“We leave tomorrow. Will I see you again?”
“Of course. Here’s my card. Pop me an email at any time. Susie the Cutie. I won’t forget you.” But of course, I would forget her. Just as I had forgotten all the others. I wasn’t here for a serious relationship and I’m sure deep down she realized that. “But listen, I’m so sorry to do this to you, but I have a few meetings to get to today and I can’t be late. I don’t mean to push you out, especially since we had so much fun together, but work is work.” I kissed her again quickly so that she wouldn’t be angry at me. Of course, it worked like a charm, like I knew it would.
“I can wait here for you. This bed is so comfortable and I really don’t mind.”
I inwardly groaned. Her eagerness was suddenly not so cute anymore. “Lovely idea, but I have work to do and you’ll be too much of a distraction.”
She giggled. “Okay. I’ll go. But I’ll definitely see you again?”
“Of course! You know where to find me, and you have my email address. I’m sorry about tonight. Tonight is a busy one for me. But having you here definitely made it all a lot better.”
She blushed. “So, you’ll think of me during your meetings tonight?”
I handed her the little flowing dress to put back on as a hint that she now had to go. But I did it with a smile. “Of course I will.”
But, of course, I wouldn’t.
Chapter 3 - Jane
Breakups must’ve been a lot easier before social media, I thought while scrolling through my Instagram account. Back then, if you broke up with someone you probably didn’t hear from them again, unless you so happened to bump into them. Even better, you could move to another city and never have to worry about that either. But now, everything was thrown in your face. And even if you weren’t following that person’s account online you know that someone, somewhere, would somehow like or comment on a photo and it would make its way back to you. Because that’s just how social media worked. It was constantly in your face – every day and every night.
It didn’t help that I was in the social media business too which made me feel as if there was no escaping it. Not that I’d tried very hard though. I had not even tried to unfollow Justin. Instead I had done the complete opposite and become completely obsessed with following his accounts. I switched from Instagram to Facebook to Twitter – back and forth, back and forth – until I cried out in frustration and then did it all again. I don’t know why I was torturing myself.
Justin wasn’t even trying to hide anything from me which felt like a complete slap in the face. It seemed as if he had no trouble hiding things from me in the past – but now that I had discovered that he was a lying cheating scumbag, well now he just laid it all out for everyone to see. The photos were nauseating. Each one showing him with his arm wrapped around Amy – posing in front of their new house and doing things that made me want to gag. Here we are in our new house. I’m trying to get the garden to look as pretty as Amy. But I don’t think anything could be as pretty as her – read the caption at the bottom of a photo in which Justin was mowing the lawn while Amy was pretending to be a flower in the grass. You’re such a cute couple. Awww, how lovely. Amy is gorgeous. So happy for you Justin – words written by people that I thought had been my friend. There was only one that made me smile. A message by Danielle, my roommate and new best friend. It read: Soon, you’ll get bored of that flower and she’ll become a weed to you. Enjoy your sad and pathetic new life you idiot. I liked that one. I took a screenshot of it and saved it to my favorites.
I wondered if I’d ever be able to trust someone again. After all, I had put all my faith in Justin and he had thrown that faith onto the ground and squished it flat with his giant feet. There is no truth to that myth, by the way. All the while he was laughing in my face. That’s what it felt like at least. Quite possibly the most frustrating thing was that I had given four years of my life to that man. Four years that felt like a waste of time. Four years that now felt like a complete and utter joke. Justin and I had been friends before we had been anything else – which is supposedly the most important basis for a relationship to last. Seems they were wrong about that. I had made a mental note to stop reading advice columns on relationships after that. A cheater will always be a cheater no matter how right you do everything else. Back then we had been an awesome group of five, walking through high school together in a cloud of happy bliss. It was myself, Justin, Amy, Danielle and Timothy. The five of us had been locked out of Geology one day for all being late. The teacher was a big burly man with strict rules and told us all that under no circumstances would we be allowed in the class if we were anything over four minutes late. And boy did he watch that clock to make sure. When we arrived six minutes past the time he told us that we’d just have to wait outside. As it turned out, this was a blessing in disguise for us. Not only did we all hate Geology but the five of us became instant friends from that day and we were inseparable. Myself and Justin were the quiet confident ones with a very similar sense of humor – a little dry, a little sarcastic, a little bit misunderstood by others. Amy was the sweet, caring and bubbly one who always made sure that the group stayed together. Danielle was the outgoing one – always loud, always sassy, and always making us laugh. And Timothy was the quiet one, the intellect out of the bunch of misfits. Together we worked well and our differences were what kept us together. When Timothy moved to Canada in the last year it felt as if the group was going to fall apart but Amy kept us all together and we managed to stay in touch with Timothy despite the distance. It might sound naïve now but at the time I truly thought that we would all be best friends forever.
