by K. H. Kate
He shook his head, frowning. "Not if it benefitted you. But why are you even bringing that up now?"
Because everything was connected and I would be a fool to pretend that it wasn't.
"Because you never-" I paused, looking back at the diary again. No. I couldn't do this. No one would believe me. Certainly, not my best friend who lived his whole life based on facts and logic. "Never mind. I'm getting backtracked. Blame it on stress and this shitshow."
He wanted to say more, I could see that. But he ended up whispering. "Should we call them now?"
Dammit. He was right. I should have called the Chief and tell him about the break-in by now. Mr. Delion was nowhere to be found too. And here I was, tangling in things I had no business of.
"I'll let the Chief-" Before I could finish, my phone rang, forcing me to drop the subject for now. But picking up the phone, I felt my body go rigid. The words went to my ears but I couldn't wrap my head around to believe them. And when the call was done for, I only managed to clench my fists so hard that I could hear the crack of the knuckles.
Aaron noticed the sudden change just as quickly. Before I could even utter a word, he was beside me in a minute. "What happened?"
"Chief called, they found a body-"
"I knew it!" Aaron slammed a hand on the desk, anger overthrowing his ability to think. "First the trashing our places and now this. Still, want to tell me the killer isn’t onto us?"
I shook my head, laughing. I could barely stand as I gritted out. "They found a body in an alley and it's hers. 5132. She is dead, Aaron, she is dead."
THREE YEARS AGO
Fear of losing something always had me run away from that feeling.
So why did it feel like the familiar feeling was back today?
The more I paced, the more frustrated I got. We were supposed to have the best summer this year, together. But it was all going down faster and faster until I was afraid that everything would just crash and burn.
Four years down the rabbit hole just like that.
We were having fights every day for the smallest reasons and when we weren't, Zach was avoiding me at all cost. Though last night had to be the huge one we ever had. He never brought Samara up in one of our arguments before but yesterday he did, fully knowing the sting it would leave behind.
Which was exactly why I was more scared to confront him today. I didn't know who he was anymore. He was ditching college to go God knew where and always leaving messages on seen. How was I going to help him if he didn't even feel that I was worthy of that?
Hell, if he didn't want to be with me anymore then I'd gladly leave him. His happiness meant more to me than he would ever know. If I just started to feel like a chore to him after years...I wanted to set him free on good terms.
"What's up birthday girl?" Someone called out, forcing me to glance up. As soon as I saw who it was, I broke into a smile. Kyle gave me an easygoing smile before looking over me. "You waiting for someone?"
"I'm looking for Zach actually. Is he here? I can’t find him anywhere so I thought he’d be here. At least, he never misses practice." I asked only to notice his smile disappear.
"Zach didn't tell you?"
I was quick to ask him. "Why, did something happen?"
"Actually, he's missing practices regularly. Coach and he had a huge fight about that. You should have seen him run out. We are all worried, Lana. I called him like fifty times already but it went straight to voicemail. I thought he crashed at your place."
"You're telling me he ran out in the middle of the storm?" I tried not to let the fear show but I was failing. The weather today was particularly chilly and I couldn’t decipher what’s that weird feeling of loss was in my heart. "Did he take his bike?"
"I said someone will drop him but he didn't listen."
His words only fuelled my sadness. He took such a big decision without telling me once and now who knew where the hell he was. "Is he seeing someone else? You can tell me. I can handle the truth."
"No way! He'll kill himself before he hurts you. Zach will come around. He isn't seeing someone. He is just worried about something bigger than you or I know about. The guy loves you, OK?"
I laughed, trying to counter that when I noticed several people in the officer's uniform talking to the coach. The smile washed off my face once I saw how serious every one of them looked. Confused, I saw one of them look in our direction. And when they started marching toward us I could only watch like a bystander before my wrist was yanked and one of them was cuffing me. Beside me, Kyle tried to ask questions but I couldn't get a word out. Not a single one until I was shoved into a police car.
"Where are you taking me! Kyle?"
"I'm sorry, Ms. Gill, but you are under arrest for murdering Mr. Zachary Carson and the civilians near your cabin."
What!
"You have the right to remain silent. If you do say anything, what you say can be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to consult with a lawyer and have that lawyer present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be appointed for you if you so desire..."
"Hold her down, now!" A voice tore through the memory, making all of my limbs twitch like I was being fried. Or shocked.
"5132 is trying to escape. Again, 5132 is trying to escape. Call the enforcements."
My eyes opened to see an empty ceiling and the chains holding me to the bedpost. I didn't understand where the voices were coming from or where I was but something in me knew that I had to get out of here. Right about now.
"Welcome back." My gaze went to the nearest voice to notice a woman in a doctor's uniform. I tried to make sense of anything happening around me but my memories were foggy. I hardly remembered my own name.
"What-" I coughed, the bitterness in my throat making me almost puke. "What happened?"
The woman's face looked cold as she described what might have happened. "You tried to hurt your roommate so we had to take some actions that you might not like. You lost your privileges of having a roommate and your own room. This solitary is where you will be from now. Just keep calm and take your pills in time. A nurse and a therapist will be given to you when your behavior changes."
