by Ian Tremblay
"I really like you a lot, Linda. I mean, like in an important way." Linda began to protest, but he put a finger to her lips.
"Just listen, please. I'm not an easy guy. I don't sleep around, and I've been waiting a long time to find someone like you, and now you're here. I just can't ignore what I feel any longer. I have to share this with you. It's exploding inside of me." He put a hand on his chest to indicate his heart. Linda felt uncomfortable. Her eyes went from him to the floor, and she was torn between her own feelings for him and her fear of falling in love again.
"I like you too, Jeff, but we work together, and I think it would be a mistake and confuse things for both of us."
"I knew you would say that, Linda, and I understand. I'm not pressuring you or anything, and I'm not in a hurry, so please take your time to think this out. You're a rare woman, Linda, and I will wait for you. I'll do anything for you; I'll change jobs if I have to." They were close, inches apart, and he was still holding her hand, and she did nothing to disengage it. Their eyes locked. He leaned slowly forward and kissed her gently on the lips. She closed her eyes, and he slowly pulled her in his direction. Their lips met again and they took each other's mouth hungrily, releasing through their embrace all the pent-up passion of the past months. Linda threw her arms around him and abandoned herself in the kiss; she began to breathe heavily and felt a tingle in her gut. The floodgates of love were wide open, and her whole being was ignited and on fire. She caught herself just in time and put her hands on Jeff's shoulders, pushing him away gently. She was flushed and excited and had trouble regaining her composure.
"Please, Jeff, please stop."
She took his hands in hers and looked him in the eyes. Linda was not ready to go any further; she had not made love to a man for a long time and was afraid of what might happen.
"I want so much to be with you, Jeff, but, I'm not ready yet, so please go. Go before things happen, please." Jeff heard the words, but he also saw what her eyes were saying. He smiled and kissed her hands.
"It's okay. Linda, there's no hurry. Let's take our time."
Linda smiled. "Thank you. Thank you for understanding."
He stood up. "Thanks for everything, Linda, it was a great evening. I had a wonderful time." Linda stood up and walked with him toward the door. He turned before going out the door and passed his hand delicately through her hair.
"Sweet dreams, Linda. I'll see you soon." He leaned over and kissed her forehead and then brushed his lips with hers. Linda closed her eyes and inhaled his odor. She opened them again, and he was inches away. His eyes were smiling, and he was happy and buoyant with the thought of them being together again soon.
"Sweet dreams too," Linda whispered. He let go of her hand and walked away. He turned in the stairs and blew her a silent kiss. She waited for him to have disappeared in the stairwell and then closed the door of her apartment. She leaned her back on the door and let out a long languorous sigh, the kind of sigh that comes from deep inside a person where the roots of unfulfilled love reside. She went to sit on the couch and thought for a long time about what had just happened. She was happy but worried. She wanted a man in her life, a man like him. He was everything she dreamed of, but she was scared of being hurt again and was eaten by doubt and uncertainty. With those conflicting emotions still twirling in her mind, she got up and slowly made her way to her bedroom.
The next day was a day Linda Staunton cannot remember, but also a day she can never forget. Her mother and Peggy filled in the blanks for her later, much later. What happened on that day at precisely 4:37 p.m., according to the police report, changed her life forever.
She had been in a hurry and was late for work. She had been running to catch her bus and never saw the car that hit her. To this day, she cannot remember that moment. Actually, two cars hit Linda Staunton that day. The first one hurled her in the air, and she landed seventy feet away in the middle of the street. Then another car coming in the opposite direction had slammed into her fallen body and dragged her on the pavement. When it finally came to a stop, another car rear-ended it, and they both exploded into flames. The flames had engulfed both vehicles, and two bystanders, at the risk of their own lives, had miraculously pulled Linda's mangled and burned body from beneath the flaming vehicles.
