by Kari Trumbo
Izzy rushed back into the room and pulled Lula to her feet, crushing her in a quick faltering embrace. “I’ll see you in a few weeks. Rest. You need it. The end of the year is even harder than the first. If I return, I’ll need you”
“If?” Lula reached out for Izzy to find out what she meant, but her friend rushed off without explaining. Lula ran to her window and watched as Izzy climbed into a wagon…next to Harland Lawson. He was going home with her for Christmas.
Beau arrived the next morning with the buckboard and lifted her trunk down the stairs. He hadn’t said a word about it. Since she’d never gone home for the Christmas break, she’d hoped he would think it was normal for a woman to need all her belongings for two weeks back home. Even if she didn’t plan to be home for only two weeks.
As Beau climbed into the buckboard seat and prepared to leave, Barton rushed out of the administration building and her heart stopped then skipped into a run. No one else would be taking their whole trunk home, would he notice? Would he say anything to Beau? She shrank back, hoping Barton wouldn’t see her behind her brother-in-law’s thick shoulders.
No such luck. Barton smiled as he approached Beau and held out his hand for a quick shake.
“Mr. Rockford – good to finally meet you.”
Beau nodded. “The same.”
Lula almost laughed. So many people were put off by Beau’s tendency to speak as little, and listen as much, as possible.
“Sir. I’m currently Lula’s teacher – interim teacher, really, as her professor had an accident a few months back and is just now getting back on his feet. He’s hoping to take over teaching again after the holiday.”
Lula gasped. If she were coming back, it would’ve only taken one paper to accomplish her goal with the professor. He would’ve given her a failing grade where Barton had refused.
Beau stopped and leaned against the wagon. “That so?”
Barton looked the part of her teacher with his lean-fitting black trousers, crisp white shirt and black tie. She wanted to be on his arm, to have him claim her. Who wouldn’t want to have a man like that?
“Lula and I have gotten to know each other a bit better over the first half of the year and, if you’ve got the spare space, even in the barn, I’d like to visit over the holiday. I’ll sure miss her while she’s gone.”
No, he couldn’t be doing this. If he was visiting, she’d have to admit to him face to face that she wasn’t returning. What would he say? Would he convince her family to insist she return? He couldn’t do this to her. She found herself shaking her head as Beau looked to her.
“Lula? There’s always the Bradley place he can stay if you’d like him to visit. You know what we expect of you.”
The look on Barton’s face, so expectant. How could she deny him? But she had to. As she continued to slowly shake her head, his face fell. Her words trapped somewhere in her throat and she blinked to keep away the tears. Why would he want to come see her? He hadn’t allowed them to be together for months and she’d ached for him. What good would it do at her home? Heat crawled up her neck as she realized they were both waiting for her reply.
“Wouldn’t you want to visit your own family, Barton?” She gasped as Beau’s eyebrows rose at her use of Mr. Oleson’s Christian name – she should’ve used his proper name, since he was her teacher and all. But Beau didn’t seem all that shocked.
“No. My family isn’t expecting me, so if I don’t visit you, I’m afraid I’ll be all alone.”
He couldn’t be left alone with only the younger students. As much as she didn’t want him with her, it wouldn’t be fair. He was pulling on her heartstrings once again.
“Then you are welcome.”
He smiled and shook hands with Beau once again. “I’ll just grab my pack and my horse. It’ll only take a few minutes.”
Beau nodded. “Take your time. I’d like to talk to Lula, and it might take a bit.”
She’d known that was coming. Of course, he’d want to talk to her. She’d acted like a love-sick fool, and maybe she was.
As Barton walked back toward the administration building, Beau turned to face her. “Lula, I wasn’t born yesterday. Teachers aren’t allowed to step out with students, and no woman teacher is allowed to be married. We talked about this before you even applied to Spearfish. Now I know you were young when you made that choice – sixteen is early to decide you don’t want to wed. But it makes no sense to me why we’d pay for schooling you’ll never use if you’re interested in this man enough to let him visit.”
It was more words than she’d heard him string together for her in longer than she could remember. And she owed him the truth. He was paying for her classes and they needed her at home. “Truth be told, I don’t know. I feel all sorts of things, but I’m so confused… I wanted to go home to talk to Ruby and Hattie. I need to know…” Why couldn’t she form the words? Beau had always acted as a good father, but he was just that, a father, a protector. She didn’t need that now, she needed someone to talk with about matters of the heart. Barton was who she wanted to protect her now. Beau had lost his place.
“If you do change your mind, it wouldn’t be good to send him out on his own with just a horse, so you tell him now if you don’t want him there. I don’t want to have to worry about him.”
Did she want to tell him no? Or pray that they finally got the chance to talk when he was with her for the few weeks of the Christmas holiday? What would come of it? There was no chance of them being alone at home, so she could talk with him without the pressure of wanting his touch. It wouldn’t be possible.
“I don’t want him to be alone. I want to see him. I just also want to talk about how I feel with Hattie and Ruby.”
Beau raised that horrible eyebrow one last time. “And that trunk? What’s that for? I may be a man, but I know you don’t need all that for two weeks.”
