It seemed dangerous, agreeing to that. Allowing Brad to have that kind of power over him. “I don’t know.”
“I’ve been reading up on self-harm,” Brad said. “The next time you feel like hurting yourself… text me. And then wait five minutes. Only when you’ve reached that point, you decide if you want to proceed with it. Can you do that?”
Ian swallowed. There wasn’t any point in waiting. But Brad was looking at him, and Ian wanted to stay by his side for a little longer. “Okay.”
Brad slipped his hand against Ian’s nape, pulling him close. He kissed Ian softly on the lips, and Ian didn’t know what this was, this growing something between them, fragile and new.
“I like you more than I should,” Ian blurted.
Brad’s eyes lit up. “You like me?”
Ian nodded, staring at the floorboards. Brad rumbled, burying his face in Ian’s shoulder. He pressed kisses along Ian’s collarbones, then down his chest. Stroked Ian’s belly with his knuckles. “When the baby’s born… can I visit it, too?”
Ian swallowed. “You want to?”
“I’m its dad,” Brad said. “I think I’m doing okay with Gwen, so… I figure I could learn to deal with a baby. Take some of the weight off your shoulders.”
Ian’s stomach flipped at the possibility of seeing Brad a lot more. “You can probably visit whenever. You know, as often as possible.”
A small smile crept through Brad’s face. “Visit the baby as often as possible, or visit you?”
And now Ian’s cheeks were burning so hot, he could only turn away to hide them.
“Mine,” Brad growled, tugging Ian’s shirt out of his pants. Then he pressed his palm against Ian’s bare abdomen, and Ian’s cock stirred.
He couldn’t help wanting Brad. Brad had relieved Ian of his bills, and he wanted to see the baby. He was doing so well with Gwen. Ian wanted him closer. Wanted Brad to quench the bone-dry thirst in his throat.
“You haven’t shown me your bedroom,” Ian croaked.
Brad met his eyes, a smirk curving his lips. “Yeah? You want to see my bed?”
Ian gulped. He couldn’t help looking over Brad, where he’d loosened the top of his shirt. Brad’s pecs were inviting. Beneath Ian, his thighs were strong, solid.
“C’mon, we’re done with the bills,” Brad said. “Time for a shower. Then bed.”
Ian squawked when Brad scooped him into his arms. “Brad!”
“This is faster,” Brad said. He carried Ian out of the study, stopping by the laundry room.
Brad set Ian on his feet. The washer had stopped, so Brad threw Gwen’s PJs into the dryer, and turned it on.
Then he knocked on Gwen’s door, poking his head in. “Hey, Gwen. I’ve just put your PJs in the dryer—when it stops, go ahead and grab them from the dryer, okay? But only after it stops.”
“Okay,” Gwen said.
Brad scooped Ian back into his arms, heading into the master bedroom. He deposited Ian on the bed. Turned on the light, and shut the door.
“Should I lock it?” Brad asked.
Ian’s pants grew tight. There wasn’t anything Gwen shouldn’t see, except for Brad fucking him into the bed. “M-maybe after the shower,” Ian breathed.
“That works,” Brad growled. He pulled his belt open, and Ian’s hole squeezed.
Then he winced, because he hadn’t allowed Brad to see all of him in bright light. “I should shower by myself.”
Brad thought over his answer. Then he nodded Ian toward the ensuite bathroom, so Ian could go first. “You need help? You were tired.”
“I’ll manage.”
Ian climbed off the bed, trudging to the bathroom. He shut the door. Left it unlocked, just in case. Then he shrugged out of his clothes as best as he could, and stepped into the tub.
He was still exhausted, though. The moment the shower came on, its warmth seeped into his body, and his strength left him. Ian stood beneath the hot spray, waiting as the water pattered onto his head.
He closed his eyes. Dozed off.
Ian lurched sideways, losing his balance. In the split second when his heart clenched and he panicked, he flailed, crashing into the bathroom wall. Pain jolted through his shoulder.
The bathroom door slammed open, and Ian jumped.
“You okay?” Brad asked, his voice rough with worry. Then he yanked aside the shower curtain, raking his eyes down Ian’s body.
Ian stopped breathing. He backed away and turned, hiding himself beneath the shower spray, closing his hands over the rings of scars on his upper arms. Couldn’t do anything about his thighs.
