by Abigail Agar
Her wide eyes conveyed the surprise that she felt upon his pronouncement.
“I understand that this is somewhat unorthodox,” he said.
“Yes, it is that,” she replied. “Moreover, you must know that it will not draw your sister nearer simply in that you have decided to spend time with me. If anything, she might only be angered.”
Eric laughed.
“I am not asking you to join me for dinner in order that my sister will be happy. I expect that there is very little that I might do that would make her happy. Rather, I am inviting you to dinner because it would make me happy,” Eric explained.
She let out a little breath of disbelief.
“You cannot think that I would bring you any level of happiness, can you? Truly, I am less than no one. I am a simple young woman who sews and enjoys tea and is of a very low nature. You are a nobleman,” she said, as though the two did not fit.
But Eric gazed upon her long enough that he thought that she might understand. He did want to know her. He wanted to unravel the mystery of her and to understand what would lead her to think of herself in such low terms.
Miss Sproul was an enigma, one that he wanted to understand.
“Miss Sproul, forgive me for being so forthright, but I would like to forget everything we have just discussed. I would like to begin afresh and ask you once more. Will you join me for dinner?”
She looked at him with uncertainty and the anxiety that comes with a desired adventure. But it was clear the she had made up her mind before the word found her tongue.
“Yes.”
Chapter 12
Emma tried to steady the pounding of her heart in her chest. She was making a mistake and she knew it well. She was being utterly foolish and she could not deny it. There was nothing about this decision that could have a positive outcome.
But as she followed the Earl of Thornbury to his inn, she felt overwhelmed by the fact that she wanted this.
Meeting with the earl was wrong for so many reasons. Reasons that she could hardly abide.
It was a great impropriety. Her mother and father would have been furious to know that she had gone out alone with a man like this.
True, she was not of a class that would make it matter. Emma tried to ignore the fact that she was of so little importance that no one would care or take any notice of her decision to spend time alone with a gentleman.
But she was following a man whose class it certainly did affect. If she had been his equal, the fact of her joining him would have created the worst of scandals. She would have been deemed such a terrible young woman with no morality at all.
And for that, Emma was thankful that she was not of his class.
But there was another reason, something that Emma knew ought to matter a great deal to her.
Amelia would be furious if she found out.
Although she had appeared to thaw somewhat, it was no secret that Amelia had every suspicion against the earl. She hated his father and was evidently still quite opposed to him, claiming that she only allowed him to know her in order to protect her mother.
Although Emma did not believe that this was entirely the situation and she was quite certain that Amelia secretly longed to know him in return, it would not have been good for Emma to have been discovered with him.
She began to worry that she was making a terrible mistake. As she followed him, Emma looked around, ensuring that she was not being noticed by anyone. The most difficult thing was knowing that the sun as going down and she might be seen by others without realising that she had been observed.
“It is a nice evening,” the earl said, breaking back into conversation.
“Indeed, it is,” Emma replied, wondering if their talks would always be relegated to meaningless chatter about things that hardly mattered.
Just moments before, she had been hoping that he would say something deeper, something that would help the two of them to connect. Instead, he had asked her to join him for dinner. That had been a perfectly lovely request and, although it had been unexpected, had made her heart soar.
“You must forgive me for talking about things that have so little meaning,” the earl said, as though he had read Emma’s mind.
She looked up at him with surprise and some relief. He was not really this boring, he was simply uncertain as to what he should say.
“I understand. It must be difficult to know what to say,” Emma replied.
“Yes, it is. We do not know one another well and my sister has spoken ill of me. I cannot blame you if you are uncomfortable with me,” he said.
“I appreciate that,” Emma said.
In truth, as she had been trying to find reasons to justify this meeting, she had settled upon one she could use as an excuse should she be found out by Amelia. Of course, she would more than likely have to tell Amelia for the sake of her own conscience.
But Emma decided that once they were seated together, she would tell the earl to leave Amelia alone. In her heart, she hoped that he would not listen, as he had not listened at all thus far anyway. But at least she could do her friend a justice and tell him to leave her alone.
