by Tina Lee
Old people walked about like snails. They took their time going from point A to point B. It irritated me to watch people move at such sluggish pace. Hours passed. Candles lit one by one. The bell rung, commencing dinner time. The door opened and the women walked passed me. The woman at the back turned to me and said, “come.”
There was no way I was leaving this door. I wanted to be near her at all times. “I am not hungry,” I lied. I felt the weakness in my muscles.
She fanned me away and mumbled, like how Madam Irvine used to do when I was a kid. As soon as they were gone, I went in. Elizabeth was sleeping on a rug, with a cloth over her forehead. Incense burned in the corner of the room, with a small tree branch hanging on a string like a chandelier.
The first thing I checked was her heart beat, and I made a sigh of relief, as if I was expected the worst to happen. I had to step back and calm myself. This wasn’t me. I wanted to punch something. Anything. The wall would be nice to put my fist through, but I didn’t want to wake her.
I was changing before my eyes. I really needed to get out this room. A walk, maybe. Or maybe it was the hunger that was fucking with my head. I needed to eat. The beast was whispering in my head. Like a mosquito I couldn’t get rid off. My hands were trembling. I can hear it. It’s calling me. I fell to my knees and whispered in her ear, “I’ll be back.” Hoping she heard in her subconsious.
I ran outside the village and shifted, letting the beast take over. I was hungry for flesh and I would feast until the hunger was satisfied. Until I could no longer hear its whispers. I picked off anything I could find. Rabbits, rodents and a duck. Small kills but they did the job.
When I returned, the old snails were already back, and they shut the door on me. I should have kicked it in and show them that I, Dante Lukas, cannot be told what to do. If I did that then Elizabeth would be upset. So I sat at the door and tried to get comfortable. I was going to be here all night. The door opened, and out came a hand with a blanket in it. “Take it,” the woman said.
I took it, and she just kept staring at me. “What?” I asked, then I figured it out. “Uh, thank you,” I said. She then shut the door. The final bell of the day rung, and the village went to sleep. I didn’t feel like sleeping. Instead, I listened to the silence. I mentioned Elizabeth name to the Gods that night. I warned them that if they took her from me, there would be hell to pay.
Chapter Thirty
Elizabeth
“Leo?” I called out, for some reason, then I realized I wasn’t in the North, and Leo war far, far away. I looked around in the empty house. Herbs in bottles on shelves and the little statues of a fat man praying. Sunlight came in through the the space underneath the door. I slept through the night and now I felt better.
I took my time getting on my feet. I felt a little dizzy but everything became balanced after a while. I opened the door and stepped outside, where I saw Dante sitting beside the door, carving a piece of wood. He stood up immediately when he saw me. “You’re alright?” he said.
“Yes, I’m fine.” I smiled.
He made an attempt to hide what he was carving. I quickly snatched it from him. It was an unfinished wolf, maybe carving himself, which wouldn’t surprise me. Dante really loved himself. He was actually good at carving the details on the wolf’s face, which left me wondering why would he want to hide it.
He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my neck, like he was surprised to see me alive, which I thought was sweet and a bit dramatic. “I’m fine, really. I haven’t been eating much but I will definitely eat more.” The rice wasn’t terrible, in fact, it didn’t really have a distinct taste at all. I just wasn’t used to it. I had been killing chicken and cooking them since I could remember. I just had to get used to it, for the sake of my health. My time at Tao was coming to an end, anyway.
As I spent more time with Dante, his macho ‘I’m so strong’ character was being eaten away by the real him. A guy who had emotions just like any other guy. If only he could see that it wasn’t weakness.
I thought he would have never let me go. I couldn’t believe I was the one who had myself together and he was the one looking to break down. We went back to our room, and I forced him to get some rest. Even after I told him I was fine, he wanted to follow me everywhere. I had to speak to his rational side. We were preparing for a journey back to the North. He would need his rest. He then decided that some sleep would be wise.
I wanted some alone time with the elders. There was a great wealth of information in their heads and I wanted to learn some. After the first session of work, the elders rested and drank tea. I used this time to thank them first, then to ask about the medicine they had given me. I had to fetch a pen and some paper. They spoke like there were books in their heads, reading line for line. I could barely keep up!
We spoke again at lunch, then dinner, then right up to the final bell. Dante tried to seduce me with kisses and bites, but I was too intrigued by what I had learn. I wouldn’t disrespect this holy place, anyway.
Their technique was interesting. They even used plants like Oncho, which everyone thought was useless. But if you let it soak in lime water over night, then peel away the skin, then chew it for ten minutes, it would calm a running belly. They had an technique of balancing the flow of energy in the body by sticking needles into people. It was a strange sight. It was something that I wanted to try but was afraid to. Acupuncture, they call it. I doubt I could take that with me to the North. No one was going to let me stick needles in them.
After spending the day with the elders, I wasn’t in such a rush to go back to the North. Dante gave up trying to seduce me, rested his head on my lap, and watched me reading the papers. “Don’t tell me you’re turning into one of them,” he said.
“I’d be happy to be a wise old woman.”
