This family emergency had the effect of bringing the family together, which, in Niko’s opinion, was more of a pain in the ass than help. His mother reappeared from Arizona and brought Nia with her. Putting the two of them in a room with Vincente was always loud to say the least, but Nia was more patient with Micah than anyone.
Worst of everything was the potential legal trouble that reared its ugly head. It quickly became clear that detectives in Arizona were interested in talking to Micah. Holden had involved him in some not-so-great situations, and no one wanted the kid to end up in jail.
There, at least, the family came together. Between them, they were able to scramble enough money to pay a decent lawyer. Thanks to his addiction to selfies, Micah was able to prove Holden abused him. It lent credence to his statement that he’d been afraid to come forward after his ex unknowingly involved him in his crimes. That Holden was currently in custody on assault charges didn’t hurt, either. The Flagstaff PD agreed not to charge Micah as long as he cooperated with their investigation.
For weeks, it was difficult for Niko to concentrate on much besides his family. He saw Carys as often as he could. He worked on the house, but he also escaped to her place when he got too frustrated. Del said it was good he couldn’t add his two cents to all the yelling, but she wasn’t the only one without an outlet.
Carys was, for the most part, an angel. She coaxed him through a simple but fast-moving song on the guitar that spoke well to his mood. As much as he loved music, he preferred her other methods of distraction, his favorite being when she pulled him into her bed. There wasn’t much more relaxing than a blowjob. He’d always known that, but a blowjob from Carys sent him from pissed as hell to this kind of loopy, happy space.
But for all that, Niko wasn’t oblivious to the fact something was wrong with Carys. When she wasn’t in active make-Niko-feel-better mode, she was quiet and withdrawn. Niko thought he knew why, too. It was crappy timing for all this to happen when she was going to be leaving for six months. He could imagine she was feeling neglected or that he hadn’t made her feel special enough, but what the hell, man? There was only so much drama he could handle.
Now, Nia and his mother had gone home and Micah had moved in with Del pending his getting a job and a place of his own. Niko finally had time to concentrate on Carys. As he walked up to the house, he heard a low, mournful tune emanating from the direction of his old room, Carys’s music room.
Niko let himself in. No need to knock now that he had boyfriend privileges. As always, he ran into Bennett. He was lucky that way. He waved and flashed the man a smile he hoped said, “Be glad you can’t hear, because your sister’s going to be screaming my name in a minute.”
He brushed passed Bennett and headed back to the music room. As he approached the door, he slowed and peered around the corner carefully, not wanting to disturb her. With an arm against the doorjamb, he leaned in to watch.
She was playing the viola. (He knew the difference between a viola and a violin now; she’d made sure of that.) Her eyes were closed, her expression so intense that it would’ve been funny under other circumstances. Maybe he should’ve found it amusing. Maybe it was something he could’ve teased her about.
It wasn’t funny. It just wasn’t. There was pain in her music, and it made him ache. The pinched faces she made when she played weren’t comical; they were an extension of the music. It drew him in.
She drew him in.
Carys brought the piece to a close, the last high note lingering in the air. Niko put his fingers in his mouth and whistled as loudly as he could. She jumped, swinging the viola as though she was going to use it as a weapon.
Now that was funny. Niko grinned and pretended to rear back, his hands up as if to fend off her attack even though she was across the room.
“Christ, Niko. You scared me to death.”
Putting a concerned expression on, Niko walked over and took her hand. He pressed his fingertips to the inside of her wrist as if to take her pulse.
She pursed her lips and tapped him with the tip of her bow. “I’m glad you think you’re funny. That makes one of us.”
He tilted his head, looked at her knowingly, and wagged a finger in her face. Liar, liar, pants on fire.
Her grin got the better of her, and she laughed. Shaking her head, she put the viola back on its stand. “You want to go upstairs?”
