This is the same street where I parked up with Beckett all those months ago, but it couldn’t feel more different now.
Back then, I felt excited – giddy even – and now I just feel alone.
I feel like I’m running on empty.
My phone makes a beep from my bag and for a minute my heart races, as though maybe it might be him.
I reach for my bag, but pull my hand back short, shaking my head at my own stupidity.
It’s not going to be him. It’s never going to be him.
I inhale a deep breath and mentally chastise myself for being so caught up in a fantasy world that is never going to become my reality.
After I’ve sufficiently made myself feel like a complete idiot, I reach back into my bag and pull out the phone to see who actually is texting me.
It’s one of the girls I’m meeting for a drink and a movie.
She’s here early too.
I swallow the lump in my throat, put on my big-girl pants, and get out of the car.
***
The final movie preview ends, and the lights dim down, indicating that the feature film – the one we’re all here to watch – is about to start.
I squirm nervously in my seat. I know it’s only a matter of moments now before I get to see him, and I don’t know if I’m terrified or ecstatic about it.
The screen goes pitch black before us and a voice floats through the room, deep and raspy, singing a song I’ve never heard.
I know in an instant that it’s him.
I hear a gasp as his handsome face appears on the screen in front of me – I’m not even sure if it came from me or one of the other people surrounding me, but either way, it’s a valid reaction.
He’s heartbreakingly handsome.
My chest aches at just the sight of him.
There’s a strum of a guitar and his mouth opens to sing again – another mouth-watering melody.
My heart thumps heavy in my chest at the perfection that is his voice.
He was wrong in thinking that he wasn’t any good. He’s more than good. He’s incredible.
“I didn’t know he could sing,” one of my friends whispers, but I can’t even reply, I’m entirely too focused on the man in front of me – the one who I now know for certain has my whole heart.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Beckett
“Beckett Thorn, looking as dapper as always. I’m lovin’ the suit.”
I smile almost genuinely at the host of one of those awful gossip shows that report ‘celebrity news’ on the T.V. Out of all of them, she’s by far the least awful.
She’s married too, so that helps significantly – she’s not constantly looking at me like she might swallow me whole if given half a chance.
“Thank you, I’d tell you I picked it out myself, but I’d be lying.”
She giggles and I freeze. She sounds just like Blaire.
Her smiling face circles through my head – right now, at the most inappropriate of times.
God, I wish I could have her here on my arm, showing her off to literally the whole world, but I missed that opportunity. I let it slip right through my fingers.
“Beckett?”
I’m pulled from my thoughts. “Sorry, what was that?” I ask as she looks at me expectantly.
I’ve clearly missed a question with my internal pining.
“How did you enjoy working with Jamie?”
I slip back into my professional role in a flash.
“It was effortless, honestly. She’s a fantastic actress, we have great chemistry and I think that really translates onto the big screen.”
John appears next to me and gives me the signal to move on. It must be nearing start time.
“Well I’m excited to see that for myself.”
I smile politely at her and nod. “Thank you. I hope you enjoy it.”
“Good luck for tonight, Beckett.”
“Thank you, I appreciate that.”
I lean in to kiss her cheek politely before stepping down off the platform.
I hear her talking to the camera about me, and the film, before signing off.
“C’mon kid, it’s show time,” John mumbles as he leads me through the bustling crowd.
The public are contained behind barriers that are manned with numerous security guards, but that does nothing to stop the screaming.
I’ve taken about five hundred photos with fans already tonight, and signed things until my hand just about went numb… I’m done.
John knows me well at this point in our working relationship, and he knows I’ve reached my limit, so instead of leading me closer to the hordes of screaming people, we walk as far away from them as possible and I wave and smile instead.
“Beck!” a voice calls from my side of the fence.
I turn and see Jamie trying to rush towards me – no easy feat given the height of the heels she’s wearing.
I go back and offer her my arm, and she smiles gratefully at me before taking it.
The crowd lets out a chorus of ‘awwws’.
Jamie blushes.
“You okay?” I murmur to her.
She nods. “I’m incredible. This is amazing, but it’s a lot to take in.”
This is her first lead role. She’s well and truly been thrown in the deep end with this one. Not many actresses could say that their first main role was on a film of this magnitude.
I was a big part of the recruiting process, and from the moment I saw her, I knew she was the one for this role.
I put my neck on the line to get her here, and she didn’t let me down. She’s incredible in this movie, and soon the whole world will see just how great she really is.
“For me too,” I agree with her assessment of the absolute madness that is my new normal.
The fans start calling out her name along with mine as we walk the remainder of the red carpet arm in arm.
She glances around in bewilderment as though she can’t quite believe people want her attention. She looks like a wide-eyed deer in the headlights. It makes me chuckle softly.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
She nods again and smiles sheepishly. “I’m fine. As long as you don’t leave me alone.”
