by MJ Ware
Chapter 16 – Super Zombie Juice Mega Bomb
Between soggy dog food, lingering smoke, and the smell of freshly rotting zombies, the place reeked pretty bad. Our supplies were running low, wearing swim trucks was getting old, and worst of all, we were completely out of cinnamon rolls. We had to get out soon, anyway. Kali's 'sterilization' began tomorrow.
"How are we going to turn all that water in the truck into zombie juice? You know, mix it up and stuff?" Misty asked.
"I've got an idea," I said, turning away from Kali. "We can set up a couple of the big above-ground pools. Empty all the water into them, mix in the acid, and then pump it back in the truck."
"We could probably just get by with one, if we mix the juice really strong." Misty looked at Kali, who sat silently. "What ya think, Kali?"
"Ummm...Yes, that's a good idea." Kali rubbed his nose. "I'll go assemble the pool right now."
"Nate and I can do that. You figure out how much acid we'll need to mix into it."
I glanced back at Kali as Misty and I walked away. He was already deep into his calculations and didn't look up.
Misty was trying to pull out a huge box when I caught up. "Hey, one of these has been opened. The box is even wet," she said.
I opened my mouth to tell her about Kali's late night swim, but after a second of indecision, I decided to keep my trap shut. Misty started opening the top, so I said, "Maybe someone tried it out, then returned it."
"Whatever."
"Let me help, and let's get a new box—just in case that one leaks."
We muscled another one off the shelf. "We'll have to figure out where to set it up," Misty said.
"I know the perfect place."
We rolled it on a couple of skateboards and maneuvered the massive box into the warehouse.
It took a little while to figure out, but once we had the pool set up, we ran back to the truck and got the fire hoses. We had to use two hoses: a regular fire hose and, to suck the juice back up, a special, hard-rubber hose. That one was really heavy. We dragged them across the store while Kali read over the operating manual. Once we reached the pool, we met Kali back by the truck.
"How did it go?" he asked.
"The rubber hose barely reached, but fine besides that, nothing unusual," I said.
"To achieve proper suction, it's very important the hose couplers are securely connected. Are you sure you were able to properly connect them?" he asked.
"Yep, they just twisted and locked together." I knew he would check anyway. "But you can double-check, just to make sure."
"A wise precaution."
Kali showed us how much acid to mix with the water. Then, after checking out the hose, he manned the pump while we put on protective gear we had picked up in the hardware section.
"Kali, start ‘er up—slowly," I yelled across the store. The hose bucked as it started spurting out water, but with Misty and me holding onto it with both arms, we managed to keep it under control.
Kali had the pump on low, but still, it didn't take long to empty the entire truck into the pool. We carefully mixed in the acid using wooden kayak oars. Once everything looked mixed, the acid was pretty diluted; it seemed about the same as our guns. Misty checked the pH, just to make sure.
"Okay, start sucking," I yelled. This hose had a huge strainer thing on it and didn't move much, but I could hear it sucking the juice up.
Once we had all the zombie juice mixed and pumped back in the truck, we still had tons of work to do. Misty and I did most of the grunt work: testing pH levels, getting Super Soakers and gear loaded, that sort of thing. I threw a kid's sized life vest into the truck when no one was looking—just in case. We worked all day and through the night to get ready for our big offensive. Misty didn't even stop once to 'powder her face' or anything.
Kali focused on outfitting the fire engine. I thought he just wanted to avoid the real work, until we saw how he had tricked out the truck.
"What's that tubing wrapped around the fire engine?" Misty asked.
"It is a pneumatic zombie vapor barrier," replied Kali, head held high.
"Care to say that in English?" I asked, trying to ignore the moans, roars, and grunts of the undead seeping in from outside.
"Sorry. I don't mean to sound superior. It just comes out that way because I am."
I glanced over at Misty, who looked like her jaw might drop right off her face.
"Umm, okay."
"That was a joke, guys. I am working on my sense of humor."