He reached his hand out, because hell yes, he wanted to go upstairs. Sex was much more likely to happen in her bedroom. There was to be absolutely no sex in the music room; she’d made this clear to him on numerous occasions.
They headed upstairs. Niko didn’t miss the flurry of signs between Benny and Carys as they passed, but he didn’t ask. It was natural for a little brother to give his big sister crap. As long as it didn’t affect their relationship, Niko had decided he had no fucks to give about what Benny thought of them together.
Because his mind was stillon the song, rather than try to seduce her, Niko pulled her down with him onto the bed and into his arms, giving them enough space so he could talk.
“How are you?” he signed.
“I’m okay. It’s been an easy kind of day. No drama,” she said.
She wasn’t looking at him, and that wasn’t a Carys answer. That simple question was typically enough to gain access to anything and everything on her mind. She was hiding something from him. He wouldn’t have believed she was capable of it until that moment.
Okay, straight to the point, then. He took a breath because talking was always frustrating.
“You f-l-y. W-h-e-n?”
Carys ducked her head and played with the button of his shirt.
Oh, yeah. Nail on the head. He pressed two fingers under her chin and lifted her head to look at him. He wanted to tell her to get it over with. If she was going to yell at him for not caring before now, he just wanted it done.
“I’m not going.”
Niko blinked. It took five full seconds for her words to sink in. “No.” He signed the word with such fervor that the slap of skin against skin was audible. “No. You go.”
Carys was already shaking her head. “No. We talked about it. This is the right thing.”
“We?” As though he didn’t know by now. It was like being in a relationship with two people instead of one.
Carys frowned. “I know what you’re thinking. It’s not like he demanded it. It just makes sense.”
She rolled away from him, setting her feet on the ground as she sat up. “Look. He should never have been involved in that whole thing with your brother.”
Niko glared at her back, but she didn’t turn around.
“Micha’s not a bad kid. He’s not.” She huffed. “He’s a lot like Benny. They were both on the rebound from terrible relationships. I can see why they found comfort in each other. But…” She took a deep breath and hurried on in a rush. “He’s trouble. I mean, he’s in trouble. These legal problems, the people he was involved with, the things he does without thinking… The kinds of things he does on a whim aren’t normal. Can you really say for sure he wouldn’t start doing those things if he thought he needed to? The stealing, the—”
Niko put a hand on her shoulder, giving her a shake. It’s wasn’t hard, but it was enough to get her attention. “No,” he signed
“I know.” She sighed and hung her head. “I know. That wasn’t fair. I’m not being fair to him. I like Micah. I do. It’s not about him. Not really. It’s about the next asshole Benny gets hooked on. That prick might be the dangerous one. There’s a point where I won’t be able to put him back together. I can’t let that happen, Nik. I can’t. Don’t you get it? I can’t be in another country when I don’t know if he’ll be okay without me. He’s my responsibility.”
Niko opened his mouth. So many words. So many words were pent up in his head, screaming. He clenched his fists at his sides, because in lieu of words, he desperately wanted to shake her. Something had to dislodge this idea she’d gotten into her head that she was
her brother’s keeper.
The idea she wasn’t going to France drove him out of his mind. She had to go. She wanted so badly to go. He had to convince her.
But he didn’t have the words.
Looking at him, Carys attempted a smile and put a hand to his cheek. “You know what? It’s better this way. It was crappy timing we got our shit together just in time for me to leave. Now I won’t have to.”
She kissed him. Niko held himself stiffly a moment—he so wasn’t done with this—but then gave in when he realized her kiss was hungry. She needed affirmation, something to soothe her disappointment.
So he kissed her. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulled her closer, laid her down, rained kisses on her body.
It was easier than he would’ve thought. He was so angry, but he wasn’t angry with her. Sure, he wanted to shake some sense into her. He wanted to scream so loud that Benny would hear him, deaf or not, say that Carys deserved more. She deserved more than to live for her brother.