She tightens the grip she has on my arm and I pat her hand with mine.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’m really glad you’re here with me, Beck.” She smiles up at me.
I smile back. “I’m glad too,” I say, and it’s only half a lie.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Blaire
I walk out of the theatre in a haze.
I can’t think straight.
I don’t know what I just watched, but I know I won’t sleep well tonight after seeing that.
It was beautiful.
It was haunting.
It was groundbreaking.
It was everything a viewer could hope for and more… so, so much more.
I thought he was good in previous films, but those were nothing compared to what I just witnessed. There aren’t words to describe how he became the character he played. It’s almost as if he wasn’t acting at all – like they were one and the very same.
“Blaire!”
The sound of my name being yelled pulls me from my thoughts.
“Huh?” I ask as I look around, and it’s only then that I realise I’m standing dead still and my friends have walked about twenty metres ahead of me.
“Are you coming?” my best friend, Jen, yells out to me.
I shake my head gently to try and get my head back on straight.
My friends are all standing there waiting for me, looking at me like I’ve lost my mind.
I plaster a smile on my face and rush after them.
Some of the girls laugh. “She’s gone into a Beckett Thorn trance.”
I shrug. “Can you blame me?” I attempt to brush it off as a joke.
It must not sound as weak to their ears as it does to mine, because everyone but Jen laughs.
She shoots me a look that asks, ‘is everything okay?’, and I give my head a little shake in response, telling her that now isn’t the time.
“Let’s get drinks,” Chloe suggests and everyone agrees.
“Lord knows I need to cool down after that,” Lilly giggles.
“You and me both,” Tracy replies, fanning her face dramatically.
***
With a cocktail in my hand, I feel more relaxed, but only very slightly. My heart is still racing, and I feel on edge.
I’m jumpy, like I’ve just sculled back an energy drink after not having a drop of caffeine for a year.
“But like, seriously, I didn’t think he could get any hotter after ‘A Shift in Time’, but he’s done it.”
“I’m really liking the new hair he’s had for a while now, he looks good with a little scruff.”
I know where he got that haircut, I think to myself, and the inspiration for all the ones that would have followed, and as much as I love Lil, I’m glad she isn’t here with us tonight. I know she might have an aversion to social media and news stories, but I doubt even she could have missed the explosion of stories that followed his departure from our little town.
Curiously though, she’s never, ever asked me about him, and it’s been a year now, so I’m pretty satisfied that she’s not about to out me after all this time.
“That sexy stubble he has happening,” Chloe swoons, “it should be illegal for one man to look that good.”
“It’s probably makeup or digital retouching,” Lilly offers.
“It’s not,” I say as I picture his face in my mind.
The table falls silent and I realise I’ve closed my eyes during my day dream.
I snap them open and look at the faces of my friends. “I did a lot of Googling,” I offer weakly.
Tracy snorts a laugh and raises her hand. “I’m guilty of that too.”
Chloe holds up her phone. “Hell, I’m on Google right now.”
“Show,” Lilly demands as she reaches for the cell.
“Oh look, they were at the premiere a few hours ago.”
We caught an advanced screening tonight; we were some of the first people in the world to see this incredible film.
“They?” Jen questions, asking the question I had circling in my head.
“Beckett and Jamie,” Chloe says, as though the answer is as obvious as the nose on her face. “They’re such a cute couple.”
My heart sinks.
“Are they dating?” Lilly asks her, and I don’t know if I want to hug her or slap her for asking the question I’m too scared to voice.
“Look at them.” Chloe turns her phone around to face us by way of explanation.
I swallow the lump in my throat as I look at the two of them together.
Jamie has her arm looped through Beckett’s and she’s smiling up at him like he’s the most amazing person in the world.
I can’t even blame her – because he is.
“They’re co-stars, Chlo,” Jen says with a roll of her eyes. “Of course they attended the premiere together. You’ve got to stop believing every bit of gossip you read on the internet.”
I take one last look at the two of them before Chloe turns her phone back around.
I already know I’ll be looking up those photos later for myself.
“They look pretty cosy, that’s all I’m saying,” Chloe replies. “My money’s on him being a total player anyway – I bet it won’t last long.”
“He’s not that kind of guy,” I say before I can stop myself.
“How would you know?” she asks, full of sass.
I shake my head. “Never mind. Just forget it.”
“He must have dumped the other one for Jamie,” Lilly says, thankfully taking the heat off me and my little slip.
“What ‘other one’?” I can’t help but ask – sucker for punishment and all.
I haven’t heard of him dating anyone since he returned home, but then again, the internet doesn’t know everything.
“You know, that really, really hot one from his last movie.”
“Eva!” Chloe chimes in.
“He wasn’t dating Eva,” Jen tells her.
“Oh, did he tell you that, did he?” Lilly asks with a raised brow.
