“Carina?”
Her hood blocked her peripheral vision and she stopped and turned. Oh, no. This time it really was Jude Crenshaw standing there in his secret-agent overcoat, his hands in his pockets and the wind ruffling his hair.
She didn’t need this. She really and truly did not need this. She watched him walk over to her. She took a deep breath before she said, in what she considered a civil tone, “What are you doing here?”
He continued to look her squarely in the eye. Had his eyes always been so blue? He’d lost his tan, she noticed, and he looked thinner than she remembered him.
“Could we get coffee somewhere?” Jude asked. “I’d like to talk to you.”
“I suppose. There’s a deli in the next block.”
He flashed a lopsided smile. “Sounds good. I’d like to get out of this wind.”
She looked around the area. “How long have you been here?”
“A while.”
“Mmm.” Her last class had been two hours ago. Had he been waiting that long?
They walked to the light and eventually crossed the street. Neither of them spoke until they were seated and had ordered coffee.
“Are you hungry?” he asked.
She shrugged. “I suppose.”
“We’ll order when he comes back.” He smiled into her eyes. “Nothing beats an authentic Reuben sandwich.”
“Unless it’s corned beef on rye.” She knew she was sunk because, despite everything that had happened, and her determination to blot this man out of her mind, she was glad to see him.
What did that tell her about her state of mind?
There were lines around his eyes that hadn’t been there last summer and the brackets around his mouth were deeper.
“Never underestimate the power of a really good Reuben.” He didn’t take his eyes off her. “You’re looking good, by the way. School must be agreeing with you.”
“My saving grace.”
He didn’t comment. Their coffee came and Jude gave the waiter their food order.
“So what are you doing here?” she said, once they were alone.
“I wanted to see you.”
Not the words she wanted—or needed—to hear. Or maybe she no longer knew what she wanted or needed to hear. Her brain had turned to mush as soon as she’d seen him.
“Oh.” Now there was a scintillating answer.
“Carina, I know how badly I hurt you—”
“Don’t! Please. We don’t need to discuss the past. It’s over.”
“I’m glad you feel that way because I’d like for us to start over. I’ve discovered something these last few months that I need to tell you.” He paused and took a drink from his water glass.
Now that he’d gotten that far, he seemed to be searching for words. Carina realized she was holding her breath, waiting to see what he had to say that had caused him to come to New York.
She forced herself to exhale and reminded herself to keep breathing!
He met her gaze, looking grimmer, if that was possible.
“I’m in love with you,” he said starkly. “I only recently discovered that. I think it happened at Crazy Eights, but I wouldn’t swear to it. It may have been when you walked into the ballroom the first time I saw you, wearing a flame-red dress that’s imprinted in my memory. I can’t get you out of my head. I dream about you. I’m distracted at work. My co-workers are threatening to tar and feather me and run me out of town—if they don’t lynch me first—because I’ve been unbearable to be around.”
A muscle moved in his jaw as though he was clenching his teeth. Finally, he said, “This doesn’t have anything to do with the case I was working on when I met you. I want us to forget the reasons why we met and look at how much we enjoyed each other during that time. I’m not in the habit of declaring my feelings like this.” He grimaced. “Never have before, probably won’t again. But I wanted you to know. I needed you to know. This is how I feel.”
Carina felt as if she’d put her finger in a live socket when he said that he loved her. She felt a tremor race through her body, leaving her heart pounding in her chest. Whatever she’d expected him to say, “I love you” wasn’t on the list.
She was speechless.
Doggedly, he continued, “I’m not asking anything of you except to consider what I’ve said. If you think there’s a chance for us to have a relationship, you can let me know.”
Their food arrived and Carina stared at the huge sandwich in front of her. She couldn’t eat a bite. Not now.
Jude’s appetite didn’t seem impaired in the least. He was eating as if this was his first meal in days, possibly weeks.
Could he possibly be telling her the truth?
She didn’t want to love him. She didn’t want him in her life. She didn’t trust him and she never wanted to be so vulnerable with anyone again.
When she finally looked up, there were tears in her eyes.
He paused and wiped his mouth, drank some coffee, and said, “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
She bit down hard on her bottom lip. Finally, she said, “I appreciate your coming all this way to tell me, Jude. I just—” She blinked, then quickly wiped away a tear, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to try to pick up our relationship as though nothing had happened.”
“I understand that. I really do. What I’m suggesting is a brand-new beginning for us. What if we just met today? Say a mutual friend introduced us. We could start today, right now, if you’re willing. I know we won’t be able to see much of each other and maybe that’s better at the moment. We can talk on the phone, e-mail each other, share our deepest, darkest secrets….”
“I believe you know all of mine after the thorough investigation you did,” she pointed out wryly.
“Then I’ll share some of mine. What army life was really like, maybe, if you’re interested. I didn’t tell you the truth about my stint in the army. I enjoyed it. There was a camaraderie there that was tight as family. We were family…watching out for our buddies, working together. I couldn’t tell you that before because that’s where I got my training for covert operations.”
“That’s the problem, Jude. I don’t know what the truth is where you’re concerned. I don’t know you. I don’t think I ever did.”