But it wasn’t her fault. Not really. Taking care of her brother was a fact of life for her. He was angry at her father for putting that kind of responsibility on a little kid. He was angry at her brother for not figuring out for himself what he was doing to his sister.
Most of all, he was angry at the world—angry at his inability to tell her any of these things. He was angry that his words were gone.
Niko banged his head against the back of his recliner. He’d been sitting there for an hour since he’d gotten home from Carys’s house. The TV was on, but hell if he knew what was playing. His jaw was sore from gritting his teeth as his thoughts kept returning to his girl and his bitter disappointment on her behalf.
It wasn’t his business. Carys was a grown woman, and her decisions weren’t up to him. She didn’t need him to explain what her choices had cost her. Yes, it frustrated him, but that was his own problem, not hers. It was her life.
The problem was that no one had explained that to Bennett. Niko had been told repeatedly in his life, by many people, that the world didn’t revolve around him. Obviously, someone had neglected to mention that to Bennett. Could it be as simple as cluing him into this important fact of life?
It didn’t matter. It was not. His. Business. He wasn’t Bennett’s father, his brother, or even his friend. If Carys could live her life as she wanted, Bennett could, too.
It was so damned infuriating. Nothing in the last few months had driven him as crazy as watching Carys live her life as though Bennett was the bright center of the universe. He liked Carys. A lot. He wanted to be with her for as long as her patience held out. In that case, maybe it was his business. Wasn’t there something in the boyfriend code that said it was his duty to stand up for her?
Right, but how?
The easiest solution would be to talk to Bennett the old-fashioned way. The prick could read lips, so it shouldn’t matter that there was no sound coming out.
Bennett was an asshole, though. He was already derisive about Niko not using sign. There was no way he would listen if Niko tried to mouth words. It would be an insult to him.
He briefly considered writing a letter, but that was bullshit. If he was going to tell another person he was being an asshole, he was going to do it face to face like a man. It was that simple.
If he was going to do right by his girl, there was only one thing to do.
Five days later, Niko counted to a full hundred as he stood outside the house. Carys was gone on a consult for a potential client, and Bennett was home alone. Niko couldn’t believe he was here specifically to see the man. On his list of least favorite people…
You’re not doing this for fun, jackass. Get on with it.
Standing up straight, Niko went inside.
It took Niko a minute to find Bennett. He was in the living room watching TV with the sound practically on mute. No need to put the volume up, after all.
Here goes nothing.
Niko reached out and tapped Bennett’s shoulder lightly. The other man jumped and whirled around, his eyes narrowing when he saw Niko. “Carys isn’t here,” he snapped and turned back around.
Right. Niko walked around the couch and got in Bennett’s line of sight, trying not to block all of the TV because he really wasn’t trying to be confrontational. He hesitated only a moment before he dove in. “Can we talk? About C-a-r-y-s?” He knew Carys’s sign name, but he also knew sign names were special. A sign name had to be granted by a Deaf person, and Bennett had given Carys hers. It was a sign of respect for him to spell Carys’s name.
Surprise flitted across Bennett’s face. He scoffed and signed something, his face articulating sarcasm better than any tone.
Niko had to fight a smirk. Bennett was an ass, but he was a predictable ass. He’d prepared for this. “You know I can’t read sign. This is important.”
Bennett glowered and worked his jaw, but after a tense moment, he spread his arm wide, inviting Niko to continue. Taking that, Niko sat on the opposite end of the couch. He hoped his face was open and not as tense as he felt. “What do you want for your sister?” he signed.
Another scoff. “Not you.”
“Not man. For her life.”
“Fuck off.”
“No. No argue. Think, please. What do you want for your sister? S-e-r-i-o-u-s.”
“Just tell me what the hell you want,” Bennett demanded.
Niko had to work to keep the annoyance off his face. “C-a-r-y-s wants things. Travel. Good work. When does she get these things? Only if you okay?”
“She can do that. She can do whatever she wants.”
