“Adam?”
Maureen was hovering above me when I opened my eyes, feeling as if I was coming back from a coma.
“You okay?”
I blinked a couple of times. If I hadn’t been laying there on the forest ground, I could have sworn I had just died.
“I think so.” I propped myself up on my arms and looked back into the memory. It had been terrifying. The look on her face, the pain in my chest. The knowledge that it all would be over in no time.
“You don’t look okay,” she commented on my slow reaction.
For a moment, I waited, hoping more would come, but the window into my past had closed again. All my eyes saw was the dark forest, the fir trees, the brown soil, the stones, the leaves. And Maureen, my demon friend, who I wasn’t exactly sure had betrayed me. It took an incredible effort to put on a facade of an emotionless demon when there were so many things I had to figure out.
“Why didn’t you just run back to Volpert after they grabbed me?” I asked. Straightforward might be the best way to go as I was already doubting everything I knew. The worst case was she would attack me. Instinctively I tensed.
“Who says I didn’t?” She eyed me from the side, tucking her black hair behind her ear.
“You did?”
“I considered it.” She patted my shoulder lightly. “But then, what would be the benefit of returning without killing the girl or bringing you back?”
She was right. Volpert would never accept her back if she came empty-handed. At least that’s how I’d gotten to know the demon leader. And now, that I knew he had taken part in my death, somehow, I didn’t feel like I ever wanted to go back to him. The feeling of betrayal hit me again, full-force.
“I couldn’t do it...not killing the girl, that would be easy, but deliver you to Volpert…” Her voice was distant behind my thick cloud of thoughts. “Why didn’t you just kill her in the graveyard, anyway?”
I dove out of my moment. Why, indeed? There was no way I was going to share everything that happened with her. Despite her being there with me, I didn’t fully trust Maureen. I didn’t trust any of the demons much any longer.
“You know, if we give Volpert a good explanation why you didn’t, he might still show mercy.”
If mercy was what I wanted, then most certainly not from the one who had lied to me about my death.
When I didn’t respond, she tapped my arm with a frown. “So, what’s the plan now?”
I raised my eyebrows. “Good question.” She had made the plans before, not me. But this time I would have to make up my own mind about how I wanted things to go down. What did I want? I surely couldn’t continue to be a pawn in Volpert’s game. If he had made up the part that I needed to take revenge on the girl for my own death, what else was a lie? Did her ancestors really kill his father?
When I finally looked up, Maureen was still staring at me from the side, waiting for me to share my insights.
“The four angels are strong. I don’t know if the six of us will be enough to hunt them down and end them. If we want to get to the girl, we’ll have to be smarter than to just bluntly attack.”
While I spoke, I already knew, I wasn’t going to be part of a plan that involved an attack on the family—on my alleged family. Had I risen from death without a person I remembered, without a family? Now all of a sudden, I had two. Just, I didn’t feel like I belonged with either of them.
“I think I’ll need some time to figure things out,” I truthfully said.
She kept staring, questioning with her gaze if I had lost my sanity.
“We don’t have any time to lose,” she put into consideration. “You know, if we don’t go back, they’ll come looking for us.”
“I know,” I sighed. For the first time since I’d returned from my grave, I felt physically and mentally exhausted. “Then you should go and try to save yourself. You can blame everything on me.”
She considered in silence for a moment, then with a quick motion she was on her feet, setting one high heel after the other on the cold ground as she paced the clearing, conflict decorating her features.
“No.”
The next morning was mostly her trying to convince me to go with her, but I hadn’t processed everything that had happened. And besides the knowledge that my own clan had betrayed me, there was that flash of my past that I couldn’t forget. I wasn’t ready to talk about it with anyone, and so I convinced myself it was okay to do some fact-finding.
“Are sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Maureen asked when I closed my eyes to teleport back into the city.
“Positive.” The last thing I needed was a prying demon at my heels. I needed space to make up my own mind about what I had learned. The best way to do that was to learn more about my alleged family and my ‘soulmate’.
When I faded out of the forest and into shadows behind the public library, I didn’t know I was going to be that lucky. My first impulse had been to go back to the place I had been alone with the girl, but I couldn’t just pop up at the house. Too risky. So, I’d decided to simply choose the next-best place. The library. Drawn toward the place where I had once attempted to kill the girl, I now intended to understand her. Everything I’d learn about my former life would be to my advantage, whichever side I would eventually face.
The sounds were inconspicuous: cars driving up and down the street, people chatting on the sidewalk as they rushed from house to house. All a blend of normal background noises…until I spotted a voice that was familiar.
“Hi, Liz,” it came from inside the building, a dampened sound but still clearly the voice that had changed my demon existence through the words she had spoken. What luck had hit me that I would be here just in time when she walked into the building? Was it mere luck? Or were there other forces at work that I yet had to understand?
“Good morning,” a second, female voice responded. It was a rich spectrum of sound, and somehow disgruntled. “It’s Monday, Claire,” the voice complained. “What are you doing here?”
