“About your girlfriend?”
Declan tried to catch her eye. “I don’t have a girlfriend. “
That resentful look she threw at him spoke volumes about how little she believed him.
“But one day, I’m going to, and I’m here to tell you that your mom wouldn’t have liked how you behaved today.”
Tabitha took a shuddering breath as the tears she tried to tamp down flowed more freely.
He wiped them from her cheeks with his thumb. “I know you miss her. I do, too.”
She didn’t look at him. “No, you don’t.”
Declan set the hurt of the phrase aside as he held his daughter’s hand. “You don’t have to believe me, but yeah, I do.”
Though she’d softened somewhat, he could tell she still didn’t want to budge. “Can I go to school now?”
Declan sighed, Laney still crying in the backseat. “Yeah. I’ve got to take care of Laney. Have a good day.”
Tabitha said nothing as she hopped out of the car and made her way to the front doors of the school.
Declan’s heart sank. So much for making happy memories.
Chapter Nine
Marissa
“That was amazing. Thanks, Mom.”
Marissa smiled back at Aiden, even as her thoughts turned back to Declan. He’d been right that Tabitha would not take kindly to the outing. Marissa shouldn’t have pushed him so hard.
Still, she couldn’t dwell on those thoughts right now. There was too much going on. “I noticed you found a new buddy. What did you think of Luke?”
“He’s a cool kid, Mom. Did you know he’s gonna be a speedster for Halloween just like me?”
She raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t. It sounds like you two have a lot in common.”
Marissa pulled into the drop-off line at the school, gratified that because of the breakfast event, it was shorter than usual. She stopped the car and turned to her son. “Hey, Aiden?”
“Yeah, Mom?”
She looked at her hands before she looked up at him. The hope shining in his blue eyes was almost too much for her to bear, especially since it felt a little like they’d been at two different breakfasts. “I know it was your idea to invite Declan and his kids, but are you sure you’re okay with all of this?”
He shrugged. “It was just like having a real family for once, Mom. It was nice.”
Her heart ached. “A real family?”
“Yeah. Two parents. Lots of kids.”
She took his hand. “You know, even before I met Declan again, I was thinking about getting you a little brother or sister. What do you think about that?”
Aiden peered at her as if he could see through her veneer. “Mom, are you okay?”
Marissa pressed a hand to her forehead. “I didn’t get the impression that Tabitha liked me very much.”
Aiden nodded, sagely. “She misses her mom.”
Marissa looked up. “Did she talk to you?”
He shook his head, but Marissa could read the understanding in his eyes. It was the same reason she had guided Declan away from escalating things with his daughter. She and Aiden had walked down this road before. Maybe not in the same ways or for exactly the same reasons, but it felt familiar nonetheless.
He shuffled in his seat, glancing down at his tiny hands. “I know I’m not Tabitha, but I like having you for a mom.”
Marissa’s eyes welled with tears as her son wrapped his arms around her neck and squeezed. “Oh, kiddo, I love being your mom.”
As Aiden pulled away, he bit the inside of his cheek. “I liked being a big family today, but I’d be okay getting a new brother or sister from foster care if we can’t get the entire family.”
Marissa ran her thumb over her son’s cheek. “You’re a pretty special kid, you know that?”
His ears turned pink as he grabbed the strap of his backpack. “Thanks for asking Declan and his kids to come.”
She kissed his forehead. “I’m glad you enjoyed it. Now, go on or you’ll be late.”
Aiden climbed out the van door, offering her that crooked smile as he closed the door behind himself.
Declan was right. Aiden was a wonderful kid.
The boy offered her a tiny wave before he entered the school building, out of sight but not out of mind.
She turned back to the steering wheel, her heart heavy. It had been good to see Declan at breakfast this morning. His surprise appearance with his kids had lifted her spirits after their argument. Until she saw his face, she’d been sure it would be the end of everything.
And then, he’d turned that crooked grin in her direction as his kids clamored about the table with their donuts.
Aiden was right. For a moment, it had felt like a genuine family. A mom. A dad. Two boys. Two girls. She’d missed that. More than she’d ever realized.
But Tabitha. . .
Marissa’s heart ached for the girl. Though she’d only spent a few minutes with Tabitha, the girl’s whole being radiated an unhappiness that seemed so much bigger than anything the seven-year-old was prepared to handle.
What Marissa wouldn’t have given to pull Declan aside and share with her what her foster parenting classes had taught her about anger as a mask for more vulnerable emotions. Fear. Loneliness. Pain. Sadness.
Given the situation, Tabitha was likely feeling all four underlying emotions. Marissa would have been angry, too— had been angry for years after the death of her parents for the same reasons.
What she wouldn’t give to take those emotions away from the little girl, to take them upon herself instead. Unfortunately, that wasn’t how life worked. Marissa knew that from first-hand experience.
Her phone rang, and she knew before her car announced the caller over the radio that it was Declan. They needed to talk after their argument, after that breakfast. They needed to figure out the next steps.
She pressed the Bluetooth call button on her steering wheel. “Hi, Declan.”
“Hi, Riss.”
