Wes flashed a grateful smile. “Than—”
The woman cut him off as she addressed Eve. “You, on the other hand, don’t belong here. Doesn’t matter how high your level is or how useful your brother is, the guild doesn’t take noncombat classes.”
“But my quest is—”
“I don’t care if your life quest is to join this particular branch of the adventurer’s guild on this particular day. The rules are clear. Go home.”
“I can’t just go back after—”
“Then go deliver some packages for all I care. You’re a bloody Courier, that’s your job, isn’t it? Look, I’ve been through this exact same song and dance with a hundred hopeful idiots just like you. If the Questing Stones didn’t want you to be an adventurer, you aren’t. Go home.”
Eve shut her mouth. Rude as she was, yelling at the woman would accomplish nothing. She watched in silence as Wes went through the motions of signing his documents and paying his fee.
For an extra few coppers, he booked a room, a lodging they’d have to share given Eve’s inability to do the same. Guild housing was for guild members.
He waited until they made it upstairs before going off. “That bitch. Who is she to say you’re less of an adventurer than any of those fools downstairs? I bet half of them would’ve—”
Eve stopped him. “It’s okay, Wes. Really. They can’t stop me from going on jobs with you, and I honestly couldn’t afford the fee anyway. Besides, I’m only six levels away from my next promotion, and that’s sure to be a combat class.”
“Speaking of…” Wes’s eyes went blue. “I just hit a milestone.”
“Ayla’s tits,” Eve swore as she noticed her own blinking notification. “So did I.”
“Wait, but you didn’t… I got a milestone for joining the guild.”
Cracking a smile, she checked the message.
Legendary Quest Milestone Reached: Be Rejected from the Adventurer’s Guild!
+2000 exp!
Eve doubled over. Heaving, full-body laughs filled the tight room as the milestone sank in. Wes gave her a questioning look.
“I got—” she managed through bursts of laughter, “I got a milestone for being rejected.”
Wes snorted. “I guess it takes true skill to get turned away with a Legendary quest.”
“The worst part is, I can’t be mad at that clerk any more. Sure, she’s a bitch, but she’s a bitch that just gave me five whole levels.”
Wes grinned. “Don’t worry; I can be angry for the both of us. Get anything good?”
“It dropped twice as much exp as the last one, but otherwise no, just the ten Endurance. You?”
“Doubled for you too? And here I thought I’d catch up some day. Your quest really is some bullshit, you know that right?” Wes said.
Eve just smirked.
He continued, “Anyway, I got a new passive called Minor Flame Manipulation. Not sure exactly what it does, but I imagine it’ll at least be useful for not starting any brush fires.”
Eve giggled. “Or putting them out once you do start them.”
“Or that.”
“Anyway”—Eve started for the door—“I vote we find some dinner and turn in early. You’ve got recruiting to do, and I want to stop by the bakery.”
Wes cocked an eyebrow as he moved to follow her. “Ooh, gonna start another fire? Which bakery?”
Eve smirked, calling back to him as she descended back down into the common room, “All of them.”
* * *
The glimmering city of Lynthia had a lot of bakeries. Fortunately enough, not a one of them went up in smoke over the course of Eve’s tour. She did, however, find one that had shut down after defaulting on its debts, one that had mysteriously run out of flour the night before, and one that had been booked out months in advance to prepare cakes for some noble’s wedding.
Eve rubbed her copper pieces together as she traveled from shop to shop, greeting each baker who’d taken the day off to visit his mother with a smile on her face. There were three of those.
As the day wore on, she found the string of coincidences more amusing than anything else. Of the nearly two dozen storefronts she visited, Eve’s favorites were the couple who’d closed up to go on their honeymoon and the elderly baker who’d gone to celebrate the birth of her grandson.
Well, she figured, it’s good I can do more than burn ‘em down. By her score, Eve counted roughly as many bakers closed for strokes of fortune as misfortune. She took solace in the idea that whatever god had found it funny to saddle her with such a ridiculous quest wasn’t outright malevolent.