What?
"Where am I?" I asked, looking around. No, I couldn't be here. There wasn't a single window or anything that could tell me what time it was. Even the walls were padded and I couldn't breathe properly. How did I end up here?
"You're in safe hands. Just tell me if you can remember your name." My name?
My lips opened and closed, trying to remember a fracture of it but I couldn't help it. Who was I? Why was I here?
"I-I can't remember," I whispered, choking in the realization of that. "I should have known. It's something to do with a number. I'm so sorry, I can't remember."
She smiled but I couldn't find any comfort in that. "You're 5132. Repeat after me. Who are you?"
"I'm 5132 and I don't know why I am here..." And after she left me, I could only repeat the same thing over and over.
THREE YEARS AGO
Seventy-four. Seventy-five. Seventy-six.
One more tick of the clock and my finger raised to make another tally. The sharp pain in the corner reminded me of the fact that the nail was chipped and needed to be treated badly. But I didn't dare call out for anyone. Not even when my stomach was screaming for food or my bladder barely contained itself.
I needed to mark my days.
Needed to know where I was. And for that, I had to play their games. If they wanted me in a vegetable state, that's how they'd find me. There was no other way out of this. Not if I wanted my memories back. All I remembered was a blue-eyed phantom coming toward me in desperation, that couldn't be my only memory.
I couldn't be that gone yet.
Though there were other things to inspect. Like the loud noise coming from the room beside me when night descended or how everyone avoided coming into this room as if I was an animal out for blood.
"You need
to stop doing that." Startled, I turned around to notice a woman with what looked like a plastic plate in her hands. Unlike the people that day, she wasn't in a uniform and her hair wasn't neatly in a bun. Instead, she looked almost...normal, if I just ignored her fashion choice that matched the 80’s.
"W-Who are you?" I asked, trying to hide the tallies on my left wrist. If she noticed them, I’ll never be able to get out of this room.
Her eyes widened only for a second. "Shhh. Lower your voice, even the walls here have ears. Do you know what they’ll do to you once they hear that you don’t remember? The devil comes at night and he doesn’t spare those who talk to him. You’ve been seeking his help through them and this time they might actually throw you to him.”
“What?”
“You won’t understand until you remember. I see the effect didn't leave yet. Last time it was there only for a day. They are increasing the dose, I see. That's not good."
Last time? "I was here before?"
"Yes. Three weeks ago. I told you not to try anything but you didn't listen. Come to think about it, you never listen."
I nodded hesitantly, watching as she closed the door behind her to come closer. The way she started to eye the room made me feel she was here before. When she was at a close distance, she fished out something from her bag that I failed to notice the first time. A book?
"Do I have to read a book to get out of here?"
For the first time, there was a brief smile on her face. "At least the old you hasn't completely vanished."
"That's not comforting." I agreed, raising my eyebrows when she dropped the book on my lap. "What's this?"
"Your diary. You told me to keep it hidden at any cost. We had a deal, remember?" Shit, what kind of shady deals was I making here?
"I don't-"
"Remember. I get it. You'll remember once you read it. Now, be a good girl and open your mouth. You need to finish the food before they come to watch you. They'll expect you to be still drugged."
She almost sounded like she cared but how could I trust her if I didn't even know her? "I asked you a question. What is this place? Why am I here? Who are you?"
"Shh. One question at a time." She gestured at me to open my mouth again. When I refused to do that, a sigh left from her lips. "Your food is in the trash can, this is my food. Eat. You need strength if you want to go back to normal."
Again, not comforting. But there was something in her eyes that compelled me to open my mouth and she pushed the little bit of bread into it. It's not the best food in the world but right at this moment, I could eat even the plate.
"Slowly, you'll upset your stomach." Only when I started chewing instead of just shoving everything down the throat only then she started talking again. "You're in a sanatorium. The Godfrey Sanatorium."
I spat whatever was left in my mouth, choking. "What?"
"Careful! And don't raise your voice. I told you they listen. You have to be careful about what goes out there. They can't know that you know."
"Ok." I swallowed hard. "Why am I in a sanatorium then? Am I insane?"
"On the contrary, I’ve never seen that much of sanity here. This place gets patients from all over the world, the ones dangerous enough to cause trouble and shouldn't roam outside these walls. Just like I told you before, I believe you did something that was needed to be hidden by the higher-ups so they send you here." She took a deep breath, touching her chest. "Bless you, child. At least you are not being held in the tunnels. That's where the worst ones go. I haven't seen anyone come out of there in years. If you remember in the meantime, well. But if not, you should know that there are things that happened-"
"What happened?" I goaded, wanting to know more. My life felt like a puzzle that I couldn't exactly piece together.
