by J. F. Gump
“If you think that little act of yours will get any sympathy from me, you are wrong,” he stated flatly. “Now get up and get out of here.”
Math didn’t respond. She laid on the floor, sobbed weakly for a minute, and then stopped moving.
He nudged her thigh with the toe of his shoe. It was the ultimate insult for a Thai. She didn’t stir. He stood by the bed and watched her. He wondered how long she would play sick. After a few minutes, he began to have other thoughts. What if he was wrong? What if she was really sick? What if she hadn’t actually gone with that farang? What did Randy know that he didn’t know? He was sobering fast. What if she was dying and needed help? Now he was thinking all of the things he hadn’t thought of before. What if he had been wrong about everything?
She hadn’t moved for minutes. Worry and panic overtook his anger. He knelt on the floor beside her, put his hand on her shoulder and shook gently. “Math?” he said, very soft. “Are you okay?”
She didn’t respond. For the briefest moment, Mike thought she was still faking. That thought was quickly replaced by another, which insisted something was terribly wrong. Carefully, tenderly, he gathered her in his arms and lifted her to the bed. Her body was limp and cold. He put his ear to her chest. He could hear her heart beating, but in an irregular fashion. Her breaths came short and shallow. He folded the blanket double and covered her. Then he lay down beside her, wrapped his arms around her, and held her tight, kept her warm.
“I am so sorry, Math,” he whispered. “Please be okay. I really do love you.”
***************
When Math awoke, she felt much better. It took her a moment to realize where she was. She was in Mike’s room. Everything was gray with the first hint of daylight. Mike was asleep beside her. Her memories of last night, after coming to the room, were jumbled and fuzzy.
For a few minutes, she wracked her brain trying to put all of the pieces together. One by one she remembered all of the names he called her. Quietly, she repeated them to herself. She remembered hitting Mike to shut him up. Only vaguely did she remember him having sex with her, but she didn’t remember him finishing. The rest was such a blur that she couldn’t tell what was a dream and what was reality. Whatever had happened, she knew it wasn’t pleasant. She wanted to leave now.
Math slid from under his arm and left the bed. She grabbed her clothes from the floor and went to the toilet. Quietly, she made sure the door was shut and locked before she turned on the light and sat down to relieve her over-stretched bladder. When she wiped herself, there was a trace of blood on the tissue. Her period. Thank Buddha she wasn’t pregnant.
She caught a glimpse of her left arm as she reached for her blouse. Blue-purple bruises in the shape of fingers wrapped around the upper part of her arm. She looked at her right arm. It was the same. She checked the rest of her body but those seemed to be her only bruises.
She had slipped into her blouse before noticing there were no buttons down the front. Another of her questionable dreams landed on the side of reality. He really had ripped her clothes off. She continued to get dressed, missing buttons and all.
She made plans as she put on her clothes. She would be very quiet. She would get her suitcase and her clothes, and she would leave without waking Mike. As drunk as he had been last night, he would probably sleep for a long time. She would put on decent clothes someplace outside.
She was careful to make no sound as she took her clothes from the closet and put them on the floor in the hallway outside. She did it in two trips. She would pack them in a moment. She made one last trip for her suitcase. It was on top of the closet. She had been barely tall enough to push it up there and getting it down would not be easy. She stood tiptoe as her fingertips inched the suitcase from the top of the closet. Finally, it teetered and fell. It eluded her grasp and landed on the floor with a loud thud.
Mike jerked and sat upright in bed at the noise. “What’s that?” he asked, his voice heavy with sleep.
“Never mind,” Math said softly, lifting the suitcase from the floor. “Go back to sleep.”
“What are you doing?” In the dim light he saw the suitcase in her hand. “Where are you going?”
“I am leaving, like you want,” she replied.
“I don’t want you to leave. We need to talk.”
Mike got up, took the suitcase from her hand and put it back on top of the closet. He looked at her. His expression was one of total seriousness. “Math, I had a dream I did terrible things last night.”
“It was not a dream, Mike.”
His face twisted into a look of anguish. “Oh dear God, I was afraid you would say that. I don’t know what I might have done to you, but I am very sorry if I did anything to hurt you. I was very drunk. I know that’s no excuse, but it’s the only one I have. When I saw you with that man last night, it killed me. I went crazy with jealousy. I wanted to hurt you as much as I was hurting. That sounds pretty childish, doesn’t it?”
She nodded her head but didn’t say anything. Sawat had said almost the same words.
“I know you won’t believe this,” he continued, after a short silence, “but last night I realized something - I realized I have fallen in love with you. I don’t even know why. I think that is why I was so angry. I don’t want you to leave, Math. I want you to stay and talk. Please, can you find it in your heart to forgive me?” He fell silent, his head bowed.
She did not reply. She could not. Her throat was choked. She turned and walked toward the door of the condo.
“Where are you going?” Now there were tears in his eyes too. “Please don’t leave.”
“I am getting my clothes from the hallway,” she managed to say. “You are right. We do need to talk.”
