by Mercy B
“You won’t have to. Sosa will figure something out.”
Brielle grew quiet before facing the window and shaking her head. There was an extended period of silence before she returned to me. “I just… I’ve got a bad feeling about all of this. Like, I just stepped into some shit that I won’t be able to talk my way out of, ya know. Like I’ve finally up and done it this time. This shit is serious, Mili.”
“I know, and we will figure it all out. Just stay positive.”
“I’m trying.”
Sosa
Gauge had been gone for all of two hours before I heard her car in the driveway. As expected, Brielle was tagging alone. I was still waiting for Cayman to show face, but I wasn’t sure how the two would react to one another after everything had gone down.
Frankly, I wanted to chat with Brielle to see exactly what had gone down. With Cayman knowing that he’d fucked up, he’d try to make his story sound as reasonable as possible. Yet the truth was that there was no logical explanation to explain his bullshit.
“Hey, I brought back something for you to eat. I figured you’d gotten hungry.”
I was famished and hadn’t noticed the rumbling in my stomach until Gauge was fanning the Popeye’s bag across my face. “What’s good, Brielle?” I addressed her best friend. “You aight?”
Obviously appalled at the concern I displayed, Brielle was hesitant to respond, so I continued probing her. “They didn’t give you too much of a hard time, did they? My lawyer is on call and can have…”
“No. Just was ready to get out of there.” Brielle’s demeanor had been altered. She wasn’t the same obnoxious chick I’d met at the bowling alley; neither was she the loud mouth that I’d encountered at the diner. Something had broken within her, broken her spirit. Humbled her.
It was usually the reaction of many people who were tossed into the system for the first time and didn’t know what to expect from that point on. I’d seen it hundreds of times before. It was no secret that the government wanted to swallow us as a whole, lock us up, or kill us dead in the street. Either was satisfying to them.
“So what they talking about?” Gauge busied herself in the kitchen as I began pulling the food from my bag.
“Said I’m in way over my head. Apparently, this is much bigger than me. I don’t have a clue what that means.”
“They ask you any questions?”
“So many questions that I didn’t have the answers to.” That practically meant she’d give them answers if she had them. Strike one.
“Yeah. Can’t answer what you don’t know shit about.”
“Exactly. I didn’t want to frighten Mili, but they mentioned your name.”
I was all ears. “They always mentioning my name.” I shrugged as if her words were common, but they weren’t. It wasn’t until last year when two niggas on my team got popped that I got on the fed radar.
“And showed me pictures. Asked if I knew you.”
“And…” I wanted to know more.
“I told them you’d been interested in my friend, but I never said who. I just want to keep Gauge as far away from this as possible.”
Well, too bad. You just dragged her into this shit, dumb rat. I could feel my insides churning with each word she spoke. Strike two.
Gauge had nothing to do with what was going on, and Brielle should’ve simply said that she didn’t know who the fuck I was. Truthfully, she’d only seen me in common spaces. That didn’t mean she knew me, because she didn’t. That should’ve been her answer.
Seeing as how discomforted and nervous she was, I knew that she’d fold at the mention of jail time. She wouldn’t be able to do another day in that bitch. Strike three.
“Yeah. Just like you, she has absolutely no involvement in whatever bullshit case they’re attempting to build. The pictures you saw, were they random pictures? Pictures I’d taken of myself?”
“I don’t know. You know cops are resourceful and can scoop pictures from anywhere. Social media, the…”
“I don’t do social media.”
“Oh, well these were taken by someone else then. Now that I think about it, they were all off-guard pictures, so I doubt if you took them or had someone to take them.”
“So what happened that night?”
I listened as Brielle narrated their night, play by play. From the sound of it, Cayman was pussy whipped and was making careless ass decisions just to keep her around. What was wild was ole girl didn’t show an ounce of love for Cayman.
Clearly, she was pissed the fuck off and had every right to be. It was obvious that she’d toss his ass to the wolves if it meant saving her own life. The only bitch down to ride for a nigga was one that was in love. Her loyalty wasn’t with Cayman, because he was just something to do for the time being.
As she concluded the story, Cayman began knocking on the door. “I got it.”
Gauge had joined us and volunteered to get the door. “It’s Cayman. You okay with seeing him?”
“Not really. I’m going to head to your guest room if you don’t mind, Mili. Can you guys refrain from letting him know that I am here?”
“Sure.”
“Matter of fact, I’ll take this shit outside. Lock up behind me, and I’ll see you tonight.” I kissed Gauge’s cheek and stood to stretch my legs.
“Okay. Once I get Brielle settled in, I’ll be over.” Gauge stood on the tips of her toes and pecked my lips.
“Aight.”
When I made it to the porch, Cayman was ending a call. “What’s up, Caym?”
“Man, shit. Shit all bad on my end.”
“I’ve noticed. Care to tell me why you felt the need to jeopardize our operation? A taillight? Did you forget to inspect the bucket?”
“Man, it was so much shit going on. Brielle had called me in the middle of the drop. She was stranded at the airport and needed a ride.” Lies.
