by Abigail Agar
I do not want to hear anything more about you in these pages. My heart cannot bear it. If these things continue to be said, I would urge you to return home and try to find your happiness here, even if it is far away from your sister.
It appears as though she is unkind to you anyway.
Your Loving Mother
Eric folded the paper back up again and sighed.
Yes, his mother was probably right. And he would have to fight back. But whatever happened, he had come this far. He would not stop now.
Chapter 30
Emma entered her family’s small home, the place that she had lived for so many years, the place that she tried to feel at rest.
But her heart was a mess. She was overwhelmed and upset. Without a thought, she rushed to her room, the small space that she could call her own.
Falling upon the thin mattress, Emma allowed herself to cry. She allowed her heart to hurt and all of her sadness to come pouring out of her. There was nothing else that she could do. It hurt too much to try to be strong. She wasn’t able to be as hardened as she wanted to be.
As the tears fell from her eyes, Emma told herself that this was the right decision. She was going to be fine. She didn’t need to follow her heart when she could follow what was right.
And yet, none of it made her feel better or more content. Not when she still had to recover from the fact that she had had no other choice than to pull herself away from the only man that she had ever loved.
She freed her black ringlets and tears dripped into them, threatening to wet the whole of her head. She began to wonder if she would ever really be free, ever be strong enough to have what she wanted, ever make her own choices.
But now was not the time to find out.
Convinced that she had had no choice in the matter, Emma tried to wipe the tears from her eyes, taking a final few sniffs in determination that she would cease in her crying.
There was a soft knock at her door and she rushed to clear her face of all traces of her sadness, although she was certain that the redness of her cheeks and nose and eyes would all give her away. Yet, the light was dim. Perhaps her mother or father would not notice.
“Come in,” she called, clearing her throat and steadying her voice.
Emma’s mother entered the tiny room through the creaking door.
“You did not come to see us,” she said.
“Sorry, I was in a hurry to…I was tired,” Emma said. She could not come up with any excuse that she thought would appease her mother and she had to figure out exactly what she wanted to say if she was going to try and be forgiven for the fact that she had not been better about going to see them as she usually did.
At least she had managed to hide her tears, that was the most important part. She had managed to escape with her dignity intact, even if it had caused them to think that she was being rude or insolent.
But Emma was prepared for her mother’s concern and when she saw the upturned inner corners of her mother’s brows, she knew that such concern was coming.
“You never behave like that,” her mother said.
“I know. I am sorry, Mother. I should have come to see you both,” Emma said.
“What is the matter? You are unwell,” her mother said.
“No, I am fine,” she lied.
“Emma, I am here to speak with you about something very serious. Do not make me linger. What is wrong?” she asked.
Emma’s stomach turned. What sort of serious thing could her mother be wanting to speak with her about? What had happened?
“What do you mean?” Emma asked.
“First, tell me what is the matter,” she said, eyeing Emma in a way that made her uncomfortable.
“I…I had to make a difficult decision, Mother. I had to let go of something that I wanted very much. It was the right choice, but that does not make it any easier,” Emma said.
Her mother leaned back ever so slightly and searched Emma with her eyes.
“You let go of something?” she asked.
“Yes, but that is not important. What is the matter that you wished to address?” Emma asked.
Her mother let out a sigh and looked concerned, nervous to speak about the issue on her mind.
“My dear, I am anxious. There is a rumour. A rather serious one. Are you aware that you have been named in the scandal sheets?” her mother asked.
Emma’s heart began to pound.
It was not possible. Liza wouldn’t do that. Would she? Would she and Amelia have allowed Emma’s name to be written? Would they have risked her reputation for their vendetta?
“Mother…” she said, trailing off, unable to think.
“Emma, what is all of this about? It says that you are being courted by the Earl of Thornbury. Who is this man? What have you been doing with him?” her mother asked.
“Nothing, Mother. Nothing at all,” Emma said.
But her mother continued speaking before she could finish her words.
“You know how important your reputation is. You know that your father and I have worked so hard to ensure that you have all that you could want or need in terms of our family name. We want you to be happy and I do not understand why you have allowed this to happen,” her mother said.
