“Was it because you are afraid of him? If so, I want you to quit right now. You can always find another job.”
“I’m not afraid, and I don’t want to work anywhere else,” she said quickly, though just yesterday she’d thought about getting a new job more than once.
Now Waneta’s reticence seemed so silly. After nibbling the last of her whole wheat toast, she stood up and washed her plate in the sink. “Speaking of work, I need to get on my way. Danke for breakfast. I appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome.” Standing up, her mother picked up her bowl and brought it to the sink. “Don’t forget your lunch.”
Dutifully, Waneta went to the refrigerator and collected her small cooler. “Danke, Mamm. You are sweet to always pack my lunch.”
“You know I don’t mind helping you.”
“I know. That’s why you’re such a good mother, and I hope to be just like you one day.”
“Ack, Neeta. The things you say.”
Glad to see some color back in her mother’s face, she pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Now, don’t worry about me. And please, don’t worry Daed about my job. I’ll talk to him when the time is right.”
“Your father can handle anything if he needs to handle it. The Lord will help. Now, let’s talk about this Mark some more.”
“Sorry. I can’t.”
Her mother followed her to the back door. “Neeta, please be careful around this boy. He might not be everything you think he is.”
“He’s not a boy, Mamm. And he might not be everything you think he is, either.”
“Well, this man, he might be up to no good. He might be biding his time or something.” She snapped her fingers. “Then, poof! You are hurt.”
“Or he might be simply trying to fit in and settle down. Now, I really must go. See you tonight.” She smiled as she grabbed her tote bag and purse and hurried out the door.
It was a blessing that her mother didn’t follow her.
After placing everything in the basket on her bicycle, she pushed off and headed to work. As she rode down the windy road, feeling heat already coming off the pavement, Waneta prayed that she wasn’t being more optimistic about Mark than was wise.
And while she didn’t think Mark was going to hurt her, she certainly was a long way from feeling comfortable around him.
She didn’t know if she ever would be.
CHAPTER 5
August 5
Waneta Cain was difficult to understand.
All day yesterday, she’d appeared to go out of her way to avoid him. She’d barely met his eyes; she certainly hadn’t spoken to him unless she had to. As much as it had hurt, it was nothing more than he’d expected.
But today? Well, she was acting different.
Really different.
From the moment she greeted him in her robin’s egg blue dress, she was a bright little ray of sunshine. She told him good morning. She not only didn’t seem as tense around him, she even joked with him a bit.
He caught her studying him more than once, too, as if she wanted to know more about him. Not like she had yesterday. Definitely not like everyone at Bill’s who stared at him last night.
No, today it seemed as if she had something new on her mind. He wondered what it was, and if she was planning to share.
He counted it as a personal blessing that the store was especially busy. He had too much to do to dwell on her abrupt change in personality.
Henry had told Mark when he’d arrived that morning to get ready to do a lot of running around, and he hadn’t been mistaken. It was Friday, the beginning of the weekend. Lots of tourists came to Hart County on the weekends and stopped by the nursery on their way to tour caves or visit on the horse farms in the area.
Locals from Horse Cave and Munfordville stopped in, too. Blooms and Berries was not only known for its plants, shrubs, and gardening supplies but also for the large variety of local produce that they sold.
All three of them had been at customers’ beck and call since they’d opened the door at eight. Because of that, Mark had only been treated to rude gasps and stares from a couple of people. Most just treated him with cool politeness. Being able to just do his job instead of feeling like he was an animal on display at the zoo was a relief.
The only bright spot had been when Preacher Eli had stopped by. Though Mark didn’t feel as close to him as he did Henry, Eli had been instrumental in helping Mark reclaim his faith. He had an ease about him that Mark appreciated.
“Looks like you’re settling in,” Eli said when he brought a pair of gerbera daisies to the counter.
“I’m doing my best,” Mark replied while Waneta rang Eli up.
“That’s all one can ask for. Ain’t so?”
“Mark is doing just fine,” Waneta said with a smile. “I’m glad he’s here.”
Mark was surprised to hear her say that. After glancing at her curiously, he held up the two plants. “Want some help carrying these out?”
Eli laughed. “I ain’t that much older than you. If I canna handle two daisies, I’ve got a big problem.”
Mark, Waneta, and the next people in line chuckled as he left. Once again, the preacher had brought light into a room with only a few words.
That light had stayed with Mark for the next hour . . . until Henry had appeared. “If any two people deserve a lunch break, it is you both,” he said as he walked in the front door after chatting with a pair of farmers in the parking lot. “It’s sure been busy.”
“It has,” Neeta said. “I’m glad. It always makes the day go faster.”
“Indeed.” Turning to Mark, Henry said, “You’ve been a big help today. It was nice to be able to count on you for all that heavy lifting.”
Mark dismissed the praise. He hated being thanked for doing something that should have been a given for all of them. “You shouldn’t be lifting anything at all,” said Mark. “Especially not anything over twenty pounds. And neither should you,” he added, looking at Neeta. “I don’t know how you two have managed so well without me all this time.”
