Ian wrinkled his nose. “I am not the best.”
“Sure, be that way.” Brad kissed him again, smiling. He cradled Ian’s belly in his palms, tracing the faint bump of the band-aid Smith had pasted over the amniocentesis puncture. It still made Brad uneasy, thinking about that.
It had been a long fucking needle penetrating Ian’s belly. There were so many things in the world Brad was helpless to prevent, and seeing the doctor perform the test... it made his skin crawl.
“What’s wrong?” Ian asked.
“I wish I could solve all your problems,” Brad said.
Ian chuckled. “You’ve been solving enough of them.”
“Not all, though.”
“You don’t need to. I’m fine, Brad.”
Brad frowned, needing to set more things right with the world. So Ian didn’t have to undergo another amniocentesis, so Ian wouldn’t be in pain, or hate himself. “Sometimes I wish I had the power to reverse time,” Brad said. “So I can fix all my stupid mistakes.”
Ian rubbed his back. “There’s not much point thinking about the impossible, is there?”
Brad sighed. “No, there isn’t.”
He’d never told Ian about the kids he couldn’t save, though. Not fully. It had been something Brad had been ashamed about, and he’d never spoken to anyone about it after the fact. Ian would probably look at him askance if he ever found out the rest of the story.
And yet... it was something Ian should be aware of. So he knew what sort of alpha had marked him.
“I’ve never told you much about the one time,” Brad said, his heart squeezing. “A couple of kids died because of me.”
Ian froze against him. “You’ve mentioned it before, haven’t you? You were late on scene.”
“Yeah. It was sometime last year.” Brad played with the curls of Ian’s hair, unable to meet his eyes. “I was on driving duty in the truck. There was a jam on the road and I’d taken a shortcut—at least, I thought it was a shortcut. It ended up with the truck stuck behind a bunch of cars for three whole minutes, and we got to the scene late.
“By the time we went into the building, the kids were dead.” Brad looked away, his face burning. “I was too late to save them, and I’d delayed the entire team. We could’ve saved so many more people if I hadn’t fucked up.”
Ian sucked in a sharp breath.
It still made Brad sick to his stomach, thinking about it. The charred flesh and bones. If Brad had just gotten over himself, if he’d just fucking moved that truck, there’d still be kids alive today. And their parents wouldn’t grieve like Brad had over his mom.
He peeled himself away from Ian, disgusted with himself. Couldn’t wash that stain off his hands. Didn’t know if he would fuck up again, getting cocky like he had.
What if he promised Ian everything, and then he wasn’t there to catch Ian when he fell?
How can I mark him when I’m not good enough?
“Brad,” Ian murmured, curling his fingers around Brad’s arm. “You know I don’t blame you.”
Brad breathed out. “I try not to think about it. It’s one of the things you hide from anyone in case it changes what they think of you. And you know it’s my fault. I could’ve done better.”
Ian bit his lip. “I can’t judge you for that. I’ve never been a firefighter.”
“So you gotta believe my judgment of myself.”
Ian snorted. “And there you were telling me I shouldn’t judge myself.”
“Yeah, well. You’re perfect. I’m not.”
“You should see who you’re saying that to.” Ian smiled wryly, tangling their fingers together. “At some point, you’d have to forgive yourself, you know. You’re doing so much good for the rest of us.”
Brad rolled his eyes. Couldn’t believe Ian was still here, after he’d heard Brad’s story. Maybe Ian was insane. Maybe they both were.
Ian’s phone buzzed—there was a message from June. Ian made to open the message.
“What, is she more important than me?” Brad nipped at Ian’s ear, kissing his jaw.
“N-no. It’s just...” Ian sighed. “Work.” He looked uneasy, though. “I have some admin issues I need to work out with the department. I haven’t checked if my time off today was approved.”
That didn’t sound good.
“You’ll get it fixed,” Brad murmured, kissing Ian. “I believe in you.”
“It’s not that easy—”
Brad pressed Ian against his car. He peeled Ian’s shirt up off his belly, admiring its pale roundness. Then he knelt at Ian’s feet, pressing his face to Ian’s abdomen, kissing him there.
