by Diana Palmer
She was just adjusting to the sight of him. It had been a wild shock, although he was as perfect as a man could possibly be, and her eyes were only just able to drag themselves back up to his shocked face.
He stood aside, running a hand through his disheveled dark hair, just staring at her. She opened the screen door, her heart pounding, and walked into the living room. It was as much a shock as Carson. The sparse, worn furniture was gone, replaced by heavy oak pieces with brocade fabric in cream and chocolate. The brown carpet was thick; the curtains were of the same fabric as the upholstery on the chairs. And the beautiful fireplace had been renovated and was the showpiece she’d once thought it could be.
“The house is lovely,” she remarked breathlessly, forcing her eyes to stay on his face.
“What are you doing here at this time of night?” he burst out.
Her eyes glanced down and up again and she flushed. “Getting anatomy lessons.”
He glanced down, too, and smiled ruefully. “Well, you should have called first.”
“I guess so.”
“Want me to put my pants on, or is the shock wearing off?”
She searched his blue eyes, hesitating. It had seemed so easy when she was thinking about it. And now it was becoming more impossible by the minute. The longer she waited, the weaker her nerve became. He needed a shave, but he looked vital and exquisitely masculine and she wanted to touch him all over that bronzed skin.
She moved closer to him, watching the way his eyes narrowed warily.
“I…want you…to come to bed with me,” she faltered.
He glared at her. “I told you this afternoon how I felt about that,” he said curtly.
“Yes, I know.” She reached out and touched his chest, watching the way he stiffened. His hands caught her, but she trailed her fingers slowly down his body and his hold weakened. His body trembled and jerked.
“Don’t,” he whispered huskily.
It was so easy. Easier than she’d dreamed. Heady with success, she pressed her body against his and reached up to coax his head down.
“Help me,” she whispered. She eased her mouth onto his and kissed him tenderly. She loved his immediate response to her. He tasted of whiskey. It was a little disturbing at first, but the warm hardness of his mouth got through to her and she became accustomed to the strong taste.
His hands caught her shoulders. “Mandy, we can’t,” he breathed roughly. “You’re a virgin, for God’s sake!”
“Yes, you’ll be my first man,” she whispered. “The very first.”
That made his hands tremble and she stood on tiptoe, brushing her body softly against his so that something predictable and awesome happened to him. She sighed and moaned.
“It’s going to be so beautiful,” she said at his lips. “The most beautiful night…”
She left him long enough to close and lock the door. Then she went back to him, where he stood frozen and waiting, and reached up her arms.
“Would you carry me?” she whispered.
He bent like a man in a trance and lifted her tenderly in his hard arms. She nestled her face into his throat, feeling the thunderous beat of his pulse there, feeling his taut body absorb the shock of his footsteps as he carried her into the darkened bedroom and laid her down on his rumpled bed.
“Honey…” he began in a strangled voice.
“Here,” she said, drawing his hands to the buttons of her dress.
He muttered something, and his fingers trembled as he fumbled them open. She sat up, sliding the dress off her body. She lay back, her body pale in the patch of moonlight coming through the window. She held out her arms.
“Come here, darling,” she whispered. She wasn’t even afraid. She wanted him. She wanted a child with him. And tonight she was going to make sure she had that, if nothing else. If he sent her away, she wanted at least the hope, the tiny hope, of having a part of him.
“Mandy,” he groaned. He lay down on the bed with her like a lamb going to slaughter.
“It’s all right,” she whispered. She trembled a little when his hands moved down her thighs and back up over her flat stomach and her soft breasts.
“You’re afraid,” he whispered.
“It’s very mysterious right now,” she explained quietly. “I…I know the mechanics, but I don’t know how it’s going to feel, you see. Will…Carson, will it hurt me very much?” she whispered.
“We don’t have to do it,” he said.
“I have to,” she breathed. “I have to!”
“Why?” he asked.
