He scrubbed his face with his hands. “I don’t think I wanted it to be true, so I left it out,” he said to me. “She smelled like clubs. Stale cigarettes and alcohol. Most times she couldn’t even see straight to get to her room.”
I frowned. Those weren’t the kinds of parties I would expect a girl like her to attend.
“Who are her friends?” Gavin asked. I was glad to see he had come around.
Chance shrugged. “No one that we know, and no one that I’d want to know.”
He pulled out a manila envelope from his jacket and handed it to me.
“I followed your advice and hired the detective.” His voice quivered. “It’s worse than I could have ever guessed.”
I flipped it over and pinched the butterfly clasp. It contained a dozen or so photographs. Vivien was in the center of all the pictures. She was hanging around at a rough club with several unsavory people around her.
“It’s a rave,” Chance said quietly.
I flipped through, and it made my stomach turn. Pictures of people doing drugs and fighting and a whole world I didn’t know even existed. And in the middle of it all was Vivien. It would have been one thing if she looked like she was having fun, but she wasn’t. She had the same bland expression in every picture. Like she was dead inside. This was not the girl I knew.
I passed the pictures to Emma and Heather.
“What the hell happened to her?” I asked.
Chance’s sad eyes turned to me. “I don’t know. All I know is that I went to college, and she was a normal high school girl. Come back for summer, and she’s changed.”
“What about your parents?” Heather asked.
Chance gave a hollow laugh. “Maybe in your world parents care about their kids, but in ours, we’re just an accessory.”
Heather looked at me in shock, and I nodded. “I hate to say it, but, for the most part, he’s right.”
“Someone needs to talk to her,” Emma said.
Their eyes all came to rest on me, and I knew they were right. Viv and I had been about as close as sisters. If anyone stood a chance, it would be me.
I nodded. “Okay.”
Chance popped up off the couch. “Thanks so much,” he said. “Just call me when you’re ready."
The relief of the plan was enough to lighten his step as he went to the door. He stopped when it was opened and turned around.
“I know this is asking a lot, but if this got out, it could ruin my family. I’d really appreciate it if this didn’t go beyond this room.” He gave a weak smile.
“Understood,” Gavin said. He nodded and stood. “We might have our differences,” he glanced in my direction, “but this is about Vivien. You need us, you just call.”
I nodded.
“Thanks,” Chance said quietly.
“I’ll call you,” I said.
He nodded and then walked out the door.
I turned to the others in the living room. “You see why I have to help him.”
Gavin sighed and nodded slowly.
“I do, but that still doesn’t mean I trust him,” he said.
“I’m not so sure I trust him,” I said. “But I have to try and help. She needs me.”
“Totally agree,” Emma said.
“I can’t believe their parents wouldn’t care about this.” Heather looked around the room.
I had to smile. She was right, of course. Normal parents would care. But then, normal parents would notice when something like this went wrong with their child.
“It’s just not like that,” I said. “Parents in our world have children as accessories. We are the next step in life, but none of them spend much time dealing with us. When it’s not convenient, out come the nannies and housekeepers. I have a better relationship with the chef than I do with my mother.”
Heather stared in horror at my words. It did sound bad when you thought about it, but there was no nice way to explain. Our world was all about hard truths and hollow lives. Very few kept their word, and even fewer were completely honest.
When I thought about it, Grandmother was the most honest woman I knew. She never held back and always said what was on her mind. I didn’t know if I could be totally like her, but I wouldn’t mind trying.
“It’s just all so sad.” Heather stared at a picture of Vivien on the table. “In all of these, she just seems so lost. Like she doesn’t know which way is up or down.”
“I thought the same thing,” Gavin said and turned the picture toward him. “This is not the Vivien I met.”
“What is she, a junior now?” Emma asked.
I shook my head. “Senior. She always had everything so planned.”
“When are you going to see her?” Gavin asked.
I looked at Gavin and sighed. “I don’t know. There won’t be much of a chance for a couple weeks really. I’ve got a test next Monday, so no time over the weekend. Maybe the weekend after.” I looked at the picture. “I just hope she doesn’t do anything stupid between now and then.”
“Hey,” Gavin said and reached across to take my hand. “You can’t be Mom to everyone. It’s good to help, but this isn’t on you. You just do what you can and try not to get sucked up into all this mess.”
I knew he was concerned about Chance. I hadn’t forgotten his behavior and didn’t plan on letting him back into my life so easily. But for Vivien, I would make an exception.
“Well, I had better get home,” Heather said. “Sorry I missed the movie.”
I stopped and looked at the two guilty parties.
“What were you two planning earlier?” I narrowed my eyes at them. Neither would meet my face.
“Well,” Emma started. “Dean is such a great guy, and we just thought we’d give you some time alone.”
“Not we,” Gavin said. “Last thing I want to know is when my sister is making out.”
I groaned loudly.
“First of all, no,” I said to Gavin. “You get no vote when I’ve had to listen to my brother and best friend have loud monkey sex for months on end.”
