I wondered if they did tell me and I just didn’t listen. I tried to think back to a time I wondered what a man was thinking and couldn’t think of one, maybe because I asked them bluntly. “Sara,” I said, as if I knew all the answers, “Men are not that deep, if you want to know what they are thinking all you have to do is ask.”
“But what if he lies?”
“Of course, he’ll lie; it is in their genetic makeup. But, it is the lie he tells that is so telling, understand?”
She reached over and grabbed my hand, my eating hand, which had been sitting idle instead of eating. “Tobi, will you ask him, please? You are so much better with men and I’m just too emotionally invested.”
I pulled my hand away from her and picked up my fork. I didn’t mind her asking me to ask Travis, but she didn’t have to lie. I wasn’t better with men, heck, I was ready to find a picture of a man to sit next to my dog and my sisters when Julius finally spoke to me. But I could be blunt, and even though he was my boss, and this was fraught with all kinds of dire consequences, I would do it for Sara.
When I got back to my desk, Julius was still meeting with his father. I noticed Kevin never needed to use the copier when Julius was gone, and Susan never needed to exercise her bad knee either. After I addressed the Sara issue with Travis, I planned to address the placement of the copier. Susan’s knee would take more thought. My opportunity came within half an hour.
Mr. Stovall walked by my cubicle and I looked up, so he stopped. “How are you?” I asked.
“Good,” he answered.
“How was last Friday?” I pressed.
“Fun,” he replied.
“Sara’s a great girl, don’t you think?” I pushed even harder.
“Exceptional,” he said.
I huffed and crossed my arms in frustration. For some reason he was not expounding on his answers and I wasn’t about to let him get away with it. “Is today your one-word day or something? Is that why you aren’t elaborating?”
He took a deep breath and finally bent his neck, which I was certain contained a metal rod, and spoke softly to me. “Did she say anything about our date?” I could tell he was worried about the table subject. I was worried about it too and had no intentions of bringing it up.
“She told me she is really sad you haven’t called. Why haven’t you called?” He needed to be called to the carpet and explain why he hadn’t called, wait, that’s too many calls, and he actually hadn’t called at all, so I needed to stop using the word call. Dang it, did he answer, and I missed it?
“What?” I asked and hoped I didn’t ask before he used his one word.
He nodded to his office and I jumped from my chair and followed him inside. This was going to be big, and most likely juicy… ooh, there’s the spot Julius stood to console me. I wanted to stand there, but it would put me uncomfortably close to Travis and his eyes would cross as he stared at me. I took small, inching steps to the sacred spot and Mr. Stovall backed up appropriately. Okay, I was ready to listen now. Sara, date, table, no call, I was up to speed.
“I really like Sara, but I’m not sure I could ever take her home to meet my family. I’m from the south and they don’t take too kindly to northern girls.”
I stared at him, freakishly.
“I know it sounds archaic, but I’m from an old aristocratic family. They are very set in their ways.”
My eyes wandered to the calendar he had hanging on the wall. Yep, still the twenty-first century. I hadn’t fallen into a wormhole and exited into the middle of the civil war. My mind was pushing his words away with all the force it could, so I had to clarify, “You can’t call Sara because of the state she was born?”
“It is deeper than that, it is about her family connections and her genealogy, believe me they would make her life hell if I brought her into mine.”
“So, you found out after the table humping?” I asked and watched his face fall with shame.
Oh, my heck, he knew before and still had sex with her, letting her believe her northern butt was acceptable. He was the worst kind of square, he would relax into a circle, only to pop right back into a square and pretend he had no idea what a circle was.
“I really don’t care about your asstrobatic family, or what southern battlefield you hail from. Sara is a great girl and if your Kentucky Fried Chicken family does anything to make her feel… less than great, I’ll don a blue uniform and shoot musket balls up your butt. Grow up, Travis, and call the girl.” I turned and stormed from his office, as any self-respecting girl from the north would do.