Justin told me that he liked me only a few months after we became friends but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get into a relationship and I told him that I’d rather we stay friends. But the flirtations kept happening despite my denials and soon I found myself more and more attracted to him. It was Amy that pushed me to finally make the move. She told me that it was silly to not be with someone that I clearly liked so much and as always I had listened to her advice. And when I did it was as if everything suddenly felt right with the world. Just like that, Justin and I became a couple. At first it had been a little awkward with the group, but soon everything just fell into place and it was if we were always meant to be together. Justin was cute and because he was quarterback on the football team he was also very popular. But despite this he didn’t mind if people saw him playing scrabble in the garden or reading a book at the beach. It was one of the things that I liked most about him. His easy ability to just always be himself. Back then I thought he was the most honourable man in the world.
Justin asked me to marry him a few years after high school, when we were both about to graduate from the University of Arizona together. Danielle had dropped out to move to Vegas and Amy, who always dreamed of living abroad, had attended the Sorbonne in Paris. In the last few years of university it was just me and Justin. Always the two of us. J and J. The JJ’s. Justin and Jane.
We were on our way to the park, a place we had dubbed as ‘ours’ from the first time we had discovered it. Justin seemed a little bit on edge. I kept asking him what was wrong but he kept denying it. We walked straight to our tree which was marked with a big J+J in the middle of a heart and made ourselves comfortable. Justin had gone all out that day with blankets and pillows, champagne and snacks. I remember clearly being very impressed with his organisational skills. He popped open the champagne and handed me a glass. And then, right in the middle of the park, he got down on his knee (well he actually got up on his knee as he was already sitting) and he proposed to me. Of course, I said yes. I was always going to say yes. The JJ’s united. By then we had been going out for four years already and I knew that the day was going to eventually arrive. Still, I hadn’t expected it. Back then I thought that my whole life was waiting for me. I thought I’d always be as happy as I was then. How wrong I turned out to be.
Justin and I held a small party and invited our
closest friends to celebrate our engagement. We weren’t sure if anyone could make it but we were lucky enough to have the original members of the group back together again. I still have a photo of that day. Timothy, Amy, Danielle, Justin and I smiling into the camera. It was only afterwards that I noticed that Justin and I weren’t even standing next to each other. That was the day that Amy announced that she was not going back to Paris. Of course, we were excited. We were thrilled.
“Oh Amy! This is great news. Half the group is together again.” I had said as I engulfed her in a big bear hug. And I really was happy. Amy had been such an important part of our lives and I was glad to have her back. From then onwards she started spending more and more time with us. I didn’t mind. I thought it was great to have another girlfriend to gossip with. She asked me so many intimate questions about my relationship with Justin and I gladly answered each of them in detail. I liked having someone to talk to. For a full year the two of us became even closer than we were before, to the point where I definitely considered her as my greatest girlfriend. But all that changed, and in one night – a night that is now etched into my mind forever – I lost both my fiancé and my best friend.
I had been working late that night and had told Justin that the company had set me up in a hotel for the night. But when the job finished early I decided to surprise Justin by going home without telling him. I went and bought him his favourite take-out and crept my way inside. I remember that night in slow motion. The way I had walked in all excited and then wondered why he wasn’t in the living room watching TV even though the TV was on. The way I had jumped into the bedroom to yell ‘surprise’ only to find him naked on top of Amy in our bed. Our bed. Our bed. I remember how those words kept playing in my head, over and over again. They had jumped up in fright and I had just stood there, staring at their naked bodies. They both apologised. They both scrambled for their clothes. And all the while I just stood there. Watching them without really seeing anything at all. Amy ran out the house and I sat on the bed while Justin kept telling me that he was sorry over and over and over again. Eventually I looked at him – he looked like a stranger to me, not the Justin I had been going out with for so long – and I finally found the words to say, “How long?” Justin didn’t try lie or hide his face. He looked at me then and I knew that he was going to tell me the truth. “A year.”
A year. We had been engaged for a year.
I looked again now at his Instagram account and then threw the phone on the bed. I wasn’t sad anymore. I was angry. Suddenly the room felt claustrophobic and I needed to get out. I walked downstairs and looked at the house that I now lived in. The house that was so different to the one that I had lived in with Justin. But I was glad that it was so different. There were no memories to haunt me when I looked around – only the stark reminder that life had changed.
Chapter 4 - Jane
I walked the stairs and admired the beautiful house that I now lived in. I had to take pleasure in the small things and I was constantly reminding myself to be more grateful. I felt like I was constantly trying to channel Oprah Winfrey in order to find some inner peace, even though most of the time it felt like inner turmoil. The house was gorgeous though, and easy to love. I was lucky enough to have reconnected with the lovely Danielle – who, as it turned out, was a far better friend then Amy could ever be. Danielle had never fully trusted Amy and I had knocked her for it in the past, telling her to try see beyond Amy’s cheeriness. Danielle hated people that were too bubbly – she said they were hiding something. I should’ve listened to her from the start. But, of course, I was always giving people a chance. I wondered if it was a good thing that I was now a lot more distrustful of people. In a way I wasn’t giving many people a chance now but at least I wasn’t getting hurt. I didn’t want to be hurt anymore.