And as they would sit and talk, she would observe him and try to discern whether or not he was a good man.
“Ah, here it is,” the earl said as they strolled up to the inn.
“Yes, here it is,” Emma echoed.
They went in through the door and to the tables where they might sit for a meal. The inn was fairly empty, with only one other couple and a single man seated, awaiting their meals.
“Here, please allow me,” the earl said, pulling out a chair for her and then allowing Emma to sit.
She did so and he pushed the chair in so that she was comfortable at the table.
“Thank you,” Emma said, looking down, shyly.
“You are more than welcome. Now, please relax and enjoy yourself. I have no intention of allowing anything bad to happen to you, I would just like to speak and get to know one another,” the earl said.
“Yes, and I would like the same thing,” Emma replied.
“Really?” he asked, the hopefulness in his voice rather charming, almost like a child seeking approval.
Emma could not help but laugh.
“Yes, really,” she replied.
“I am glad of it. Ah, here is Miss Welsh. She will get whatever you would like for you,” the earl said.
Emma was unaccustomed to being waited on in this way, but she spoke with Miss Welsh to get her food and what she wanted for a drink. She was also promised a piece of cake afterwards, which was rather exciting as her family was very rarely able to afford such a luxury.
“Well, how does all of that sound?” the earl asked, once Miss Welsh had gone off to prepare their food.
“It sounds very lovely. Thank you. I do not often have such an opportunity to be indulged in this way,” Emma said.
“I understand. It must be difficult. But I am very happy to treat you if I may,” he told her.
Emma could sense his humility in the way that he spoke. The earl was very kind and sensitive to her feelings, which she greatly appreciated. Otherwise, this could have been a very difficult situation for her emotions and for the betrayal that she felt that she was so guilty of committing.
“So, I fear that I must preface this dinner with telling you that you would be wise to leave Amelia alone,” Emma said, wanting to get that out of the way before anything else was said. Or before she was further distracted by the handsome man that sat across from her.
“Yes, I anticipated that you would say as much and I can hardly blame you for it. I know that my sister wants to be left alone. I also know that I cannot do that until I have had my chance at getting to know her,” the earl said.
“Is that not selfish of you?” Emma challenged back.
“Selfish? For wanting to know my family?” the earl asked.
“Yes, selfish. You know that she doesn’t want to know you. Perhaps once day she will change her mind,
but for now, she is finding it rather difficult. Would you not be wise to give her the respect that she deserves and allow her to come in her own timing?” Emma asked.
The Earl of Thornbury bit his lip in consideration and nodded silently, as though he was ashamed of the fact that he had not done that very thing.
“Perhaps that is true. Yes, I know it is true. You are correct in every way. Nevertheless, I cannot bear to let go of her. I have a sister. I am a man who has never had much family. My mother and my father were both…well, my mother was lovely and my father was someone who was always in my life,” he said.
“But?” Emma asked, sensing that there was more that he wanted to say on the matter.
“But I always wanted a sibling and now I have the chance for one. Here I am, with a sister so close at hand. I cannot pretend that it means nothing to me,” the earl said.
“I am sure that it means a great deal and I will not pretend otherwise. But what it means to you is not the same that it means to her. She wants her privacy. She wants for her mother to be left alone,” Emma said.
“Yes, I know that,” he said, as though he didn’t want to admit it.
“Then why are you being selfish?” Emma asked again, feeling that he was now primed for the question.
The earl took in a deep breath and it showed upon his face that he was trying to think through his words.
“I am being selfish because she means enough to me that I may be selfish. I know that it might appear cruel of me somehow, but I cannot allow her to think that she does not matter. She needs to know how important she is to me,” he said.
“But you are hurting her,” Emma said.
“I don’t think I am,” he replied, shrugging with his honesty. “I think she is angry and I cannot blame her for that. But I think it would hurt her a good deal more if I abandoned her the way that my father did. It is for that reason that I cannot bring myself to walk away from her now.”
His words hung in the air and Emma understood them very clearly. He was right. Amelia would be far more upset if he had walked away from her the way that their father had done. Amelia was heartbroken because of that abandonment and it had embittered her, along with her mother.