Ian hissed. “Brad. We’re in public!”
“And you’re mine,” Brad growled, kissing all over Ian’s belly, ignoring the hum of a car that drove up through the parking lot.
He buried his face between Ian’s legs, nuzzling at Ian’s cock. Couldn’t fuck him today. Brad wanted him, though. Wanted to mark Ian as his, wanted Ian’s scent on his skin.
He opened his mouth, nipping at Ian’s cock through his pants. Growled when Ian wound his fingers into Brad’s hair, a soft moan slipping from his lips. Brad loved that sound.
They would be better off doing this back home, in bed where Brad could pleasure Ian all he wanted. Brad thought about stopping, getting Ian into his car. For Xavier’s sake, though, it was probably best if Brad just pampered Ian all of today. Maybe tomorrow, too.
Ian’s phone rang, a loud, jangling sound. Ian jumped. Brad glanced at the phone; June’s name flashed on the screen.
“June?” Ian pressed the phone to his ear, worried.
She said something Brad couldn’t hear. Then, a car door slammed.
Ian froze against Brad, his fingers scrabbling against Brad’s hair. “Brad,” he choked, his eyes growing wide. “No.”
Someone rounded the trunk of Brad’s car, and Ian went completely still.
“Brad Saxon,” Harold snapped, his eyes burning. “What in the gods’ name—What the hell are you doing?”
25
Ian
Ian stopped breathing. He couldn’t think as Harold Saxon stopped at the end of Brad’s car, his stare burning through Ian’s skin.
“Of all the disgraceful things I’ve ever seen,” Harold snapped, his mustache bristling, his lips curled with disgust. “Nothing is viler than this.”
Brad growled, standing. “I’m claiming my omega. Nothing vile about it.”
But this was bad. June had called, she’d just said, I’ve checked with the department. They didn’t approve your time off, and Ian was in enough trouble as it was.
For this to happen, for Harold to witness Brad kissing Ian through his pants... Ian had been too late to shove him away.
Harold had seen.
Ian’s face burned. He leaned away from Brad, yanking his shirt down his exposed belly. But Harold glanced at Ian’s abdomen, and his eyes narrowed further.
“Whose baby is that?”
“June’s,” Ian said, at the same time Brad growled, “Mine.”
Harold pursed his lips. He glanced first at Ian, then at Brad. “Really? You don’t know who the baby came from? There were many things I hoped of you, McMillan, but a whore isn’t one of them.”
Ian’s stomach twisted. He scrambled against his car, trying to back away from Brad, trying to find somewhere else he could hide. Except it would solve nothing, because Harold was the one with all the power here.
Ian could lose his job.
Brad’s throat worked. He glanced at Ian, and Ian couldn’t meet his eyes.
“Ian?” Brad asked, uncertain.
Ian did still wear a trace of June’s birch scent. He’d been down to the lab before he left the college, and June had helped to mark him.
“It’s not yours,” Ian muttered, the words sharp as gravel on his tongue.
“We named him,” Brad said, his eyes flashing. Then he blinked, and he seemed to catch on to Ian’s lying. They needed to protect Ian’s job first.
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Harold shook his head slowly. “I can’t believe this. Breaking your word, McMillan? Once isn’t enough? You have to return to my son and sell yourself to him?”
“He isn’t a whore,” Brad snapped. “Don’t you fucking call him that.”
Ian flinched, his chest too tight. “I-I can explain. Harold, please.”
“Explain what? That you’ve lied to me?” Harold sneered. “I asked June Kindling where you were. You were not granted leave today, McMillan. I expected more from a professional.”
Yes, Ian had fucked up. He didn’t need it broadcasted in front of Brad, too. Didn’t need Brad to see how much of a mess Ian still was.
“We signed an agreement some time ago,” Harold said, glancing at Ian. “One that concerns your position at the college.”
It was the one that allowed Ian a job, as long as he promised to cut off all ties with Brad.