She and Mike sat on the bed and talked until well after dawn. She told her story and Mike listened without interruption. When she was finished, Mike told his story. Math didn’t interrupt, either. When Mike quit talking, Math laughed.
“What’s so funny?” he asked.
“Your lip is very big,” she said, giggling.
His lip was puffed out and his constant probing at it with his tongue made it even more noticeable. He could feel impressions of his teeth along the inside edge of his lower lip. “Oh, you think that is funny, huh?” he said. “I’ll have you know it hurts very much.”
Math laughed again. She was feeling much better now. She did not hate Mike. He had said he was sorry and that he loved her. Her anger and bitterness from last night faded and she realized that she loved him too. Somehow, she knew she would love him until the day she died.
“Here,” she said, “Let me kiss it and make it better.”
Very softly and tenderly she kissed his lips.
“Is that better?” she asked.
“Much,” he answered. He kissed her just as tenderly in return. “I love you, Math.”
“Chan lak khun. Chan lak khun mak. I love you very much,” she said back.
***************
The next day at work, Randy confirmed everything that Math had said and Mike believed it all. Mike and Math talked for hours that evening. She told Mike about Sawat agreeing to drop the charges against her, but she did not tell him quite everything. Some things were better left unspoken.
She also told Mike more about her heart problems. Using hand-drawn pictures, she showed him where a blood vessel had grown from the vein entering her heart to an exiting artery. It was maturing and getting bigger every day. It was starving her heart for blood and she already had damage to her heart muscle. It was much the same problem she had been operated on for twice before. Without another operation to repair it, the doctors were saying, she could expect to live maybe five more years or less. She had insurance but it was only for emergencies and, like before, it would not pay for her surgery. She prayed that someday soon she would win the lottery.
That same evening,
Mike talked about his family in America. He had always had a hard time telling anyone the whole truth about his family and his feelings, but Math was patient and encouraged him at just the right times. When he finally opened up, he told her everything.
He talked about his wife Susan, and how she had changed after they got married. Also, he talked about how he would divorce her one day. Later, he talked about his son’s never ending flirtations with drugs and regular brushes with the law. Mike said he loved and hated his family at the same time. He had been in Thailand for a long time, but he didn’t miss them.
Math had not been able to understand Mike’s feelings entirely. She knew from her own life that families were not always happy, but she had a hard time accepting the idea that American families could be unhappy, too. Finally, she said she understood, even though she didn’t. Later, they held each other close and fell asleep without making love.
The days turned into weeks and their life together was one of pure joy. Mike gave Math the home she had always wanted and she gave him a renewed understanding of togetherness. He went to work every day and could hardly wait until it was time to come home to Math.
During the day, Math worked with her brother. He never paid her, but he did let her use his motorcycle. She was always home before Mike. She made absolutely sure of that. Some nights they went to a movie or a restaurant. Most nights they stayed at home and talked. Sometimes they made love.
Mike still drank beer, but only in moderation and never once got drunk. On the nights he did drink, they didn’t go to Toy’s Bar or Peter’s Place. Instead, they went to the Music Lover Bar just outside of the condo. Math had made friends with the girls and enjoyed going there as much as Mike did. Not once during those weeks did they fight.
Christmas came and went, but Mike did not go home to America. He didn’t want to. He called home from work and made excuses. Susan had begged and cried, but Mike was unmoved. He did send cards and presents, but that was all. He spent Christmas Eve with Math. She had been thrilled with the heavy gold necklace he bought for her. It was a very pleasant holiday for Mike.
It was New Year’s Eve when he first introduced Math to some people as his wife. He could tell by the way her eyes lit up that it made her happy. Someday, he promised, he would buy her a ring.
As much as Math tried to tell herself it could not be true, she knew she had fallen in love with a farang. She dreamed of the day when she and Mike would be married and have their own family. More than anything else in the world she wanted a happy family and home. Until they could be married, she would be satisfied being his mia noy, his minor wife, his mistress. But in her heart, she was already his true and legal wife.
Chapter 16
It was eight o’clock on a Sunday evening when the phone call came. Mike was working on his computer and Math was laughing at a Thai comedy show on TV. The call came on her cell phone. She answered it, still laughing from the jokes. In an instant, her laughter was replaced with shock and disbelief.
Mike watched as Math paced the room. Her voice became weaker with each passing exchange of conversation. Within seconds, she burst into tears and dropped the phone to the floor. He intercepted her pacing and pulled her close. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “What’s going on?”
Between sobs, she babbled in Thai. It was as if she had forgotten every English word she knew. He couldn’t follow what she was saying. Finally, he understood enough words to know that someone in her family had died, but he couldn’t understand who. She was inconsolable. In a moment, she pushed him away and ran to the bed. She curled into a tight ball and refused to speak.
Mike sat next to her on the edge of the bed and tried to calm her. He suspected she was in shock, but he wasn’t sure what to do. He thought of her brother. Yes, her brother, maybe he could help with whatever was happening.
He picked up the phone. “Call your brother right now,” he ordered firmly. He pulled her into a sitting position and held out the phone.
She gazed stupidly at her handy.
“Do it now,” he ordered again, more demanding. “Call your brother.”