Thankfully Danielle had more than enough space for me. She owned a beautiful two story house in a development in the heart of Henderson, NV. It was far too big for one person to live in alone. It wasn’t going to be forever, but for now it was a good place to camp out until I got my life back together again. Although I knew I wouldn’t be able to find anything quite as luxurious as this one, especially since I didn’t even have a job at the moment. Just walking down the stairs felt like something out of a movie – it was long, and spiralled down with sophisticated ease, all white and sparkles of gold. Above it lay a beautiful chandelier, where more gold sparkles lit up the room. A little extravagant, and perhaps completely unnecessary, but Danielle could afford it and it made her happy. And I’d be lying if I didn’t say that it made me happy. The soft bed, the big walk in cupboard, the bathroom all to myself and the big coffee machine next to my bed. It was far better than anything I had ever had before. But it was hard not to still feel alone, even amongst all these beautiful things. Thankfully, Danielle kept me laughing through all my sadness.
“Hey Danielle.” I called out as I walked outside. Danielle was lying by the pool working on her tan which certainly needed no work at all. She was all bronze and beauty and looked as if she belonged to the house that she had bought. As if she was just a part of furniture herself. She had always been a lot more glamorous than the rest of us, even when she was sporting jeans and t-shirts all day. So it was no wonder that she had finally found a place to suit her.
“Jane. I’m glad you’re here. You mustn’t coop yourself in that room for too long. It’s not good for anyone to be inside for long periods of time. I was actually just thinking that if you weren’t here in ten minutes that I’d have to come up and drag you down. It’s a beautiful day. I have just the thing for you. Actually make that three things: The sun, the pool and a delicious cocktail.” She got up and poured me a cocktail. It was bright blue with a yellow umbrella and little bits of fruit bobbing happily at the top.
“I cannot believe your life sometimes.” I said while taking a grateful sip of the delicious drink. The cocktail tasted like juice more than alcohol – which I knew from previous experiences to always end up being a bad thing. And with the hot sun pounding down on me, it was hard not to take gulps rather than sips.
“Wonderful isn’t it. I’m very lucky. But I worked hard to get here. This didn’t just come to me. I made it happen. These moments of lazing around are definitely few and far between. And greatly deserved. I always make the most of them. And so should you.”
It was true. Danielle was an incredibly hard worker and had done well to get to where she was today at such a young age. She worked at as a hostess and waitress at Palms Casino and maked close to $100,000 a year in salary and tips. Then, despite her busy schedule at work, she had decided to start a landscape company and had asked me to do the marketing for it. I couldn’t afford to pay her much rent so this was my way of helping out as best as I could. But it wasn’t enough. I needed a job.
“Danielle, I need a job.” I confided.
“But you have a job silly. You’re doing my marketing. And you’re doing a damn fine job at it.” This wasn’t entirely true. There was barely enough work for it to even be considered a job. So far I’d only done a few hours a week and I had a feeling she’d just made up the position to help me.
“Yes but that’s only to help with rent. I need to actually start earning money and I’m also not going to be living here forever.”
“What? I thought we were going to fall in love and get married and live happily ever after here together.” She said trying to sound earnest.
I punched her in the arm. “Yeah sure. I forgot all about that plan. I wish I could, this place is amazing. But seriously, I need to find something. I can’t just sit around all day looking at photos of Justin and Amy. It’s going to drive me insane.”
“I hate that you do that. I told you to stop following them. Although, did you see my comment on their latest photo?” She was giggling.
“I did. You’re awesome. That one made my day.”
“What is she doing in that photo anyway? Pretending to be a flower? It’s so incredibly lame. And w
hat’s with all those idiots telling them what a nice couple they are? They know that he cheated on you with her. It’s ridiculous really. I tell you what – if there’s one good thing that came out of all this is learning who your true friends are. And saying Au Revoir to the rest.”
“That’s true. And you’ve proven to be the best of them all. Also, I do love how you always turn to French when you’re trying to make a point.”
“Well, yes… naturally. Mais Oui.” She took a long sip of her cocktail and flipped her hair back in exaggeration.
I laughed, “You’re such a show off.”
“Ah… but at least you know where you stand with me.”
“That’s true. But now, back to the job thing, I’m honestly getting worried. My savings are starting to run out and I really don’t want to have to move back to Arizona. It’s bad enough seeing their photos – but to actually bump into them would be a nightmare. Also, I want them to think that I don’t need them. That I have my life together. Even though I’m clearly falling apart.”
“Why don’t I get you a job at the casino with me? I’ve already told you that it won’t be a problem at all to get you in. Just say the word and you’ll have a job.” Danielle had been trying to get me to work with her since I arrived but it wasn’t something that I wanted to do.
“I don’t know Danielle. You know me and waitressing. I’ve never been good at it. In fact, I’m rather awful at it.”
Danielle burst out laughing, almost spilling her cocktail. “You’re right. I forgot about your first waitressing job. You were awful.”
“I was. I was more than awful.”
“Remember when you dropped that plate of food on that hot guy?”
“Oh no! I do remember that. And the food was hot and he got up and jumped out of his seat. And then he knocked the other waitress to the floor. Then I tried to help him by throwing water all over his crotch. It’s funny now but it was so embarrassing at the time. I wanted the earth to swallow me whole.” Suddenly the two of us were laughing until our stomachs hurt. We had both put down our cocktails and we were doubled over with tears running down our face.
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