“Oh I’m very aware of that,” Leif said. “They are rather crafty girls.”
Whitney didn’t know how to reply. They were talking about his sister and kind-of girlfriend. Whitney had a slew of bad things to say about them, more now than ever before, and it seemed like he agreed, but he could also be faking this whole thing. She stared at the sand covered sidewalk as Leif turned his screen on again and took another look at the picture.
“I’m honestly impressed, both that you tried and that you succeeded.” Leif said. Whitney smiled at him the tightness in her chest loosening a little.
Silence filled the air between them while they watched the crowds pass by. Why was he here? Why was he being so cute and nice and cute? Why did he smell good? Why was he so close that she could easily grab his hand right now? Whitney wanted to run. But she also wanted to stay. She wanted to stay right there on that bench, forever.
“Where are your friends?” Whitney asked.
“Inside the arcade, flirting with girls,” he said. “Where is your posse?”
“Inside. Flirting with boys,” she said.
“And you’re not into that?”
“It’s been a long day,” Whitney said. Leif just nodded.
“Hey…” Leif started. He stared into the busy street before him unsure how to proceed, which made Whitney increasingly nervous. “Wanna go checkout the beach?”
Whitney wasn’t sure she’d heard him correctly. “With you?” she asked. “Like now?”
“Well that was my thought, but if you don’t want to that’s fine,” Leif said.
“No. I do.” Whitney tried to save herself. “Sorry, I was just…” she shook her head unable to form a sentence. “I was just confused. I’d like to check out the beach,” she said, “with you. Now.”
Leif stared at her for a minute and she watched the playful color return to his eyes. “Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yes,” Whitney said. Fear, both good and bad, filled her as she looked at Leif and his perfect grin.
“Okay then.”
They walked out towards the water turning north once they reached the hard sand, still damp from the evening’s high tide. Whitney crossed her arms against her chest to fight the biting wind, now happy again about her wardrobe choice. It only took a few minutes for the sounds of the promenade to disappear into the dark and they walked in silence letting the low roar of the ocean fill the space between them. Whitney looked out over the expansive Pacific Ocean as it crashed, again and again, into the shore.
“You’re a pretty good ball player,” Leif said.
“Thanks,” Whitney said. “I’m not really that good though.”
“Shut-up!” Leif gave her a shove. “You’re starting on varsity as a freshman.”
“Yeah, but… I haven’t been playing well at all,” Whitney said. “It’s hard to get used to the new plays and new…”
“New people?” Leif said.
“That too.”
Whitney sighed and Leif glanced her way.
“I can’t imagine what it’d be like to move to Millersburg,” Leif said.
“It’s okay,” Whitney said. “Everyone just knows everyone. And they’re very quick to judge.”
Leif laughed. “Yeah, Millersburg people are really awesome at judging.”
Whitney looked at him. His hair had grown over the fall and blew a little in the wind. It made him appear more carefree, which he needed.
“Don’t worry though,” Leif said. “They don’t just judge the new people.”
“Who judges you?” Whitney asked. Leif raised her eyebrows at her.
“Everyone,” he said matter of flatly.
“Like who?”
“We can start with my family, they are probably the worst. Then there’s teachers and family friends and friends and pretty much everyone in our town. When you’re from a Millersburg family there are things people expect of you. It’s stupid,” Leif said. The passion in his answer threw Whitney a little off guard.
“But they all love you,”
“Because I do what they expect. I stay within their boundaries. If I even think about doing anything outside of them it would change in a heartbeat. They don’t love me, they love my actions, because they’re the ones they expect.”
Leif stared off into the dark, his frustration overwhelming even in the open space.
“What wouldn’t they expect?” Whitney said.
“Well, this for one.” Leif looked at her and smiled.
“What? Walking on the beach? That isn’t allowed?”
Leif broke into a fit of laughter. “It’s not the walk. It’s you. You’re unexpected.”
Whitney’s heart beat wildly in her chest while she searched for something to say. Was unexpected good? She didn’t imagine it was if people were going to judge him negatively for it.