Eve herself found the situation comedic at times. By the time she reached the baker who’d left his keys at home and thus missed his chance to rise the day’s bread on time, she’d already given up on actually completing her quest.
Curiosity more than ambition drove her to continue her search. She knew it wouldn’t be this easy, but the act of pushing coincidence to its limits entertained the Courier more than she could say.
Her money still rested safely in her pocket when she returned to the guild hall with an exhausted smile on her face.
Even seated, Wes towered over most of the guildsmen as he waved her over to a corner table. He wasn’t alone.
A thin man sat across from him. He was every bit Wes’s opposite, slim and boyish to the mage’s built masculinity. Golden locks draped across his soft face as he smiled at the new arrival. Eve Appraised him.
Level 6 Acolyte of Ayla
Uncommon Tier 1 Class
Makes sense given the white robes, she thought, except for… “Doesn’t Ayla only accept female acolytes?”
The priest reddened. “You can take that up with the Questing Stones. They seem to have a sense of humor lately.”
“Believe me, I know.” She held out a hand as she took a seat. “I’m Eve.”
“Preston.” They shook.
Wes explained, “The guild is setting me up in a new team—classic healer, warrior, mage combo. Preston here is our healer.”
“And the warrior?”
Preston shrugged. “Some guy called Alex, or that’s what the paperwork says. Hells know where he is.”
Eve’s eyes widened. “An acolyte who swears; color me impressed. Wes, how’d you manage to land the least-holy priestess in the entire church?”
Wes ignored Preston’s open mouth. “Same way you landed the most bullshit quest the Stones have ever given. Dumb luck.”
“I’m not a priestess, I—”
Eve cut him off. “What use is a priestess if nothing ever hits you?”
“You mean like that goblin never hit me?” Wes retorted. “Besides, a party’s gotta have more than just me. You can’t carry all of us.”
Preston furrowed his brow. “Wait, she carries—”
Eve interrupted, “Fair point. Maybe we do need a healer.” She turned to Preston, a teasing grin on her face. “Are those women’s robes?”
The acolyte hid a smile of his own by lifting a tankard to his mouth. “Is that a corpse’s blouse?”
Eve’s jaw hung open. Preston sipped his ale. Wes applauded.
“I like this one,” he said. “Welcome to the team.”
CHAPTER NINE
The Quick and the Dead
EVELIA GREENE WAS just about sick of these glass walls. She shielded her eyes from the bright morning sun, but no matter how she turned, the prismatic fortification managed to pierce her measly shade.
“Good morning!” Preston emerged from the gates with a smile on his face. He approached Wes and Eve where the two waited just outside the city. “Excited?”
Wes groaned, rubbing at his temples. “How are you so chipper? You drank more than either of us last night.”
“I’m a healer, remember?”
“Right, right, priestess of—wait.” Wes froze. “Are you saying you can Heal hangovers?”
“Just cause they’re self-inflicted doesn’t mean they aren’t an injury. Ayla’s all about forgi
veness. She doesn’t hold a night of drinking against you.”
Wes perked up. “So you’ll—”
Preston smirked. “Unfortunately, I’m not Ayla.” He pointed at Eve. “I’ll heal her because she didn’t just make fun of me in the same sentence as asking for help.”
Wes sighed. “I walked into that one.”
“You did.”
Eve kept her mouth shut. She stepped forward.
Preston held out a hand. “May I heal you?”
She nodded. “You don’t need to ask.”
He placed his palm on her forehead. Eve closed her eyes.
The spell forced its way in. There was no other word for it. Waves of brilliant energy burst through every corner of Eve’s mind, leaving no stone unturned, no memory unseen. It ravaged her very being, leaving each flaw, each indiscretion exposed to the light of day, and only once her every mistake, her every ounce of humanity lay bare, could she be forgiven.