Her sisters had warned her about trying to pull one over on Beau. It never worked. He was too smart, too observant, and he loved each of them so much.
“That’s what I wanted to talk to my sisters about.” It wasn’t completely a lie, though just an hour ago, there would’ve been no way her sisters could’ve talked her out of staying home. Now, the one she’d have to worry about, was Barton.
He’d almost missed Lula. If Barton hadn’t been watching some of his other students leaving from his window, he’d have missed Beau Rockford driving up. Worse, he’d have missed seeing him lug that huge trunk down to his buckboard. Yes, Lula had begged him to fail her, to let her go home, but that was over a month ago, and he thought that was settled now. But if it wasn’t, the Christmas holiday was the perfect chance for her to leave and never return.
Fortunately, it was also the perfect chance for him to visit her in a place where talking to her was acceptable and where they’d be surrounded by her family at all times. In short, it would be easier to behave himself – especially since if he turned Beau against him, he’d never marry Lula. But if everything went well – and if Lula was willing to take that step - he could ask for her hand even sooner than he’d planned.
He threw some clean shirts and trousers into a saddlebag, along with anything else he thought he might need. He also scribbled a quick note to Professor Cook, telling him he was going out of town. He’d visited the man every few days for months, and while his time as teacher was coming to an end, the professor thought he was ready for a teaching position of his own if he didn’t choose to remain as assistant.
But whether he remained depended in part on Lula. If she was willing to marry him immediately and drop out of school, he could go back to being just the assistant for the remainder of the year. If she wanted to finish school, or if her family insisted she did, he might be better off heading elsewhere rather than risking her dismissal. It was up to her. He wanted it to be her choice.
The saddlebag sat heavy over his shoulder as he rushed to the livery to get Star. He saddled her quickly and returned to find Beau and Lula still waiting by t
heir rig. Beau nodded to him. “It’s not a hard ride, just long. We’ll stop at least once along the way.”
Barton patted Star’s neck and mounted, ready to find out more about Lula and her life outside Spearfish, to meet her sisters who meant so much to her, to see the ranch she loved. But most of all, just to be with her.
Two hours later, after conversations with Lula about teaching grammar and with Beau about cattle and horses, they reached the Ferguson Ranch. It sat perched at the top of a mountain with a wide flat area for one large ranch house, two smaller homes, a huge barn, and a fence that led down the hill. It was beautiful, so much like his home in Belle Fourche. As much as he missed his ma and pa, he could visit them anytime. At this moment he had to be here – his whole future depended on it.
He dismounted and went to help Lula down from her seat on the wagon bench. Beau eyed him for a moment but seemed to appreciate the action. There wasn’t a father he’d ever met that wasn’t big on respect. Lula’s arm quivered under his hand and he gave it what he hoped was a comforting squeeze.
Beau climbed down from his seat and came around to them. “Lula, why don’t you show Barton where he can store his horse and tack? I’ll get your trunk moved into the house.”
Barton had meant to ask Lula about that but having her show him was an extra benefit – it would give them an extra chance to talk, possibly unobserved. Would she tell him if she’d tried to run from him? Due to their mutual hurt, every word could be complicated, full of meaning.
Lula wordlessly took Star’s reins and led her toward the barn. He followed close behind. The creak of the trunk being lifted from the back of the wagon was soon drowned out by the various sounds of the stable.
Star bobbed her head high and Lula reached around, grabbing her halter and whispering to her, calming her down as she led her to a stall near the back.
“If you tell me where everything is, I can take care of her,” Barton volunteered. “You probably want to go in and see your family.”
Lula handed him the reins and rested her hand on Star’s flank as she backed out of the stall. “I do want to see them, but I can’t just leave you out here. I should show you where you can take your things, where you’ll be staying …”
Her voice quivered. It was chilly, but he was sure that wasn’t why. “I’ll be here for a bit. Go on – they’ll want to see you.” But he didn’t want her to leave. He’d been too much apart from her. Just being near her set every muscle in his body ablaze.
She half-smiled, teasingly. “You just got here and you’re trying to get rid of me already?”
“No, no, I just …” What? He wanted to hold her, talk to her, keep her. But if he gave in to selfishness, he’d hate himself. “I just was trying to think of what you’d want.”
Lula stepped toward him, then another tentative step. When had she become so unsure of herself? Had he expected too much of her and given not enough? “Barton, right now I want you.”
Her boldness surprised him. He spread his arms and prayed she wouldn’t shun him, wouldn’t run anywhere but to him. She sobbed and rushed into them, burying her face in his shoulder. “I’ve missed you,” she groaned.
“Me too.” His voice cracked. They’d been in each other’s presence every single day, but he knew what she meant, and felt the same way. He kissed the top of her head. “I hope you weren’t thinking of leaving me …”
She moved to pull away, but he couldn’t let her go, not yet. He held her tightly to him and brushed her hair from her face. “I told you. I couldn’t stand it anymore. What I’d done. It was horrible. Unforgivable. You couldn’t even look at me.” She tried again to dodge from him, her shame heating the cheek under the tips of his fingers.