He sounded worn out, and she suspected that Tabitha had given him an earful when he’d gotten to the car.
That’s what happened when you had big emotions in a tiny body. They found a way out even if you didn’t want them to.
“Kids at school?”
“Yeah. I just dropped Laney off at her grandmother’s.”
The blond toddler had been a delight to watch, and Marissa would have loved to get to know her better. Instead, her attention had been diverted expertly by the seven-year-old at her side.
“I know you might doubt it right now, but your kids are sweet.”
Declan groaned. “I can think of one who could have been better behaved. I’m sorry about that.”
Marissa thought back to her training as a foster parent. She’d learned so much about trauma and emotional attachments in those weeks and years of study. Things she knew would be useful in bridging the gap between loss and healing. “Tabitha’s trying to protect herself and you from what she perceives to be a threat. You already warned me she was overprotective.”
Declan scoffed. “Yeah, well, that was more overprotective than even I expected.”
Marissa pulled out of the parking lot, heading toward her house to get ready for her day of work. “She had a lot of big feelings. It’s perfectly natural. You were right to worry about whether your kids were ready to meet someone like me.”
Instead, she’d been so worried about Aiden’s feelings, about her own ego, that she’d blinded herself to Declan’s intuition about his own kids.
“Tabitha thought you were my girlfriend. We didn’t have a ton of time before she had to be at school, but we had a little chat about respect. What threw me was when she thought I liked Aiden better than I like my own kids.”
Sympathy welled up in Marissa. “Oh, poor thing.”
“It’s not true.” His tone was sharp, defensive.
She suspected his defensiveness was about more than just his daughter’s mood, but now probably wasn’t the right time to bring i
t up. “Of course not, but she’s not used to seeing you with other kids. Maybe she’s feeling a little jealous.”
“Jealous?”
“There are stranger things than your daughter feeling jealous of the attention you’re giving to a boy a little older than she is who isn’t a member of your family.”
Declan scoffed. “Yeah, but she doesn’t understand—”
Marissa pressed the button to open the garage door. “That Aiden doesn’t have a father? That he’s never had a father? Maybe she doesn’t, but that doesn’t mean she’s not feeling vulnerable right now. Declan, she’s just lost her mother. Maybe instead of coming to the game this Saturday, you need to spend some extra time with Tabitha.”
“But I promised Aiden—”
She pulled into her driveway and waited for the garage door to finish opening. “You promised Aiden you would check your calendar. I think this qualifies as a previous engagement. I’ll handle Aiden.”
Declan sighed. “Does it ever get easier?”
“Does what ever get easier?”
“Juggling the needs of four kids?”
The fact that Declan had counted Aiden along with his own kids did funny things to her, turning her stomach upside down as she melted. In some ways, she did the same thing since their outing. Aiden and Luke had acted like they were long-lost brothers themselves.
But it was too early. Today had proved that. Marissa had a sinking feeling that if Luke and Laney could pick up on the same signs Tabitha had picked up on, they’d have their own visceral reactions to their father dating.
Schooling her mind back to Declan’s original question, Marissa pondered what it had been like to juggle the needs of her three siblings after their parents’ death. It seemed like it was more common than not for one’s needs to seemingly interfere with another’s. “I don’t think so.”
“Fantastic.”
His voice oozed sarcasm, and Marissa wished she could squeeze his hand to let him know he wasn’t alone. “If it helps, I think you’re doing pretty well under the circumstances.”
The silence stretched between them a moment longer than she would have expected, and she was afraid he’d hung up on her again. “It doesn’t help, but I appreciate it anyway.”
Marissa bit her lip, feeling the need to talk to him about what his showing up at the donut shop meant for them. But how could she add to his load? She knew all too well the burden of worrying about one’s kids.
“Declan—”
“I know. We need to talk.”
Just hearing him admit it was enough to soothe some of her fears, although she had to admit that it stirred up a few fresh ones. She wanted to believe that giving him some space would help him figure out what he needed to move on, but she suspected that he was about to agree that she’d been right five days ago to call it quits.
Unfortunately, she now had an ember of hope glowing inside her, one that had proved more resilient than she’d ever expected. “I get that now’s probably not the right time, and I can be patient. We just need to talk about where to go from here. Without all the baggage from twenty years ago.”
“Yeah.”
Strange that in this moment, she would feel as united with him as when she’d caught his eye in the donut shop. As they worked together to clean up their breakfast table, it had felt so right, like they’d been working together toward the same goal for a lot longer than a minute or two.
Even knowing that Declan might very well tell her he was out of his depth emotionally and needed to find his footing without her, she now knew the foolishness of trying to keep herself from getting hurt. Five days of thinking everything had ended was almost too much for her to bear. She’d been too happy to see Declan that morning for her to keep denying her feelings.
It was too late for that now.
She had already fallen back in love with him.
“Marissa, I hate to cut this short, but I just got to work. I’ll call you later, okay?”
“I’ll look forward to it.”
She expected him to end the call right then, but he hesitated a moment longer.
“Declan?”