“Then why did you say you wanted to walk?” she asked.
“Cause I’m tired of doing what they want,” Leif said. “And ready to do what I want.”
He looked at Whitney longingly and grinned sending electricity through her whole being. She looked away, unable to process that this was happening in her life.
“Do you like having a big family?” She finally asked. Leif was quiet and she wondered if he’d heard her.
“Eh, I like some parts of it,” he said finally.
Whitney nodded.
“I could really do without the older sister who feels the need to run my life, the younger sister who worships the older sister and the overbearing father though.”
He turned and grinned at Whitney as he said it trying to cut the seriousness, but his eyes had fallen back into the dull grey that pulled on Whitney’s heart.
“What about you?” he said as they reached the spot where the beach gave way to a rocky cliff forcing them to turn around. “Do you like your small family?”
Whitney shrugged. “I don’t like how small it is without my dad, but I did like it when we were all together. My sister can get annoying but she’s also pretty cool.”
“Why did your parents split up?” Leif asked.
Whitney felt her chest tighten. She hadn’t ever talked to anyone about why her mom demanded they leave. Leif sensed it and put his hand on her arm.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “You don’t have to answer that.”
Whitney smiled at him, ignoring the tingles radiating from where he touched her. “It’s fine. My dad can just be pretty, intense sometimes and my mom got tired of it.”
“Is he less intense now?” Leif asked.
Whitney smiled. “No. Just further away so I guess I get less of it.”
“My parents fight all the time,” Leif said somberly. “When I hear about parents getting a divorce I always wonder what the breaking point was, because honestly, I can’t imagine much worse than some nights at our house.”
“I guess it just depends on the people. There was pressure from her friends, and heaven-forbid my mom’s social image get put into question,” Whitney said.
“Yeah, I think that’s why my mom won’t ever leave,” Leif said.
“Why are they such idiots? Who the hell cares what “society” thinks? They act like they’re someone special. Newsflash mom, you are not important,” Whitney said.
“Where did you come from?” Leif asked through a laugh.
“We covered that,” Whitney said.
“I know, but I don’t know people like you. You’re real. And funny. In a genuine way. It’s refreshing. You’re refreshing.”
Whitney smiled at him. He looked into her eyes stirring the butterflies to record activity.
“Thanks,” Whitney said, looking away. “Refreshing and unexpected. I’ll count at least one as a complement.”
“They’re both a complement,” Leif said.
The voices of the promenade began wafting onto their beach, stealing away the magic they had found. Whitney took a deep breath.
“Exactly my thoughts,” Leif said.
They stopped
just before the steps to the street; both of them postponing their return to real life. Whitney watched Leif, still amazed that she’d spent the last two hours with him. Then suddenly, in one fail swoop Leif wrapped his arms around her and squeezed tightly: the movement so sudden Whitney didn’t even have time to uncross her arms from the front of her chest. Then, he let go, the moment gone before Whitney could absorb it.
“Thanks for the walk,” Leif said.
“Anytime,” Whitney mumbled. She followed him up the steps instinctively, unsure what had just happened. Was it a friendly hug, an ‘I like you’ hug, a sibling-like hug, just an extremely poor judgment choice he already regretted? She played with the strings on her sweatshirt as she walked blindly beside him.
“Whitney!”
She heard Everley before she saw her. From the ice cream shop overwhelmed with teenagers, Everley came running. She enveloped her in a hug, replacing the feel of Leif, which annoyed Whitney.
“First we thought you’d just gone back to the house but then you wouldn’t answer your phone and so then we figured you’d gone back but Eva had killed you and chopped you into tiny pieces and then put the pieces in the wood burning fireplace and roasted marshmallows over you.” Everley stood panting, genuine concern covering her face.
“Everley, you have such a vivid imagination. It might have done you well to watch a little TV as a kid. Let Disney help you set guidelines for the kinds of things normal people think about,” Leif said. Whitney had forgotten he was there but before she could worry about it he spotted his friends on the other side of the ice cream shop and headed off.