She had been rushed to the hospital in critical condition. Linda's body had been brutally crushed and burned. She had suffered multiple fractures to just about every bone in her body, and her face had been charred beyond recognition. Her chest and neck were severely burned, and she was in shock. In those first few hours, the doctors did not nourish much hope that she would survive. Peggy had been the first to arrive; Linda was in the operating room when she got there. She had waited around nervously, pacing about and breaking into tears all the time. No one would or could tell her exactly how Linda was doing, but she understood the words "critical and life-threatening injuries" that the head nurse had pronounced at the desk. "The doctor will come and see you as soon as he gets out of the operating room, miss. Please be patient and wait for him in the waiting room. That's all I can tell you for now, I'm sorry." So, Peggy had waited, for what had seemed to her an interminable number of hours. Finally the doctor showed up. He still had his scrubs on and was obviously coming straight from the operating theatre. He was a lanky, handsome man of about fifty, with graying temples and gentle blue eyes. Peggy stood up when he walked up to her.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Hall. Are you next of kin to Miss Staunton?" His voice was soft, and he spoke slowly, in a reassuring and comforting manner.
"No, I'm her roommate. Her mother lives out of town. How is she?" Peggy was in a state of extreme anxiety.
"Please sit down, will you?" He took Peggy's arm and directed her toward a couch. His fingers were long and delicate, and his hand was warm. He sat down in front of her and looked at her; his eyes emanated compassion and understanding. His very presence had a calming effect on Peggy.
"Okay, miss?"
"Peggy."
"Well, Peggy, here is the situation. Your friend has had a horrific accident, and the fact that she is still alive as we speak is miraculous. She is very strong. I'd say that her chances of surviving the next forty-eight hours are fifty/fifty." Peggy put her hand to her mouth, and tears filled her eyes.
"Oh my God," she whined. "Oh no, this can't be true."
"I'm sorry to say this, Peggy, but you haven't heard the worst. She suffered very severe burns on her face, neck, and body. She has sustained major multiple fractures to her face. Basically, her face was crushed completely, and it will be very challenging if not impossible to try to reconstruct it. She has also lost an eye, an ear, an arm, and a leg." Peggy looked at him in total shock, unable to speak.
"She is in a state of great shock and in a coma, and like I said, it's a miracle that she's still alive. We will know in the next few days if she will make it." He put his hand on Peggy's, who was sobbing uncontrollably by now.
"Oh my God, this is terrible, poor Linda, oh my God." Peggy was in a state of complete turmoil. Dr. Hall held her hand and waited in silence while Peggy absorbed what he had told her. It was not the first time in his long career that he had been the messenger of bad news to family or to friends.
"Can I see her, doctor?"
"Sure, but only for a few minutes. She's in a coma and heavily medicated and unable to communicate. Will you be calling her next of kin, Peggy?"
"Yes, I will. I'll go see her, and then I'll call her mom."
"Okay then, come with me." He rose and led the way.
An aseptic tent covered Linda's bed; everyone had to wear masks and scrubs to get inside. Most of her body and all of her neck and face were covered in gauze or bandages; Peggy saw the bandaged stumps of her amputated arm and leg, and she seemed to be hooked up everywhere. Medical personnel were constantly in and out to take care of something or another. Peggy could not control her tears.
"Oh Linda, I'm so sorry," she sobbed silently, her body shaking violently. After a while sh
e regained her composure and whispered to the unconscious Linda, "Linda, its' Peggy. I just want you to know that we'll get you through this, okay? Just hang in there for me, Linda. Just hang in there please." She broke into tears again, and Dr. Hall put a hand on her shoulder.
"Okay, Peggy, let's go now," he said softly.
"Okay, doctor." Peggy was devastated as she turned and walked out of the ICU.
She went back to their apartment and sat down in the living room with the phone in her lap. She took a long, deep breath and dialed Linda's mother's number.
Linda's mother arrived the next day. Peggy picked her up at the bus stop, and they rushed to the hospital. Peggy had been checking in on Linda's condition by phone every four hours, but nothing had changed; she was still listed as critical but stable. Peggy was obsessed with Linda's survival and she could not envision any other outcome. The thought of losing Linda was just too much for her to bear.
Linda's mother had a violent reaction when she saw her daughter in the hospital bed.
"Oh my baby, my baby," she wailed, Peggy had to take her out to the corridor to calm her down. She took her gently by the shoulders, drew her to her, and gave her a long, comforting hug. Then, while holding her firmly by the shoulders and with her eyes looking intently into hers, she said, "Listen to me, Mrs. Staunton, you have to be strong, tough like Linda is right now, okay? She needs us to fight with her, do you understand?" Linda's mother was in a state of shock, and she was too choked up by her emotions to be able to speak. She nodded her head to signify that she understood as tears poured down her cheeks. Her pain was too much for Peggy to bear and she choked up too. When their tears subsided, they encouraged each other and went back in to see Linda, talking to her and holding her hand during the few minutes they were allowed to stay in the ICU. Then they went to the hospital cafeteria for coffee and for a very long and a very miserable cry.