“That’s fucking blackmail, Dad,” Brad snarled. “I can’t believe you did that to him. Didn’t think you’d sink so low.”
“McMillan has given me his word. This is an agreement between two adults.” Harold looked disdainfully at his son. “I expected him to hold his end of the deal.”
Ian’s breath rushed out of him. “This was a one-off meeting. I have no plans to see Brad again. I can explain.”
“I’m leaving,” Brad said, stepping away from Ian. “There’s no need to fire him.”
Harold snorted. “Bullshit, son. You’ve been seeing him this entire time. I heard rumors. The surveillance cameras have recorded you with him, multiple times.”
Ian’s blood grew cold. There’d been cameras installed?
“What?” Brad growled. “When?”
“Early enough for me to witness this filth.” Harold spat.
Ian trembled. There had been a time or two, in the past couple weeks, that Brad had crowded behind him at the teacher’s desk. He’d pushed his fingers into Ian, and Ian had come in his pants. If Harold had seen those clips...
“I’ll return to the college at once,” Ian said. “I have classes in the afternoon—”
“Save your breath.” Harold waved dismissively. “I’ve told Kindling to take over your lessons. I will not have you treat the classrooms as your bedroom again. You’re fired.”
Ian swayed, Harold’s words ringing in his ears. Harold had seen Brad touching him. Ian had relented when Brad fondled him, and he’d arched against his alpha, hungry for more.
To have Harold witness that... Ian no longer had a job.
“Please, Harold,” Ian choked, his throat so tight he couldn’t breathe. “I have a child to support—”
“Then you should’ve known better.” Harold turned to leave. “I will not have someone so incompetent on my staff.”
Ian swayed. He couldn’t think. Couldn’t even breathe.
“Dad!” Brad growled, his eyes burning. “You can’t do this to him.”
“I’m doing what’s best for the department,” Harold said. “And you, too. You’re too naive, Brad. Do you think you can support an omega like that? You’re too young to even father a child. What makes you think you won’t endanger your children’s lives?”
Brad froze. Ian looked shakily at the ground. He needed to leave. Needed to hide before Brad saw just how useless Ian had become. I’m surprised an alpha even wanted to take you as their own, his mother had said.
Harold sneered. “I have no use for an employee like that.”
“It was my fault,” Brad said, prowling toward his father. “I forced it on him.”
“You dare tell me that?” Harold scoffed. “You should see the surveillance footage, son. McMillan’s behavior—that’s repulsive. Disgraceful. I hesitate to even say he belongs on the staff.”
Ian’s skin crawled. How much had Harold seen? He’d writhed against Brad, he’d tugged on Brad’s hair. He’d thought the classrooms had been safe.
“He’s worked there for decades,” Brad snapped.
“All the more reason he should know the rules.” Harold sneered at Ian. “He’s a disgrace to the department.”
“That’s enough, Harold,” Ian said. “I’ll remove my things from the office.”
Ian couldn’t face his superior. Couldn’t begin to imagine the rest of the staff’s ridicule, their scornful looks. All he had left was a debt. How could Brad stay with him now, when he was helpless, jobless, and a drain on resources?
How could Ian even support Gwen?
“Ian?” Brad asked, his voice unsteady.
“I’m—I’m leaving,” Ian said, looking away. “I won’t be seeing you anymore.”
Brad sucked in a sharp breath.
Ian climbed into his car, his hands shaking so hard he couldn’t fit his key into the ignition. Took him several tries, the key skidding across the keyhole.
“Ian,” Brad said.
He reached into the car, warm fingers circling around Ian’s wrist. Ian choked, his chest so tight he couldn’t breathe.
“I’m seeing you later, right?” Brad murmured, his eyes uncertain.
Ian felt the weight of Harold’s stare. Then he thought about Sue, and Olivier, and all the other omegas Brad could be dating. If Brad weren’t bound to someone like Ian, who only had debt to bring to a relationship...
You could be so much better off.
And then Ian knew what he had to do, when he looked up at Brad, all honey-brown eyes and concern on his face.