“Good morning, Mrs. Martinez,” the girl’s guardian angel joined the conversation.
My first impulse to cheer with excitement vanished when I heard his unbearably polite tone.
“Please, call me Liz.”
Did I imagine a nervous giggle stifled behind her words?
“Very well, Liz. Jaden Ableton.”
There was a brief silence during which I had difficulties refraining from just punching a hole into the wall.
“Liz, do you have a minute?” the girl finally asked, awkwardness in her low voice.
“What’s the matter, Claire? Judging by your out-of-schedule appearance, there is something you need my help with. Am I right?”
That second woman sounded like a mixture between a scolding mother and an intrigued friend. I had to get closer, maybe see their faces, but with the guardian angel right there, it would be too much of a risk…or would it? Maybe if I teleported into the very back of the library. He might not even notice my presence.
“Liz, we are so entirely grateful for your help with Chris Gallager,” he spoke as I was still making up my mind. Chris Gallager—my alleged father.
“He knows?” the woman asked in a hushed tone, almost as if she expected the powerful creature beside her to not hear her. Humans. I shook my head.
“He does,” the girl confirmed without any detours or further explanations.
“I know more than you can imagine,” the guardian angel announced. “Thank you for so effectively protecting our secrets and for guarding our history.”
There was another silence during which the woman was probably gathering her thoughts. I was, too. Protecting secrets and guarding history? Who was this lady?
“It’s an honor, Mr. Ableton,” she stammered.
“The honor is mine. Please know that your work and your loyalty to The Guard are seen and appreciated.”
The Guard? What were they talking about? It seemed I had caught them at the exact right moment�
�� not to answer my questions, but to open up a whole new universe of doubts.
“Everything you told me about the meditation worked, Liz. Chris is fine.” The girl’s voice was calm, the exact opposite of when she had spoken to me.
“What can I help you with? We have forty minutes before business hours. Coffee?” There it was. The lady gave the exact information I needed. Business hours hadn’t started and they were alone in the library. If I teleported in, hid in the corner somewhere, out of the angel’s radius…
Within a blink, I was in the last aisle, far away from where their voices were coming from.
“Well, there is an issue we need your opinion on,” the guardian angel was speaking, the sound of coffee mugs in the background.
“We recently got into a situation that requires knowledge about a particular type of hybrid. What do you know about angel-demon hybrids?”
A brewing coffee machine interrupted the silence.
“I know all the literature by heart. You need to give me more context,” the woman said.
“The second Gallager son returned from the dead. We found out that he must have demonic heritage. He returned as one of them,” the angel said, as if he was a doctor reporting a medical condition to another physician.
Jackpot. They were talking about me. I might learn something after all.
“To make things worse, he is suffering from amnesia. But there is one thing that is particularly disturbing about the situation—” he continued, “—he has a connection to Claire we don’t fully understand. When he touched her, she felt his hunger for her soul and she got the same craving.”
She had? How was that even possible? I knew that even the other demons couldn’t sense others the way I did. Empathy wasn’t exactly demon terrain, neither was it human, at least not when it came to physically feeling the same urges and needs…such as hunger. The echo of my lust for her soul filled me and for a second I had trouble remembering why I was there. Not to kill her. To learn every little detail I could about my past.
Without thinking, I snuck a bit closer to the staff room. That’s where the voices were coming from.
“I’ve also seen him during meditation,” the girl added. “I’ve had dreams about him that seemed real.”
So she had dreamed about me, too? The same way I had about her? It was mutual. I wasn’t crazy. Whenever she had stared at me through the layers of night and sleep, in every vision of her, her eyes, her voice had felt so real… It was good to know I wasn’t alone. And for the first time since I woke up in the demon-version of myself, I felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Not a soul to be devoured, but the light of knowledge, of understanding. And she was the key.
“That’s an interesting twist.” The woman was obviously surprised and pleased. Who was she that an angel would seek help from her? What was this Guard?
“You’ve heard about those connections?” the angel’s voice was full of hope. The same hope I had seen in my alleged father’s eyes. Apparently, he was as helpless in this new situation as they all were.
As I was still finishing my thought, I realized how much truth there was to it, and how it affected me when I finally admitted it was valid for me, too. I was as helpless as they were.
“I have read about them. Angel-demon hybrids…”
Just as it was getting interesting, Maureen popped up all of a sudden. I almost smashed into a shelf, taken by surprise. She pressed her finger against her lips and shook her head, gesturing for me to be quiet. She grabbed my shoulder and the room around me faded.
When I felt solid ground under my feet, we were in the graveyard, just by the marble door.
“Have you lost your mind?” she yelled at me, not in the slightest caring about being quiet now. “If they had seen you…they wouldn’t even have to see you. If that creature had felt your presence, you’d be dead.”
Her horrified expression gave away just how much that thought bothered her.