Somehow Linda Staunton survived that accident. Why, by what miracle and by whose hand? No one could answer those questions, but she survived. She was a broken and mutilated human being, but nevertheless alive, and considering the misery and torment that would certainly become the rest of her life, maybe she would have been better off to die. But such was not her destiny; she hung on ferociously, with an uncommon determination to live and to not let go. Maybe it was her friend Peggy's constant attention and care during her coma, or maybe it was a desire to live so profoundly embedded in her being that it made her quasi indestructible; whatever the reason or reasons, survive she did. For three months and three weeks she was in a coma, one hundred and eleven days. Then, one day, just like that, she woke up. She was totally disoriented and did not know where she was or what she was doing there. She could only see out of one eye and could not feel parts of her body. Two nurses rushed to her bedside and leaned over her, smiling; Linda looked from one to the other with a panicked look in her eye.
"Miss Staunton, you're awake, that's fantastic," the older nurse, Beth, said, leaning over her. "Now listen," Beth spoke loud and slow, as to a child who needs to understand that the conversation is serious, "you have had a terrible accident, and you have been in a coma for over three months. Please don't try to move or speak. You are still very heavily medicated, and a lot of your injuries are not healed. The doctor who treated you will be in to see you shortly, okay? Just stay put and everything will be fine. We will do everything we can to keep you comfortable, okay?" Linda looked from one to the other, a look of complete confusion in her eye. Since there were tubes in her mouth she could not answer, but she moved her head very slightly to indicate that she had understood.
The head nurse called Peggy at work. It had been agreed that she would call Peggy if there were any changes in Linda's condition. Peggy had been in every day to see her since the accident, before and after her shift. She spent her time there talking to Linda as if she were awake and making sure that she was comfortable and didn't need anything. She brought flowers and pictures of Linda's favorite animals at the clinic and she would softly play some of her favorite music near her ear and sing along to the tunes. Peggy was a one-woman army of dedication and love, and she was convinced that Linda knew she was there and fighting with her. Linda's mother had had to leave after ten days once Linda had been stabilized. She had a job to go back to and the other children to take care of. Peggy had taken charge of things and kept her informed by phone a few times a week. It had been a depressing few months for Peggy. Every day she would pray for her friend to wake up, and although her injuries were mending well and her general condition was getting better, she desperately wanted her to wake up. Peggy picked up the phone.
"Hi, Peggy, it's Beth from the hospital."
"Oh hi, Beth, what's up?" Peggy was concerned; Beth had never called her at work before.
"She just woke up, Peggy. It happened ten minutes ago. She's confused but okay."
"Wow." Peggy's hand trembled slightly. "I'm coming right away." She hung up before Beth could say another word.
Peggy was overjoyed, but at the same time, she was worried about Linda, who was in for a major shock. She arrived at Linda's door at the same time as Dr. Hall.
"Hi, Peggy, so you heard already, eh?"
"Yes, Beth called me," Peggy was out of breath. She had literally run to the ICU. "I'm so happy she's finally awake, but God I'm nervous. You know, of her reaction and all. Have you been in there yet?" Peggy pointed to the door of the ICU unit.
"No, I just got here. Look, Peggy, before we go in there, just a little advice. Linda is a very mutilated person. Later when we take off the bandages and gauze that she has wrapped around her head and she sees that more than half of her face is burned, crushed, and scared beyond repair, well, she will be in a state of absolute shock. Also, as you know, she lost a lot of body parts, and that will be brutal to absorb too. So, what I'm going to do is to take it real slow with her, and I need you to do the same, okay?" Peggy nodded her approval. "Just remember that if there ever was a time when she needed your love and support, it's now. It will be the worst time of her life. Do you understand what I'm saying, Peggy?" He looked at her intently; Peggy took a deep breath, opened her eyes wide, and lifted her shoulders, as if to build up her courage.
"Yes, Dr. Hall, I understand and I'm ready."