"A joke? Misty, Kali told a joke." I put my arm around him and messed up his hair (some more). "Not a very good one, though. Better keep working at it."
"So, what is it?" Misty asked, sounding a little frustrated.
"It is a patio misting system connected to a 12-volt tire compressor. It shoots a fine mist of zombie juice. I estimate it will provide a five to ten-foot zombie-free perimeter around the vehicle, depending on the direction and force of the wind."
"Kali, I have to admit you've outdone yourself." I finally realized—or maybe just admitted—he was a hecka lot smarter than me.
"I had to dilute the mixture to prevent ocular irritation, but the pH is still low enough that it should prove effective against the undead."
A few of the knots in my stomach loosened up when I saw how prepared we were. Kali had made ten two-liter zombie bombs. Misty and I filled the entire crew area with Super Soakers, sprayers, and tons of other supplies we thought we might need.
"Even if the fire truck's tank runs out, we should have enough juice to get back." Misty loaded the last squirt gun into the cab.
Then I rolled in one of our test five-gallon water bottles—the kind they use in office water coolers.
"What's that?" Misty asked.
"It's a supersized zombie juice bomb. It was your idea," I said.
"You made that?"
"Kali helped a little," I admitted.
"Nate designed and built it. I just helped with the formula for the mixture," he said. "But if my calculations are correct, it should neutralize every zombie in at least a seventy-foot radius."
"If I can get the top to stay on," I said. "I used a paint gun to heat the plastic cap, so I could get it off and back on in one piece. But I think once the pressures builds, it might pop off."
"We could secure it with polyurethane epoxy resin—really strong glue," Kali suggested.
"No, that'll take too long," Misty said. "Get a long, thin strip of leather and we’ll wrap it around the top, pulling it tighter and tighter each time."
"That may well be an acceptable alternative."
"Just cut a narrow strip from a leather belt."
"Enough talk. Let's get it done, so we can take the Super Zombie Juice Mega Bomb up to the roof and try it out." I imagined throwing that thing off the roof into a crowd of unsuspecting zombies—that was my kind of fun.
"No time for target practice. Sun's coming up." Misty's eyes darted over to the garage windows.
I could just make out some faint light, creating one large, eerie moving shadow outside. The zombies' cries and moans all seemed to mesh together, too. I could tell there must be even more zombies today, but I wasn't about to go have a look.
I cut a thin strip off the longest belt I could find; one that was made for really fat dudes.
"Here, Nate, let me do it," Misty said when I'd returned with the leather strip. She started lashing it around the side of the water jug's cap, pulling it as tight as she could.
"Misty, how did you learn this procedure?" Kali asked.
"Girl Scouts," she said, not looking up from her work.
"What, you were never a Girl Scout," I said.
"I never said I was in Girl Scouts. I said I learned it at Girl Scouts." She stood up and put her hands on her hips. "There, it's finished." She still looked down at the water bottle.
"Okay, ‘fess up. What's the story with Girl Scouts? I can tell you're hiding something, Miss."
"Me? No." I furrowed my brow and stared
at her; even Kali wasn't buying it. "Fine. I got kicked out for fighting. Are you happy?"
"See, Kali, I told you she isn't all sweet and innocent."
"I suspect it is part of an elaborate façade she's created." He shook his head.
"Shut up, you two. Nate, you're turning Kali into a—" She was about to lay into us when there was a bang at the garage door. Like one of the zombies had been body-slammed into it. Kali stepped away from the door. Misty, looking startled, said, "We better get going."
We made a quick trip around the store for last minute supplies. Kali got some food (it was going to be one long day), Misty picked up some first-aid supplies and medications, and I went over to the camping section to get three battery-powered personal misters. The kind middle-aged guys with fanny packs wear. Fill it with water, clip the tubing to your shirt and it sprayed a fine mist.
"Hey, guys," I said when we all met up at the fire truck. "Kali's zombie vapor thing gave me an idea. I can tape on these personal misters to provide me a little extra protection while I'm firing the main water cannon."