Niko fixed Bennett with a stare and didn’t let him break it. “She won’t do things if she thinks you need her. She will give up all things for you. Why is that okay to you? You are brother. You should want her happy.”
Bennett started to sign sloppily, clearly making fun of Niko. He contorted his face to look clownish. Niko clapped his hands. “No. Not that. Stop. Think. You live. You want job? C go with you. C want job. C still goes with you. Yes?”
“You want her to leave so you can fuck around and not catch you.”
“No!” Niko signed it several times. He let some of his irritation leak into his features. He wanted to be taken seriously. “No. I—”
He stopped.
Weird. When he was in grade school, he’d learned exactly three signs—the same three signs he imagined most children learned: I, love, and you. Strange, because he’d almost signed “love.” His arms had moved to cross his chest before he stopped himself.
He shook that off. “I care. She was so happy.” He gestured to his face, making his eyes wide and his smile wider. “I want her happy. She has dreams. I want that. Her dreams.”
“Yeah, yeah. I crush her dreams. That’s what you mean?”
“She loves you. Wants good things. She thinks you more important than her. You think this?”
“No!” Bennett signed as well as yelled at him.
Niko nodded. This, at least, was a good thing. “You have to tell her.” He emphasized the gesture for “you.” “She not know. Only you tell her. Give her…” He snapped his fingers, impatient and frustrated. “P-e-r-m-i-s-s-i-o-n to be happy. She needs.”
“Enough.” Bennett stood up and threw his hands up at the same time. “You don’t know us. You don’t know me. You don’t know her. You don’t know fucking anything. Fuck you.” He stormed away.
Niko would’ve called after him. He wanted to. There was so much more he had to say, but he couldn’t call. And even if he followed Bennett, he’d used all the words he’d learned over the last five days. It had been laborious and painful, and it hadn’t been enough.
Niko hated quiet.
In his previous life, Niko’s success depended on him making his presence known. Problems were solved by noise. He could untangle the worst mess and schmooze the most pain-in-the-ass problem clients with his words.
He’d tried to make some noise and failed. The problem still existed, and yet, l
ife had gone quiet.
The day she would’ve left for France was another quiet day. Niko showed up to work on the house alone that day. Jamie was at work, and Micah hadn’t been back to the house since his ex reappeared. What was going on with Micah and Bennett, Niko had no idea, but he wasn’t about to ask, either. Part of him was relieved he didn’t have to deal with that particular drama. One less thing.
He worked that day. At least, he pretended to work. Carys came out into the garden, and he watched her. It might’ve been funny under other circumstances. She obviously didn’t know where to start, standing there with her hands on her hips, looking over the plants Micah and Jamie had placed.
She settled on weeding, and Niko tried to get back to the repairs he was making. After an hour or so, though, he could see Carys’s weeding was getting a lot more aggressive than necessary. She was beating up the dandelions.
This was what he’d been waiting for—some kind of show of frustration. This he understood.
Niko set his tools down and went to her. He knelt by her side and stilled her, gripping her wrists. Her hands were covered in scratches from the roses.
Her smile was sheepish as she looked into his eyes. “I guess this is why Jamie told me to wear gloves if I was going to work out here.” She got to her feet. “It’s hot as balls out here. You want to come inside?”
For once, he didn’t try to claim he had work to do. He stood and took her hand, walking with her into the house. He pulled her into the bathroom and lifted her up onto the counter.
Carys bit her lip, and he couldn’t help his smirk. She was thinking of the last time they’d been in this position. Christ, had she driven him mad sometimes. He put a hand over her knee, his grin turning into a teasing leer, and her cheeks flushed.
Niko took her hands between his and examined them. The scrapes weren’t too deep, nothing he would’ve even noticed himself, and it wasn’t as though she was complaining about them. Still, he knew he couldn’t take away her pain at losing this opportunity. A minor ache he could soothe.
Spaces Between Notes Page 21