Nope, but he told me. I think to myself.
I pick up my drink and take a deep gulp of it before I end up saying something I’ll regret.
Jen rolls her eyes again. “Good god, woman, he doesn’t have to be dating every woman he stars in a movie with.”
“HNZ news said they were a couple,” Chloe says, matter of factly.
“Well maybe HNZ news got it wrong,” Jen retorts.
Tensions are rising and I can hear the obvious agitation in both of their tones.
“She was hot as, of course he was dating her,” Chloe snaps.
“Just because they’re both hot, doesn’t mean they have to be dating,” Jen snaps back.
“I bet you fifty bucks he fucked her.”
“Well I bet you –”
“Enough!” I surprise myself by saying loudly. “Just stop it, for the love of all things holy.”
“What’s up your ass?” Chloe demands.
“He’s not a piece of meat; he’s a sweet, kind man. And Eva’s a lesbian for crying out loud, so can you just let it go!”
I cover my face with my hands and take a deep breath as I realise what I’ve just said out loud. Beckett told me that about Eva in confidence and I’ve just blurted it out to three of my friends – not to mention anyone else that might be within earshot.
“I need a minute,” I say quickly as I get to my feet without even looking at the girls I’ve known for years.
I rush out the back of the bar towards the bathrooms and shut myself in one of the cubicles.
I lower the lid of the toilet seat and sit down on it, resting my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands.
I hear the door to the bathroom push open and then a light tap on the door of the cubicle I’m holed up inside.
“It’s just me,” Jen’s voice says.
“I’m sorry,” I reply quietly.
“What’s wrong?” she asks me, and her voice is so gentle and caring that I feel a tear slip from my eye.
I get to my feet and open the door.
She’s standing there, a concerned expression on her face, and when she sees me, the tears streaming now, she sighs.
“Oh, Blaire.”
She pulls me into her arms and I sob on her shoulder.
She waits so patiently until I’m all cried out and then lets me go, and reaches into the cubicle for some toilet paper, before handing it to me to wipe my face.
“What’s going on?”
I shrug. “It’s all such a mess,” I say as I look at my tear-stained blotchy face in the mirror.
“What is?”
“My life. My marriage. All of it.”
She grimaces. “So things with Harvey haven’t improved?”
I shake my head. “I can’t do it anymore. I don’t want to be married to him.”
“Oh honey.” She rubs my back. “I’m so sorry.”
I shrug. “It is what it is.”
Just saying the words aloud has taken some of the weight off my shoulders. I didn’t realise just how much tension I’d been holding inside.
“So you’ll get a divorce. It’s not the worst thing in the world.”
She’s right. There are much worse things – like letting the man that you actually do love, leave you forever.
“I could throw a divorce party or something,” I say as I rummage around in my hand bag for some concealer to try and fix my face.
“There’s something more, isn’t there?” she asks.
I close my eyes for a moment as I debate whether or not to tell her the whole truth about what happened a year ago.
I nod my head.
“Blaire?”
I open my eyes and meet her gaze through the mirror.
“How did you know that about Eva Morez?”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “He told me,” I whisper.
“Who told you?”
“Beckett Thorn.”
Her jaw drops. “The Beckett Thorn?”
I nod. “You remember when he was in town about a year ago?”
She nods her head in quick, jerky bobs.
I sigh and go back into my bag for my phone. I pull it out and search through it until I find the photo of the two of us together.
I hold it out for her to see. “I sort of spent the day with him.”
She stares at the screen in disbelief. “You sort of spent the day with Beckett Thorn?”
“I might have kissed him too.”
Her eyes dart from the phone to my face. “You kissed him?”
I run my hands over my face. “He asked me to go with him, Jen.”
I hear her gasp.
“He asked me to go with him and I said no, and I’ve spent every day since then regretting it,” I admit.
“Holy shit, you’re in love with him.”
“I think I might be.” I huff out a breath. “Who am I kidding? I’m completely in love with him.”
“After seeing that movie, I think I might be in love with him too, you know.”
I laugh half-heartedly. “I’m not sure it’s quite the same thing.”
“And he asked you to go with him, Blaire… oh my god, you have to go.”
“It was a year ago.”
“Who cares! Do you seriously think he travels the world asking women to come home with him all the time?”
I shrug. “I don’t know.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“He’s with Jamie now.”
She shakes her head and rolls her eyes. “Fucking Chloe and Lilly. There is nothing to say he’s moved on, Blaire. Have you called him?”
I shake my head. “I don’t have his number.”
“Email?”
I shake my head again.
“Message him on social media?”
It’s my turn to roll my eyes now. “He doesn’t even manage his own accounts, and besides, hundreds of woman must message him every day.”
Mr. April: A Celebrity Romance (Calendar Boys Book 4) Page 9