Both their faces turned a whole new shade of red I’d never seen.
“Second, Dean is a nice guy, but we can’t happen,” I looked away from them all. It hurt a little every time I had to say it.
“But why?” Heather asked quietly.
“He lives in Texas, and I don’t know where I’m even going in life. What if I decide I’m best in Paris? He can’t just leave the ranch.” I shook my head. “And could you even imagine him in my world? It would ruin him. We’re just not meant to be.”
I stood on shaky legs and looked around the room.
“I appreciate what you all were trying to do, but just let it go,” I said. “Goodnight.”
I turned and walked out of the room. My hands shook as I opened the door to my room. The silence greeted me, and I sighed.
I pulled a nightgown from the drawer and stripped out of my clothes. In the quiet, I waited for the front door to open and close. Then, there was a quiet murmur from Emma’s room as she and Gavin got ready for bed. I crept in silence to the bathroom. I was finished talking for the day. My emotions were shot from the roller coaster I had just been on.
I brushed my teeth and then scrubbed my face. When I looked in the mirror, I noticed my cheeks weren’t quite as hollow. Maybe this new independence was a good thing. I had been eating more and actually sleeping.
I peeked out the door into the hall. No sounds. I rushed to my bedroom and buried myself under the covers. The feeling of being in a bed always made me happy. It was like getting a large warm hug or a kiss.
I blushed when I thought about kissing. Dean’s face always seemed so close to the surface for me. Too bad he had left so angry. If he had just stayed, he would understand why Chance was around. Then again, maybe not. Chance wouldn’t want his family secret spread to Dean of all people.
Groaning, I burrowed further into the blankets. Why did everything in my world have to be complicated all at once?
&nbs
p; My eyelids fluttered as I hung on to the last bits of awareness. Maybe Dean would be fine tomorrow. A new day, a new attitude.
***
Chapter Nine
The week was total shit. Despite trying to talk to Dean multiple times, I still hadn’t been able to clear the air, especially since I couldn’t tell him the total truth. In class Wednesday, he sat across the room with a few of the girls in class. I didn’t know what kind of statement he was trying to make, but it was really pissing me off.
I deserved more than petty games. So instead of trying to talk to him, I slapped our graded assignment on the desk in front of him and walked out without a word. I’ll admit there was a twinge of satisfaction when he called after me. Rule of thumb, don’t play the ignore game with a pro.
At least there wasn’t going to be a movie due for the next few weeks. Maybe a little distance from Dean was exactly what I needed. The less of an attachment I had the better.
Even dance class for the week was a loss. I tried to follow a step and turned my ankle, so I had to sit out the rest of the class. By Thursday evening, I was just glad to see Friday.
Friday didn’t shape up to be much better. Normally, it’s my best day of the week. Only one class in the morning and then the whole day to loaf around the house. I had it all planned out. When I got home, the first thing I was going to do was put on my pink yoga pants and eat a big bowl of cereal while watching mindless TV.
Instead, I opened the door to the dorm to find my mother, Gavin and Emma waiting for me. Emma shot me a tight smile, which could only mean that mother had needled her with a couple of zingers.
“Hello, Mother,” I said calmly.
She stood and met me at the door.
“I’ve called several days now,” she said and kissed me on each cheek. “A mother shouldn’t have to track her child down just to chat.”
I sighed at her obvious attempt to gain control. “I was busy, Mother. Maybe you should wait for your children to call you back, and you won’t have to track them down.”
She stiffened in my arms and pulled away. “Yes, well, I couldn’t wait for that.”
I spied Gavin and Emma as they stood and grabbed their bags. If I had been able to throw daggers with my eyes, that’s exactly what I would have done.
“Well, Mother,” Gavin said. “We’ll be heading out now. We’re going to Emma’s house in the country.”
He and Emma slowly made their way to the door. I cursed them both for being so crafty.
Mother wrinkled her nose. “You’ve spent a lot of time there recently,” she said with obvious disdain.
“We’ll be living there after school,” he said easily.
Emma blushed at his confession.
Mother put on her fake smile and looked at them both carefully.
“Well, we never realized it was so serious for you two,” she said. Her sweet sticky lie filled the air. “Maybe you should get rid of the farm house and move closer to us.”
Emma stood straight in irritation.
“Thanks, Mother, but we like the house,” he said.
She wrinkled her nose. “Fine.”
I stared at them both in desperation. They couldn’t just leave me here and flee.
“Well, drop off your stuff,” Mother said to me. “I’m here to take you shopping.”
I turned to her in disbelief. Last time we had talked, she pretty much said I was going to screw everything up. There was something suspicious about everything, but there was no choice but to follow and see where things led.
I placed my bag on the couch and shot Emma a hard stare. She and my brother scurried to the door. Dirty rats.
“Good bye,” they called as they fled the building.
I cursed them in my head. They were so asking for a little itching powder between the sheets, and they needed to pray that I didn’t have enough time to carry out my plan.