The light left her as abruptly as it came. She wasn’t empty. Nor was she fulfilled. As many walls lay broken as new foundations built, and Eve couldn’t even begin to assess the injuries to her soul itself. At least the hangover was gone.
“Bandir’s balls,” she swore. “That was intense. Now I get why you ask permission.”
Preston gave her an apologetic smile. “Ayla doesn’t exactly respect personal boundaries, so Her acolytes make a point to in Her stead.”
“Is it always like that?”
He shrugged. “You get used to it. I’d be a pretty shit teammate if you stop to have a revelation whenever I heal you mid-battle.”
“Speaking of which,” Wes cut in, “our warrior is late. The guild clerk said just outside the gates at nine o’clock. Where the hells is he?”
“Right here.”
All three adventurers spun around at the unfamiliar voice to find a woman towering over them. That is, Eve and Preston found a woman towering over them. Wes found one just below eye level.
“Alex, I presume?”
“Yep.”
“You’re our warrior?” Wes continued.
The woman scowled, raising a finger to point at the spear on her back. “What’s it look like?”
“Right. Anyway, I’m Wes—the mage, Preston’s the healer, and Eve’s, well… Eve.”
Alex cocked an eyebrow. “There was no Eve on the paperwork.”
“No, but she’s saved my life more times than I can count. Whatever the guild says, she deserves to be here.”
Alex tilted her head, never breaking eye contact with Wes. “Long as she doesn’t get anyone killed or try and take a cut of my share, she’s welcome to tag along. I’m not here to babysit. I’m here to work.”
The tall warrior didn’t wait for a rebuttal before taking off. Preston followed. Eve and Wes shared a look before scurrying to catch up with the woman’s long stride.
“It’s just one level,” Eve told herself just as much as Wes. “I’ll have a combat class soon enough.”
“Just one level,” he echoed. “Not much time to earn one.”
“Hey, I killed two wolves with a sword and the goblin shaman with his own staff. That’s gotta be enough for a combat class.”
“Sure,” Wes said, “but you should still use this job as another chance for something good. The last thing you want is to wait another twenty-five levels before you can actually fight.”
“Fair point.”
They trekked on in silence for a time, both sets of eyes fixed on the new teammates ahead of them. Eve Appraised the businesslike warrior.
Level 18 Soldier
Common Tier 2 Class
She’s like me! Eve realized. Then again, just because Alex also had a common class didn’t make them the same. Hers was meant for combat. No doubt Alex was strong enough to use the spear on her back. She certainly looked the part.
At six feet tall and two hundred pounds of toned muscle, the Soldier gave even Wes a run for his money. Hells, with her class she was probably stronger than the blacksmith’s son. Jet black hair swung out behind her in a tight ponytail, the only hint of femininity Eve could glean without seeing the woman’s face. Thick leather armor hid all else.
Eve supposed that was a good thing. She’d rather have a well-protected front line than a pretty one.
At that thought, her eyes shifted to the man walking beside her. Wes too spent the walk gazing forward at the pair of new faces. Eve could only wonder what musings traipsed through his mind. She hoped he wasn’t too enraptured with the Soldier.
In an effort to prevent him from staring further, Eve raised a question. “They seem to know where we’re going. Do you?”
Wes nodded. “It was in the paperwork, which you’d know if you’d actually read it.”
“Hey, if they won’t let me in the guild, I won’t read their bloody documents.”
“Anyway,” he pushed on, “there’s a barrow a few miles south of here, remnant of some forgotten war or something. We’ve been charged with investigating reports of undead wandering around.”
Eve’s eyes shot open. “They gave us a necromancer for our first job? Are they insane?”
“None of the reports claim anything over level twenty, so there’s no reason to be worried. Besides, our group is pretty ideal for this.”
He pointed at the two ahead of them. “Zombies are slow, so Alex won’t have any trouble keeping them at spear’s length. Corpses this old will be desiccated, so my fire will eat right through them, and healing isn’t the only thing Ayla’s good for. I’m willing to bet Preston’s got a few ways to deal with undead himself.”