To pretend otherwise would have been entirely foolish.
In that moment, Emma realised that the earl was not being selfish at all. He was being brave. He was a man of integrity who was willing to be hurt and rejected so that Amelia would never again feel hurt and rejected again. He was putting his reputation, and that of his family, on the line so that she would know that he cared.
Emma was moved, but she tried not to show it. She didn’t want him to see that she was perfectly impressed by him, that she thought him a man of noble character. That would make all of this far too difficult because then he would know that she was not so against him as she had tried to appear.
If he knew that she thought well of him, he might use that as an excuse to wear down Amelia as well. Emma could be considered complicit.
But as Emma began to understand the earl, she recognised how considerate he was and the fact that he had been entirely good.
“What is it?” he asked. “Have I said something wrong?”
Emma realised that she had been eyeing him, trying to discern him.
“No, no. Sorry, you must forgive me. I was only trying to understand you,” she said.
“Have I made a mess of things? Have I made no sense at all?” the earl asked, a self-deprecating smile on his face.
“On the contrary, I think that I have understood you quite well. You are a good man, to be sure. But I think it is best that you continue to evaluate your intentions and consider your sister’s wishes. She is a good woman, as you are a good man. But the two of you have not understood one another,” Emma said.
He nodded, appearing to consider her words.
“Yes, perhaps. Perhaps I have not given enough thought to her feelings on the matter. But I will not simply disappear. Miss Sproul, I care too much about my sister. And…” he paused and sighed.
“Yes?” she prompted.
“I believe that it must be clear by now that I want to continue to get to know her. And not only Amelia. But to get to know the both of you,” he said.
Emma swallowed the lump that formed in her throat. A lump of fear and unease, but also of warmth and unwanted excitement.
The earl had avoided saying it, but she could understand what he meant.
He was intrigued by her. Intrigued enough to continue disregarding his sister’s wishes.
And in that, Emma was delighted.
Chapter 13
Eric said farewell to Miss Sproul, who refused his company in returning to her home. It was difficult to think of her going out on her own in the darkness, trying to make her way back to her tenements without facing any danger.
But he conceded to her wishes and trusted Miss Sproul when she told him that it would not go well for her if she happened to be seen with him. She told him vaguely how disappointed her mother and father would be if word got to them that she had been out walking with a gentleman.
And so, she had departed.
Eric made his way up the stairs at the inn to his rooms and found Reginald, half asleep and with a book in his hands. He startled awake at the creak of the door and looked up at Eric with a raised brow.
“Ah, have I fallen asleep?” he asked.
“It would appear so,” Eric said.
“And where have you been? I came out of my bedroom earlier and you were gone,” Reginald said.
“I went for a walk. I needed to think and clear my head out of this confinement,” Eric told him.
“Oh, dear. I understand. All of this must be difficult for you. Anyway, I had Miss Welsh bring dinner up. You must be hungry,” Reginald said.
Eric took in a deep breath before his confession.
“Actually, I am not. I ate with…with Miss Sproul,” he said.
Reginald froze in place, his eyes wide and disapproving.
“You ate with Miss Sproul?” he asked, apparently needing the clarification.
“Yes, I did. You see, she was out walking as well. On her way home, of course. I saw her and we spoke. I cannot say what it was that compelled me, but I could not help myself. I asked her to join me for dinner and she consented,” Eric said.
“Of course she consented. She probably felt as though she could not refuse. You know that young women are constantly forced into situations of accepting the offers of men. Why would you invite her to dinner?” Reginald asked.
“Perhaps it was because I am rather fond of her. You cannot judge me for that. You have noticed how lovely she is, do not deny it,” Eric said.
“Whether I have noticed her or not is unimportant. You have clearly noticed her enough that you have gone mad. This is vastly unwise of you, Eric. How can you pretend that it doesn’t matter?” Reginald asked.
“It was fine. No one saw or noticed anything. Miss Welsh was the only person who knows who I am, anyway. And then she departed. I did not bring her up here so there can be nothing ill said against her,” Eric reasoned, although he knew that it was a poor excuse.