His hands were fascinated with her body, and she stretched like a cat being stroked, loving their rough tenderness. “I want a baby,” she whispered. “I want your baby.”
He shuddered wildly. His breath caught and he buried his face against her body, groaning helplessly.
Yes, she thought, drawing him closer, yes, that had done it. Now he wouldn’t be able to stop, or stop her. It would happen now, because she’d stirred him in an unbearable way.
His mouth found hers hungrily, and his hands began to touch her in new, shocking ways. She trembled and twisted and moaned, and still his hands tormented her. His mouth went on a trembling journey of exploration that left not one inch of her untouched, that made her cry out and whisper things to him that would have shocked her speechless in daylight.
When she felt his weight on her, she stiffened a little, and his hands brushed back her damp hair, calming her.
“I won’t take you in a rush,” he promised tenderly. “Mandy, close your eyes for a minute. I’m going to turn on the light.”
“No…!”
“Yes,” he whispered, brushing his mouth over her eyes as he reached out to turn on the light at the head of the bed.
Her eyes opened, shocked, frightened and although she knew he was too committed to draw away, she was afraid the starkness of the light might make him stop.
His hands smoothed her hair, touched her hot cheeks. His eyes adored her, glazed with desire, bright with passion and hunger.
“I asked you this once before. Let me watch,” he whispered shakily. “You came in here a virgin, and we’re about to do something extraordinary together. Let me…watch it happen to you…please.”
Her body trembled, but she didn’t say a word. Her hands touched his broad, perspiring shoulders, his chest, his face. She felt him move and her eyes dilated. She stiffened, but his fingers touched her hair again, soothing, comforting as his hips eased down.
“No,” he whispered when she tried to move away. His voice shook, but his smile was steady, his eyes were…loving her.
“Oh,” she whispered sharply, staring straight into his eyes as his body locked with hers.
“Yes,” he said, shuddering, his face clenching. “Oh, God, yes, yes…yes!
Something incredible was happening. She couldn’t believe the intimacy of it. Her nails were biting into him and she didn’t even realize it. Her body forgot that it had a brain and began to entice him, incite him. It arched and forced a deeper intimacy that began as pain and suddenly became easy and sweet and achingly tender.
“Now,” she whispered mindlessly. “Now, I…belong…to you…!”
“Baby…was there a time…when you didn’t?” he bit off. His mouth burned into hers, hot and wet and hungry, and his body began to find a new rhythm with hers. She felt his hands, holding her hips, showing her how. She closed her eyes and let her body teach her what to do, her hands touching, her mouth whispering into his. Storms. Sunlight. Wild breeze and sweet peace. Open fields and running feet. A surge. A scream. Hers. And all too soon she felt conscious again. Carson lay shuddering helplessly on her trembling body, his voice shaking as if he were in unholy torment, whispering her name like a litany.
She reached up to cradle him, to comfort him. Her eyes opened and there was the ceiling, the light fixture. She moved and felt his body move, and realized that they were still part of each other. She caught her breath at the beauty of it.
&nbs
p; It took him a long time to calm down. She stroked him and soothed him, and wondered at the force of his passion.
“It had been a long time, hadn’t it?” she whispered softly.
He levered himself over her and searched her misty eyes with regret and pain in his own. “I took you,” he said jerkily.
“Not exactly,” she murmured with a warm smile.
“For God’s sake…!”
She arched up and kissed his mouth softly, tenderly, smiling against it.
“Don’t,…”
Her hips twisted sensuously under his and something that should have been impossible, suddenly wasn’t. Deliciously surprised, she closed her eyes and kissed him harder.
“Oh, God,” he ground out. And then he stopped talking. She locked her arms behind his neck and held the kiss until the world exploded around them again. Finally, exhausted, they slept in each other’s arms.
She awoke before he did, slipping back into her dress while she studied his long, elegant body on the bed. He was beautiful, she decided. Not cultured and citified and well-mannered. But beautiful and sensitive and he’d make the most marvelous father….