“I wouldn’t say we managed well,” Waneta said. “You definitely have an easier time carrying around bags of mulch than I do.”
“I should. Those bags are at least thirty pounds!” Mark exclaimed.
Henry laughed. “I’m old but not that old. And Neeta is stronger than she looks. But don’t forget that we have Ben Hilty coming in on Saturdays now. He’s young and strong. We’ve put him to work from time to time as well.”
“I don’t know who he is.”
“He lives over in Munfordville. Just turned fourteen. But he’s eager to be of assistance.”
Mark barely stopped himself from commenting on Ben’s age. Fourteen was young, but not too young to share some burdens. After all, he’d been practically managing his whole house by the time he was thirteen.
Henry didn’t seem to be perturbed by Mark’s silence at all. Brushing his hands together, he said, “Let’s stop worrying so much. Today has been gut.”
“Indeed it has,” Waneta said with a smile.
“I think it’s time for you two to take your lunch break,” Henry said as he took his place back behind the counter.
“Both of us?” Mark asked. Hadn’t he just pointed out that Henry needed his help?
Waneta looked agitated. “Henry, we don’t have to eat together. That doesn’t seem fair to you.”
“Nonsense. I’ll be fine. I was managing this nursery for quite a while before you came along, girl.” Making a shooing motion with his hands, he said, “Go on, now. Sit down and rest. Both of you. I’ll see you in forty-five minutes.”
Mark hesitated. “That seems too long for lunch. How about—”
“If I need help, I’ll call ya,” Henry said, his voice firm. “Now, go on. I’m tired of bickering.”
Mark wasn’t sure where to eat. Yesterday, he’d eaten his lunch in the storage room. But he’d been alone. Now, the thought of sharing that small space with Waneta seemed like it m
ight be awkward, especially since she hadn’t seemed all that thrilled about eating with him.
But if he didn’t eat in the storage room, he didn’t know where else to be.
“Come on, Mark,” Waneta said as she walked toward the back door. “Mr. Lehmann is right. We deserve a break. But let’s not eat in the storage room. It’s so dark and cramped in there.”
“Where do you suggest?”
“How about we go get our lunches and sit outside?”
Now his coworker was not only being friendly, she was trying to get them to spend time together. She wasn’t being shy about it, neither. Feeling at a loss for words, Mark followed her. What was she up to now?
WANETA’S BODY WAS betraying her. Her heart was racing, her face felt flushed, and a fine sheen of perspiration was coating her brow. Though she was doing her best to pretend that she was no longer afraid of Mark, it seemed her body hadn’t caught on to that idea. She hoped he didn’t notice these sudden changes. If he did, it would be awfully embarrassing.
“Waneta?”
“Jah?”
“Care to share why you are looking like you are trying your best not to throw up?”
“I’m not about to throw up. And even if I was, I wouldn’t want to share that information.”
As they continued to walk toward the old picnic table in the back of the property, Mark kept darting concerned looks her way. “Is it me? Is the thought of being alone with me scaring you that much?”
“Nee.”
Since it was too late to back out from eating lunch with him, she hoped for both of their sakes that he just thought the hot summer day was getting the best of her.
As they sat down, he opened his mouth like he was about to ask something, but then closed it.
Yet again she was somehow making things worse between them instead of better. After putting her cooler on the worn metal picnic table, she silently blessed her meal and dug in.
Mark was moving far more slowly as he grabbed his own lunch, which looked like it was in an old Walmart bag. After he took a large bite out of his peanut butter sandwich, she felt pretty embarrassed. She easily had three times the amount of food that he did. Why had her mother packed so much anyway? No one needed that much food!
“I haven’t eaten a peanut butter sandwich in years,” she said. “Is it good?”
He shrugged. “Good enough. It was easy to make. That’s all that counted early this morning.” He took another bite.
“I know what that is like. I’m always running late in the morning.” She swallowed as she opened her own container of leftover chicken and rice. Also in her cooler were four oatmeal cookies, two apples, and some macaroni salad.
As he peered into her cooler, his lips twitched. “You are such a tiny thing. I never thought you’d be such a big eater.”
“I’m not.” Though, of course, her sizable lunch said otherwise.
“Ah.”
“I usually share my cookies with Mr. Lehmann.” So, that explained two of the cookies. “And, well, I guess I’m always a little afraid of going hungry. This job is tough on an empty stomach.”
“True enough.”
Mark was just about done with his sandwich. She, on the other hand, had enough for several more people. It was a lot—even for her. She realized then that Mamm had been trying to feed Mark, too.
Pulling out the container of macaroni salad, she said, “Obviously I brought too much. Would you like this? And maybe an apple?”
He looked at it suspiciously. “Why?”
“Because I brought too much food and I thought you might still be hungry.” Nudging the salad his way, she said, “Please, help yourself. You’d be doing me a favor.”
He shook his head impatiently. “I meant talking to me. You said good morning and kind of smiled at me. Now here you are, eating lunch with me and offering me your food. Why?”
She wasn’t really sure if it had more to do with concern for him or worry about how she felt about herself. She hoped she wasn’t that self-serving, but at the moment she wasn’t sure. Maybe she’d never been tested?