Numbly, she took the phone and dialed. When she started talking, she began sobbing again. Mike wondered how her brother could understand anything she said. In a while she turned off the phone and stared at nothing. A steady stream of tears cascaded down her face.
For the next half hour Mike fidgeted about the condo. He brought her water and tissues. He tried holding her hand and comforting her, but she was non-responsive. She just sat and stared. He was relieved when there was a knock at the door. It was Math’s brother, Anan, and another man Mike had never seen before. He invited them in.
Math and Anan and the other man talked so fast in Thai that Mike didn’t understand anything they said. Every once in a while Anan would look at Mike, but he never once smiled. Mike felt uneasy. He wished his understanding of Thai was better. At least Math had calmed and seemed to be talking coherently.
Finally, Anan turned to Mike and said in English, “My sister’s husband and her son have died in a drowning accident. Tomorrow, we must go to Phitsanulok. We must take a bus early in the morning. It’s a very long ride to Phitsanulok, maybe ten hours or more. I will come for Math by seven o’clock. Math wants to stay here for tonight because she feels it is her home. I do not want her to stay with a farang at a time like this, but I cannot change her mind.”
“And I don’t want Math to have to ride on some stupid bus for ten hours at a time like this,” Mike said curtly, angry at Anan’s snide comment about Math staying with a farang. “I will pay for a taxi to Bangkok and airfare to Phitsanulok.”
Math looked up in surprise. “Oh Mike, you don’t have to do that. It is very expensive.” It was the first complete English sentences she had spoken since the phone call.
“I have made up my mind already,” Mike said. He turned to Anan. “When you come in the morning, Math will have enough money for both of you to fly to Phitsanulok.” He turned to Math, “How much do you think?”
“About 5,000 baht,” she answered.
“That is small money,” he said pointedly. “I will take care of it. Thank you for coming, Anan. I am truly sorry about the death in your family. I am even more sorry your sister is spending the night with a farang.” He didn’t like the sound of his own words, but he couldn’t stop them from coming out. He hoped Math didn’t hear his sarcasm. Mike showed Anan and his friend to the door. He was as happy to see them leave as he had been to see them arrive.
Mike helped Math pack her suitcase and then ordered her to bed. He held her close all night. Her sleep was fitful. Every time she awoke, Mike was staring at her. He was still awake and watching when the alarm sounded at five o’clock.
Math spent a very long time in the bathroom that morning. When she finally came out, she told Mike her stomach was upset and she had been vomiting, but she felt better now. Probably nerves, she suggested, and he agreed.
Anan called from the lobby at seven o’clock. He didn’t say anything except that it was time to go.
Mike escorted Math downstairs. He made sure Anan saw him give Math the 5,000 baht.
Just before they left, Mike slipped another 10,000 baht into Math’s hand. “For an emergency or in case you need extra money for anything,” he said.
When no one was looking, she kissed him on his lips. “Thank you, teeluk, sweetheart,” she whispered. “I promise, I will return to you in quickly time.”
Mike was not to hear from Math for eight days.
***************
Math and Anan took a taxi to Bangkok and bought airline tickets from there. They could never have afforded to fly home without Mike’s help and they both knew it. Math asked for, and was given, a window seat. She felt guilty for satisfying her own wants, but it was her first flight and she was excited. The flight was perfect, the sky cloudless, and the view spectacular.
Math an
d Anan arrived in Phitsanulok at one o’clock in the afternoon. By one thirty they were at their mother’s house. Already, it was full of mourning friends and relatives.
Immediately, Math looked for her sister Neet. It was Neet’s husband and son who had died. She found Neet and her two-month-old baby in their mother’s bedroom. She was crying.
“Oh Neet,” Math held her sister close, “I am so sorry. Jabal was a good husband and Sadayu was a beautiful son. It isn’t fair that this should happen. But you will be okay; I promise I will take care of you no matter what.”
“You have your own life,” Neet replied. “You must take care of yourself.”
“When I help you, I will be taking care of myself,” Math responded.
“You are a good sister.”
“Never mind,” Math said. She truly felt sorry for Neet. She was the only one in the family who had not finished school. When Neet had been old enough for high school, there had not been enough money to pay her tuition. Instead of school, Neet had gone to work as a common construction laborer. That turned out to be good, because it was at work where she had met Jabal.
Jabal, too, was uneducated, but he was very clever and a hard worker. He had become a supervisor by the age of twenty-two, and he was earning more money than most laborers ever dreamed about. He was not rich, but he was able to take care of his new bride. Now that he was gone, Neet would not be able to take care of herself and her new baby. Math wondered how Neet would survive if no one helped.
“Tell me what happened. I know Jabal and Sadayu are good swimmers. I don’t understand how this could have happened.”
Neet composed herself as best as she could and repeated the story for Math. Two days ago, on Saturday evening, Neet and her family had visited their mother, Nui. Little Sadayu had made a comment about how much he liked one of his grandmother’s special fish dishes. Nui promised to cook it for dinner - if Sadayu could catch the fish. Yesterday, Sunday morning, Jabal and Sadayu had gone fishing.