"Nate, I have planned on manning the water cannon. Your expertise is required to captain the vehicle."
"No way, Kali. It's an automatic. Misty can drive. I'm manning the cannon. I'm the strongest one here."
"Regardless of strength, the logical course is for you to drive."
"Kali, this isn't one of your basement science experiments, this is dangerous stuff."
"Nate, I'm sure you'd be best up top." Misty gently put her hand on my elbow. "But there's no way I can drive this thing. It's not going to matter who's up there if I crash before we get out of the parking lot."
My shoulders dropped a little. "Fine, we'll put the misters on Kali."
We all put on protective gear: white painter's suits, hats, rubber gloves, dorky safety glasses. Besides the huge backpack guns, we also duct-taped smaller Super Soakers onto our suits for easy access.
We looked like some sort of redneck space soldiers. Even Kali, who normally didn't look anything like a redneck, but wearing a full respirator, you could barely see his tan skin.
It took all three of us to load the five-gallon Super Zombie Juice Mega Bomb onto the top of the truck where Kali secured it with bungee cords. Personally, I hate bungee cords. Dad always says it only takes getting smacked in the face once to realize that they have a serious drawback. But Kali insisted, and he'd done such a good job setting up the truck, I didn't argue.
"One more point I think we should discuss," Kali said as he loaded a box with tools and duct tape. "I feel it is imperative that we elect a leader. In the frenzy of battle, we may find ourselves confused or disoriented. It's critical we have one voice to dictate orders."
"Let me guess, you think you would be the perfect candidate?" I said.
"I'm sure I could perform the duties competently. However, I was going to recommend you, Nate. You've shown you possess an uncommonly level head under pressure."
I realized I could say the same thing about him or Misty, but I felt much better giving orders than taking them, so I just thanked him.
"There's no need for a vote then," Misty said. "If Kali votes for Nate, we know Nate will vote for himself, so it doesn't matter who I'd vote for."
"What, you wouldn't vote for me?"
"I didn't say that."
"Who would you vote for, yourself? Kali?"
"I guess you'll never know." If any smile could be both genuine and wicked, it was the one she flashed me as she jumped into the fire truck.
I followed her in. We both put our seatbelts on. We went over a checklist we'd put together. Misty had a GPS and the map, I double-checked our supplies and reviewed the pump controls, and Kali tested the water cannon—spraying it right inside the garage. Everything seemed to be in order.
"Okay, my friends, plug in the compressor for the zombie vapor barrier. It should take approximately one point five minutes to reach optimum pressure," Kali said over the radio. "Give me a signal when you are prepared for me to raise the door, over."
Kali had rigged a steel line and pulley so he could pull the door open from the top of the truck. He couldn't close it, but we left three soda bottle bombs on the service desk's red counter so we could clear out the place when—or if—we got back.
We were going out the garage door on the opposite wall. I wasn't going to try to back this thing out if I didn't have to.
We sat there silently watching the vapor barrier for a minute. Everything was ready, except my nerves.
"Guys, do you mind if I say a prayer before we leave?" I knew Misty had gotten this from her dad. The guy said a prayer every time he took a trip, ate a meal, or bought a lottery ticket. This time I didn't complain.
"I am Hindu, but please proceed. I would not be offended in the least."
Misty said a quick prayer. Not only for us and our families, but also the zombies. Asking that it wouldn't hurt them too much when we fried their brains. Which seemed a little weird, but the prayer was nice all the same.
Even though the misters were strung under the windows, water still managed to collect on the windshield. After fiddling with the controls, I figured out how to turn the wipers on.
Keys in hand, I took a deep breath and the engine roared to life. "Okay, Kali. We're ready up here. Open the floodgate."