To buy herself time, she attempted to tease. “I didn’t kind of smile. I did smile, Mark.”
“Whatever. You know what I mean.” Before she could answer, he blurted, “Is it because of your mother?”
“What does she have to do with me offering you an apple?”
“I saw her at Bill’s last night. She kept eyeing me like I was going to either take her purse or yank her into a dark corner.”
Because she could actually imagine her mother looking like that, she laughed nervously. “Surely, you exaggerate.”
“Yeah. Probably. But I’m still asking you.”
He had a right to be answered, too. “Maybe I just felt bad about yesterday,” she said at last. “Maybe I realized that I should have been more welcoming to you.”
But instead of dropping the subject, he shifted, looking even more intimidating. “Only maybe?”
She was starting to hate how he wasn’t letting her off easy. “Look, I’m not proud of the way I behaved yesterday. I was, well, nervous around you.”
“Because of what you thought I did.”
She nodded. “Jah. But also because you weren’t friendly. You seemed angry and tense as well. But even though you acted that way, I know I should have been more welcoming. I hardly spoke to you at all and it was your very first day. I am sorry.”
Immediately, his whole posture changed. He tensed up and his judgmental expression was replaced by a look of concern. “Are you still nervous?”
“Nee.” When he continued to simply watch her warily, she amended her words. “Actually, yes. I think I might still be a little nervous, but I’m trying not to be. I’ll get better.”
“I would never hurt you.”
This conversation was most definitely not going in the direction she’d intended. Why couldn’t they have simply eaten in peace? Meeting his gaze, she saw that his dark eyes seemed almost liquid. He was being sincere.
He was truly concerned that she could be afraid of him.
“I know you wouldn’t hurt me,” she whispered.
“Do you? Do you really?”
“I know I need to learn to trust you.”
“I didn’t hurt Bethany. The sheriff didn’t just find me innocent, I was innocent, Waneta.”
She figured that was a pretty important point. As she did the night before, she imagined what life must have been like for him. He’d been accused of a terrible crime and had been asked to prove his innocence. Wasn’t he supposed to have been presumed innocent until proven otherwise?
Done with the leftovers, she closed the container and placed one of the apples on her napkin. “I don’t actually know you, Mark. I know who you are, and I remember you and your brother in school.” She paused, then decided to lay everything out. “Even back when we were all little, I heard stories about your parents, too. I know they left the order. I heard they made a lot of mistakes. I also know that you are living in your old house. I can only imagine how hard that must be.”
She paused again when she noticed that he seemed stunned by her words. “Even though I know all that, I realize we have much to learn about each other. Just like I don’t know you very well, you don’t know me.”
He blinked. “That is true.”
Now that they were finally making amends, she smiled slightly. “Mark, please believe me. I don’t fear you. At all.”
“I never thought you’d bring all of that up. You surprised me.”
“I never intended to bring it up,” she said. “I thought it would be rude. But just now, it felt like it would be rude not to bring it up. Since I like this job and we’re going to be working together, I was hoping we could simply learn to get along. Can you forgive me enough to do that?”
“There’s nothing for me to forgive,” replied Mark. “And you are right. We don’t know each other. I’d like to fix that, though.”
She smiled in relief. “I’d like tha
t, too.”
Though he didn’t exactly smile, he seemed to relax. Reaching out, he said, “Hey. Are you done with your fork?”
She looked at him in confusion. After all she’d just said, that is what he asks her? “I am.”
“Gut.” He picked it up, opened the Tupperware container, speared two macaroni noodles, and popped them in his mouth.
She swallowed, felt her cheeks flush. “I could have washed that for you.”
“It looked fine.”
“But, I . . .” She didn’t want to say the obvious, but didn’t he think using her fork was, well, kind of personal?
“Are you sick?”
“Nee.”
“Then it’s fine,” he said as he speared a red pepper. “This is good, Waneta.”
“Danke.”
“Did you make it?”
“Jah. My mother cooks a lot, but I made the salad.”
He took three bites, then closed the container and put the fork on top of it. Now he was biting into the red apple she’d given him.
She bit into hers as well, tried to concentrate on the tart, sweet taste of the Gala apple on her tongue. But for some reason, she could only focus on how happy he looked eating his.
“I’d compliment you on the apple, too, but I think God had more to do with making it than you did.”
She giggled. “You would be right. I love apples.”
“What else do you love?”
Glad that the tension between them had broken, she leaned back and smiled. “Hmm. Well, I love walking in the woods, for one. Gardening, too. And snow, even though most people don’t care for it much. Oh! And walking in Horse Cave. I love exploring the cave system. I think it’s fascinating.”
“You really like the outdoors, don’t you?”
“I love it. Though my mamm taught me to cook and clean and sew, of course, I don’t love those things all that much.” Smiling at him, she said, “What about you?”
“What do I love?”
“Come on. If I’m sharing, you are, too.”
“Okay, then. I love clean, fresh cotton sheets on my bed. I love silence in the house. I like dogs. I like hot, sunny days.” With a wink, he added, “And macaroni salad.”
His Guilt Page 3