. It’s going to get difficult for her, and you, so please let them make a fuss over her now. She got denied the big wedding and fancy dress. Let them pretend. Tomorrow is another day.”
“Yes, sir. I understand.”
“Good, and I’ll pick you up Monday morning. We’ll figure out transportation for the future when things settle down.
Matt extended his hand. “Thank you.”
With that, the Nolands departed, and Matt was left to carry bags and boxes into his new home. Another house full of girls.
When everyone had left for the night, Matt helped Kristie put sheets on their new bed. She was chatting about everyone that had been over earlier. Filling him in on who was who, how long she had known them, which sister played which sport or instrument. Matt just listened or tried to appear to be listening.
“You weren’t very talkative today.”
“I never am.”
“Oh, that’s not true. You’re usually the life of the party. But I guess you’ll get more comfortable with them soon enough.” She seemed confident that this was a happy occasion, a beginning.
Kristie was a bubbly blonde who was never seen without eyeliner and lipstick. She talked a lot and had many friends who seemed to adore her and try to emulate her. It bothered Matt that she was the antithesis of Jackie. She was the kind of girl he passed over—the girls who chased him in junior high and high school. He only vaguely remembered meeting her that fateful night, never having thought it would lead to this night.
They pulled and tucked the sheets then both parted to get ready to finally put an end to the long day. Matt quickly climbed in and clicked on the television he recently set up as an excuse to escape from the girls. When Kristie came back into the room she was wearing a lacy, sheer something; Matt didn’t know what. He smiled and continued to flick through the channels. He wasn’t getting the message she was sending.
“Matt,”
“Yeah?”
“Um, it is our wedding night.”
“I know.”
“Matt, don’t you love me?”
“Kristie, I don’t even know you.”
Matt knew it was cruel, but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t want to touch her. It would mean too much. It would make this real. If he even kissed her goodnight, he would feel like he was giving in, giving up.
While staring at the TV, he could feel her turn away. A few minutes later, he clicked the power button and rolled onto his side—facing the door, not Kristie. He could faintly hear her sniffling. He did feel badly for her—he really did—but at that moment, he felt worse for himself. He simply could not man up and comfort her as he knew he should. In fact, he did the opposite. When Kristie eventually fell asleep, he gave into tears himself. Of the all the times he had been mad, sad, hurt, even devastated over Jackie, he had never shed a tear.
The night of his wedding to Kristie Noland, Matt sobbed over Jackie Hamilton.
The next morning, Kristie’s mother came to the house to take her shopping. They would be out most of the day as the house needed all the basics, including food.
“We need a vacuum, and an iron, oh, and dish soap…’
“I get it, you have a lot to do. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine here unpacking the boxes your parents brought over.”
“Oh good. I’ll try to be back for dinner. We can order something in.”
Matt was relieved as they drove away and set about putting things away as best he could and breaking down the boxes for garbage collection.
There wasn’t much, and he was done quickly. He noticed the paint in the kitchen and hallway was in bad shape. Anyone could tell where the previous owners had hung pictures. He laughed out loud at the thought of Patty gasping at the decorating and state of disrepair. She would be outraged at the overuse of mauve throughout the house, especially the tiny bathroom. Matt could picture Patty shaking her head and jotting down notes. He wished he could call Jackie to share this moment. Knowing he’d never be able to do so, he decided the best thing would be to put all he had learned from the two of them into making his house a respectable home.
Over pizza that night in front of TV, Kristie started to complain.
“I can’t stand not having a phone!”
“So have your mom call the phone company to come out tomorrow; you’ll be home.”
“I will, but it’s like now, Sunday night. I’m so used to talking to my friends. What about you, isn’t there anyone you want to call?
“Sure.”
“Well, like who? Tell me who your friends are from, you know, back home. Westport, right?”
“Westhaven. And I haven’t talked to those guys in a while.”
“Well, you should. Friends are important. We’re getting a line tomorrow.”
Matt hadn’t spoken to Joey since the previous summer. Joey had apparently called numerous times both before and after the accident. He was there for Matt when he found out about Jackie and Peter and stayed by him for the rest of the weekend. However, when Matt returned to his dorm the following week, he left his friend behind. When Matt was at UConn, he felt “otherworldly” and self-important, like he didn’t need anyone from the outside world. This included Joey, Brian, and Dave. The latter two got the message and had moved on—the calls stopped quickly. But with them, it was different. Matt could pick up the phone anytime and say “what’s up,” and they’d be where they left off. Joey was different. They were close, and Joey was hurt. It never occurred to Matt that Joey might need him.
Matt had been so caught up in campus life, he all but forgot his old friends. In fact, he had forgotten their birthdays, including their twenty-firsts. He had practically missed his own.
By that time, he was already back home as there was no point staying on campus anymore. His father came to pick him up and was shocked at the state his son had gotten himself into. Feeling personally responsible for the alcohol addiction, Bill stayed with him around the clock and watched as his son endured a grueling home-spun detoxification. It took several days, including May eighteenth. Matt welcomed twenty-one with cold sweats and nausea. He couldn’t even take a bite of the cake his sisters made for him.
Only now did he recall Bill telling him that Joey had been asking to see him. Matt vaguely remembered replying that he didn’t want to see anyone. Except, at the time, there were a handful of expletives thrown and a few mutters about his life being over.
And so now Matt had destroyed his only true and loyal friendship. He was going to have to work on mending that one, along with the bathroom’s door and its cracked tiles. Except at present, both would have to wait. He was about to beg
in working for Judge Noland in the morning, and he still had no idea what a law clerk was.
Chapter Seventeen
Jackie
Her parents weren’t all that shocked. After she told them, Jackie had sat back and braced herself for the worst. Instead, they both claimed they were happy for her. Jackie was relieved. If only for a short time.
“So, when do we get to meet Richard?” Patty asked. It was the next day, and the dust had settled.
“Oh, I don’t know. He’s extremely busy this summer. He’ll be travelling quite a bit. Did I mention he’s writing a book on Renaissance art?”
“Yes, you did. But I must imagine you have plans to see him. You just went a whole school year without seeing each other,” Patty pointed out.
That part wasn’t entirely true. Richard had been to visit twice. He was even able to use grant money for one of the trips as he needed to perform “research.” But it was true that she didn’t know when she would introduce him to her parents. Her mind always blocked the image out when it wandered in that direction. Meeting him would mean figuring out that he was older. Jackie assumed her parents must know he was older than her to be a professor; they probably didn’t expect him to be thirty-six, though.
Jackie called him on Friday while she was packing to leave the flat she had come to adore. She was ready to come home, though, and eager to see Richard again. The last time they were together had been in March. He told her not to worry about calling when she arrived, that he would assume she was fine, joking that if something went wrong with the flight it would make the national news. She didn’t find it funny at the time but passed it off as part of his intelligent wit that made him so attractive to her. There was nothing silly or slapstick about his humor. He was very mature, she often reminded herself.