“I have allowed nothing. I promise you. There has been nothing between myself and the earl. It is a baseless accusation,” Emma said. She still could not comprehend the fact that it had come to this and she wanted nothing more than to rush straight out of their home and to the nearby tenement where Liza Lockhart lived. She was responsible for this.
She was the one who had the power to make things right.
“Baseless? It says that he has been fraternising with you. Why have you allowed this? Have you got close enough to this man – this nobleman – that there is any truth to these claims?” her mother asked.
“Nothing, Mother. I promise you,” Emma said. “I assure you that there has been no fraternising. He is a kind man, but not the sort who would actually harm me in any way. Not me, not my reputation. And you know that I have worked hard to maintain my reputation.”
But her words fell flat, and she was unsure how she could convince her mother of the truth. There was too much at stake to let it go, too much to risk her mother believing these lies.
It was too painful to allow her to continue wondering if Emma was really as dreadful as that. She could not let her mother think that she had been involved with the Earl of Thornbury in any immoral way.
“Please, listen to me. I promise you, nothing has happened,” she said again.
But her mother was shaking her head and she looked emotional.
“Whatever has or has not happened, people are speaking about you as though it is fact. My dear, what were you thinking? Who is this man to you? Why are people claiming that the two of you have been involved in a…liaison?” she asked.
Emma clenched her fists, furious at Liza Lockhart.
“Mother, I shall tell you what has happened. I was caught in the midst of another woman’s war. You know Amelia’s mother?” Emma asked. She was resigned that she would not be blamed for something that she had not been a part of. Liza was the one who had done all of this and she was the one who was guilty. Emma refused to pay the price.
Her mother sighed.
“Oh, dear. She is also a woman who was caught up in immorality,” her mother said.
“But I was not. This man, the Earl of Thornbury, he is Amelia’s half-brother. Liza Lockhart had an affair with his father. Now that the earl is trying to get to know his sister, she has decided to do all within her power to keep the two of them apart. That includes her decision to war against the earl’s reputation,” Emma said.
“And? What has any of this to do with you?” her mother asked.
“I defended the earl, saying that it was not his fault what his father did. And, for some reason, Miss Lockhart believes that the earl is interested in me. I cannot understand why, it is utterly baseless,” Emma said, although it
had been quite clear to her as well that the earl was intrigued by her. Finally, she was able to confess that, even if it felt strange to do so.
“And?” her mother prodded.
“And because of that, I am being used as a pawn. I am furious, Mother. But I have asked her to stop and you know how the scandal sheets inflate everything. So even if nothing at all occurred – which it did not – they feel the necessity to make it sound as though a union took place,” Emma said.
“And now all of England is able to read about it,” her mother said. She appeared horrified, but even in her horror, Emma saw that she had a sense of curiosity. She wanted to trust Emma, but it was as though she wasn’t sure yet that she could.
“I will prove my dignity, my integrity. Do not worry, Mother. Everyone will know that I am chaste,” she said, although she had no way of proving anything.
Her mother still looked rather concerned.
“There is another option,” her mother said.
“What is that?” she asked, fearing that her mother was going to suggest she marry the son of a random neighbour.
“Well, if you have already spoken with Miss Lockhart, perhaps it is my turn,” her mother said.
Emma was surprised by this. Her mother was not the sort of woman who ever engaged in any confrontation. For her to be willing to take a stand for Emma like this was evidence that she was truly angry.
Emma was impressed and even somewhat flattered that her mother cared enough about her to do this. She was reminded how sweet and caring her mother had always been.
“Really? You would do that?” she asked.
“Of course. You are my daughter and I will try to help her see that she is ruining your life through her bitterness,” she said.
Deep within her heart, Emma did not think that it would matter. Liza had been quite clear in the fact that nothing was going to stop her. But still, Emma thought that it would be more effective than if she simply continued trying to convince Liza Lockhart on her own. The woman was far more likely to submit to another mother than to Emma.