I now had to find a way to give the news to Sara. I knew it was going to break her heart and I hated doing it. There had to be a solution and I was determined to find it. I made my way to her cube and tried to act totally normal. I glanced at her name plate which said, Sara Blackstone.
“Where are your ancestors from originally?” I asked.
“England, both sides,” she announced with pride. Ooh, not a good sign. England didn’t recognize the south during the civil war.
“Where did they settle when they came to America?” I added, hoping she would name a Southern state.
“Boston. I’m actually related to William T. Sherman, the famous officer from the civil war.” And there was the nail in the coffin of her relationship. She might as well come to work draped in a Northern flag. The South was not going to rise for her again on a table or any other inappropriate place.
“Let’s go for a drink after work, okay?” I asked, and she nodded with her sad porcelain doll eyes.
I heard Julius returning before I saw him. He was talking loudly on his cell phone as he came down the aisle and I could tell by the heated conversation it was Jennifer ‘crotch-rot’ Staple. I stood to watch him coming toward his cube, hoping to offer him a supportive smile. Kevin stepped into the walkway and blocked my guy’s path. Julius ended the call and placed the phone in his pocket before giving Kevin his undivided attention. The two men stood just a foot from each other, displaying way too much pretty in an office of mostly women.
Kevin held up a rainbow-colored pen to Julius. “I got this for you,” he said seductively.
Julius took it with his fingers and held it up to look at it. He finally replied with, “Cool, thanks.”
It was a very nondescript conversation, but I could tell Kev was thrilled with how it went. He returned to his cube as if they had made plans to get down and dirty later. Julius continued to his own cube and sat before acknowledging me. I wasn’t sure if I should tell him he was basically going steady with Kev or let it be a surprise.
He winked at me and my mind went blank. It wasn’t the usual blank that was familiar to me; this was a complete cleansing of my mind. Everything was gone except for him. He was the source of my oxygen, my reason for living, my purpose in life…. oh heck; he was so cute it made me crazy.
I knew it was going to be a long weekend if I didn’t figure out some way for us to be together. I didn’t want to cause him any trouble, but it was hard to see him looking so perfect and know I had to keep my hands off him. “Any big plans for the weekend?” I asked softly.
His eyes immediately looked sad and he swallowed before replying. “I have a feeling I’ll be working out for hours at the gym.” I nodded, feeling a bit sick to my stomach that he didn’t offer to run off to some undisclosed location to be with me. He quickly added, “Tobi, this will be over soon. I promise.”
I didn’t believe him, not because he was prone to lying, but he didn’t know just how determined whores could be. I was also growing tired of how long my plan was taking to put into place. I thought for sure I would have heard something by now.
His work phone rang, and I noticed he didn’t do any of the talking, only the listening. I don’t think I ever had a conversation in my life where I only did the listening. When he hung up he took a loud breath to calm himself, then he gathered his things and turned to look at me. “I’ll be gone for the rest of the day,” he said, and I noticed how tightl
y he held his jaw.
“Okay,” I said, and tried to smile.
“I’ll call you tonight,” he offered.
I gave him a fist pump because I didn’t trust my voice. I assume men hate it when a woman cries just because his wife won’t let him date. He stared at me for a moment and then stood and walked toward the elevator. I waited a few seconds in case Susan looked behind her and then peeked out to see her head following Julius. I took aim quickly and got her right in the fold of her neck. This time she screamed out in pain and it made me smile. I wasn’t a naturally mean person, but since I wasn’t seeing his butt in my bed I didn’t like her seeing it at work.
A heavy weight settled on me for the rest of the day. I now looked forward to a drink with Sara, just not the conversation that had to go along with it. My square was sullen and void of any happiness until work ended. I had to remind myself the happy hour drinks were not to cheer me but to break Sara’s tiny heart. I made a pact to drink slowly and responsibly.