"You brought a spirit with you." Her face paled for the first time. I thought mine did too. "Ever since you came here, something roams around here. An angry, violent spirit. Only you've seen the face of it. You described it as the blue-eyed phantom. Sometimes you call it your Zach. You asked around if any one of them could bring him back. Only a few agreed. They sacrificed a poor girl from a few cells back. The devil didn’t even look back, they failed and you, my dear, you spat on their ritual."
I did what? A cold feeling of someone watching me washed over my back and I had to keep still to not turn around. What would I see if I did? A spirit? Did they even exist out here?
"That's how you got caught in the first place. You’ve upset a lot of people, especially those who practice dark magic. You gave them hope that they can find a way to practice magic here and then you took it away from them. You were cruel, I won’t lie. Though I don't know how you got caught this time, you started to isolate yourself from them." A frown appeared on her face. "I'll have to check the security footage."
If I was remotely sane, I would call her a crazy bitch but she was the first person who was feeding me some answers. Albeit, she wasn’t right at everything but it was something. Besides, I attacked my roommate, I hurt someone and yet here she was.
"Did I overwhelmed you?"
"No, not really. I'm more confused. I was told that I had a roommate," I murmured, eyes on the thing she called a diary. "They said I hurt them."
"Oh, you silly child. You were kept alone. They had to say something to justify giving you drugs. The owner is a busy man, they can't risk letting him know that you tried to escape. God forbid someone angers that man."
Dammit. Why did everything have to be so fuzzy? Why couldn't I just remember?
"Ok, not talking to anyone, reading this diary. Anything else?"
She shook her head, satisfied. "That should be enough for now. When the time will come, you'll just know."
Before I could ask more, suddenly the door started opening from outside. She only had a minute to hide the diary under my pillow and shake me with an urgency. "Read it. I'm counting on you to remember. We all are."
THREE YEARS AGO
"I know you're in there."
I called out, not even looking at him. Not that he could enter the room considering Sandy left something called cloaked salt on the doorstep. I loved the woman but half the things she did always went over my head.
"Zach." I sighed, feeling his frustration even from here. "I had to do what's best for me, for us. This world has given us another chance to start over, we finally have a way to be together. I can’t live without you and you don’t even want to come back!"
I heard a small groan in return. As the days passed, he was getting stronger, fighting with anything that could help me bring him back. If he could just talk or listen to me, I'd calm him down. Tell him how much I missed him. But it seemed like no matter how hard he tried, he could never talk.
Never show his rage without hurting me.
Sighing again, I finally looked up and almost immediately closed my eyes. Only his glowing eyes were visible through the door and the rest of his body was missing. My Zach, my beautiful soul mate was now nothing but a monster.
"Shh, don't go there." I heard a voice whisper, making Zach disappear. "Let the girl live."
Live?
What? Now they were trying to kill me? Curling my lips, I waited for one of them to open the door. Zach hardly interacted with others and I might be in a drug induced state for a whole week but I wasn't above attacking these idiots for the second time.
Especially when the last time wasn’t even my fault.
I was just doing my business, plotting a bigger plan to escape when that pet of master pulled me off from the dinner table to talk. As if. I should have known it was going to be another trick of his. Since the minute I was taken here, Byron had made it his mission to mess with me and my plans.
Speak of the devil.
The door opened slowly revealing Byron in his glory. His eyes locked with mine but not before sneaking a glance at the chains. Bastard.
"5132, you've caused a lot of trouble." His face had that grim look that would have made me fall on my knees in f
ear even two months ago. Even the orderlies were better than him. "Our institution is getting bad reputations because of you. What do you want me to do about that?"
Even if I wanted to smack him for that smug look, I decided not to poke the beast until I was out of these chains. Besides, I promised Sandy that I'd behave. "I'm so sorry. I-I don't remember what I did?"
Instead of terrorizing me like other times, his eyes widened but only for a second before he was back to normal. "You took my advice, I see. How’re those pills working for you?”
Pills? I had to act quickly even if I didn’t understand what the fuck he was talking about. “It’s working wonders. Thank you.”
“I told you it would. No pain, nothing. I’m helping you here and yet you hurt the staff, you talk back every damn time. No human has felt safe near you-and now we know why."
All he ever did was lie.
It's only for a week.
These people won't hurt you.
So, why the hell was I interested to know what he had to say? Even he knew that by the way he smiled, coming closer to me. His hands raised to I think touch my chin but at the end, he just caressed the chains, tugging it hard to almost make me whimper.
"What do you know about vampires, 5132?" He wondered aloud. "Witches, Werewolves, Banshees...Reapers?"
I shook my head, feeling the back of my neck suddenly warm for some reason. "We made up those characters to escape reality."
"Hmm. I believe you heard the rumors, yes? That a spirit haunts the place, the same one that came with you. Master wanted to meet you personally the very first time he heard about you but I had to know if you have teeth to bite. So far you don't."
If I wasn't already in a sanatorium, I would have gladly throw Byron in it. What the heck was he blubbing about?
"Surprisingly, you're still human even if you have witch blood. The most vicious blood of the century in fact." He inhaled my neck, his lips opening for a second, enough for me to notice the abnormality in him. Holy hell. What was that!?