“Hey,” Brad said. “Ian.” He stepped over to the nearer end of the shower curtain, drawing it open. Then he shut off the shower, and turned Ian toward him.
Ian grimaced. “Don’t look.”
“I don’t care about the scars,” Brad muttered. “Are you hurt?”
Ian shook his head. Brad slid his hands down Ian’s shoulders, squeezing gently. Then he ran his palms down Ian’s arms, checking his joints, his bones. Ian swallowed hard. He wanted to hide away—he wasn’t that much to look at.
Instead, Brad pulled him into a hug. “You scared me. What happened?”
“I nodded off. I was tired.”
Brad swore. “C’mon, let’s get you showered, and then we’ll sleep.”
“But…” Ian wanted the sex. He’d been looking forward to spending time in Brad’s bed, tangling with him. It wasn’t fair that his body wanted to pull him under, and force him to sleep instead.
“But what?” Brad murmured.
Ian blushed, looking away. He was naked in Brad’s arms, the dampness on his body soaking into Brad’s clothes. “I wanted to stay up for longer.”
“Any particular reason?”
“You?”
Brad snorted, but he cracked a smile. “Okay if I shower with you?” Ian gripped his arms tighter, and Brad pressed a kiss to the corner of Ian’s lips. “I know about the scars. I’ve seen them, remember?”
“Not like this, you haven’t.”
“I’m still here. I’ve told you to text me if you feel like adding another line to that.”
Brad kissed down Ian’s jaw, his neck, and down his shoulder. He nuzzled Ian’s fingers, pressing kisses to them, too.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Ian said.
“Well, believe it.” Brad met his eyes. “I’m showering with you. And then we’re going to sleep.”
“But I wanted—” Ian bit his words off.
“You wanted what?”
His stomach flipping, Ian whispered, “I wanted you to fuck me.”
Brad’s eyes darkened. “Here?”
“In bed. I’ve never…” Ian sighed. “It’s been a while.”
Brad growled. Then he released Ian, shrugging out of his clothes. “We’ll do that. Then we’ll sleep.”
And now Ian was hard, and Brad hadn’t even stepped into the bathtub yet.
14
Ian
The space in the tub seemed a lot more cramped with Brad’s broad shoulders, his strong body. Ian couldn’t help staring at him.
The few times they’d fucked, it had been surreptitious, Ian bent over desks, or Brad between his legs in complete darkness. This was different. Brad could see all of him now. It made Ian feel vulnerable, and he wasn’t sure how to deal with Brad’s gaze raking down his skin, Brad’s cock growing thick.
“You want me,” Ian croaked.
“What’s it look like?” Brad pumped his cock. “Not every day I hear you begging to be fucked.”
Ian groaned. He leaned into Brad, his body taut. Brad reached for the soap. He lathered up his hands, then cupped Ian’s face, stroking along the shell of his ears. Then he massaged down Ian’s neck, his hands steady. Ian’s eyelids fluttered shut.
“Don’t you fall asleep on me,” Brad growled.
“I won’t,” Ian whispered.
Brad pressed him against the cool tile of the bathroom wall. He dragged his
palms down Ian’s chest, soaping up his underarms, then down to his fingertips. He brushed his thumbs across Ian’s nipples, and pleasure tingled down Ian’s nerves.
“So sensitive,” Brad murmured, washing down Ian’s sides. He crouched, circling Ian’s thigh with his hands, rubbing down his entire leg. Then he repeated it with Ian’s other leg, his fingers dragging firm along Ian’s tired muscles. Ian groaned, sagging into the wall.
“Good?” Brad asked.
“Gods, yes.”
Brad ran his fingers between Ian’s toes. Then he reached up, his palms lingering on Ian’s belly. He dipped his thumb into Ian’s navel, then brushed his lips over Ian’s abdomen, where the baby was.
Ian’s breath snagged in his throat. He’d been thinking about it, on and off. Didn’t really want to acknowledge the gut-twisting possibilities.
“I don’t know if there’ll really be a second child,” Ian said. “I’m way past child-bearing age.”
“But you still have heats,” Brad murmured, kissing Ian’s belly.
“I’m not in my prime anymore.” Ian sagged, touching the bump of his abdomen. “There’s such a large chance of miscarriage. I didn’t want to look it up.”
Brad met his eyes. “Won’t you feel better if you know?”