“That’s why the fuck they created Uber and shit like that.”
“She left the keys to her crib back in New York, and I’ve got her spare.”
Lies. The girl that I’d spoken to a few minutes ago would never give Cayman a key. She made it obvious they were just kicking it. He didn’t have access to her twenty-four hours.
We stepped off the porch and onto the walkway. I remained silent until we were near his car. Before speaking, I took a look up at the house and then returned my gaze to Cayman. The shit that I was about to say, I needed him to hear clearly.
“She’s going to talk.”
“Na, I doubt that. We can get her out of this situation, Sosa. She’s innocent, man.”
“She’s willing to talk. She’s going to cooperate, Caym.”
“Fuck!” he spewed, well aware of the consequences of a snitch.
“You need to get rid of her.”
“Sosa.” He bit his lip, pain present in his stance.
“Tonight.”
Patting him on the shoulder after ordering him to murk the woman he had sprouted feelings for, I headed toward the back of the house for my car. There was nothing left to be said. Cayman had made the mess, so it was Cayman that would need to clean it up.
I wasn’t remorseful of my decision, but I hated an innocent woman had been caught in the crossfire. To make matters worse, it was my girl’s best friend. But that was the way the game worked. People were in and out of your life. It was a constant revolving door. As I continued walking to my car, I was reminded of why I wanted Gauge as far away from me as possible. Niggas were ruthless and willing to go to extreme measures to solidify their presence amongst the living and freedom while living. I was one of them.
Chapter 10
Gauge
3:48 a.m.
I couldn’t understand why my cell was ringing for the second time in the last few seconds. I’d let the first call go to voicemail after checking the clock on the nightstand, but I considered the incoming. The number displayed across the screen wasn’t familiar, and neither was it saved to my contacts.
“Hello.”
“Mili, baby.” The voice wasn’t one that I recognized right away, but the distress it presented caused me to respond.
“Yes?”
“She’s gone.” There were tears, definitely tears. Many of them.
I wasn’t sure whom was gone or whom I was sympathizing with on my other line, but I was brought to tears as well. “Who’s gone?”
“My baby. My baby is gone. Brielle is gone.”
Snapping, I immediately recognized the long-distance number and voice as Brielle’s mother. My movements caused Sosa to stir in his sleep. He’d finally been able to get some decent rest since everything had gone south the other day.
“What do you mean she’s gone? I just dropped her off at home a few hours ago. Try her cell.” By now, I was up on my feet, pacing back and forth across the wooden floors of the bedroom.
“She shot herself in the head, baby!” her mother wailed.
“She what?”
“G, everything good?” Sosa still had sleep in his voice.
“She’s gone! My baby killed herself!” Mrs. Jones was hysterical on the other end.
Even worse than her own cries, the belting of Brielle’s father in the background made the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening. The thought of my best friend taking her life away had me utterly perplexed and damn near numb. But in my numbness, I could still feel the pain.
“She’s gone,” I repeated, letting the words resonate.
My heart dislodged from my chest and fell onto the ground before me. I felt as if my world had come tumbling down as I heard Sosa calling my name and the thudding of my head. At that moment, darkness consumed me. The moonlight of the night wasn’t prominent enough to contain it. It covered me whole.
“G!” Sosa’s voice paired with cold water helped steer me toward consciousness. “Wake the fuck up, G.” More water. “G! Come on, baby girl.” More water. The sound of the shower became apparent, but Sosa’s voice was still muffled. “Wake up,” he continued calling out to me.
My lids were heavy, but I managed to spread them both with the bit of strength that I maintained. Sosa was standing over me, still yelling my name and sinking his fingers into my cheeks while shaking my head from side to side.
“Ummmmm.” I groaned. The excruciating headache caused me to close my eyes again.
“Don’t do that. Don’t close your eyes. Fight that shit. Wake up, G,” he coached.
“What happened?” I managed to get out.
“You collapsed. You aight? How you feel?”
“Like I’ve been hit by a truck,” I admitted, eyes still closed.
“You gon’ be aight. Let me get you out of this fucking shower.”
I felt my body being lifted into the air before feeling the softness of thick cloth covering me. Sosa was wiping me down with a towel when I reopened my eyes. After I was completely dried, he began massaging my body with the natural oils that I kept on the dresser.
“Sos.”
“Yeah, baby girl?”
As he kneaded the kinks from my body, my memory was triggered. I’d collapsed after being informed that Brielle had shot herself in the head. Remaining still and allowing Sosa to continue moisturizing my skin, I began to weep. My chest heaved, and my body trembled. The sound of Brielle’s father screaming could be heard in the distance. Her mother’s cries were the closest.
“Is she really gone?” I questioned.
“G.”
“Tell me. Is she really gone?”
“I think that you should answer your phone. It’s Sauni calling.”
His massaging ceased as he handed me my cell, which I hadn’t heard ringing. He’d already answered when he placed it up to my ear for me to hold. Neither of us said anything. Sauni’s sniffles confirmed my suspicions. She knew. For all of two minutes, we shared the silence, no one knowing what to say or how to say it.