“And me?”
Wes turned up his palms. “You can outrun them? I don’t think the guild really factored you in when they assigned us this job.”
“Right, right. Well, I’m sure I’ll figure something out. Gotta earn my exp somehow.”
“That you do,” Wes said as he stared off across the grassland. “That you do.”
* * *
Eve wasn’t quite certain what she’d expected, but the sight that greeted her when they arrived at the zombie-infested barrow certainly wasn’t it. “It’s a hill.”
“Not just any hill,” Wes said. “It’s a hill full of dead people.”
“Yeah, didn’t you know?” Preston smiled. “It’s what’s on the inside that counts.”
Eve laughed. “Or in this case, what’s supposed to be on the inside but isn’t.”
“Very funny,” Alex commented. “We have work to do.” Once again she took the lead, circling the grassy hill until she came upon an opening in its side. The stairs led down, disappearing into the darkness below.
“Well that’s not ominous at all.” Preston paused at the entryway.
Alex drew her spear. “Good thing you’re not going in first. Let’s go.” She stepped in.
Wes followed, setting his hand alight as he did. His flames threw an uneasy orange glow over the ancient stone, casting flickering shadows into the dark corners of the narrow hallway.
Preston went next, and Eve stepped in after him.
Dry earth lined the walls, supported by stone arches every eight feet. The arches combined with horizontal lines of the same material to segment the walls into rectangular sections, each suspiciously human-sized. Eve wondered just how close she stood to a rotting corpse in its final resting place.
She got her answer soon enough. Not far into the dark barrow, Alex stopped at a piece of wall that seemed to have lost its resident.
“Looks like those reports were right,” she said. “Someone’s disturbing the dead.”
“And the dead are disturbing me,” Eve quipped as she stared into the open tomb. Less than a foot of dirt had separated the hallway from the opening within. Less than a foot between them and every other corpse in the place.
“Best to keep moving.” Alex ignored the joke. “Keep a count of how many are missing.”
Preston nodded furiously, the tension clear on his face. The party continued on.
Eve w
atched as the healer practically clung to Wes’s side, no doubt hoping the large mage would keep him safe should anything get past Alex’s spear. Were she not preoccupied with her own mounting nerves, she might’ve teased the Acolyte for it. Instead she walked.
They came across eight more empty graves as the tunnel spiraled into the earth. Each provoked a spike in Eve’s unease as the number of creatures they’d have to face slowly incremented. As the party progressed ever downward, a second concern popped up: the tunnel itself.
While the confined space would certainly aid in the process of fighting off several enemies at once, it made Eve’s secondary task that much harder. Wes was right; she needed a good class, and this was her last opportunity to earn one before her next evolution. If Alex could hold off the entire zombie horde herself, Eve wouldn’t get her chance. Even then, her skills weren’t much use in a narrow tunnel.
Eve’s worries came to a rapid halt as the adventurers did the same.
“Light up ahead,” Alex whispered. “We’ve arrived.” She crept forward. The others followed.
Eve breathed a quiet sigh of relief as the tunnel opened out into a wide chamber, only to clench her fists again as their Soldier stopped short of entering it.
A hoarse voice echoed through stale air. “Who dares enter my domain?”
“Oh, come off it, Steven,” Alex barked. “Did you think I wouldn’t know it was you?”
Wes stepped in. “Wait, you know this guy?”
Alex sighed. “He’s my ex. We dated for about a month, until I caught him killing cats to practice reanimating them.”
“Why didn’t you tell us?”
Alex raised her eyebrows. “You think I wanted to admit to dating that?”
“Fair point.”
“Of course it was me!” the voice called back. “I’m the greatest, most feared necromancer in all of Lynthia!”
Alex ground her teeth. “I meant I knew it was you that sent the reports to the guild.”
This Quest is Broken! (This Trilogy is Broken (A Comedy Litrpg Adventure) Book 1) Page 7