Ian shrugged uneasily. He’d looked it up once, when he’d been carrying Gwen. The chances of miscarriage had been forty percent then. Now, at forty-seven years old… it was probably more like sixty percent. Or more. And Ian wouldn’t go back into heat for months after this.
What if I lose my baby?
“Have you been eating okay?”
Ian nodded, his throat tight.
“You gotta take care of you, all right?” Brad murmured, nuzzling Ian’s hip. He stroked down Ian’s thigh, pushing his fingers between Ian’s toes. Bliss whispered through Ian’s body. “I can’t be there all the time to help you.”
“You’ve been doing far too much,” Ian said.
“I want you to get better. I want you to know that hurting yourself isn’t the only way to cope.” Brad kissed Ian’s belly. “And if—if you lose this baby, we’ll make another.”
Ian bit his lip, his heart sinking. “It’s not the same, though. It’s our baby. From the time you returned.”
Brad paused. Then he entwined his fingers with Ian’s. “It matters that much to you that it’s mine?”
Ian nodded. “Yeah. I haven’t… had many alphas come on to me.”
Brad growled. “Well, good. ‘Cuz you’re mine.”
He kissed down Ian’s belly, to Ian’s cock. Ian stopped breathing. Brad had seen his scars, he’d run his hands over them, and the look in his eyes never once changed. Brad had been honest when he said the scars didn’t matter.
Ian bit his lip, rocking his hips forward when Brad cupped his balls. “I can’t believe you’re doing this.”
Brad closed his fingers around Ian’s cock, dragging his foreskin down. It seemed that Ian’s body loved betraying him—his flushed tip pushed up at Brad, glistening and hungry, and Ian’s insides grew molten-hot at the hunger in Brad’s eyes.
“Fuck, you look good,” Brad growled. Then he took Ian into his hot, snug mouth, and Ian’s breath rushed out of his lungs.
This never got old, Brad sucking on him. Ian whimpered, sliding his fingers into Brad’s hair.
Instead of sucking on Ian like he’d done the past couple times, Brad rocked back, letting Ian slip out of his mouth. Then he turned Ian around, so Ian faced the wall, his ass inches from Brad’s face.
Ian hesitated. Brad pressed his thumbs down Ian’s thighs, massaging Ian’s legs one at a time. “I should’ve been here when you were carrying Gwen,” Brad murmured. “Should’ve done this for you.”
Ian sighed, leaning against the tiles. “I didn’t want to get you into something you’d regret.”
“I understand,” Brad said. “But I wish you’d given me the option.”
“I’m sorry.”
Brad pressed a kiss to Ian’s cheek. He stroked up Ian’s back, rubbing slow circles up his spine, and back down. Then he slipped his fingers between Ian’s cheeks and pushed two into Ian’s hole, stretching him open.
Ian gasped, scrabbling against the wall. His cock throbbed. He hadn’t expected Brad’s touch. He loved the way Brad pushed deeper inside him, loved the way Brad circled his prostate, pressing down just lightly enough that he writhed, needing more.
“Not yet,” Brad whispered.
He stood, withdrawing his fingers. Ian squirmed, reaching down to stroke himself. Watched as Brad lathered his own body, his muscles flexing.
Ian gulped. He’d been in relationships before, but he’d never spent time with an alpha in the shower, never had an alpha who wanted him look so good, with the way Brad’s body glistened, his nipples hard, his cock straining for Ian.
When Brad finished with the lathering, he stepped up close. Slipped his arm around Ian’s waist and pulled their bodies snug, trapping their cocks together.
“We’re never going to rinse off properly like that,” Ian breathed, groaning when Brad reached between them, gripping their cocks in his fist.
“Doesn’t matter,” Brad growled. He pumped them at the same time, leaning in so his cock rubbed against Ian’s, smearing precome onto Ian’s skin. It was hungry for him, and Ian’s body ached.
“I need more,” Ian gasped.
Brad released him. He caught Ian’s chin, tipped his head up. Then he kissed Ian thoroughly, his tongue sweeping into Ian’s mouth. It felt like Brad owned all of him, with how he devoured Ian, how he touched Ian so every nerve in Ian’s body lit up, thrumming with desire.
Brad broke the kiss, turning Ian into the shower spray. “Get you rinsed. Then we’re gonna get you on the bed, and I’ll bury my cock inside you, give you my knot.”