We drove down the street where a small upscale café sat in a gorgeous old high rise. The tables were clothed in white linen and one entire wall was covered in various wine bottles. We both ordered a glass of wine and a salad. I couldn’t put the conversation off any longer and had to get to the point of our meeting. Her sad face was enough to make a grown person cry. She was in love, an abolitionist, but Travis’ redneck roots wouldn’t give her a chance.
“Travis really likes you, Sara, but his family is really old school and they want him to find a girl from the south.”
“The south of what?” she asked innocently.
“The Mason-Dixon line,” I said, and couldn’t believe it as it came out of my own mouth.
She stared at me with her big brown eyes, not buggy eyes like the girl in the cube right next to me, but big innocent eyes. They soon began to narrow as her jaw tightened and a vein in her forehead pulsed. “Is he kidding?” she seethed.
“Afraid not,” I said, and watched the heat rise up her neck.
“My father went to Harvard and my mother went to Brown, but I’m trash?” she yelled.
“Did anyone in the family go to LSU?” I was hopeful I had found a new angle.
“Where’s that?” she asked. Nope, no angles. “If Travis Stovall thinks he is better than me because I don’t wear cut off’s up to my cheeks or have brothers who drive around in a car named after a losing General as they check their moonshine, he can kiss my ass.”
See, here is where square people confuse me. It should only matter to Travis and Sara what they think of each other, and if there happens to be something sketchy in the details than simply change them. Sara would look great in an antebellum gown, sitting on a porch sipping tea as she waited for her ‘lahver’ to come home. Or even better, pretend to be a voodoo priestess from the swamps of Louisiana, she could threaten to hex his family with shriveled genitalia if they refused to accept her.
“Tobi, did you hear me?”
Dang it, focus, Tobi. “I’m sorry, go ahead,” I told her, and leaned forward to concentrate.
“I said, are you sure he isn’t just using his family as an excuse?”
“You don’t have at it on a table if you don’t like the girl. Tables are strictly for people who are totally into each other,” I explained, but left out the fact it had to be two totally disgusting people, she didn’t need to hear that right now.
“If you were me, what would you do?” she asked, and I didn’t take enough time to think before I spoke.
“I would buy him another table before he asks to make you dinner,” I said with a shudder. Her eyes widened, and her mouth opened as she huffed loudly at me. I hurried and added the actual pertinent part of my advice to keep her from crying. “I think you should tell him you are not worried about the judgments of his family and he shouldn’t be either. If they ask, say you are from Miami and you have a cousin covered in hair who lives in the swamps.”
“I don’t have an accent,” she said, as if it would be an issue.
“You are from Miami; they will expect a Cuban accent.”
“You think we should lie?” she asked.
Square people can be so dense sometimes. “Did you tell Julius you guys had sex where he eats? Yeah, lie.”
“I don’t know. Travis seems very… particular.”
“He screwed you on a freaking table, Sara, he is not that particular!” I yelled, and a family in the corner turned to look at us, probably afraid I was talking about their table. “You can pine over him or take action, what kind of woman are you?”
“Action,” she said, and squared her shoulders, because she was happy being a square person.
I raised my glass and she tapped it in solidarity. We were modern women who knew what we wanted and how to get it, by lying through our teeth.
“So, did you and Julius connect?” she asked.
I nodded and held up two fingers.
“Really,” she giggled, “Way to go, Julius.”
“Of course, it was in a plain old bed, so we went for numbers over creativity,” I said to defend my manly man.
“So, are you a couple now?”
“No, we’re a triple,” I sighed, “Me, him, and his wife.”
“Ex-wife,” she clarified, and I really hoped she would be standing next to me in death as I defended my life.
It was hard to talk about this, even with Sara. I was always the cynical girl in a relationship, looking for signs of the man trying to change me. So far, Julius hadn’t tried to change anything, but maybe it was only because he wasn’t free to do any changing at the moment.
“She has pictures and wants a judge to know he didn’t wait for the final signatures, as if her revolving door during their marriage was legit,” I said with distain.
“Is he worried,” Sara asked, with her own worried eyes.
“No, but daddy is. She wants part of the company, so I’m ordered to stay away. We’ll lie, of course,” I announced.