“See you later Whitney,” he said. “I’m glad you weren’t burned alive.”
Whitney’s eyes followed him, watching as he transformed back into the most popular guy at school.
“Where were you?” Brynley asked.
Whitney made her way towards the girls’ table outside the ice cream parlor and sat on a cement half-wall separating the seating from the sidewalk.
“We took a walk on the beach,” Whitney said. Suddenly, realizing how unbelievable it sounded.
“You and Leif were off together this whole time?”
Brynley, Kristi, Jenn, Jayme and Everley all stared at Whitney as they blindly scooped ice cream into their mouths.
“That actually looks good. I think I’ll grab some,” Whitney said. And with that she was up and into the shop putting off the twenty questions for at least a few more minutes. She got in line and watched both outside tables through the window while she waited. The girls were obviously speculating about what had happened with Whitney and Leif. Underneath the anxiety of explaining the night, she actually enjoyed watching them squirm. The boys watched girls as they passed, as boys do. Leif though, was sitting towards the back of the group on his phone. Gone already was his grin of twenty minutes ago, replaced with a frown mirrored in his dulled eyes. Whitney wondered who he was texting, although she was pretty sure she knew. As she watched him and let her imagination run wild with what Leif could be texting Eva a conversation between the girls in line in front of her caught her attention.
“Her concussion is bad.”
“I heard she can only be awake for like an hour at a time right now to keep the brain swelling down.”
“I think they’re going to eject that girl who did it from the rest of the tournament.”
“I heard they won’t let her play all season.”
The other girls got their ice cream and took their conversation outside and out of Whitney’s earshot. She quickly ordered, two scoops of mint chocolate chip, and then rushed out to the girl’s table with something actually worth gossiping about.
“You guys!” Whitney whispered as she sat down. “You won’t believe what I just heard.”
“Was it that you and Leif spent two hours together doing mystery things? Cause we heard that too. Wanna tell us what happened?” Brynley said. Whitney shot her a glare before continuing.
“No. The girls in front of me were talking about the girl Eva threw across the court at the game. They said the state might not allow Eva to play for the rest of the season.” She had their attention now.
“Can they do that?” Kristi asked
“If they do, she will literally kill you,” Jenn said. “Especially now that you also had sex with Leif,”
“I didn’t sleep with Leif. We walked on the beach and talked. That’s it,” Whitney said, trying to get them to focus on the important issue at hand.
“Oh, because that sounds believable???” Kristi said smiling at Jenn.
“Even if you didn’t sleep with Leif, Eva blames you for how mad she was at the game, and if she can’t play her senior year because of this…..” Jenn slowly drew her finger across her neck and the others all nodded in agreement. Whitney put her head down on the table.
“I don’t even want to go back to that house tonight. I’m worried she’ll kill me while I sleep.” Whitney said.
“What if she comes in and tries to kill you, but stabs me instead!” Everley said. Her brown eyes were huge as she played out the scene in her head.
“So if she comes in and tries to kill me, and does kill me, it’s okay?” Whitney asked.
“Well it’s better than her killing the innocent girl next to you!” Everley said. Whitney smiled as she shook her head.
The girls played out every possible scenario for Eva, and Whitney’s fate as they finished their ice cream and then trekked back to the house, happy to find the seniors already in their rooms.
“Ivy wants to know what’s going on,” Everley said sitting cross-legged on the bed while Brynley and Whitney brushed their teeth.
“Ivy! Yeah, ask her what she knows.” Brynley crawled over to sit where she could see Everley’s phone.
“She didn’t say she knows anything,” Everley said.
“Yeah, but I’m sure she does. She has a direct line of contact with Leif and Jasmine. Ask her!” Brynley said.
Everley sent the text and almost immediately got a response.
My mom said that between what both kids told her it sounded like Eva got mad at the team and how they were playing and ended up pushing a girl too hard which lead to a concussion and now Eva can’t play for the rest of the tournament. Jasmine told her that all my little friends are being really stupid and ruining the whole tournament.