He cleared his throat. “If you’re going home for Christmas, I’d like you to meet my family and show you the ranch where I grew up. Believe me, once you’ve spent any time around them, I’ll guarantee you’ll know everything about me—my most embarrassing moments and my less-than-stellar abilities as a rancher.” He touched her hand briefly and pulled away. “I’m asking for a chance, that’s all. I’d like you to get to know me when I’m not working, not pretending to be a playboy, not—”
“Whoa. Wait a minute. You were pretending to be a playboy?”
“’Fraid so. I don’t normally have much of a social life.”
“You definitely fooled me. You’re very, uh, skilled.” She could feel herself blush.
“Our intimacy was a whole new experience for me. I felt things I’d never felt before. I couldn’t get enough of you.” He chewed on his lip a moment. “I’ve never felt so intensely about anyone or wanted anyone so much…in my life, in my arms, in my bed, in whatever way you’ll allow.”
She fanned her cheeks. “It’s awfully warm in here, isn’t it?”
He glanced around. “Is it? I hadn’t noticed.”
She signaled the waiter as he came by. “Could you put this in a to-go box for me?” When the waiter left, she said, “I need to get home before dark. At the moment I don’t know what to say or what to believe. I’ll be honest. I don’t ever want to hurt as badly as I did last summer. I’m not certain I can forget all of that.”
He nodded. “I understand. What I’m suggesting is that we take it a step at a time. I’d like to call you once in a while. We can e-mail. You can respond or not, that will be up to you.”
The waiter returned with the box and she quickly packaged her
untouched sandwich. She found a piece of paper in her purse and scribbled the information he’d requested. “Thanks for supper,” she said, and stood.
He stood and took her hand. “I’ll be in touch.”
She nodded and hurried away. Once outside, she glanced back into the deli. Jude continued to eat his sandwich as though everything in his life was normal.
She wished she felt the same.
As soon as Carina let herself into her apartment, Gloria greeted her. “Good. You’re home. You don’t have anything planned for tonight, do you?”
“As a matter of fact, I do.” She placed her purse on a small table and put her sandwich in the fridge. “I need to call some friends and family. I’ve been too busy all week.”
“Darn. Frank has a friend that—”
“Gloria. Stop. Frank has many wonderful friends. I know that. I believe I’ve met a great many of his friends. The truth is, I’m not interested in dating anyone.” She took a deep breath and finally admitted out loud what she’d been refusing to face for months. “I’m still hung up on a guy I dated last summer.”
Gloria’s eyes widened. “You’re kidding, right? I mean, you’re just making this up so I’ll leave you alone, aren’t you? You’ve never, not once, mentioned a guy you dated last summer.”
Carina sighed. “I know. I thought if I didn’t talk about him, I’d forget him faster.”
“Oohh. You really have it bad, honey. I never had a clue. And here I’ve been throwing one guy after another at you. Several of them really liked you and were disappointed when you wouldn’t go out with them again. I just figured you were looking for Mr. Right. I had no idea you’d already found him.”
She followed Carina into the bedroom they shared.
“I’m not saying he’s Mr. Right,” she said, changing into sweats. “All I’m saying is that I’m still hung up on him.”
Gloria didn’t say anything as she watched Carina change clothes. She followed Carina into the other room and watched as she heated water for tea.
“What’s his name?” she finally asked, after several minutes of silence.
“Jude Crenshaw.”
“Where’s he work?”
“In Fort Meade, Maryland.”
“How did you meet him?”
“We were both in San Antonio last summer.”
“What happened that made you want to forget him?”
“It’s too complicated to attempt to explain. My family was involved and the whole situation turned out to be a disaster.”
“Like Romeo and Juliet?”
“Hardly. Anyway, I haven’t seen or heard from him since June until today.”
Gloria followed Carina when she carried her cup of tea into the bedroom and sat on her bed. Gloria sat down with a bounce on her twin bed. “Omigosh. You saw him today and you’re just now telling me?”
“I could have come in and said, ‘Oh, by the way, I saw Jude Crenshaw this afternoon.’ And you would have said—?”
Gloria laughed. “I would have said, ‘Who’s Jude Crenshaw?’”
“Exactly.”
Gloria went over and sat beside Carina. “You’ve got it bad, don’t you?”
“That’s a fair assessment.”
“How’s he feel about you?”
“If he’s to be believed, he says that he’s in love with me.”
“And you don’t believe him? Why?”
“Part of the long story. I’ll work through it.” She turned and faced her. “So where are you and Frank going tonight?”
Her question elicited a waterfall of explanations and exclamations, which gave Carina a break from being cross-examined. Her mind wandered back to their meeting. She had no idea what she would do. At least she didn’t have to make a decision tonight.
Jude called Carina the Sunday afternoon before Thanksgiving. “How are you?” he asked when she answered the phone.
“I’m okay.”
“You sound a little hoarse.”
“Neigh.”
“Ho-ho.”
“I may be getting a cold. Nothing serious.”
“Are you going home for Thanksgiving?”
“No. I’ll be going after the semester ends in a few weeks.”