“Mili.” Sauni was the first to break. I followed thereafter, succumbing to the battle with my emotions.
“I knooooow,” was my only response. “I knooooow!”
“I have to go see this for myself. I won’t believe it’s real until I see it for myself. She… She was just… with us,” Sauni explained.
“I’m… I’m coming too.”
Though I’d spoken the words, I was immobile. Paralysis had locked my legs and chained my arms to the bed. I was confined by invisible shackles that wouldn’t let me move.
“I’ll come get you then,” Sauni offered. I was more than thankful for her generosity.
“I’m not at home. I’ll meet you there.”
At that point, I was freed from the chains and able to lift from the bed. Sosa continued to watch me from the edge with concern apparent by the look on his handsome face. I wiped my face, but it seemed as if I only made room for a fresh set of tears.
Sauni and I were still holding the phone, not wanting to end the call. Sosa sprang into action once he realized I was getting up. Like the hero he was, he saved the day by dressing me while I tried getting myself prepared for the drive back into the city. Carrying on as I was, I wouldn’t make it past the driveway.
Yellow tape.
Red blood.
Blue lights.
Black gun.
Rocking back and forth, I recalled the scene at Brielle’s apartment.
Yellow tape.
Red blood.
Blue lights.
Black gun.
We’d been in the same place hours prior, and nothing was out of the ordinary. Now, my girl’s home was a crime scene.
Yellow tape.
Red blood.
Blue lights.
Black gun.
“I love you,” Sauni had cried in my arms. “Don’t ever leave me,” She begged, but she didn’t have to worry. I wasn’t going anywhere. As we watched the homicide detectives coming in and out of Brielle’s apartment, we stood off to the side, holding one another.
Yellow tape.
Red blood.
Blue lights.
Black gun.
Nothing felt real, and everything moved in slow motion. I felt as if I were trapped in a nightmare, and no one would let me out. Both of our bodies trembled as we stared at nothing in particular, both attempting to come to terms with the fact that our friend had committed suicide. We were unaware that Brielle ever owned a gun, so this was appalling to us.
We were both asked a few questions while on the scene but nothing out of the ordinary. Detectives wanted to know when the last time Brielle had made contact, if she was under any stress, and had she ever attempted suicide before.
Yellow tape.
Red blood.
Blue lights.
Black gun.
“G, you have to eat this.”
Sosa had been forcing food down my throat for the last forty-eight hours. That’s how long it had been since I discovered my best friend had left me on this earth to suffer without her. I missed her more than she’d ever imagine. The loudness. The bluntness. The humor. The theatrics. I’d give my left lung just to have it all back.
“I’m not hungry.”
It had been the same line I’d quoted and seemed to be all that I knew. Sosa had been accommodating despite my mental checkout. My physical was far behind because I felt like giving up every few hours when the pain would hit me all again.
Yellow tape.
Red blood.
Blue lights.
Black gun.
There was so much blood. We’d stayed until the scene was cleared, and we entered the apartment after police had vacated. She’d pulled the trigger in her bedroom, sitting on her bed. The walls were covered with brain matter and blood. Splattered and unevenly distributed on the nightstand, headboard, and floor. She’d done a number on herself.
Yellow tape.
Red blood.
Blue lights.
Black gun.
“I’m not leaving you alone until you take a bite, G. It’
s been two days.”
“And I knew her for a lifetime, Sos!” I flipped.
“I know. I’m sure she’d make ya ass eat too. Even get on you about possibly getting skinny and fading away if you don’t,” a still patient Sosa retorted.
He was right. She would. A smile—one that I hadn’t seen since getting that call—stained my lips. “I miss her so much.” I tried holding back the tears. My eyes were sore to the touch. The pain had numbed me mentally, but I was physically aware and sensible.
“I know. Eat this shit and let me get you out of the house.”
“Can we go buy her a dress? Sauni is getting her shoes.”
“We can go buy whatever you want, baby.”
“Thank you.”
“Thank me by eating this food. It is only a burger and some fries. If you’re not feeling it, we can stop and get you something on the way to the mall.”
Sosa
I despised the mall, but I was willing to put that aside if it meant getting G out of the house. While I didn’t feel the least bit remorseful for Brielle’s death, I hated the toll it had taken on my baby. I felt guilty of her pain when it was truly Cayman who needed to be carrying the weight on his fucking back.
Much like the girls, he was having a hard time dealing with Brielle’s sudden death as well. We’d talked once since the shit went down, and that was only for him to confirm the deed had been done, which was just before I laid down to rest beside Gauge the night she got the call.
Leaving no trace was our signature, but we’d made exceptions. No matter what, I wanted to give Gauge and Sauni the closure they deserved without bringing attention to ourselves or stressing them out with Brielle simply disappearing.
Suicide was more plausible. Brielle had just come from jail where she was poked and primed to become a first-class informant. It was easier to believe that she’d gotten in way over her head and decided to take herself out of the misery awaiting her than to believe that she’d simply vanished into thin air. Because no body would ever be recovered. Not ever.