Her face burned as she recalled the long night. Well, it was too late for regrets now. He’d marry her. He’d have to. Because if he didn’t, she fully intended to move in with him anyway.
She went into the clean, neat new kitchen and found an equally new refrigerator that had been recently filled. She cooked eggs and bacon and thick, fluffy biscuits and made a pot of coffee. When she’d set the table, she went back into the bedroom.
He was sprawled on his back, still sound asleep. She sat down beside him and bent to brush her mouth slowly over his.
“Baby…” he whispered hungrily, and reached up to kiss her lips. Then he stiffened. His eyes opened. He looked up at Mandelyn and his face went white. “Oh, my God. It happened.”
“You might sound a little less horrified,” she murmured drily. “You seemed to enjoy it enough last night.”
His hands went to his eyes and he rubbed them. “I had a bottle of whiskey and then I went to bed. And…” His eyes opened. “You seduced me!”
She sighed. “That’s what they all say,” she said with mock weariness.
He sat up in bed and stared straight into her eyes. “You seduced me!” he repeated roughly.
“Well, you needn’t make such heavy weather of it, Carson, I’m surely not the first woman who ever did,” she reminded him reasonably.
“You were a virgin!”
She grinned. “Not anymore.”
“Oh, God!”
She got up with a sigh. “I can see that you’re just not in the mood to discuss this right now. So why don’t you come and have breakfast?”
He threw his legs over the side of the bed and stared at her departing figure. “Why?”
She turned at the doorway, her eyes soft and possessive. “Don’t you know?” And she walked out.
He made his way into the room minutes later. He was dressed now, in jeans and a brown patterned shirt and boots. But he looked half out of humor and bitterly regretful. He glared at her as he sat down.
“What a horrible expression,” she remarked, handing him the platter of scrambled eggs.
“Aren’t you even upset?” he burst out.
“Should I be? I mean, you did drag me into bed with you and…
“I did not!” he growled. “You did it, you crazy little fool!”
“That’s no way to talk to the mother of your children,” she said calmly and poured coffee into the thick mug beside his plate.
“Children…” He put his face into his hands. “You knocked me so off balance I couldn’t even hold back. What if I got you pregnant?”
“I like children.” She smiled softly. “Just think, Carson, if we have a little girl, I can teach her how to be a lady. And if he’s a boy, you can teach him the guitar.”
He looked up with bloodshot eyes, staring as if he didn’t believe what he was hearing. “Mandy?”
Her fingers reached out and brushed over the back of his with an adoring pressure. She searched his eyes and all the amusement went out of hers. “I love you,” she whispered. “I love you more than anything else in the world, Carson. And if you’ll just let me live with you, I won’t even ask you for anything. I’ll cook and clean and have babies and you won’t know I’m around, I’ll be so quiet…!”
“Come here,” he said in a voice that shook with emotion. “Oh, God, come here!”
She went around the table, to be dragged down into his arms and kissed to within an inch of her life.
“Love…you,” he groaned against her mouth. “So much, for so…long. I was dying….”
“Darling, darling!” she whispered, clinging, loving, worshipping him with her hands, her mouth.
He couldn’t seem he said. His big hand to get enough of her soft, eager mouth. He tasted it and touched it and kissed it until it was tender from the rough pressure. His mouth slid down her body, against her breasts.
“It was me,” she guessed, closing her eyes as she remembered the pain she’d caused him. “It was me you were being tutored for, because…because you thought I wouldn’t want you.”
His arms tightened. “Eight years, Mandelyn,” he said unsteadily. “Eight years, I worshipped you. And it got to where I couldn’t eat or sleep or live for loving you. I wanted to fit into your world, so that I’d have a chance with you.”
“And as it turns out, yours suits me very well,” she said humbly. “You were right, Carson. Your world is real and honest and the people don’t put on airs. I like it better than mine.” She clung to him. “Let me live with you.”