Ian throbbed. His hole was slick now, and it hadn’t even taken long. Just Brad’s desire, Brad next to him, wanting him.
Brad grabbed the shower head, rinsing the suds off his own body. Ian reached for Brad’s cock. He slid his fingers down Brad’s heavy length, dragging his palm down its underside. It felt like a promise, like bliss, and he remembered it inside him, pounding hard.
His alpha growled, rocking into his hand. Then he dragged Ian’s hand down to his soft balls, curving Ian’s fingers around them. “This is full of come,” Brad murmured. “To fill you with.”
Ian trembled, his hole clenching. He needed to feel Brad inside him.
But Brad stepped out of the shower, leaving Ian behind. Ian whined. Brad tossed a fluffy towel at him. “Wrap this around yourself.”
“What, you aren’t drying me?”
Brad snorted, but he returned, drying Ian off. Then he did the same for himself. Grabbed Ian’s cock through the towel, squeezing his balls. Ian moaned, his hips jerking forward. Brad swept him into his arms.
“No foreplay tonight,” Brad murmured. “Just gonna go fast and hard.”
Ian panted, writhing when Brad dropped him onto the bed. He turned himself around, pushed himself onto all fours and spread his legs.
Brad was upon him so fast there wasn’t time to breathe.
“Want you,” Brad rasped, mounting Ian. His chest pressed snug against Ian’s back, his hot cock sliding between Ian’s cheeks. He pushed the length of it against Ian’s hole, grinding lightly. Ian shuddered, rocking back against him.
He was Brad’s teacher, he was older than Brad, and yet here he was, utterly naked, begging for Brad to have him.
Brad pressed damp, sucking kisses down Ian’s shoulder. Then he nudged Ian’s legs wider, reached around, and cupped Ian’s cock in his hand. Ian whined, grinding into his palm, leaving a trail of precome on Brad’s fingers.
“Present for me,” Brad growled, rocking back onto his heels.
Ian throbbed, bracing his weight on his shoulders. Then he reached behind, grabbed his cheeks, and spread them.
He felt Brad’s gaze raking over his hole. Ian’s face burned, and yet he held still, rela
xing so Brad saw.
Brad groaned, circling Ian’s hole with his fingertips. “You always look so damn good.”
He leaned in close, his breath brushing hot on Ian’s skin. Before Ian understood what he was doing, Brad licked a slow trail up between Ian’s cheeks, his soft, damp tongue dragging up Ian’s skin. Ian groaned. Brad tapped on his hole with the tip of his tongue, and Ian gasped.
“What’re you—”
Brad pushed his tongue into Ian, tasting him. Ian’s face scorched, at the same time his cock grew thick, his balls pulling up, desperate for release.
“Brad—”
His alpha cupped his ass, holding him open. Then he tasted Ian’s slick, pushed his tongue deeper. Ian groaned, his face burning. Brad wrapped his fingers around Ian’s cock, tugging on him so pleasure sizzled through Ian’s body. It felt as though all of Ian’s sensitive parts were exposed to his alpha, and there was no part of him left to hide.
“Brad, please—”
“Don’t scream,” Brad murmured, grinding his fingertip against Ian’s sensitive head. “The walls aren’t that thick.”
Pleasure jolted through Ian. He groaned, shoving his palm against his mouth. But Brad pushed two spit-slick fingers into him, probing around inside. Then he found Ian’s prostate and pressed down. Ian arched, his body taut with need.
“I th-thought you said—no foreplay.” Ian squirmed, panting when Brad didn’t let up on stroking his cock, or massaging his prostate. It felt like he was about to burst with all that pleasure, and Brad wasn’t even inside him yet.
“I wanna see you,” Brad murmured. “You’re mine.”
His. Ian hadn’t thought of himself as Brad’s, not truly. But this… It was good. Better when Brad angled Ian’s cock backward, and sucked again on his sensitive tip. Ian’s eyes rolled back; he tried rocking toward his alpha, but he didn’t have the leverage.
“Brad, please.”
“Please what?”
“Please fuck me,” Ian hissed, reaching back to spread himself. “I need—”
Brad growled. Then he released Ian, and Ian felt the mattress indent closer to him. Brad snagged his hip, yanking him backward so Ian’s ass bumped against his cock.
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