“Well, I do not know if it will help, but thank you, Mother. I am tired and weary from all of this. I just wanted Amelia to have her brother. I never meant to end up in the middle of it all. I never meant to be a pawn in another woman’s game,” Emma said.
“I know, my dear. I am going to help, all right? I will do all that I can to make sure that this woman leaves you alone after this,” she said.
Emma hugged her mother and smiled. She was thankful for such a good woman beside her.
“Now, what is this thing that you have had to give up?” her mother asked.
Emma wasn’t sure that she should share anything about the earl. Her mother might begin to wonder once more if there was anything to the accusations. And yet, she wanted to share a little at least.
“Well, although nothing at all has taken place between myself and the earl, I cannot deny that I have noticed him,” she said.
“Oh?” her mother asked, a brow of uncertainty raising above her eye.
“Yes, and I know that it is foolish. He is an earl. There is nothing that would ever take place between the two of us. It would be nonsense. But I did notice him and it was only because of my loyalty to Amelia that I have chosen to keep my distance from him,” she said.
“Keep your distance? Thoroughly?” her mother asked.
“Yes, Mother. Thoroughly. I have told him that it is not safe even to see one another. Not to speak. Not to ever be beside one another. Although I am sure that he will come to the dressmaker to see Amelia now and then, even there I have no intention of speaking with him,” Emma said.
Her mother looked sad for her, but Emma also knew that her mother agreed with this decision. It was the only decision that made any sense.
“Well, if that is what you have chosen, I shall tell you that I am in agreement with it. Still, I am sorry if this has been difficult for you. I know that you are a good girl, but you also deserve happiness and love and affection. If you liked this man, I am sorry that it could never be anything more than it was,” her mother said.
“Oh, it never could. Can you imagine?” Emma laughed.
“Imagine what?” her mother asked.
“Me? Marrying an earl? Such a thing is too ridiculous to even speak of. But, whatever my wishes, it is all over now. He has agreed to leave me be. I hope that the gossip ceases,” Emma said.
Her mother nodded, the worry in her eyes all over again.
“Yes, I hope so as well. I don’t like it, my dear. You deserve better,” she said.
But for Emma, that was the problem. She wanted nothing better. She wanted the earl.
Chapter 31
Eric opened the door of his rooms in the inn to a sight that he had never expected.
Amelia. A face that reflected his own. The same blue eyes. The same red hard framing the same pale skin.
She stood there, before him, wringing her hands together in a terribly anxious way, as though she had no idea what to do or what she was doing. For a moment, Eric felt sorry for her.
But he did not allow that to be the case for long. He was reasonable enough to know that he could not allow his emotions to get the better of him when it came to his sister. Amelia had dragged him every which way and Eric had to be reasonable about ensuring that he did not get completely pulled under.
“Sister,” he finally said by way of greeting.
“Yes, brother…lord…whatever it is that I am meant to call you under our peculiar circumstances,” she said. Amelia rubbed her arms, a nervous action as far as Eric could tell. He found it somewhat charming, a sign that she really was human after all. She was every bit as uncertain and uncomfortable as anyone else would be, given the situation.
“You may call me whatever you wish. But I am happy that you are here,” Eric said, meaning it with all of his heart. He had hoped that he might see her on her own terms one day. But he had not expected that it would be this soon.
“Well, I wish that I could say the same. In truth, I know not how I feel about any of this,” Amelia said, shifting about nervously.
“Please, come in,” Eric said, moving out of the way and allowing Amelia to come into the room.
Amelia was still fidgeting with her fingers as she entered. She looked around his rooms with interest and he wondered what she thought of them. Was she judging his temporary life? Thinking that it was too grand for a visit? Or was she thinking that it was humble and that he deserved to be humbled?
He could not stop himself from wondering and Eric led her to where they could have a seat and speak about whatever it was that she wanted to say.
“Please, sit. May I get you anything? Tea?” he offered.
She nodded, quietly looking down.
Eric leaned out the door of the room and rang the little bell that called for tea and then returned to the chair across from his sister.
“It shall be here at any moment,” he said.
“Thank you,” she replied.