“Yeah, but they seem so reserved, and lifeless. They hardly speak, laugh or do anything besides their daily schedule. They just work, eat, sleep and work again.”
“They work as one for a common goal. Look around. There is no poor or rich here. Only equals. Everyone is fed. Everyone is taken cared of. No suffering. No greed. Everyone is content. The king doesn’t wear shiny robes while his people are hungry. He’s humble, just like the rest of them.”
“Should I feel bad now? For growing up in luxury.”
“No. I’m just pointing out that your way of life isn’t the only way of life.”
I couldn’t help but discover new differences between the brothers as time went by. Dante’s hair was coarse and wild, like an animal set free. While Leo’s hair was soft, and every strand of hair was where it should be.
I wasn’t allowed to have sex here but they said nothing about kissing. I reached down and kissed his lips. I shuddered, for it had been too long since I tasted his lips. I blew out the candle and took the taste of him with me in my slumber.
The next day, I fell into the same routine. I spent as much time with the elders as I could, trying to think the way they think and to see the world through their eyes. For days it went on like this, and Dante was becoming impatient. I understood his frustration, but the minds of the elders were like a pure spring coming from the earth and I wanted to collect as much knowledge as I could.
During her teaching after dinner, the elder took from her bag a bundle of mint bush. “You must drink mint tea every morning.”
“I feel fine,” I told her.
She was confused, as if we didn’t speak the same tongue. She pushed the mint bush into my hand. “Everyday!” she said.
I nodded. “Okay.”
She dug into her bag and started giving me more herbs and seeds to plant and small old books that look like it would crumble in my hand. “You must leave soon or your travel back home will be most difficult,” she said.
Something was wrong. Why was she rushing me to leave? What did I do? Did she somehow found out about me kissing Dante? “Why will it be difficult?”
The confusion on her face returned. “Sil
ly girl, don’t you know? You are with child!”
“What?” I wasn’t shocked. I saw the signs and knew I could be pregnant. I started getting the symptoms soon after I left the North. I just didn’t want it to be true. And now that the elder said it to my face, I had no choice but to face it.
I felt like crying because this wasn’t situation where I imagined being pregnant. And I also felt like smiling because there was life inside me. Something so magical that I couldn’t completely wrap my head around it.
I was torn for another reason. The main reason I tried my best not to face the truth. Because, to accept being pregnant, was to accept the bond that the father of my child and I will always have. The problem with that was; I didn’t know who the father was.
I last had sex with Dante, but that wasn’t any guarantee that he was the father. I had sex with Leo in a time that also matched the time line. I kept asking myself who I wanted to be the father. Such a question was irrelevant, because it didn’t matter who I wanted to be the father. It wasn’t my choice. It was for the Gods to decide.
I hugged her. A woman I barely knew. I just needed someone to hold while my mind settled. I was scared of doing anything wrong. Just months ago I was shooting arrows and wielding knives, and now, I had the responsibility of protecting someone else. My body was not my own anymore. I had to think of the life inside me first before I choose to do anything. I didn’t think of myself as irresponsible, but yet, the thought of having a child terrified me.
She told me comforting words which seemed so simple—too simple, like motherhood was this effortless experience and there was nothing to worry about.
I stayed with her until the last bell rang. I would leave the next morning for the North. I would never see her again. Before I left, we sat and we prayed. She poured me a cup of mint tea and sung a lovely song, in a way that I hadn’t heard a song sung before. I might visit the South again, someday, if the Gods wish it.
Dante and I left after the first bell rang the next morning. He got the hint that I wasn’t in any mood to talk or entertain his advances. He didn’t ask why I was silent, and I liked that about Dante. He understood that sometimes people needed a time for themselves, as he was a quiet man himself.
Back and forth, like a pendulum, I thought to myself, should I tell him or not? He deserved to know. It was just the shame of not knowing who my baby belonged to that prevented me. How was I suppose to tell him that that the baby could his or his brother’s.
I used pee breaks to hide that I was vomiting. Made an excuse of not getting enough sleep for my tiredness. I think Leo would have noticed the small details, but not Dante.
I pushed through the fatigue and in only ten days, we were half way through the tedious journey. Dante wanted me to rest more but I refused. I couldn’t wait for the day when I reached the North.
The guilt was weighing down on me. I couldn’t keep it from him any longer. It was only a matter of time before it became obvious to everyone. It was better for him to hear it from me. I shouldn’t have waited this long to tell him, and I hoped he would understand. Though, I could understand if he was not.
I brought my horse to the river, then I sat and waited for Midnight to catch up to me. The black beast emerged, walked up to me, sniffed my hair then licked my face. Midnight shifted into Dante, naked on all fours. I threw his clothes at him. “What happened? Why are we resting?”
“Just sit with me.”
He slicked his wild hair back, then took his flask out and drank water. “If you’re tired, just say so, and we’ll continue tomorrow.”
I look down at the dirt and used my index finger to draw circles in it. “I’m tired, but that is not why I stopped.”
“Then what is it?” he took some dried meat from his bag, ripped the flesh and started chewing loudly.