Misty leaned over and gave me a firm, moist kiss on the cheek. "Good luck," she whispered in my ear. The smell of strawberry-flavored lip-gloss floated in the air. My face started to burn and I felt, well, I don't know how to explain it. Kinda like that first bite of a chocolate sundae on a hot day. Only better, different, way different.
The feeling only lasted a second because the gray sliding door glided open to a crazed, nightmarish party. Bodies pushed together, smashing, flailing about. Morning shadows twisting faces into grotesque, misshapen Halloween masks.
Immediately, zombies rushed in. I flipped on the main pump, but Kali didn't turn on the water cannon. Misty fired the garden sprayers. I wanted to turn on the siren (hey, it's not everyday I get to drive a fire truck), but I didn't want to cause Kali any permanent hearing loss.
Slowly, I drove into the crowd. We got about halfway out when Kali let loose with the cannon. At first, I thought the thing was on full-blast: zombies screaming and flying backward. It made a great plume of vapor like a cloud come to life, creating this huge dead zone around the truck in just a matter of seconds.
"I'm thinking we clear out the parking lot first," I said into my headset.
"Agreed. We can maneuver around until we've neutralized every hostile in the immediate area."
It was slow going. Dead zombies littered every inch of the lot. Making crunching, splattering and occasionally a sickening popping noise as we rolled over them. We'd cracked the windows just enough to get the sprayer nozzles out. The rest of the opening was duct-taped shut, but I could still barely stand the smell. If there was a smell opposite Misty's lip-gloss this was it—a mix of anger, despair and really stinky socks. I felt sorry for Kali out there in the open, even if he did have that huge mask on. I thought about stopping so we could pass him one of the fire-masks and oxygen tanks we had in the back, but it just wasn't safe to stop.
We cleared the entire parking lot in a couple of minutes. The sun peeked over the mountains, lighting up the mess we'd made in the lot—I tried not to look, to keep my eyes fixed ahead. Still, in a way, the mounds of bodies were reassuring. I felt like there was a chance everything might work out all right. Of course, I was wrong. Dead wrong.
Block by block we drove, zombies everywhere. Like a ferocious dragon, we spat out death and destruction to hapless, undead villagers. We'd completed about a third of the town in about an hour.
It'd gone pretty good, least as good as we could expect, considering we were three kids out fighting an army of the undead.
Thanks to Kali's vapor mister thing, sometimes we didn't even have to use the water cannon. We'd go around a corner, the zombies would get about ten feet fr
om the truck and then just fall over smoking (with the prerequisite death scream).
Pulling up to the local health club, there appeared to be seven or eight zombies working out—okay, not working out, but wandering around inside. Just another day at the gym.
"Hey, Kali," I said over the radio. "I'm thinking Misty notes this on the GPS and we come back later to clear these guys out, you agree?"
"I'd prefer to make a clean sweep now, if we can," he replied.
"Too bad the front door's not open, then you could use one of the soda bottle bombs," Misty said as I slowed to a crawl.
I was about to remind her that if the door had been open, they'd come out to play, when Kali jumped down and ran towards the gym.
"No, Kali, get your butt back here, now!" I yelled.
He squatted down in the dirt to pick up a large rock, but at the same time, a zombie stepped out of the bushes. With long dreads and a faded Burning Man t-shirt, it had to be one of the hippies that lived just outside town.
Kali didn't stand a chance. It reached down and picked him up—upside-down. He screamed and kicked his legs wildly as the zombie turned back towards the bushes; it was taking its lunch to go.
Before I could stop her, Misty jumped out and ran towards them, her Super Soaker at the ready. Following, she sprayed it in the back of the head with no effect. None of us realized another zombie still hid in the bushes. It reached out and grabbed her arms with such force she dropped the gun and screamed in pain.
They were both caught, twisting like worms on a hook.
I only had a few seconds before they'd both be bitten. But with Kali's zombie still turned away, I couldn't shoot both in time. If I could only save one, there was no question. I'd feel bad, but Kali was a goner.
Hopping over the seat, I grabbed the door. On my way out, I saw two soda bottle bombs on the cab floor.