"Good then, thank you for her." He pushed the door open and allowed Peggy to go in first.
The nurses had removed the tubes from Linda's mouth and had propped her up a little in the bed. Her face and head and the whole top part of her body were still wrapped in bandages or gauze. Peggy could see the look of confusion and terror in Linda's eye as she approached her bedside with Dr. Hall. Linda's voice was raspy and faint.
"Peggy, what's going on?" Peggy leaned toward her, smiling.
"Oh Linda, I'm so glad you're awake." She turned and pointed to Dr. Hall. "Linda, this is Dr. Hall. He saved your life, you know."
"Hi, Linda, how are you feeling?"
"Okay, I guess ..." Linda's speech was difficult and slurred, and she was gasping for air after every word. Her good eye was darting left and right as if she were searching for her bearings. Dr. Hall stepped in closer.
"Look, Linda, you've been in a coma for a long time, and your body and mind need to adjust." He spoke loud and with authority because he wanted to be sure that she understood. "The important thing right now is that you rest and regain some strength. Just stay calm and let us take care of you, okay?" Linda looked from him to Peggy and nodded that she understood. Her eye was filled with interrogations and alarm. She looked toward Peggy perplexed. Peggy picked up on the cue; she imitated Dr. Hall and spoke loudly.
"Look, Linda, you've been in a very bad accident. You were hit by a car as you were going to work. You've been in a coma for a long time, and we didn't know if you would make it, so ..." tears swelled up in Peggy's eyes, "so today is a miracle." Her eyes were now filled to the brim, and she choked on her words. "I'm so glad you're awake, Linda. Just do as the doctor says and rest, okay?" She had difficulty pronouncin
g the last words, and tears were running down her face. Linda looked at her intently with her one good eye, and she nodded that she understood. She lifted slightly her remaining bandaged arm in Peggy's direction, and Peggy gently took it. Linda squeezed her hand and smiled.
Dr. Hall put his arm on Peggy's shoulder,
"Let's go now, Peggy. You can come back later, okay?"
"Yes, okay," she said, sniffling.
"I'll come back later, Linda, after work, okay?" She let go of Linda's hand, and Linda nodded her head and closed her eye slightly. She was still heavily medicated, and it looked like she was about to fall asleep. Peggy and the doctor left the room silently. When they were in the corridor, Peggy turned toward him,
"I'm sorry about that in there, doctor. I just couldn't help it. It was too much after all this time to see her awake and able to understand. I've been praying for this for months."
"Its okay, Peggy, no need to explain, look, can you come by my office later? I would like to talk to you about how I'll break the news to Linda about her condition; it's going to be hard, you know."
"Yes, I know. I'll come by and see you after work, okay?"
"Fine, Peggy, and thanks for everything. You've been a wonderful friend for Linda, you know. She is very lucky to have a friend like you." Peggy blushed and stared at the floor.
"Thanks, doctor. It's nothing, really. She's my friend, and I love her, that's all." He put his hands on her shoulders, and she looked up.
"No, it's not Peggy, what you did is very selfless and important, believe me, I've seen a lot of things in these years at the hospital. So don't you ever forget it, okay?" He looked at her intently and smiled. She smiled too.
"Okay I won't, thank you. I'll see you later then?"
"Yeah, later," Peggy turned and walked slowly down the corridor, her heart heavy. She knew that the next few days would be the hardest of Linda's life and probably of hers too.
During the next few days, Linda gradually regained her strength, and Peggy spent as much time as she could in the room with her. Whenever Linda was awake, Peggy went over to her bedside and would take her hand and say encouraging things to her. She had agreed with Dr. Hall not to discuss Linda's condition with her, and he had told her that he would inform her when he thought she was strong enough to handle the news. He had asked Peggy to be present when that time came. Linda would always ask Peggy questions when she was awake, but Peggy would just tell her to rest and that Dr. Hall would answer all of her questions soon. On the third morning of her coming out of her coma, Linda had told Peggy that she felt a tingling in her leg, indicating the side of her body that did not have a leg anymore. Peggy had not responded but had felt very uncomfortable. She believed it was time Dr. Hall told Linda about her condition. She went to find him and told him about the leg incident before he came around for his morning rounds. He had agreed with her that it was time to talk to Linda.