My heart was thumping. I almost told him, forget it, I will tell you a next time. I decided to spit it out and not think about it too much. He could be the father. It was his right to know. “I’m pregnant.”
He stopped chewing, and I think I preferred his loud chomps, because now, the sudden silence was awful. “What?” he asked.
“I’m pregnant, Dante. And I don’t know who is the father.”
His mouth hanged open, and the dried meat fell from his fingertips.
Chapter Thirty One
Elizabeth
It felt good to be back. I threw my bags on the floor and sat on my bed. I heard their footsteps and Sia’s laugh as they approached my door. They didn’t bother to knock. They just came right inside. Sia ran towards me.
“Be careful!” I stopped her at arms length, then gave her slow hug. “Look at you,” I said to Ben. He had a beard now and looked like he was a shifter himself.
“Sia loves the beard, so I kept it.”
“It turns me on,” Sia said.
“Okay, enough,” I said. I smiled, because everything was familiar now. I was back with my friends who could make me laugh on my darkest days.
It was time to reveal what was under my oversize shirt. I told them to sit, and without saying anything, I rolled up my shirt until my small bump was into the open. They both reacted differently. Ben’s expression was blank, like he didn’t know what to make of it. His eyes narrowed in on my belly, still unsure if what he was seeing before him was true. “You’re pregnant?”
Sia jumped up with joy and started clapping. “Oh my!” Sia held her hand over her mouth. “I’m going to be an aunt.” All of a sudden, her bright eyes turned teary. “Elizabeth, I’m so happy for you!” She choked a few times before the words finally came out.
“No, don’t cry.” I rested her head on my shoulder.
“You’re going to be a mother,” Ben said, then the smile finally appeared. Better late than never.
“Yes Ben, obviously,” I teased.
“Who is the father?” Ben asked.
“It’s obviously Dante…right?” Sia asked.
My hesitation to answer gave it away. I walked by the window and looked out through the dirty glass. I was afraid to look them in the face and say I didn’t know who the father was.
“You don’t know,” Sia said.
“What do you mean she doesn’t know?” Ben said. “She has to.”
“I don’t,” I said.
“But you went away for months with Dante. How could it not be him?” Ben said.
“I started getting the symptoms shortly after I left the North. And…I was fooling around with Leo and Dante before I left.”
“Damn. Do they know?” Ben asked.
“Dante does, and he was pissed. I have yet to tell Leo.”
“What do you think his reaction is going to be?” Sia asked.
“I don’t know.”
Sia joined me at the window and leaned on me. “The way how I see it, the father of your child is either going to be the King of the North or the strongest man in all the lands. You win either way.”
“But who does she want to be the father?” Ben asked Sia, which was really a question for me.
I turned and faced Ben. “Both are good strong men. They would both make good fathers. I will be happy with either one,” I said, but I knew that wasn’t the truth.
One of Leo’s guard stood at my door with a letter in his hand. That meant Leo already knew I was here. The letter was an invitation to dine with people I didn’t care about dining with. The obnoxious elites and their smug self.
I looked up from the letter to see Ben and Sia smiling at me. I knew that look and what they were going to say next. Like small children, they teased me, dangling Leo’s name over my head, all while holding hands. They were a serious couple now, it seemed. I thought about counter teasing them, but I actually liked the sight of them together.
Without any real time to rest, I dragged myself to Leo’s dinner. I exchanged forced smiles and laughs. I didn’t drink or eat much of anything. I was just there to fill the table. I was terribly under dressed in a simple and roomy dress. It did the job perfectly
, though.
Leo and I excused ourself but they didn’t seem to notice. The wine had worked its magic and they were all rambling about the past. Leo took me by the fire, and we sat in an antique chair that didn’t look too sturdy, to be honest.
I learned from my mistake with keeping things from Dante. Now that I was alone with Leo. I was going to come straight out with it. I looked him right in the eyes and said, “I’m pregnant.”
Nothing.
Not even a blink. His blue eyes were steady. His lips didn’t move.
“Did you hear me? I’m pregnant.”
“I know,” he said.
“How?”
“You excused yourself a couple times during dinner. More than you averagely would. You didn’t touch any of the wine. Normally you would have at least two glasses. Then, finally, the shortness of breath. The difference was so slight that nobody noticed, but I did, because I know every little thing about you.”
“Leo, i—”
“I’m not the father.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I imagine, that if I was the father, your face would be beaming when you tell me such a news. You would hold my hand and probably cry with joy, because in your womb, is possibly the next King of the North. You’re not happy to tell me this news, and I suspect it’s because you know the father is Dante.”
“Wrong, this time. I don’t know which one of you is the father, and I was ashamed to say that. That’s why I didn’t run in your arms and cry tears of joy. Because I feel so stupid.”
His eyes light up with hope. “You mean, I could be the father?”
“Yes.”
He smiled uncontrollably.
“Don’t get your hopes too high. I would hate myself if this crushes you,” I said.
“Elizabeth, what is done is done. I won’t hold your past against you. If only I had acted sooner, then things would have been different. You would be mine, without any uncertainty.”