There wasn't time to think about it. I dropped the gun and, with each hand, grabbed a soda bomb. Then, as I jumped out of the truck, put them up to my mouth. I bit the strings, ripping them out with my teeth, and started shaking the bottles as I quickly took a couple of huge steps.
Kali's zombie now had him by the ankles and was going in for the kill. Misty's, all decked out in tie-dye, was looking for the best spot to take a chunk out of her arm.
The bottles bulged in my hands. A half-second later, I was within reach. Holding the bottles by their tops, I hit both zombies upside the head. The bottles burst, sending zombie juice flying in everyone's faces.
In unison, the zombies let go of their prey and fell over backward.
I dropped the shattered remains of the bottles and spit out the strings.
Misty and Kali laid in the dirt, rubbing their eyes.
Kali looked up, his eyes watering, and said, "Wow, that was so cool."
"Oh, don't give him a big head," Misty said as she dusted herself off.
"From now on, no one leaves the truck without my approval." I tried to give them the hardest stare I could pull off.
Kali looked at his feet and nodded in agreement.
Misty didn't look me in the eye, but made a half nod.
I figured I'd made my point, and that there'd be no more running off. But it would happen once more, at the worst possible time.
Kali reached down and picked up a couple of large rocks. "Sorry, Nate. I should have told you what I planned."
I just nodded as we headed back to the truck.
Misty put her hand over her face and mumbled, "Power trip."
I wanted to tell her to close her big trap. But if I did, she might have picked up a rock herself.
"Since I have already obtained the ore, I suggest we proceed to create an opening in the gym window."
The gym was a gray, cheap-looking steel building with the words, 'Plumas Fitness' in large purple neon lettering.
I drove right up the curb, next to the front windows.
Crash! The rock went though the window. Zombies started towards the hole in the glass. Kali threw a soda bottle and wham. Just like in Walmart, except this time it took out the undead and not racks of swim trunks.
"Great shot, Kali," I said.
We looked in the windows to make sure nothing else moved.
"Nate, did you see those zombies had gym clothes on? One was even wearing a leotard," Misty said.
"I guess they must have been bitten while working out."
I can't really explain it, but even driving around killing zombies, sitting there with Misty just felt right.
"My hypothesis is that the transformation from human to zombie is expeditious. This would explain why there are a myriad of zombies that do not appear to have originated in the cemetery." Kali paused and the radio crackled. "When a victim is bitten, he or she inevitably flees. If they successfully facilitate their escape, they quickly become infected. This would also explain...Hey, did you see that? It appears to be a military jet flying directly overhead."
"Do you think they saw us?" I asked.
"Most likely, as you have the emergency lights engaged."
"Oh, yeah. I forgot about that." I hadn't even realized I had the lights on. There were so many switches and levers, I guess I bumped one by accident.
"Think we should go back to Walmart in case those jets start dropping bombs?" Misty asked.
"No, we should keep going," I said.
"Yes. Walmart would provide insufficient protection. The tanker is approximately one-third full. I suggest we continue to the far side of town."
"We could refill?" Misty said.
"Let's just get going."
"I concur. There is a high probability that the air strike may be imminent. This could be our only chance. We need to neutralize enough zombies to ensure the phenomenon will be observed."
We sped off to the other side of town. I wasn't sure what to expect. This was a more rural area. I hoped there would be fewer undead roaming around.
It was slower going here. Trees and bushes so thick, it was sometimes hard to spot the undead as they wandered around the edge of the woods. But the zombies did seem more scattered. I figured that if we had time, we might have enough juice to clear out most of the town in one trip.
"Nate, look at that. There must be a hundred of them," said Misty, her voice cracking.
Sure enough, just down the street, a huge swarm of zombies—the biggest crowd we'd seen.
"No problem. I'll plow right through them." I punched the gas, not realizing it was a mistake—one of those mistakes you're lucky if you live to regret.