“Of course,” Sara said with a smile, and held up her glass for me to tap.
We ate our salads and sipped our wine as we talked over the unfairness of the universe. I was feeling better and hoped she was, too. Just when everything seemed to be growing brighter, a darkness entered the café. I quickly slid from the chair under the long tablecloth. Sara scooted back and raised the material to ask, “What are you doing?”
“Don’t look at me,” I said emphatically. “Act totally normal.”
She glanced around and noticed the young woman with a man in a three-piece suit. I peeked out from under the cloth to watch them sit at a small table on the other side of the room. “Who is it?” Sara whispered.
Even though Jen was wearing expensive clothing, most likely provided by Julius, she still managed to look cheap. If a shirt won’t button, it is too small, why couldn’t she understand simple things like that?
I grabbed my purse and handed Sara some cash. “You pay, and I’ll meet you outside.”
I crawled on my hands and knees to the door and then ran for my life. I got into my car and tried to brush the creepy cootie feeling off me. Sara came running out with excitement and rushed to the passenger side and hopped in.
“Was that his wife?” she asked, and I noticed how quickly she dropped the ‘ex’ part.
I was tempted to smack her. She was supposed to be my comrade in arms, even though my problem was a lot easier to handle than hers. Julius would eventually be divorced, but Travis was never going to be a Northern officer.
“His brain fart in the flesh,” I said angrily. Something suddenly dawned on me… Jen was here… so she wouldn’t be anywhere with a camera…. Julius was home… and I should be there with him, or on him. “Sara, take me to Travis’ apartment, I need to see Julius. You can see Travis if you want, and I suggest you do.”
She hesitated and bit her lip as she tried to decide. I had no idea why it took her so long, I mean, she was tiny, how big could her brain be? I turned on the engine and hoped it would prod her al
ong. She finally got out of my car and into her own before pulling out of the parking lot.
I followed her for several blocks to an underground parking garage. I felt so sorry for my man; he lived in a square, a tall square in the sky, covered with square windows. Sara got out of her car and looked incredibly nervous. I put my arm around her and told her I would handle it and she could just stand there and look pretty.
We walked to an elevator and I froze. “What floor are they on?” I asked in a panic.
“Second,” she said to my relief, grateful she wouldn’t have to kiss me as we rose into the sky. I led her to the stairs and we marched up them loudly as our shoes echoed off the walls. I wished my mother would have signed me up for tap dancing lessons instead of baton twirling. I could have tapped my way to their floor, but no, instead I have a scar where the baton’s rubber tip came off and I hit myself in the head. I never got skilled enough for the fire baton, probably a good thing.
I knocked on the door Sara pointed out and she took a step behind me. When the door opened I moved to the side to reveal a cowering Sara, as if I brought her as a gift. “Guess what, Travis?” I said with a huge smile. “Sara is related to Kate Gordon of New Orleans, you know, the woman who started the E.R.A. God, can you imagine the family shame, who wouldn’t keep it quiet? Is Julius here?”
Travis looked at Sara and I was grateful a table wasn’t standing in the doorway, because he was pretty much having her with his freaky eyes. Sara smiled and kept quiet, such a quick learner. I walked into the apartment and left them to their eye sex, as I looked for the king of body thrusting.
I walked down the hallway and stopped at an open door to see Julius sitting in a chair at a desk, writing furiously. He was wearing a pair of gym shorts and an old, torn tee. His hairy legs were stretched out and his perfect toes were tapping in the air. I watched him and imagined he was writing me a poem, or the details of the first time we made love. His lips were puckered just a bit as he concentrated on his words. He was beautiful sitting; I bet Jen never appreciated him sitting.
He dropped the pen, shook his hand to relieve the tension, and let his head fall back to run his fingers through his hair. He was art in motion. His eye caught something from the corner of his vision and he turned to see me standing against the door frame. “You’re beautiful,” I said with a whispered voice full of appreciation and emotion.
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