“Same here. So. I was wondering if you’d mind if I came up there for the holiday weekend? I’ll get a room, of course, but it would be nice to spend some time with you.”
She’d enjoyed his e-mails. His wry sense of humor made her laugh, something that had been missing in her life. Maybe she’d been overly serious these past few months, but finding out that Al and Ben had been using the company to import illegal goods had devastated the entire family. A person didn’t bounce back from something like that overnight.
“Okay. When do you plan to arrive?”
“Sometime Wednesday afternoon. I’ll get a cab from the airport and call you once I check in. I thought you might enjoy seeing a Broadway show while I’m there.”
“What? You won’t take me to the ballet?” she asked, sounding astonished.
“Sure I will, if my snoring doesn’t disturb you.”
“I’ll try to overcome my disappointment. I’m sure there are various things going on—such as Macy’s parade—that will keep you entertained.”
“Being with you will be entertainment enough.”
“Jude…I’m not sure that…”
“Don’t worry about it, okay? I do know how to be a gentleman.”
She smiled. “Yes. I remember.”
“I’ll see you in a few days. Take care now,” he said, and hung up.
He acted as though he’d never mentioned that he loved her. His e-mails had been casual and friendly. He wasn’t pushing her at all. Her problem was being with him for several days without wanting to make love to him. His phone call had made her feel like a tuning fork, quivering at the idea that she would see him in a few days.
She had three days to prepare herself to be around all of that masculine energy without succumbing to him. She wondered if she could do it.
Thirteen
Jude checked in at the Marriott in central Manhattan a little after four on Wednesday afternoon. He’d pushed himself all week, working long hours to keep his mind occupied. Otherwise, he would have been imagining all kinds of scenarios about this weekend.
He’d had trouble sleeping last night. He’d tried but his thoughts had drifted into dreams of making love to Carina. He didn’t need reminders, asleep or awake.
He shouldn’t have told her he was in love with her. That had been a big mistake. She hadn’t said a word in response. So he’d hurried on with other things he wanted to say. He was disgusted with himself for getting so deeply involved with her, with any woman. He’d been perfectly satisfied with his life until she came along. Now he found himself driving in the city, glancing at shops and movie marquees, wondering if Carina would like that living-room furniture or a particular bedroom set. Would she like to see that movie? He’d see a style of clothing on a woman and picture Carina wearing something similar. She might as well be in the car with him.
He’d lost his grasp on reality. What an idiot he was.
He’d thought about calling Jake to talk to him about what he was going through, but he didn’t want to listen to Jake laugh. Had Jake gone through this with Ashley? Probably not, since they’d known each other forever. He sincerely hoped not. He wouldn’t wish this emotional onslaught on his worst enemy.
Jude looked out the window of the hotel, glanced at his watch, and picked up the phone.
“Hello?” A husky voice cooed into the phone. He blinked. Had he gotten the wrong number?
“May I speak to Carina?”
“Oh! You must be Jude. Hi. I’m Gloria, Carina’s roommate. Hold on and I’ll get her.”
When Carina picked up the phone, she was laughing. “Gloria says to tell you that she thought it was her honey, Frank, calling, and she apologizes for sounding so weird on the phone.”
“She sounds like a fun roommate.”<
br />
“You could say that, yes. Where are you?”
“At the Marriott. Are you up to going to dinner somewhere tonight?”
“Sure. Name the time.”
“I’ll pick you up at seven, if that’s all right.”
“I’ll be ready.” She paused and rushed out the words, “I’m looking forward to spending the next few days with you, Jude. ’Bye.”
He hung up the phone, grinning. She sounded more like the Carina he’d first known. He hoped the weekend helped to bring them closer.
Jude made dinner reservations and then went in to shower and shave. He felt as if it was his first date…in junior high.
He found a line of cabs parked in front of the hotel and gave the cab driver the address. Once inside, he sat back and forced himself to relax, glad he didn’t have to drive in all this traffic.
When they pulled up in front of Carina’s apartment building, he asked the cabbie to wait for him and then bounded up the stairs to the front door.
He checked for her apartment number and rang the buzzer.
“Jude, is that you?” He heard over the intercom.
“Yep.”
“Wait there, I’m on my way.”
When she opened the door a few minutes later Jude noted that Carina wore red tonight, a dress of cashmere with simple lines that hugged her figure. Did she remember what he’d said about— Of course she’d remembered. How many times had he mentioned his reaction to her in red? So she’d dressed to please him.
The thought gave him hope.
“Hi,” she said, sounding breathless as she pulled on her coat. He helped her to adjust the collar and escorted her down the steps to the taxi.
Once inside the cab, he gave the address of the restaurant to the driver and turned to Carina. “How are things with you?”
“Couldn’t be better. And you?”
Nothing like a stilted conversation to get the evening started. What next? The weather?
Carina mentioned school and he listened with interest as she shared a few anecdotes about her classmates, making the stories light and amusing.
Later, during dinner, Jude had no idea what he ate because he was too busy asking questions and listening to her talk about her life as a child. He wanted to hear her stories, see her as a little girl and learn as much as he could about her.
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