“They didn’t,” I pointed out, disgruntled that she had simply pulled me out of there. It had been my choice to go. I had taken the risk, knowing what it meant. She had no right…
“I know you want answers,” she guessed right. “But first we have somewhere to be.” And she pointed at the door behind her, pushing it open with one hand.
16
Return
As she pulled me into the darkness, I was too slow to react and teleport out. She had me in the sealed area before I could think of a place I’d want to go to.
“What are you doing?” I whisper-screamed at her.
She simply grimaced and slowly dragged me along with her. She must have fed, she was so strong.
“While you were on your suicidal hunt for answers, I actually did take your advice,” she said in a hushed voice as we slowly made our way from the marble plates to the natural stone walls.
“I went back to talk to Volpert,” she explained when I didn’t immediately grasp what she was saying.
If she was taking me back now, did that mean she was delivering me to Volpert as a prisoner?
“Maureen…”
“Relax, Adam,” she interrupted me with a smile. “I didn’t take all of your advice. I didn’t blame everything on you. Quite the opposite. I made you look like a hero by telling them how you got away from the angels in one piece.”
She chuckled at my shocked face.
“Now they think you’re triple as strong as you actually are.” She grinned widely. “They expect intel, though. You’ll have to tell them everything you know.”
“He didn’t hurt you, did he?” I cautiously asked, wondering if the demon leader had simply accepted her explanation, or if she was hiding what had really happened.
“He didn’t hurt me.” Her face told me she was telling the truth, but there was something in her eyes that told me she was under pressure.
“What is it?” I pushed, hoping to gather information on what was awaiting me at my return, so I could mentally prepare.
“They didn’t hurt me, but they will if they realize I haven’t been as loyal as I am pretending to be.” She frowned. “And once they find out, pain will be the least of my worries.”
I shuddered.
“You didn’t have to do this,” I reminded her. Hadn’t I told her to blame it all on me?
“I know.” She stopped and looked up at me with a vulnerable expression, for once not pretending to be the tough demon. Emotion shone through. Concern. Affection. “But had I done it your way, you would have never been able to return. This way, there is a chance you’ll stay with us.”
Had she forgotten that one of them had killed me? Now it was I who frowned.
“They don’t know that you know what happened when you died, and I'd rather you keep it that way, or they might get suspicious.”
Had she read my mind?
“How can I trust any of them?”
She laid her hand on my cheek. “You can’t. But you might find more answers here than you’ll find with those winged people.”
What was she indicating? What else did Volpert and his clan know? My clan. Or was it?
“We really should stop talking. We’ll be within hearing range in no time and they can’t find out that you’re having doubts.”
I nodded and she grabbed my arm again, dragging me further into the tunnels.
“Welcome back,” Volpert’s voice reached us before we entered the interrogation room.
The dim light from the torches on the walls was enough to tint the iron shackles and chains with a warm shine. It was like coming home. How many humans and angels had Blackbird and I tortured here? I had stopped counting after a while.
Blackbird. The one who had killed me. Now that I knew the truth, it was hard to think of him as a partner. We had worked together seamlessly and now I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to be in the same room with him.
“You look hungry, Adam,” Volpert noticed when we stepped inside.
Instead of greeting or responding to his as
sumption, I looked around the room, checking for the others, but we were alone.
“So, you have escaped the claws of our enemy?” he tried again to get me to speak.
This time Maureen pinched my arm and I remembered, I wasn’t a prisoner to be interrogated, but one of them, a member of Volpert’s clan.
“I have,” I forced myself to speak.
Volpert clapped his hands and laughed hysterically for a moment, then his face turned dead-serious.
“You know, I was sending Jin and Nora out to hunt you down when Maureen showed up.” He turned around and stared into the dancing flames on the walls. “Lucky you, this demon-girl has such courage. She convinced me that the information you’ve gathered is so much more valuable than it is bad how you’ve screwed up.”
Maureen gave me a pleading look. It was clear not only my life depended on my next words, but hers too. As she kept staring up at me, something clicked into place inside my head. She was right. This might be the exact right place for the answers I needed. This wasn’t so much about my past, but about my future. I had a demon family who had killed me before, and an angel family who had been trying to understand what had happened to me. I hadn’t had the chance to be with them long enough to get to know them, and somehow the thought scared me. At least they didn’t want to kill me, they wanted the old me back. Maybe we wanted the same thing. I wanted my memories back. Whether or not that would make me who I was before my death, I couldn’t tell. Anyhow, my future depended on understanding Volpert and his clan well enough so I could maneuver myself through the days until memories would eventually strike me and I would be able to wrap my head around everything that had been going on. And the girl…I needed time to figure out what part I wanted her to play in my future. It was obvious there was no way she would simply disappear from my thoughts, my dreams… But whether she’d be someone who’d help me get my memories back or just a delightful meal, was still too early to tell.
Volpert turned and teleported to the spot right in front of me, fierce, blue eyes piercing mine.
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