“Now,” Mother said with a bright smile. “Let’s go shopping.”
* * *
Four hours and about fifteen bags of clothes later, we finally stopped to rest. I was fairly certain my mother was waiting for her second wind, but there wasn’t going to be a second wind for me.
I was running on fumes. If I didn’t take a break, I was going to really regret it come midterms.
“So,” Mother said, as she sipped her latte, “how has school been?”
I stared at her for a moment, uncertain what she was really trying to find out.
“Fine,” I said. “But then you likely already knew that.”
“Oh, don’t be so dramatic.” She rolled her eyes. “It’s just a precaution. We have a lot invested in you to just let you and your brother throw your lives away.”
“Shouldn’t you just trust that we’ll make the right decisions?” I asked.
She leaned back and gave a pointed stare. “As soon as you show that you will.”
I sighed. Everything we did in her mind was an act of disobedience.
“But I’m not here for unpleasantness. I heard that you’ve been talking with Chance.” She beamed at me.
This time it was my turn to roll my eyes. “It’s not what you think,” I said. “We’re not getting back together. I’m just there for him during this time with his sister.”
“But that’s just what couples do.” She patted my hand. “They are there for each other.”
I pulled my hand back. “Don’t. It’s not like that. I’m just helping.”
She gave me a knowing smile. “We’ll see.”
Fortunately from there she moved on to gossip about the club, but her comments about Chance replayed on in my head as Mother prattled away about the latest scandal. Was I doing what most couples did? I supposed at the very root of it, you could say I was, but this just wasn’t the same. I didn’t have those sort of deep emotions for Chance. I cared, but not as much as I should in that position.
I was quiet for most of our time together from that point forward. All during the ride home I thought about my relationship with Chance. We never had that sort of relationship before. It would be strange if it was suddenly happening. Maybe it was just proof that we were better as friends than lovers.
On the ride home, Mother looked at me several times. We were never really that close over the years, and now it just felt forced to try and make conversation. This was the path my parents put us on, and I had no intention of changing things because they got a bug up their ass.
She stopped outside the dorm and put a hand on my arm when I started to climb out.
“You know your father and I just want what’s best for you, right?”
I turned and studied her face for a moment. Despite desperate attempts to fight age, her Botox could only do so much. She was getting older, and the rest of her body knew it, even if her face wasn’t showing it.
“I know that you believe that to be true,” I said after some time and moved toward the door.
“And what is that supposed to mean?” Her sharp voice was as I had always remembered it.
I sighed and debated if I really wanted to have this fight. It was better now than never though.
“It means,” I began, turning to look at her, “that there hasn’t been one day in our lives that wasn’t directed toward how we can benefit you. Do you really care what I do with my life or that I might do something that would be an embarrassment for you at the club? All our lives you’ve pushed us in the direction that best suited you and your connections. Any benefits we’ve received have been incidental to that.”
“So, that’s your opinion of us,” she said quietly.
“I have nothing else to go on,” I said firmly. I wasn’t going to be guilted into backing down. I didn’t create this perception. It was created for me.
“If that’s the case, maybe we shouldn’t be paying for your education.” She gave a snide smile. “Wouldn’t want to benefit from your pigging back off of our success.”
Anger coursed through me, and I sat up straight. “And maybe I should ask Grand
mother if she’d be willing to fund my schooling. Don’t threaten me, Mother. We all know who holds the purse strings around here, and it certainly isn’t you or Father.”
She glared at me, but didn’t respond.
I climbed out of the car with my bags and stood at the door. “Next time you make a threat, you should make sure you have the ability to carry it out.”
The car door slammed shut, and I felt slightly better. If I was lucky, maybe I knocked off the paint a little. I stomped through the doors and up to our dorm.
When I got inside, I kicked the door shut behind me and leaned against the wood. A part of me had been thinking Emma would be there to vent to, but instead I was left with a silent room, the aching quiet a stark reminder of just how alone I really was.
I sighed and flopped onto the couch with my bags. It seemed like such a pity that our shopping had come to such a bad end. For once, it would be nice if my mother actually did something motherly.
I forced myself from the comfortable position on the couch and trudged to my room. I threw myself on the bed. Sure, I had a test on Monday, but this wasn’t how I wanted to spend my evening.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I nearly shut it off given it was likely Mother calling to make nice again. I checked and smiled.
“I’m so glad you called,” I said into the phone.
“Well, that’s a nice hello,” Heather said. I could already picture the smile on her face.
“What are you doing tonight?” I asked.
“Hanging with you,” she said.
She really did know how to make a person feel better about things.
“Great, come on over, and we’ll order out. I’ve had a hell of a day,” I said.
“Sounds like we might need more than some takeout for that. You get the Chinese, and I’ll bring the margaritas.”
“See you in an hour.” I hung up the phone.
I popped off the bed and felt a little better about all the crap from the day. If anyone could help me get through this, Heather would be the one.
***
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