“Wait until I call to talk to Aiden about the game, will you? There are still five days between now and then, and I’d like to think I can make things right with Tabitha before Saturday.”
That tender admiration in her chest warmed again. “You’re a wonderful man, you know that?”
Declan’s response came slow and deliberate. “All I’ve ever tried to do was be worthy of the love I’ve received from the extraordinary women.”
Her throat thickened. “I can’t imagine you being anything less than worthy, Declan.”
MARISSA WAS JUST FINISHING up the last of her salad when the phone rang. The heavy mood after breakfast this morning had only persisted, and she could hardly muster any enthusiasm when she saw her sister’s name on the caller ID. “Hi, Cassie. I’ve got about ten minutes left on my lunch break. How can I help?”
“I wanted to check in with you and see if you’re doing any better after this weekend, but from the sound of your voice, I’m guessing it’s not any better.”
Marissa took her last swig of water before she dropped her dishes into the dishwasher. “If you can believe it, this is a different melancholy than I had this weekend.”
Cassie drew in a sharp breath. “Is something wrong with Aiden?”
Marissa shook her head, forgetting for a moment that her sister couldn’t see her. “No. Actually, if I hadn’t been in such a mood, he would have probably skipped to school this morning.”
“Really?”
Guilt shuddered through her. How selfish had it been to mention her doubts when Aiden had just wanted to celebrate? “Declan and his kids met Aiden and me for donuts this morning.”
“Wait, I thought you two ended this prelude to an affair you’ve got going on.”
Marissa rolled her eyes, her sister’s turn of phrase just the disruption to shake Marissa’s emotions up. Hopefully, it would get her out of her funk. “You make it sound a lot more risqué than it really is.”
“Would you rather I said you two had decided not to go steady? I mean, that sounded a little too high school, even if you two are high school sweethearts.”
The ache that lingered in the air after that word sweethearts was too exquisite to respond right away. She gripped the edge of the kitchen counter as she allowed herself to experience the emotion and let it slip away. “I think we’re both realizing that we can’t just ignore this and hope it goes away. We still have to talk through some things since his family is still trying to recover from his wife’s death, but we’re not fighting ourselves or each other anymore.”
“Are you sure it was a good idea to introduce the kids when you didn’t really know what you were?”
“No. I’m fairly sure it was a mistake.” The candor felt good, and it took her sister by surprise, which was a bonus. “That being said, we didn’t plan when Declan met Aiden, and we’ll figure things out with his kids, too.”
Marissa crossed her arms. “Hey, I thought you wanted me to find Prince Charming at my reunion. What’s with all the questions?”
Cassie exchanged words with a voice off to the side, a twenty second conversation which had something to do with a medication Marissa didn’t recognize. “Sorry, Marissa.”
“That’s okay. Happens often enough here that you get a pass while you’re at work.”
Cassie cleared her throat, and Marissa wondered if her younger sister was rushing off to check in on a patient. “Look, if you’re happy, I’m happy. I just don’t want to see you or Aiden get hurt.”
Marissa pondered her sister’s perspective, both her current concerns and her earlier worries that Marissa was on course for a midlife crisis. “I think we’re too far in to back out now, Cass. Aiden, included. Besides, I’m trying to embrace life a little more fully.”
“Is this because of what Declan said, about how letting things end now would be convenient for you?�
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Marissa walked into her home office and pulled up her digital calendar. Client meeting in ten minutes. “I’d be lying if I said it didn’t, but he was right. Losing Mom and Dad so early left me with a lot of scars, and they’re probably playing a bigger role in my love life than I wanted to admit.”
“Marissa—”
Marissa took a deep breath as she tried to shake her personal life from her mind. It was time to get back to work. “Cassie, don’t worry about me. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”
The doctor took a moment to respond, and Marissa could almost see the doubt in her sister’s diagnostic eyes. “Well, call me if you need me. Any time.”
Marissa pulled up the documents she needed for her meeting. “Go save lives, Dr. Lambert. I’ll be fine.”
TUESDAY BECAME WEDNESDAY, a drizzly gray day that matched Marissa’s mood perfectly. Her phone buzzed as she puzzled over a coming audit for one of her clients, and she pressed the answer button without checking who it was. “This is Marissa. How may I help you?”
There was a low chuckle on the other end of the line. “You sound so official.”
Marissa’s head snapped up. “Declan?”
“I’m sorry. Did I call you on your work line?”
Marissa shook her work from her thoughts. “No. I have my work calls routed through my cell during the day. How are you?”
“Fine. Am I calling at a bad time?”
She pondered the work she had left to do on the spreadsheet. She tapped a few keys on the keyboard to finish her train of thought, then she pulled away from the computer and turned her attention to the person on the other end. “No. I can take a break. What’s up?”
“I just wanted to let you know that I rearranged my schedule so I can go to the game on Saturday. What time was it again?”
“Two.”
“Perfect. Tabitha and I will go to breakfast Saturday morning, and then I’ll take Luke to Aiden’s football game. It’ll be great.”
Though Declan’s voice was pleasant enough, she could hear a slight frenzy in it. “What has you more stressed right now? Work, kids, or me?”
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