“Always,” he promised. “All my life. All yours. But first,” he said curtly, lifting his head, “we get married. Pronto.”
Her eyebrows arched. “Why the rush?”
“As if you didn’t know, you little witch,” he said. His big hand pressed against her stomach and he kissed her roughly. “Whispering that to me last night, when I was doing my damnest to keep my head, to stop myself. Whispering that you wanted my baby. And I went crazy in your arms. You were damned lucky I didn’t hurt you.”
“I wouldn’t have cared,” she murmured contentedly. “It was so sweet, so heavenly. Oh, Carson, I loved you and I knew, I thought, I hoped you loved me. And you were so tender, and I wanted to make it perfect for you.”
“It was perfect all right. Both times,” he added drily. “After we’ve been married a few years, remind me to tell you that what happened was impossible, will you?”
She grinned. “You said yourself you’d been a long time without a woman.”
“That wasn’t why,” he said. His eyes held hers. “It was wanting you. Obsessively.”
She kissed his closed eyelids. “I felt the same way. I could have died the night we went to the ballet. Those things I said…and when I heard about your driving the car into the pool, I got sick all over. I wanted to go down on my knees and apologize. I missed you and I loved you and I knew I’d die without you.”
“I felt the same way,” he confessed. He drew her close and held her securely on his lap. “Then yesterday, at the rodeo, you touched me and I wanted you so badly that…” He sighed. “I got the shock of my life when you started crying after I pushed you away. I was terrified that you were going to get in the car and have a wreck. I trampled two people getting to you. And then I knew just how bad I had it—that I was going to waste away without you. I knew you wanted me, then. But I didn’t think you loved me.” His eyes searched hers. “I thought you came to me last night out of pity.”
She shook her head. “It was love.”
“I should have realized that you’d never give yourself without it.” He sighed. “You’re much too fastidious for love affairs. Even with wild men you desire.”
“You’re not wild,” she murmured. “You’re just a maverick. I love you the way you are, Carson. I wouldn’t change one single thing about you. Of course, I’ll never go wit
h you to another ballet…oh!”
He pinched her and laughed uproariously. “Yes, you will,” he murmured. “We’ll take the kids. I want them to be polished. Not like their father.”
“They’ll have a lovely father,” she sighed, kissing him again. “When are we going to get married?”
“Today.”
She sat up, and he pulled her back down. “We’ll drive down to Mexico,” he said gently. His eyes searched hers. “It has to be done right. Making love to you without my ring on your finger doesn’t sit well. Does it?”
She lowered her eyes to his broad chest. “No,” she confessed.
He tilted up her chin. “But I don’t have one single regret about last night. That was the consummation. That was the wedding vows. Now we make it right.”
Her fingers touched his mouth. “I adore you,” she whispered passionately. Her gray eyes searched his blue ones. “I want you so much.”
His hand touched her stomach, flattened, caressed it. “Tonight,” he whispered. “After we’re married. It will be better this time. Slower. Sweeter.”
She trembled and leaned toward him, but he shook his head with a tender smile. “First you marry me. Then you sleep with me,” he said.
“We got it backwards.”
“We’ll get it right this time,” he promised, smiling. “Up you go. I want to call Patty and see if she and Jake will stand up with us.”
“They way things are going with them, it might be a double wedding,” she laughed.
He looked down at her. “I was jealous of Jake.”
“I was jealous of Patty. When she kissed you that night, I wanted to mop the floor with her.”
He searched her eyes and smiled wickedly. “Yes. I saw that. It was the only glimmer of hope I had.”
Her mouth fell open. She started to speak, but he bent and put his lips on hers. And since it felt so good, she gave up protesting and wound her arms around his neck. He might not be the world’s most polished man, but he was the only one she would ever love.
They drove down to Mexico, and Mandelyn and Carson said their vows in muted, solemn voices while Jake and Patty looked on.