“We’re being stupid?” Whitney said.
Eva is being stupid!!!! Everley said.
That’s what I figured.
But apparently they are genuinely mad at you guys so I’d be careful.
Everley didn’t reply.
The girls climbed into bed and laid there, with the lights off, lost in their own thoughts for a few minutes.
“So what really happened tonight?” Brynley asked through the darkness.
“Nothing really. I went outside to get some air and Leif came over and we were talking for a few minutes and then he asked if I wanted to go check out the beach, so we did,” Whitney said. Everley was asleep already, her breaths regular and deep. Brynley, laying between the two other girls, turned to face Whitney.
“So you just walked on the beach for like two hours?” she asked.
“Yeah. It didn’t seem like we were gone that long, but yeah.” Whitney stared at the ceiling.
“What did you talk to Leif about for two hours?” Brynley said.
“Basketball and life and family. Just whatever,” Whitney said.
“You talked to Leif about life and family?”
“Yeah….I mean it sounds weird now, but that’s what we talked about. He’s easy to talk to when there aren’t other people around. He’s interesting,” Whitney said.
“And nothing else happened? Did you hold hands? Did you kiss? Did he say he likes you? Did he say Eva’s a bitch?”
“No,” Whitney said. “I mean he said I was unexpected, in a good way and then at the end of the walk he did hug me. It was weird.”
“He hugged you?” Brynley asked. “What kind of hug?”
“I don’t know,” Whitney said. Talking about it was taking away the magic of it and making her sad. “It was a quick hug. Just all of a sudden he hugged me, tight, and then stepped back again and said thanks for the walk.”
“Interesting…,” Byrnley said. “Just be careful. There’s history with him and Eva.”
“I know,” Whitney said. She turned to face Brynley. “Nothing happened. We talked. Plus, I’m me and Eva’s, well Eva. He wouldn’t pick me. He just wouldn’t.” Saying it out loud brought a cold hollow feeling to Whitney’s core. She knew it was true. He might like hanging out with her, but he’d never make the switch. Never.
◆◆◆
Whitney had a dream that night that her and Leif were together. He drove her to school and they paraded through the hallways holding hands. Then he came to her game with a big huge sign saying ‘I LOVE WHITNEY.’ After the game she ran over and hugged and then he bent down and kissed her, lovingly, in front of everyone. When he pulled away Whitney smiled at him for just a second before jumping down and joining her team on their way to the locker room.
When she woke up Whitney could still feel Leif’s hand in hers. Exactly where his fingers had reached to on her hand. She could feel his lips on hers and see the wonderful grin he gave her as she pulled away. She tried to shake it off. She knew it wasn’t real. It was so far from real. Yet, it felt so real, so honest and she longed for that touch.
The girls played at nine am and after the night before and that stupid dream, Whitney was not feeling energized as she followed Everley into the gym just before eight. The gym was mostly empty, so it wasn’t difficult to spot the cozy couple sitting on the third row of the worn wooden bleachers deep in conversation. Eva had on jeans with her warm-up jacket and her hair hung in loose waves over her shoulders. She obviously wasn’t playing, which Whitney knew from all the previous evening’s conversations, but this solidified the situation. Yet it wasn’t Eva Whitney was hung up on, it was Leif. Leif sat next to Eva, with his arm around her shoulder. Whitney’s eyes went from Leif’s face, which was soft and kind as it leaned against Eva’s strawberry blonde hair; to his arm, draped around Eva, to his hand, which hung over her shoulder, entwined in hers. Whitney looked down at her own empty hands remembering how real the dream had been, and realizing how very much a dream it was now. She wanted to hit something. She wanted to hit herself. An involuntary tear welled up in her eye and she hated herself for it. She hadn’t seen them like this since homecoming and she’d kind of believed they were over. Silly girl, she thought to herself.
Being Whitney (Book one of the Being Series): A Young Adult Novel Page 11