Brad could afford a family. Ian couldn’t, not right now. He’d lost the one job he’d spent decades working on. He could no longer promise Gwen a roof over her head, or food on the table. With how old he was... how long would it take for him to find another job?
I’m surprised an alpha even wanted to take you as their own.
“Do you want—want Gwen?” Ian asked, his heart splintering.
“Yeah,” Brad said, confused.
“Okay. Okay, I understand.” Ian swayed, his thoughts whirling so fast he couldn’t think. “She’ll be home when you get there.”
“What about you?”
Ian shook his head. “I won’t be seeing you.”
Brad’s eyes widened. Then he glanced sideways, where his father stood. “Is this...?”
“No. I mean it.” Ian bit his lip hard, sliding his arm around his belly. He didn’t know if Gwen could forgive him. Brad would be pissed, but he would move on. He’d have a better life with an omega who was good and wholesome and who could take care of himself. Ian was certain of it.
He tugged his wrist away from Brad.
“Ian!” Brad really looked at him then, his eyes growing wide with understanding. “You can’t—”
“I am.”
“I marked you,” Brad said.
Ian shook his head. “I never marked you back.”
Brad’s mouth fell open, horror flashing through his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Ian choked. He reached for the car door; Brad stopped him from closing it.
“You can’t do this.”
“You aren’t good enough for me,” Ian said, his voice breaking. “What if you fail me like you failed those children in the fire?”
Brad flinched; his eyes flashed with pain. Ian knew he’d hurt his alpha, and his heart ached. I’m sorry.
Ian shoved his foot against the car pedals, fumbling with his key. Brad lunged forward.
Ian’s heart skipped. For a moment, he thought Brad might lean in close, kiss him. He wanted to feel Brad’s warmth again, breathe him in. But what if Brad took the car key away? What if he refused to let Ian leave?
Brad leaned into the car, sliding his hand against Ian’s nape like he’d done countless other times. He would pull Ian close, kiss him on the lips.
Ian’s heart fluttered. But if he relented, if he let Brad touch him again... all his restraint would melt away.
I can’t be selfish.
He shoved Brad out of the car, his heart squeezing tight.
Brad stepped back, and Ian pulled the door shut. Locked himself in so B
rad couldn’t touch him, tempt him again.
“Ian!” Brad yelled, pounding on the window.
Ian couldn’t bear to look at him. He had nothing left. Nothing that someone like Brad would want, anyway.
He started the car, backing out of the parking lot. For a moment, he wondered what would happen, if he accidentally ran Harold down with his car. It would probably come back to bite him.
“Ian!” Brad pressed his hands to the driver’s side window, his eyes wide and horrified. “Don’t go!”
Ian shook his head. Glanced at Harold, only to see the satisfied smirk on his face.
Was there anything in Ian’s life that couldn’t go wrong? Was there something Ian could do right?
There was one thing—that was to repair Brad’s future, so Brad could have a chance with someone else better. Brad would find a younger omega, a better dad for Gwen, and no one would need Ian anymore, anyway.
Ian breathed in shakily, stepping on the gas. Then he drove out of the parking lot, out onto the street, and finally let his tears fall.
26
Brad
Brad whirled around on his father, his heart in pieces. “What the fuck did you do?”
“Mind your language,” Harold said, turning away. “I was fixing up your future, you ungrateful brat.”
“What future is that?” Brad’s eyes burned.
Ian had left. Ian had driven out of his life, and if Brad had understood him right, Ian didn’t want Brad back again.
It hurt to wrap his mind around. Brad had spent five months of his life having an omega, and to have Ian step away like that... he couldn’t believe it. This couldn’t be real.
“A future where you don’t blunder around like a fool.” Harold looked askance at Brad, his expression cynical. “Consorting with your professor. Really? Were you that desperate, or were you trying to prove something?”
“Neither,” Brad snapped. “But maybe you don’t understand what love is.”
Harold raised an eyebrow. “Tell me, then. What has love done for you? Has it fed you? Has it brought back the lives you lost?”
Brad remembered the children in the fire again, wishing his father would stop bringing that up. “Shut up, Dad.”
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