“No, dear Lula. No. You couldn’t shame me. I couldn’t look on you because I wanted to spend every moment with you that I could, and I wasn’t allowed. If you left, I’d never see you again. I couldn’t let you leave and yet, seeing you every day was such a torture.”
She rested her head to his chest, her soft curls catching in the stubble he’d meant to shave that morning but had ended up leaving instead. “What do you hope to happen here?” Her words were muffled into the fabric of his coat.
“I hope to spend as much time with you as you as your family will allow. I hope to convince you to give me one more chance, and I hope to talk with you about what our future might look like.”
She gasped and, again, he had to hold her from pulling away from him. He could hold her to him forever, but at least until her quaking stopped. “I didn’t think we had a future. I was so afraid.”
“I can’t think of a future with anyone but you, Buttercup.”
Chapter 19
Barton and Lula were inseparable for the next six days – talking, walking, holding hands, all the things couples do when they’re courting and not having to hide it from the world. Barton almost didn’t want to go back. How could he? He was growing to like the easy way Lula’s hand fit in his as they walked the trails around the ranch, how her eyes lingered on his face even after they’d finished a sentence and neither of them had words left, her easy laughter at her sisters’ stories of wedded bliss and blowups. He adored every part of her.
Christmas Eve afternoon, he led her to the sofa and waited for her to sit and arrange her skirts so he wouldn’t sit on them. He sat next to her and she reached for his hand, blushing sweetly, as if just holding his hand were precious to her. But then she tucked it under the folds of her skirt, causing him to laugh in surprise.
“We don’t have to hide here,” she explained.
She was right. And maybe soon, he’d never have to hide his love for her again. “I don’t want to hide anymore, Lula. It’s killing us both. You ended up thinking I was ashamed of you, and I never was.” If he hadn’t been holding her hand, he’d have trailed his fingers down her soft cheek, but he wouldn’t let go of her until she willed it. This whole visit was about her. Convincing her by his actions that he could be the man she needed him to be.
“But, if I go back as a student, we’ll be right back where we were. Even if Professor Cook returns, we can’t talk freely. Just sitting near you would lead to speculation. We can’t do anything now, really – if you marry before your term is up, to a current or even a former student, they might take away your student teacher certificate. Then what would we do – two teachers who couldn’t teach anywhere?”
As much as he hated to admit it, she was right. But he didn’t have a chance to answer before Ruby entered. “Good, I’m glad you’re both here. Nora has Joseph out playing in the snow and the others are all out working”
Lula loosened her grip on his hand but didn’t let go. She was giving him the chance to release her if he wanted to. Instead he held tighter and smiled.
Ruby glanced at him for a moment, then focused on Lula. “We’ve talked about school, but I think now is a good time to include Barton in the conversation. I think he needs to know your worries, your fears and feelings.”
Lula stood quickly, dropping his hand, and began pacing the room. He’d never seen her do that. “It isn’t that I don’t want to tell him, Ruby. It’s just that … it’s so complicated.”
“No.” Barton stood and stopped her movement. Her worry poured off of her, right to his heart. “I need to know. Your decisions matter to my life. From now on, everything matters, and I want to know.”
How could he make any decision without knowing what it would do to her? Hadn’t he tried that up until now with disastrous results?
She ducked her head and searched the space between them for words before looking up into his eyes. “Barton, I love you. I love you even more than I love the thought of teaching. I don’t want to go back to school at all, but I will if you or Beau and Ruby require it.”
He thought he might faint at the declaration. But it carried its own set of complications. Could he ask her to go through another four months of sitting in that desk for nothing, just because he didn’t know if he could bear four months
without seeing her? And should he let her give up a lifelong dream so easily, just because of him? On the other hand, shouldn’t he respect her decision, regardless of the cost to him?
Respect won out over worry. “I don’t want to make you go back, and I won’t. But I love you, Lula, and I’m … I’m frightened that I can’t go without you that long.”
Ruby stood and put her hands on their shoulders. “If you both truly love each other, then waiting won't change that. But you must understand the temptations that will be there.”
It wasn’t his place to tell Ruby the temptations they’d already overcome. But had they really overcome them? Every look at Lula brought him a moment closer to the time she would be his. She would take his name, and he would introduce her proudly as his bride, the most precious part of him, her softness to his rough edges. Seeing her everyday back at school, away from the cautious eye of her guardians, would bring all that to the fore.
“Lula, your tuition is already paid,” Ruby continued. “I’m not sure we can get a refund. Your sisters were already planning something special for when you graduated, though they could certainly change those plans for a wedding if you both prefer. But should you desire to remain in school in case something happens between you both before graduation and you don’t wed, we support you.”
That was clearly a hint being dropped. Could that happen? Of course it could. He’d ruined so much with her that even now she might hesitate.
Lula reached up and pulled his string tie free of his neck. “This is mine until the day we are bound together as one. Then you may have it back. I think I will finish my classes because Ruby is right – you never know what might happen. If something were to happen to you, Heaven forbid, I need a way to provide for myself. And also, so you don’t die of longing in the coming months,” she added with a laugh.
Ruby laughed too, gave Lula a quick nod, then turned and left the room.